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Original poster

to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

395 replies

Mayflower64 · 26/10/2013 00:35

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 26/10/2013 11:40

Catchhimatwhat a 12 month pregnancy??? but will the baby need woollen cardigans in June when it's born?

If OP's daughter is four months pregnant now, at the end of October, is the baby not more likely to be born around the end of March, rather than June?

Much colder in March than in June.

WhoKnowsWhereTheSlimeGoes · 26/10/2013 11:43

Mine didn't need them in Jan and Feb.

BurberryFucker · 26/10/2013 11:48

aww it is sad for you OP - I remember finding lots of little hand knitted baby items in charity shops when mine were babies and we loved them - so much love and care had been put into them.....ungrateful daughters!!

Ladyhawke127 · 26/10/2013 11:51

Oh, mayflower! I am crying too now! I am so sorry that this has happened!! That was very rude and thoughtless of your daughter! I love knitted things for babies, and I was very touched when my mil (who is just lovely), knitted beautiful things for little hawk! They were beautifully made, with love, and care, and I was absolutely delighted to have them! Little hawk wore them all the time, not just for visits, as they were super practical and washed up a treat. He is almost 18 months old now, and I am trying to get MIL to some how 'doctor' a wee polar bear suit that was never off him last year, so he can wear it again! You sound absolutely lovely, and your little grandchild is very lucky to have a granny who loves him/her as much as you! I hope your daughter comes to realise how unkind she has been! Can you perhapse donate them to a maternity unit where the babies will love having them, or perhaps to a women's refuge?

KatieScarlett2833 · 26/10/2013 11:54

HDEE (huge sweaty hugs)

pigletmania · 26/10/2013 11:57

Oh bless you mayflower she sounds Rude and ungrateful. As others have said, knitting is so in and knitted clothes are definitely, people pay a fortune for knitted things. If it was my mum and you get on really well, I would take it with love. It would make me feel like not giving her anything if tat is how she is going to be. Teir are some gorgeous funky knitted things around.

3rdnparty · 26/10/2013 12:03

I'm not a fan of knitted things on babies cardigans a pain in the neck to wrestle on and if she's 4months gone the baby will be due spring and isn't likely to need really warm things - overheating more of an issue (weather depending obviouslyGrin)- did you ask her if she wanted knitted things?
....as someone said earlier blankets/throws can be easier to use over a period of time

ADishBestEatenCold · 26/10/2013 12:09

Oriunda I really don't see that the OP seems to be making this all about herself.

In the few posts she has made the impression I got is that (presumably excited by her forthcoming grandchild) she has knitted carefully chosen things (that is, modern, not the old-fashioned things that she knows her daughter wouldn't like). Turns out that the daughter doesn't like any knitted things, says so and doesn't take them. OP is hurt but rather than make it all about herself she sucks it up, doesn't say anything to her daughter and tells us her daughter is lovely and they normally have a great relationship, and so on.

Yes, the OP admits to feeling a bit tearful about it, but I don't see anything that suggests that she allows that to add to the pressure (her) DD must be under because we already know from the Op that her daughter lives a long way away so presumably is unaware that her mum is getting a bit tearful while posting on MN.

(To me) the OP seemed in her posts to look at this from her daughter's point of view as much as her own and I just do not get your post at all. I thought it sounded quite harsh.

[and as for was the yarn pure cotton/cashmere or acrylic/wool? Confused ]

LunaticFringe · 26/10/2013 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Highlander · 26/10/2013 12:26

Oh, Mayflower, you sound so upset after all the effort you went to.

Wool stuff can be a bit of a faff with wee babies, when you compare it to modern stuff. Fleecy coats are a bit more practical to wash etc.

What about some blankets? I loved having hand knitted blankets, and everyone commented on them. It takes a lot longer for a baby to grow out of a blanket and I bet your daughter will become attached to one pretty quickly!

My MIL kept 2 of the blankets that DH and SIL were brought home from hospital in, and I have photos of my DSs wrapped up in them as well. MIL still has them, and I've kept the blankets my own mum knitted.

Catchhimatwhat · 26/10/2013 12:26

Oh yes ADish, I meant to say spring but I was thinking of my two born in June! Sorry!

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 26/10/2013 12:32

edie, I don't like woolly clothes on babies. I don't think I will come to regret that any more than I will come to regret not liking kung fu films or goats cheese

diddl · 26/10/2013 12:56

It is a shame she didn't acknowledge the thought & effort by OP at least.

Wouldn't be surprised if a small baby did need cardis in June if we're talking about UK!

