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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if your child is scared of dogs you should encourage them not to scre and wail if my dog is 300 ft away...

468 replies

Beccadugs · 30/10/2013 21:50

Walking my dog today, she was of lead, about 10ft ahea of me waiting for me to chuck the ball. A child cycled towards us, saw my dog (who is half toy poodle so tiny) and started screaming. My dog just looked at her and then carried on our walk, if she was the type to run up to strangers/kids she wouldn't be off the lead. However, when she was a puppy and less well trained this screaming was an invitation (in her mind) to investigate.

While I accept that some children are scared of dogs, and that is fine. I would have thought that if there is a dog in the general vicinity encouraging your DC not to scream is probably for the best when the dog is ignoring you completely. AIBU, we all want to use the local facilities happily.

OP posts:
LST · 30/10/2013 23:03

Well said diseases!

And Claire my toddler is 2 next week! I would trust my dog tenfold over him to return when I call Grin

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 30/10/2013 23:11

I'd rather take on a raging bull terrier in kill mode that a 2 year old in a tantrum Wink

VonHerrBurton · 30/10/2013 23:12

Am I missing something? WAS your dog '300 ft away'? Because it doesn't read that way. The thread title suggests you saw a screaming child in the distance - in which case I was going to ask how the hell you knew s/he was screaming in fear?

Then, reading the op, its talking 10ft, a child on a cycle... Which was it?

needaholidaynow · 30/10/2013 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBigBangFairy · 30/10/2013 23:24

So what if a kid screams? Kids do that a lot, sometimes when they're only playing. If you've got a dog that's likely to react to screaming in a bad way, it should be on a leash. If not, then owner and dog can both ignore the screaming and carry on with their walk, so what's the problem?

Are you concerned that the dog's feelings will get hurt? [Hmm]

TenthMuse · 30/10/2013 23:27

Great post, DiseasesOfTheSheep! I don't normally get drawn into threads like this (don't even have a dog myself at the mo) but I find it really sad that there seems to be such a disconnect between some people and dogs. Yes, a minority of dog owners are irresponsible, and that's bloody annoying for dog lovers and the general public alike, but I really don't get where this general paranoia has come from. We've reached a depressing stage if people are genuinely implying that my parents' ageing and incredibly sweet-natured bichon frise should be muzzled when trotting along in the park.

I completely understand that some children are frightened of dogs. I work with children, and know that they can become scared of many different things for often quite random reasons. But I think this fear is exacerbated by some parents, who squeal and drag their children out of the dog's path when it approaches, even if it's on a lead and has shown no interest in the child at all. And children need to learn how to behave around dogs; when walking my parents' small toy dogs I've had more issues with small children running up and manhandling them, trying to pick them up etc. than I have with the dogs trying to get to the children.

I always find it quite refreshing when I visit Europe and see dogs happily co-existing with people and being welcomed into shops and restaurants. I once ate a lovely meal in a smart restaurant in Florence next to a beautiful (and beautifully behaved) Irish Setter - can't imagine that happening here!

I do think the OP is being unreasonable if she expects a frightened child not to scream - I think that's unavoidable in many cases - but it sounds as if her own dog was doing absolutely nothing wrong in this instance.

Igloofornow · 30/10/2013 23:29

Well you haven't said what the parents did. It's normal to be wary of strange dogs but if my child was screaming in fear then I would try to reassure them. I'm not sure how one would cycle and scream at the same time tbh.

FWIW I walk my lab in the woods behind our house off lead, every day twice a day for the past year, I have never meet another person. Why would I put her on a lead? Some dogs need off lead exercise or the would be very highly strung.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 30/10/2013 23:30

My dog doesn't care if kids scream. I do. I don't like it at all - it makes me very uncomfortable. Plus you then fear that the parent will appear and hound you for the sheer gall of owning a dog and being seen in public with it, even though neither you, nor dog have done anything wrong.

It's not a problem I have often as I rarely walk anywhere I meet people or children, and mine are exercised on private land mostly, or in a remote area. But I've been there in the past and I can understand why the OP finds it upsetting and unpleasant during her walk.

