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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if your child is scared of dogs you should encourage them not to scre and wail if my dog is 300 ft away...

468 replies

Beccadugs · 30/10/2013 21:50

Walking my dog today, she was of lead, about 10ft ahea of me waiting for me to chuck the ball. A child cycled towards us, saw my dog (who is half toy poodle so tiny) and started screaming. My dog just looked at her and then carried on our walk, if she was the type to run up to strangers/kids she wouldn't be off the lead. However, when she was a puppy and less well trained this screaming was an invitation (in her mind) to investigate.

While I accept that some children are scared of dogs, and that is fine. I would have thought that if there is a dog in the general vicinity encouraging your DC not to scream is probably for the best when the dog is ignoring you completely. AIBU, we all want to use the local facilities happily.

OP posts:
pixiegumboot · 30/10/2013 22:26

If your dog is not on a leash in a public place it is not under control. If one other person with a huge fucking dog thinks its OK for their mutt to come bounding up to us for a sniff and says its OK he's just being friendly I will scream. Allowing your dog to approach, touch, lick, sniff other people is NOT under control, and frankly if you think that is you need your head read.

BackOnlyBriefly · 30/10/2013 22:27

Not wanting to be bitten by a dog is a rational reaction.

So is not wanting it jumping up you and drooling on you.

If a dog is not on a lead the only way to find out if its going to do either is to wait and see.

LST · 30/10/2013 22:27

I do not doubt that. Which is why I call him if ever we need to pass someone etc.

My toddler on the other hand I agree should be leashed Grin

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 30/10/2013 22:28

Yes, children can't help what they are afraid of, not should they, but I think parents (and obviously many are) need to support them when coming across those fears in a public place.

But you haven't mentioned what the parents did at all. Did they "encourage her to scream?"

Who says the parents aren't supporting the child in their fears?

It sounds like you're just pissed off that a small child made a noise near your dog.

LST · 30/10/2013 22:29

Pixie who has said that is acceptable? If a dog was likely to do that I 100% agree it should be on a lead.

christinarossetti · 30/10/2013 22:31

Ah, a dog thread. Haven't been on one for a while Smile.

I'm firmly in the dogs should be on a lead at all times unless on the private property of their owners camp.

If dogs were better controlled, there would be fewer children frightened of them. It's usually dogs barking, jumping, nipping, biting or chasing children that cause them to be afraid.

As you say OP, some children are scared of dogs and it's simply common curtesy to let people use public facilities free of fear.

Lweji · 30/10/2013 22:32

Furthermore, I think we need pictures of your dog so that we can encourage our children not to wail and scream when they see it 300 feet away.

Is it ok if they scream when he's 100 feet away? What about 600 feet away? Is screaming in another country ok?

christinarossetti · 30/10/2013 22:33

pixie puts it much better than me.

yy to wanting to throttle the 'he's only being friendly - he's fine around children' mob. That's exactly what the owners of the two (different) dogs who bit me as a child said.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 30/10/2013 22:33

Yadnbu

LST · 30/10/2013 22:34

BUT NOT EVERY DOG OWNER IS A KNOB HEAD!!!!

Beccagain · 30/10/2013 22:34

My toddler on the other hand I agree should be leashed grin

Most amusing LST but I think you make a very valid point: toddlers should be restrained when outside; by being in a push chair, on reins, hand held or at the very least within easy grabbing distance. They may be docile and obedient as you like but it would only take one incident of straying from this for the results to be potentially disastrous if they weren't restrained, though in that case it is likely that only the toddler would suffer.

Similarly an incredibly well behaved and good natured dog only has to misbehave once for it to be tragic, but possibly not for the dog. And it's so easily avoided (ie by keeping him/her on a lead when there are other people around).

And yes, you call him. What if he ignores you?

LST · 30/10/2013 22:35

Totally didn't mean to shout that! Blush Apologies!

Lweji · 30/10/2013 22:35

Just, I think the OP is annoyed that a child showed feer upon sight of her dog.
The cheeky little... And the parents, how terrible are they that they allowed a frightened child to scream? SS, I say.

pixiegumboot · 30/10/2013 22:35

Who knows what a dog is going to do? Certainly not someone who doesn't know your dog. Children and dogs are unpredictable. They should be kept separate if unknown to each other. Have you ever seen dogs pack?I have, and iI guarantee you would not want a small person anywhere near. Dog safety relies on its owner. Entirely. Put your bloody dog on its lead, and if you have to walk it off PUT A MUZZLE ON IT!