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 26/10/2013 12:59

yes definitely. She should have been much more tactful

JugglingFromHereToThere · 26/10/2013 13:15

MIL knitted a beautiful shawl that I treasured with both my DC as babies.
Hats and booties also probably got more wear than cardi's
I was very fond of my DD and DS's little hats.
And as I was saying upthread a knitting granny is great not only for the baby years. Jumpers and cardi's may be much more appreciated in later years, and look just as cute Smile

BazilGin · 26/10/2013 13:19

I understand why you are upset OP, but please could you try to cut your preggie daughter some slack? She may have done it in a more tactful fashion, but would you rather she accepted clothes she didn't like and just never used them/felt guilty every time she looks at them hanging in the wardrobe/putting them on just for you?
I don't like handknitted item on babies myself, but I think once they get to toddler age they look super cute.
I was very hormonal when pregnant and (even more) controlling. Probably something to do with feeling out of control myself? She probably wants to choose first pieces of baby wardrobe herself, who wouldn't. You generous gift probably freaked her out, it's an early stage and I bet she hasn't bought anything for the baby yet?
Why don't you suggest going baby shopping together when the time comes and letting her choose?
My MIL made a lovely baby blanket which I didn't want to use when my DD was tiny (I was so scared of sids!). now she is a toddler she plays with it every day and is so cherished.
Please let your daughter take lead on what she wants for the baby, get in tune with her wishes and don't hold the grudge. All will be well, I am sure.

Thumbfuckerwitch · 26/10/2013 13:19

HDEE - hugs for you and baby George. Hope he comes through as well as possible under the circumstances and shame on your family for ignoring/forgetting about him.

Melfish · 26/10/2013 13:24

As a knitter, I no longer knit for anyone else unless they ask as I am so slow it takes me ages! I spent ages knitting a lovely coat for DD, then aged about 3 and she hated it and refused to wear it. It wasn't that bad!

QueenMedb · 26/10/2013 13:29

Oh lord, this is making me think of when I was pregnant with my now toddler DS. My MIL said she would get a friend of hers who crocheted to make things for the baby, and I very politely said it was a lovely thought but not to, as I found crocheted things awkward on small babies, as their fingers get stuck in the holes and they can be scratchy etc. When she mentioned it again weeks later DH repeated thanks, but not for us, and thought it was understood.

When I was six months pregnant, an entire plastic shopping bag of mint green acrylic lacy matinee jackets, hats and bootees showed up. It was heartbreaking to think of the waste of money, time and effort. I thought I would put one or two on DS when he arrived, for show, but the yokes, armholes and cuffs were small, tight and unyielding, and DS screamed like a banshee. It was something I really didn't need post c-section with a newborn.

However, now he is an active toddler for whom warm layers would be useful as we head into winter, I wish we did have someone who could make nice, hand knitted jumpers. OP, your hand knits may be very welcome when your grandchild is older. Don't assume you will never be able to knit for this child! And congratulations.

havingastress · 26/10/2013 13:29

Ahw. I love hand knitted clothes and would have been delighted to have received more! They sound gorgeous!!!!

Hmm. Think you will have to blame it on hormones! Mind you, maybe you should have said you were knitting them? My mum ran it past me before she started..Maybe your daughter feels guilty?

Keep hold of them. She may well change her mind yet.

diddl · 26/10/2013 13:55

"I wish we did have someone who could make nice, hand knitted jumpers."

Perhaps you could do it yourself if you have time?

springylippy · 26/10/2013 14:21

Haven't read all the thread (sorry) and disappointed that some posters are suggesting you're making it 'all about you'. FFS, you're just hurt and disappointed, that's all.

Of course it hurts when you've done something with so much love and your daughter refused it. Of course that's going to hurt! (((hug)))

Personally I think she's mad. I love hand-knitted stuff. I still have stuff my babies wore and I also made them stuff too - my daughter (25) wears a cardigan I made her when she was 5. It's more like a short-sleeved bolero lol but she loves it and I'm of course delighted it's getting a fresh lease of life. Ive just knitted a (cotton) top for a friend's baby which was happily received - they were apparently disappointed that no-one knitted anything for their baby.

sorry you're hurt, lovely Flowers

mrsminiverscharlady · 26/10/2013 14:36

"I wish we did have someone who could make nice, hand knitted jumpers."

Perhaps you could do it yourself if you have time?

Or message me, as I said further up the thread, I love knitting!

JemR234 · 26/10/2013 14:37

Your DD might be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole thing, hormonal, tired etc. yes, she should have been more gracious but I know I've certainly behaved in ways that I later regretted while in the midst of the hormonal fog. We hurt the ones we love the most, sadly.

aquashiv · 26/10/2013 14:41

I adore knitted things although as a child of the 70's with a Mum who was a prolific knitter it got to the point where she even knitted ties and I times I wish I would have been in cool nylon like my friends.
When I had babies My poor old Mum was not able to knit for them and even now I get irrationally sad when I see babies in knitted stuff as it usually means they have been hand knitted by someone with love.

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