I'm not saying there is a magic cure for the child's fear or that the parents could necessarily do anything to stop it (though some parents do seem to encourage it by over-reacting themselves) though.

ouryve · 30/10/2013 23:32

You have no idea of the screaming child's background. My boys don't scream when they see a strange dog, but one of them has run into the road a few times, despite my counselling that that is not a good idea. Both boys have SN. That's more common than you may think.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 30/10/2013 23:36

Hey LST, TenthMuse thanks I didn't think anyone ever noticed me Grin

Original poster
Beccadugs · 30/10/2013 23:44

Thanks for your back up Diseasesofsheep! You have summed up what I was feeling perfectly.

The parent was nowhere to be seen.

Yes the child was cycling and screaming (ahh a dog).

OP posts:
ouryve · 30/10/2013 23:48

Not a dog hate, btw - grew up with them and my parents still have them. My kids still don't trust dogs they don't know.

BackOnlyBriefly · 30/10/2013 23:53

TenthMuse you seem to be sure that fear of dogs is irrational. Go google a picture of a mauled baby and stare at it for half an hour then come back and tell us we're overreacting.

I'll say this one more time. The only way to know if a particular dog is dangerous is to wait and see if it bites your child or knocks it down "to be friendly".

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 31/10/2013 00:03

BackOnlyBriefly generally a well mannered dog with a sensible owner will be pretty obvious. The owner is in the vicinity of the dog, certainly not out of sight. The owner will be watching the dog, and possibly keeping up a dialogue, dependent on the situation (i.e. Fetch, c'mon fido! as dog returns). The dog with be going about its own business - chasing a ball or trotting along sniffing - not bounding towards you.

If there's no owner in sight and the dog is bounding towards you, yea, absolutely. Idiot owner, dog out of control, etc. But that's even more reason for kids to understand that the best thing they can do is to stand still and try not to make themselves an attractive target. No, they shouldn't have to, but there are idiots in all walks of life. People shouldn't have to watch for folk jumping a red light when they cross the road, but...

From the OP's account, the second situation doesn't apply here.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 31/10/2013 00:12

I blame councils for this problem. Most public parks are big enough to have segregated gated off areas for dog walkers and non dog walkers. I wouldn't mind some taxes being used for that. Better than than a child or adult being mauled by a dog.

I don't think you can train small kids I.e toddlers. U can tell them 100 times when the situation arises they may act differently. Is it any diff than telling an adult who is scared of spiders don't scream if you see one?

BeCoolFucker · 31/10/2013 00:22

YANBU.
Parents should keep their children muzzled and on the lead at all times so they can't scream or run off when encountering a random dog. Hmm

HRWT.

BeCoolFucker · 31/10/2013 00:26

Have you ever tried to "encourage" a small child not to scream when they are freaked out or excited or whatever? I've been trying, unsuccessfully, for years.

Write a book on how to do this. I'll buy it. You'll be a child training guru. You will earn millions and can buy your own child free park.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 31/10/2013 00:26

See I googled "HRWT" and it came up with "High Risk Warrant Team (SWAT)" which I'm guessing isn't what you mean... Care to explain for my sanity's sake? Smile

BeCoolFucker · 31/10/2013 00:27

Haven't Read Whole Thread Grin

Pass it on.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 31/10/2013 00:28

BTW, it's easy to encourage a child not to scream... It's just not easy to make that encouragement have any effect Wink

BeCoolFucker · 31/10/2013 00:28

Facial eczema! Ahem. Grin

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 31/10/2013 00:28

Thanks, BCF. Would never have got there. Am dim / it's late! Grin

BeCoolFucker · 31/10/2013 00:32

Yes I'm very encouraging. It's just my children are very oblivious. I also like dogs. My children scream at dogs off leads. I don't know why.

but when dog owners grin patronisingly at me/them and go "don't worry they are very friendly/won't hurt" etc (this happens all the fucking time) I feel like I might need a muzzle. Grin

BeCoolFucker · 31/10/2013 00:33

Are you impressed I quoted a sheep disease?

AnnieLobeseder · 31/10/2013 00:36

Threads with dogs and children certainly do tend to be very polarised!!

Dog owners need to be responsible and make sure their dogs are either a) sufficiently trained not to go near anyone else (especially children) and certainly not jump up on/sniff/lick them, or b) kept on a lead.

Child owners need make sure their children are a) sufficiently trained not to melt into a puddle every time they so much as see a dog or b) not taken to places where dogs will likely be loose and left ride a bike around without supervision.

There are idiots, poor training and poor behaviour either side of the spectrum, same as with most things in life involving humans. But most of us live in the middle and manage to get along with each other in a state of sensible mutual understanding and respect.