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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

395 replies

Mayflower64 · 26/10/2013 00:35

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 26/10/2013 14:47

ThiS has made me feel so sad Sad. I can't believe your daughter was so ungrateful for garments you had carefully and lovingly knitted.

My mum made my son a few things and they had masses of wear. My cousin knitted him a fab sleep suit that he wears over his usual sleep suit in the winter. I would love another larger one but don't want to put her out.

Please don't be sad about it, I think you sound lovely and if you can knit that's an amazing gift xxxx

2tiredtoScare · 26/10/2013 14:47

My mum can knit, just. She made me a wonky yellow cardigan for DD1 with really long sleeves but she'd put so much love and effort in to it I really cherished it

OtherBarry · 26/10/2013 14:48

What you've made sounds lovely but I would have been really overwhelmed by this at 4 months, maybe put the knitting on the back burner until the baby's older and ask if there's anything they need closer to her due date? Agree that a hand knitted blanket might get more use, she'll probably feel awful about this in a few months time Brew

Raddy · 26/10/2013 14:55

A family member knitted lots of sweet little cardigans for my babies.

They were very lovely but I'm afraid they were never worn, apart from in photos to send to say thanks.

I would however, have loved a soft knitted blanket or two and would have made lots of use of them.

morethanpotatoprints · 26/10/2013 15:03

Ah, what an ungrateful dd she is.
I would have been over joyed at these presents when I had mine, we were happy for any gifts.
I would tell your dd that you will donate them to a good charity or sell them and treat yourself with the money you make.
Then don't buy anything else, although I know you will Grin
YANBU and I would be weeping myself.
Here are some Flowers for you.

wouldbemedic · 26/10/2013 15:07

The only explanation I can think of for your daughter's behaviour would be that she's hormonal and irrationally angry about everything (get used to it I'm afraid).

Oh, and perhaps she's one of those types who are afraid to feel confident her baby will definitely arrive safely. Perhaps she hasn't dared to buy any clothes herself yet and felt a bit freaked out when she saw how many you'd made.

Have you considered that she may have felt overwhelmed by your enthusiasm? In my opinion, a baby couldn't possibly need more than two or three woollen items, especially if she's already four months pregnant. There are very different guidelines regarding baby's temperature now than previously. I was told to ignore the colour my DD's hands (which were purple) and feel her chest as a guide. This meant she needed far, far fewer layers than older people (like my mum) supposed. It's a touchy subject because new mums are encouraged to see overheating as almost the worst thing that could happen, for fear of cot death. Your daughter could have had all this going on in her head, who knows? It sounds like you've prepared more than you need to - while that's kind, it's important to remember you'll need to take your cue from your daughter. She'll back off if she feels she has to rein you in. Are you usually quite full-on?

Thinking back, I was terrified my DM would take over when I was pregnant, because she always does, about everything. It's impossible to stop her doing it because (a) she's doing it out of love and (b) she'd be so hurt if anyone told her to stop. (And friends have encouraged her to feel martyred if I've ever rebelled, even a teeny bit). That's all fine up to a point - typical mother daughter stuff. But it's also led to many situations where I've had to let DM ride roughshod over my plans, feeling resentfully grateful as she does exactly what she feels like doing. When I was pregnant, I was adamant that this was the one thing that I'd do my way, because that's instinctive as a mum. I have no idea what you are usually like, but if there's any of this going on in your DD's head, you're going to have to accept that your emotions have number four priority - the baby comes first, followed by the parents. It's their time, both to prepare for and step up to. That shouldn't create a conflict of interests provided you're all sensitive to each other - perhaps that falls to the grandparents a bit more. After all, they're dealing with a whole new dimension of responsibility in their lives while you can give this little one back at the end of a day.

And it may be that your DD's a spoilt little madam, in which case you are probably accustomed to this kind of behaviour from her. I sympathise. Why not become a Home Start volunteer and help out a mum who really needs it and would probably grab your knitted beauties with both hands?

Pink10 · 26/10/2013 15:08

What a lovely thing to do.
I'd have been so happy if my mother made knitted baby clothes for my baby. Instead I bought hand knitted clothes for my baby from ebay and friends gave me lots of clothes their children had outgrown and my favourites were the knitted items.
A friend made my DC a hand knitted jumper that I adored and DC child wore it from 6 months (-a little big) to 18 months, when I was sad that it no longer fitted.
DC is now a toddler and I still buy hand knitted clothes. A few items have been bought online from small business hand knitted Co.s, for more special occasions that have been quite expensive.
People have commented on my DC wearing the lovely hand-knitted items and have said 'how lucky to have a Granny making these clothes' which has made me feel sad as my mother can knit but has never bothered.
YANBU and sound lovely, if your daughter sadly doesn't want them I'd give them to your local children's centre/hospital etc. or sell them on ebay as other people will appreciate them Smile

northlight · 26/10/2013 15:37

So sad for you OP. Perhaps she will want them when the baby comes. If not, would it be an idea to buy a baby doll and use the clothes that way? Then if you have a have a granddaughter...

WhoKnowsWhereTheSlimeGoes · 26/10/2013 16:07

I'd forgotten about the fear of overheating your baby, I was really worried about that and mine never wore more than a vest and babygro plus coat/hat/mittens/bootees and pram blankets even though they were born in Jan and Feb.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 26/10/2013 16:18

Yes, I think what Slime says (charming name Grin) probably has contributed to changing trends in a generation - with woolen garments for babies seen more as for outdoor wear - hats, bootees etc.

