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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that if your child is scared of dogs you should encourage them not to scre and wail if my dog is 300 ft away...

468 replies

Beccadugs · 30/10/2013 21:50

Walking my dog today, she was of lead, about 10ft ahea of me waiting for me to chuck the ball. A child cycled towards us, saw my dog (who is half toy poodle so tiny) and started screaming. My dog just looked at her and then carried on our walk, if she was the type to run up to strangers/kids she wouldn't be off the lead. However, when she was a puppy and less well trained this screaming was an invitation (in her mind) to investigate.

While I accept that some children are scared of dogs, and that is fine. I would have thought that if there is a dog in the general vicinity encouraging your DC not to scream is probably for the best when the dog is ignoring you completely. AIBU, we all want to use the local facilities happily.

OP posts:
DiseasesOfTheSheep · 31/10/2013 15:34

BTW, for the intermitent comments about long leads and extendable leads. Heaven help us all if folk start using them all the time.

If you've never been tangled or tripped up by one, you've probably not spent a lot of time around folk using them. Idiots use them as an excuse not to train, in my experience. They let the lead out and allow the dog to run free range, wreaking havoc in its wake and tripping folk up right, left and centre, safe in the knowledge that their precious little mutt can't escape from the area. Long leads are rarely a substitute for training, or sensible exercising. Plus extendable leads give a real jerk when you get to the end of the rope, which with a bigger dog particularly, is far more likely to be ripped out of your hand than a short leash.

Don't get me wrong, not everyone who uses them is so idiotic, and they do have a place - particularly long lines when training puppies (where the owner is in a sensible place before letting them out and pays attention to the situation!). But they are not the answer to this issue.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 31/10/2013 15:44

I bloody detest those long leads. See so many of them. The dog is ten feet away from the owner as they walk up a path beside a road. What's to stop the dog from running into the road? Absolutely nothing. Hmm

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 31/10/2013 15:50

Glad it's not just me! Grin

LST · 31/10/2013 15:52

Haha Autumn. . that did make me actually lol Grin

LST · 31/10/2013 15:54

Extendable leads are worse for the dog as a whole. It just teaches a dog that they can up and away on a lead.. so when they do ever need to go on a short leash your shoulder gets dislocated!

Lweji · 31/10/2013 15:58

Where is the op?

And why hasn't her explained how are parents supposed to discourage children from screaming when they are scared?

It's not so much a children vs dogs problem, but the OP's expectations.

halfwildlingwoman · 31/10/2013 16:24

My DC are both scared of dogs. DS has what I consider a healthy respect for dogs. He never approaches them, even when on leads and only gently and calmly strokes dogs when he knows them. If he sees one even slightly approach him he will hide behind me. DD is petrified, due to a black lab slobbering all over her when she was 2. It must have been the equivalent of a lion licking me. Every time I think I have broken her fear, when I have calmed her around sensible dogs, shown her that dogs can be kind and talked her through it another stupid owner allows their dog to bound up to her and scare her again. Someone on the cliffs this summer allowed their dog to race right at her. I had to whisk her up in the air, she was shaking and crying, obviously traumatised and they didn't even apologise.

Beccadugs · 31/10/2013 16:54

Perhaps my expectations are wrong Lweji. I expect a parent to be near their frightened child if they take it to a dog walking area, not a park. An abandoned airfield.

I had disappeared as the thread has turned into a how/how not to train/live with your dog. I don't feel I had anything to add.

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 31/10/2013 17:32

Surely everywhere is a potential dog walking area?

GreenVelvet · 31/10/2013 17:51

I had a massive dog go tearing towards my (then) toddler in a park. He leapt over playground wall to try to get him (completely unprovoked). It was very scary indeed. I have had another dog (semi-feral) nearly attack him, again off -lead and very scary for me too.

None of the owners bothered to apologise whatsoever. One of them was an "animal lover" and had "saved" the feral dog. So, no surprise if young children are scared of strange dogs. Its actually a positive thing in many ways, so you are being unreasonable, and you should just ignore and steer your dog away and carry on.

TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 31/10/2013 19:43

Why is it a problem for you that the girl screamed? What did I miss?

I assume you havee limited/ no appreciation of the nature/ manifestations of a phobia.
I know most spiders aren't going to harm me but if there was one near me now I 'd be shrieking my lungs out

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 31/10/2013 20:59

I think it is ridiculous to expect owners to keep their dogs on leads at all times if in dog walking areas. I do not really like people who let big dogs off leads in play parks at busy times as many children are scared of them.

Unfortunately my DS (5) is terrified of all dogs, even tiny ones and he will naturally scream and has ran into the road twice when dogs on leads walked past him (they didn't even as much sniff at him). I have no idea why he is so scared. I have talked to him about it but cannot convince him not to be scared so I have no way to stop the screaming.

Caitlin17 · 31/10/2013 21:33

A dog legally, certainly in Scotland, is not "not under control" just because it it's off a lead

Or, to avoid double negatives, a dog can still be under control when not on a lead.

