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Original poster

To think having a baby doesn't have to be expensive

337 replies

annabanana84 · 31/10/2013 11:12

I have just had my coil out as I thought dp and I would like to start ttc. As soon as I got home from having it out, dp started saying we should use condoms until this time next year as babies are very expensive and we don't have money for one. We both work and have a nice lifestyle but do have to watch the pennies. I am 30 and really, really x1000000 broody. I am pissed off at dp, because although babies do cost some money, we will have 9 months to buy all the baby things, even longer if we struggle to Conceive straight away. We will be getting most of the baby things second hand or off freecycle anyway to keep it cheap as possible. I hate the way dp let me get excited and now wants wait - a year! I don't want to get old and not have children :o( I think babies need love more than money and material things anyway!

OP posts:
Stravy · 31/10/2013 11:14

The biggest expense is not the stuff, its the childcare/loss of earnings. People who are on the bones of their arses can and do manage though.

GiveMummyTheWhizzer · 31/10/2013 11:14

Its not the baby thats expensive - its the childcare.

Bowlersarm · 31/10/2013 11:15

A baby isn't necessarily expensive. Having a child is very expensive, over the years.

SilverApples · 31/10/2013 11:17

You can get by with very little and be happy, OH and I did.
It is the childcare/earnings issue that's the main expense, as Stravy says.

Mrsostrich · 31/10/2013 11:17

The initial set costs don't need to be much if you are sensible about what you need, buy second hand, get gifts. I think I got everything I needed and loads I didn't (!) for about 700 bearing in mind I bought a second hand travel system then sold that and put the extra to it to buy a new pushchair.

Things to consider though that I didn't was change in earnings. After dd I realised I couldn't go back to my old job it just was not compatible with childcsre and I didn't want to leave her. I went part time in a lesser role, 800 down a month from that choice.

Increased heating and electricity because whereas I would just be cold before and put extra clothes on I felt dd couldn't so it was on more, extra tv, lights, washing machine, drier have all increased our bills quite a lot.

That said we manage. We cut out cloth accordingly and although its been very hard at times (debt related) we are coming out the other end now.

BurberryFucker · 31/10/2013 11:17

not v expensive for the first few years - you can dress them in hand me downs and get second hand cot etc., but as the years roll on .....the price goes up....just wait til they refuse to set foot in a charity shop and want the latest phone, school trip, trainers etc etc repeat til fade.
Also what about your loss of earnings?

BlackholesAndRevelations · 31/10/2013 11:18

Maybe he's just having a last minute panic if he was up for ttc before you got the coil out? My dp did the same but not for long!

I agree that it's not the things you need which cost the money, but the loss of earnings/childcare etc. Might be an idea to start saving for maternity leave if you haven't already, and trying to cut out things you consider luxuries for a while.

Good luck with the ttc!

CMOTDibbler · 31/10/2013 11:18

Its not the stuff you buy for a baby that costs, its the fact that either one of you gives up work and lose that salary, or you spend £££ on childcare. A full time nursery place will put you back £700 - 1000 a month.

And once they are at school you are still paying for before/after school care and holidays, or finding a part time job which fits round that.

Do your sums before you ttc!

clare8allthepies · 31/10/2013 11:20

You can certainly keep costs right down by buying second hand, getting things from friends and family, starting to buy things like nappies well in advance and by Bfing. The biggest dent in finances is maternity leave (especially if you only get the basic SMP) and childcare once you go back to work.

9 months is quite a long time to save though (and our expenditure nosedived once I was pregnant and we weren't going to the pub all the time! Grin

vichill · 31/10/2013 11:21

Agreed. Its the reduced pay or in our case going down to a one income. providing youre not an aldi or primark snob it'll be manageable. Family and friends are usually really generous and if breastfeeding I found the only real cost is nappies and fruit and veg when weaning. Baby clothes get trashed so I would recommend second hand aside from a few nice going out outfits.

cafebistro · 31/10/2013 11:21

I agree with the other posters. A baby doesn't have to expensive initially but the cost of childcare is ridiculous! I'm a SAHM so don't have to worry about this cost but by giving up work I have lost around 300,000 pounds in earnings over the last few years.
I have also found that they get more expensive the older they get.

noblegiraffe · 31/10/2013 11:22

Babies are cheap, childcare is expensive. Maternity leave is also expensive.

And children are more expensive than babies.

Finola1step · 31/10/2013 11:25

Agree with other posters. Having children is expensive because of the childcare and /or drop in earnings.

My mind boggles at how much money some people spend on travel systems, matching nursery furniture etc. all if this can be done on a budget.

Def do the sums based in a worse case scenario (e.g. only one wage to support three people or nursery costs taking almost all the salary from one parent).

MrsWolowitz · 31/10/2013 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livinginwonderland · 31/10/2013 11:26

It's not stuff that's expensive, it's childcare. If I got pregnant now, I would give up my job because financially, it would be detrimental to our finances if I kept it. I would be paying out more in nursery fees than I bring in, so it doesn't make any sense.