SatinSandals · 26/10/2013 17:05

The last things that I knitted were were this bolero and hat for twin girls in two different colours. I did a lovely chunky sweater for a boy. If you have got a knitter I would choose your pattern before they start and at least you get something that you would want. I took two jumpers that I didn't use to a 'bring and buy sale' and they were snapped up in minutes,( by someone young).

jellybeans · 26/10/2013 17:11

I love hand knitted stuff on babies, mine all wore them and I was very grateful. In fact my MIL still knits for my older 4 inc teenagers! The younger 3 wear them, oldest won't but we thank her anyway and gratefully receive. Would never decline as that is rude. However my older teen says she wishes she was asked If she wanted them first!

Surely she could have thanked you and at least put baby in them a few times! I often put my DC in clothes that I would not have chosen because somebody was kind enough to buy them...

YANBU

Longdistance · 26/10/2013 17:17

I think your dd is acting rather spoilt. She's sounds bloody ungrateful too.

Knitted baby things are the height of fashion. My dh's grandmother knitted for both my dd's. I was over the moon that she put so much thought and care into all these beautiful cardigans, hats, blankets. We made use of all of them. Both dd's were brought home in hand made knitted cardigans, and hats, and then the blankets were used for their baptisms.

HootyMcOwlface · 26/10/2013 17:17

Sad What a lovely thing for you to do.
I second offering a knitted blanket if you still wanted to make something for the baby (can understand if you didn't want to though).. Maybe a bit closer to the due date too.
I've got a lovely knitted blanket from my MIL that we use with the pram almost every day.

Helspopje · 26/10/2013 17:25

YADNBU - I love the knitted clothes that I have made and been given for my DCs. Rarely a day goes past where one or both of them isn't wearing something my mum has knitted and the local mums are in awe of some of the item. The nursery nurses love them too to the point that my mum made their Christmas gifts last year and they were all delighted to have a 'nanny noo' design.

FWIW I really like matinee jackets for tinies. So easy to bung over a white babygro. Makes them look dressed even when they aren't. Cotton cardis when they're a bit bigger are a boon too because they can take a beating washing-wise.

BlingBang · 26/10/2013 17:33

t's a real shame you are hurting OP but your daughter is NU for not wanting your knitted stuff, she could have been more gracious and kind though. True you might have been a bit early and overloaded her with too much too soon, especially if she doesn't like knitted baby wear, as I didn't. I liked to pick my own clothes and hated the waste. Too much stuff oven too me for my babies to wear and often in styles or fabrics I didn't want. Didn't want the baby jeans and stiff canvas shorts etc, or things that were hard to get on.

Did thank people (usually folk I'd never met) for the knitted stuff but the colours, length of sleeves, weird shapes and harsh wools just weren't my thing. Hated feeling guilty for not wanting or liking the knitted things given to me (didn't help that my babies were born in the middle of a heat wave) even though it was sweet that they had gone to the effort.

Catsize · 26/10/2013 17:56

Wow. Your daughter's attitude is shocking I am afraid. It takes ages to knit things too!
Things people have knitted are the most precious clothes and we will be keeping them for the next generation. My son wore some things I had received as a baby 35years ago.

GinnelsandWhippets · 26/10/2013 18:04

Your daughter has been very rude and unkind to you, and unless this is typical for her I expect she'll look back later and be mortified. However, in my experience knitted baby clothes really aren't worn much any more. I have about 10 knitted jackets, booties etc etc given to my DS's by older relatives. None of them have ever been worn. I guess because of central heating, footmuffs on prams etc there isn't really the need any more. We do have my husband's christening blanket, knitted by his grandma, and we've used it for both my sons. And my MIL has made a quilted blanket each for them which they and we love.

KnickersOnOnesHead · 26/10/2013 18:09

I love knitted cardigans on babies. Unfortunately, I do not have anyone who would knit them for dd2 so I have been picking them up in charity shops for 50p a go. I always feel sad when buying them as someone must have spent some time and love knitting them, just for them to be thrown in the charity bin!

ferretyfeet · 26/10/2013 18:25

She is very very rude,no excuses

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 26/10/2013 18:29

YANBU to be upset, but I would maybe suggest that your knitting might be more appreciated if your DD could perhaps have a choice in the patterns/ yarns/ items?

My late DM did knit like a woman possessed for any baby she heard of, but was always careful to ask the mum-to-be what she would like. Sadly she'd died several years before my DCs came along, but if she had still been about I would have been thrilled with. some of her legendary knitted toys and a blanket, in cotton yarn. Acrylic cardies and hats/ mitts/ boots, less so, possibly

1944girl · 26/10/2013 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 26/10/2013 18:34

I think hand-knitted baby clothes are very much a Marmite thing tbh.

It's a shame your feelings were hurt tho. I don't doubt you meant well.

SatinSandals · 26/10/2013 18:50

The mad thing is that if they were done by a professional knitter and in a designer shop,with a label, they would cost a fortune. Because they are done by someone good enough to be a professional knitter but with no label, and not in a shop, they are not wanted!

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 26/10/2013 18:55

Theyd be unwanted by me no matter how much they did or didnt cost. I assune the ops dd is the same

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