NotYoMomma · 31/10/2013 21:36

clover, just support him and he may need help if his phobia is that bad. I ended up at the doctors and referred for therapy.

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 31/10/2013 21:59

NotYoMomma - I have been hoping he will grow out of it but it just seems to get worse. I will definitely consider help, it is not just dogs but cats as well.

Jolleigh · 31/10/2013 22:13

Sorry, I've only read a few posts right at the beginning of this thread.

I am a huge dog lover and volunteer at a shelter.

Unless a dog is on private and enclosed property, it should always be on the lead. Regardless of the dog's breed, temperament, training or size.

Not everybody is a dog lover. And few people are as fast as their dogs. Should a dog run off, an owner is unlikely to catch up. The dog could unexpectedly attack someone or something. Or run into the road. Cause an accident. It's enormously irresponsible for anyone to assume that their dog's training is 100% infallible. The fact is, many owners realise this far too late.

Lweji · 31/10/2013 22:22

I assume an abandoned airfield is also a good bike riding area. Were there lots of dogs around?
Were there other children around?

God knows why children get frightened at times. It may not be predictable and if there are no other safer riding areas, why shouldn't a child be able to ride around an airfield without having their parents following them in case a dog is nearby?
If there were those many dogs around, why didn't the child scream at the sight of them? Or was it only your dog? Or was your dog in a separate area from most other dogs?

It just seems odd that if it's a "dog walking area" that the child didn't scream at the other dogs. And I'm sure it's not a designated dog walking area. The parents may ask themselves what were the dogs doing there as it's a usual bike riding area.

OrmirianResurgam · 31/10/2013 22:35

In that situation dog and I would both just think WTF?, roll our eyes, and ignore child. No big deal.

Lweji · 31/10/2013 22:39

I think that's more or less my point.
I wouldn't say that the dog should not be there.
I am just a bit puzzled that the OP felt the need to post here and sort of blame the parents.
Children sometimes just happen to be frightened of dogs. Nothing much the parents can do and anywhere you take a child they are likely to meet dogs.

In the same way that DS loves our cat, he still screams if the cat jumps at him and there's not a lot I can do and DS wouldn't go without the cat either.

We just put up with each other. DS with the cat jumping at him (and me), the cat and me with his screams.

DanglingChillis · 31/10/2013 22:44

The trouble is that there a few terrible dog owners that make it difficult for everyone. DD2 is terrified of dogs. We are lucky that my cousin has a well trained dog that is very patient and good with children and DD2 was getting a lot calmer around dogs. Then we were at the park over the summer and some fucking idiots let their three dogs run through the playpark and chase DD2. I was so angry with them, not least because they refused to put their dogs on the lead even when I asked them and told me 'if the dogs had bit her they would put them on a lead'. Funnily enough DD2 has started screaming around dogs again. Obviously we try and do as much as possible to stop it (not least because she is so young she would run into the road to get away from a dog if I didn't keep hold of her) but one bad experience takes months to get over.

fifi669 · 31/10/2013 23:18

I'm 30 and still scared of dogs! If I don't know the owner and one comes towards me I hide behind DP and get him to shoo them away.... I may also go high pitched

Boardingblues · 01/11/2013 00:18

I am more bothered by the parents who let their DC wonder up to and pet any dog. We have a big dog who is very soppy. We know that but the parents who tell their DC to pat the dog without asking us if that is ok don't.

I always stop the child, tell them that they must ask the owner first. I do this nicely and I show them how to approach a dog that they have never met before.

I have a DF who is blind and she had a fright with a child who screamed at her dog.

So you are not entirely unreasonable, but the children do come before the dogs.

TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 01/11/2013 05:55

Quite Lweji

Seems like an excuse to start a bit of parent bashing/ dog owner bashing.
And plenty of people happy to comply. Smile

Lweji · 01/11/2013 06:51

For those who say we, as different species, coexist and must share our space, etc

From a biological point of view, dogs are wolves, hence predators. The natural reaction to a predator by their prey (guess who) is of fight, fright or flight. We have domesticated dogs by assuming an unnatural role of leaders of their pack. That's fine and that's why dog owners feel in control and mostly trust their dogs.

We, however, tend not to be comfortable sharing our space with predators, and non-dog owners are less comfortable.
We don't like sharing space with mice and rats, although some people have them and love them.

Children in particularly see a predator. Dogs look much bigger to them.
My son, for example, was scared of anything running towards him. It included cars, waves, even other children and dogs. He wanted a cat because "they ran from him" (ironic...)

Dogs, throughout history have mostly been work animals. Guard dogs, sheep dogs, hunting dogs, transport dogs. Ok for their pack leader, but not necessarily for everyone else. As cute and harmless as they mostly are, there is an increasing "intrusion" of dogs in our normal lives, with increasing numbers of dogs as pets. It's not surprising that coexisting is not easy.

My point is that although for some people their dogs are almost family and they trust them, it's still a predator that makes some people uncomfortable and having that in mind might make things easier on all parts.

Grennie · 01/11/2013 07:03

It is a myth to compare dog behaviour to wolf behaviour. Read some research into dogs. This myth has been thoroughly debunked.