But, we also won't have that money to spend either. We'll be a fair amount of money "down" each month, and while we could afford a baby now, they don't stay babies forever and toddlers/school age children are much more expensive than a newborn!

marriedinwhiteisback · 31/10/2013 11:28

OK so let's be entirely objective and realistic.

You own your own home and it has enough bedrooms for at least one child?
You can easily afford your rent/mortgage on one income?
Your expenses can easily be met from one income?
(the last two questions in case your baby is ill or you become ill or simply cannot bring yourself to return to work after maternity leave)

Trusting that all is well and you return to work:
You can afford all outgoings including childcare of more than £1k per month?
If things are tight neither of you will mind not having a holiday or managing a week in a Haven caravan?
Both of you are prepared to forego nights out and treats, good clothes, etc.

None of that allows for increased expenses in the context of heating and food shopping let alone clothes as the child gets older. And when the child gets older just think:

Dinner money
Money for school trips (at home and abroad)
Activities such as Tumble Tots/singing/soft play
Music lessons
Drama lessons
Swimming lessons
Dance lesson
Tennis, football, rugby, etc.
Birthday presents, lap tops, phone contracts, driving lessons.

Teenagers eat twice their weight in food every week (my weekly shopping bill is over £200) and then you have the prospect of helping them through uni, etc.

Unfortunately they don't stay little babies happy to wear a hand me down forever and you can't send them up the chimney at 12 to get them to start paying their way.

Sorry if that's brutal OP but if you really think a baby doesn't cost much you might be right but it's a lifetime commitment and they get more and more expensive; especially if you are on the borderline of not being eligible for benefits and not being wealthy.

intitgrand · 31/10/2013 11:31

yes as others have said loss of earnings/ childcare.

  • invisiblle things being in the house for more hours and using more heating . but babies aren't babies long, they are soon needing residential school trips and developing (expensive) hobbies and interests
intitgrand · 31/10/2013 11:32

cross posted with married who says it so much better

MoldieOldNaiceHam · 31/10/2013 11:33

I don't think your issue is the cost of a baby. I think it is more of a concern that you have had your contraception removed and your dp is saying he is not ready to start a family now.

Kitting out for a baby need not be expensive but having a child is very, very expensive and puts a huge strain on all aspects of your life. If you dp is not 100% in agreement then you need to find out what's really going on.

Having a family has not got more expensive since last week or whenever you both took the decision to ttc.

snakeweave · 31/10/2013 11:36

just do it. you'll figure out the finances as and when you need to. if you want a baby you have to go for it imo. we struggle financially because we're down to one wage but the thought of not having had children is so awful to me that the material losses are nothing. as long as you can pay your bills (mortgage, utilities and food) on one wage you can manage. as pps have said, the baby needs relatively little.

unlucky83 · 31/10/2013 11:37

Agree babies don't need to be expensive - loss of income/childcare is the biggest thing...
As they get older after school childcare, activities etc do add up..
Then when they want the latest phone etc they potentially become really expensive (but you always be a mean parent like me and just tell them no!)
BUT putting off a baby for a year isn't going to make much difference -by the time time they are 12 they cost as much as they did at 11!
(And by 13 they can get a paper round etc ...Grin)
I think it is a wobble! Having children will change your life completely ...and that is scary! (But then lots of us have done it! -including your parents) -tell him (tactfully) the money side is not a big deal and let him deal with his emotions in his own time ... shouldn't take a year!
Also no guarantee you will get pregnant as soon as you stop taking precautions !

JohnnyBarthes · 31/10/2013 11:39

Baby kit is a drop in the ocean compared to the longer term costs.

Having said that, people manage. Could you afford to put half or most of one salary aside for a year? That would cushion the blow a bit.

BackforGood · 31/10/2013 11:39

Was going to say the same as everyone else - it's wither the loss of salary, or the childcare when you go back to work, that make a BIG hole in your budget, not anything else. That said, if it's what you really want then you will manage, as people always have.

Meglet · 31/10/2013 11:39

Babies are fairly cheap. You can get decent second hand everything from NCT sales / gumtree etc. But the childcare is expensive.

One they hit school age childcare is cheaper (but they will possibly need after school club, holiday club?). But they need more shoes, uniform and weekend clothes, activities, you'll do more laundry and cooking and bloody hell they get through food quicker than you can buy it.

Having said that it's possible to muddle through if you're fairly organised. I've put all their birthday money away for driving lessons, which are 10yrs away as I know that's when the big money is needed.

FrauMoose · 31/10/2013 11:44

I think the problems are (partly) to do with a very materialistic society. It may depend where you live and who your friends are. It's possible to resist the idea that children have to have a wholly unnecessary quantity of possessions. The beief that children must be given a whole array of expensive activities is also very tied up with class, aspiration, social insecurity, competitiveness etc. Maybe you and your partner need to have a longer talk - not just about costs but the kind of parents you want to be?