MrsMook · 30/10/2013 22:36

DS is 2 and weary of dogs, especially those off a lead at the moment. His reaction is to quietly back off behind my legs or up to something like the pram. My reaction is to calmly bend down, greet the dog and show him that it's nothing to be scared of. Hopefully he should grow in confidence especially as he gets bigger compared to dogs. If I flapped around because my PFB was distressed then that would encourage a worse reaction. Parental reaction does have some impact.

DS has been known to wrap himself around strangers legs in error (usually when they're wearing similar colours to me). Maybe I should put him on a lead in all public places...

The high profile dog attacks I can think of have all been private property and involved someone "intruding" into the dog's territory (by dog, not human standards). I can't think of any in a public space.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 30/10/2013 22:37

I don't understand the point of this thread. Does anyone else?

Op seems to be moaning that the child screamed and that means the parents haven't taught the child how to behave around dogs. Although fear often has automatic responses so telling a scared child not to scream may not work.

But she doesn't actually mention the parents at all so who knows what they were doing.

So it seems like a judgement on someone else's parenting who she knows nothing about when parenting might have made to difference to the scream anyway.

Am i missing something?

Beccagain · 30/10/2013 22:37

BUT NOT EVERY DOG OWNER IS A KNOB HEAD!!!!

Who has said they are? I would go further and say I don't know any dog owners who are knob heads. But dogs can be unpredictable. So you have to legislate for that (I don't mean literally, just that you have to act accordingly)

Beccagain · 30/10/2013 22:38

Totally didn't mean to shout that!

Sorry my post quoting the shouting crossed with yours!

LST · 30/10/2013 22:38

I give enough time for him to return. He is not in the least bit interested in other people. I am never with my dog where there are small children running around playing ball you understand. I tend to go to the back of beyond and he comes to me when I see a lone walker or cyclist in the distance.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 30/10/2013 22:38

Lweji. Thanks Smile

I was scared of dogs as a child and until my 20s. Nothing anyone did ever got me not to scream and run (and then chased and bitten).

4yoniD · 30/10/2013 22:39

"AIBU, we all want to use the local facilities happily."

YABU. Had the parents of the child complained at you for simply having a dog, that would have been wrong. However this didn't happen?

Both my kids went through phases of screaming insanely at the sight of a dog. I tried reassurance etc, it did nothing. I found the best thing to do was calmly say "don't be silly" and ignore them.

We were at a beach which allowed dogs, not all beaches here do. A lovely little dog ran roughly towards my daughter. She screamed and started crying. I calmly chivied her along (come on, the dog won't hurt you...). The owner of the dog come and started SHOUTING at me WHY have you brought your children to the beach, you shouldn't take them anywhere there are dogs, yada yada....

How are little children expected to get over a fear of dogs if we deliberately avoid all contact with them?

(Neither of my kids particularly mind dogs now, although I wouldn't say they really like them)

LST · 30/10/2013 22:39

Pixie he wouldn't be able to fetch his ball with a muzzle on.. He would get rather frustrated.

coppertop · 30/10/2013 22:40

If it's a public place then why shouldn't the child be allowed to scream?

If it's because a dog might react to the screaming, then the dog should be on a lead.

If the dog won't react to the screaming, then what's the problem? Confused

inabeautifulplace · 30/10/2013 22:40

Surely in that scenario wouldn't you just remove your dog from the vicinity of the screaming child? That would seem to be the best scenario for all involved.

If the opposite was true and your dog was being freaked out by an inquisitive toddler, wouldn't you expect the parents to remove the child?

Wouldn't disagree that it's a good idea for parents to encourage familiarity with dogs. Would disagree that a screaming child is evidence that this encouragement has not been attempted.

caruthers · 30/10/2013 22:41

This thread has shot off like a Whippet out of the traps.

I don't understand how anyone can't feel sympathy for a child if they scream and are genuinely upset.

And if that scream "Upsets" the Dog what reaction will the Dog have to being upset?