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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a dirty/messy house does not mean you're a "Great Mum"?

234 replies

trilogyofjuniper · 25/10/2013 11:45

Aaaaaagh! All those stupid slogans. "My floors are sticky and my kitchen is messy because I'm a great mum!", etc.

No, it's because you're a slob.

OP posts:
cantspel · 25/10/2013 17:57

No way could i live in a dirty house. i can cope with a bit of untidyness but dirt needs cleaning.

A few toys left out, the odd coat on the back of a chair and school bag on the floor is normal but a loo that is shit stained, basins with black around the edges, floors that you stick to and enough crumbs on the sofa to make a loaf of hovis is just lazy and gross.

And i dont see how you can blame crumbs and drink marks on having children as it is not unreasonable not to allow children to eat on the go. Maybe i am just old but children should sit at a table to eat and not be left to wander around with a jam sandwich and beaker of juice.

gordyslovesheep · 25/10/2013 18:04

I agree with Bumblebeequeen - I like tidy, I like order and I like clean - I am not better a mum than anyone else and maybe a little worse!

I just don't like clutter, mess and untidy - I have loads of storage and make my kids tidy their shit up - always have

I work and am a single mum to 3 - I think I would drown under the sheer weight of crap if I didn't keep on top of it

cantspel · 25/10/2013 18:07

notagiraffe you are doing your children no favours by not expecting them to clear up their own mess. Hope you are not raising boys who are then going to expect any woman who marries them it is their job to tidy up after them, just like you do for your husband.

Original poster
trilogyofjuniper · 25/10/2013 18:08

Giraffe's posts are exactly the sort of thing I meant in the OP. All this 'I prioritise playing with my children and feeding them, over cleaning'.

Bollocks. So does everybody. Just so happens that some of us are not unorganised slobs.

OP posts:
Summerblaze · 25/10/2013 18:11

But there you are again notagiraffe, making assumptions.

You take aversion to people thinking that just because your house is untidy then you must be a slob who watches tv, not as a mum out having fun with her dc.

I take aversion to people thinking that just because my house is tidy that I must not pay any attention or go anywhere with my dc.

What does happen is that I also do lots with my dc. As I said before, I joined my dc's school PTA so that I could be more involved and therefore see my dc's more. We go places on a weekend etc, baby goes swimming and playgroups.

However, the baby naps while dc are at school which gives me free time or dh takes them out to the park/walk etc at the weekend giving me a couple of hours. Other stuff gets done when they are in bed.

If you don't have the inclination to do these things then fine but I want to do that.

If you walked into my house during the day, you wouldn't think it was tidy as it would have toys strewn from one corner to the next and that I was a bit of a slob, but if you turned up at 8.00 pm you would think that I did nothing but tidy all day and kept the dc's in a cupboard.

Original poster
trilogyofjuniper · 25/10/2013 18:12

Living in a scruffy, grubby house sets a bad example to DC.

OP posts:
SeeYouNT · 25/10/2013 18:16

who says it does?

its not something i have heard Confused

personally i like a clean tidy house and can't relax if its not, but i would parent the same if i was messy i would imagine

wordfactory · 25/10/2013 18:24

See trilogy I don't buy that.

Everyone only has twenty four hours in a day. Everyone can only live in one dimension at a time. Sow whilst cleaning/tidying/domestic chores take place, other things don't.

I know.

I am a spoiled princess who until recently had a housekeeper. When she left after many years, I suddenly got a first hand taste of how much time domesticity takes up. A lot more than you think! Especially in a big house, with pets and children who are sporty (heaven save me from all that bloody kit!) and creative (heaven save me from all those bloody projects ).

If noble would rather not spend her time cleaning (and who wouldn't?) and would rather spend it hanging with her DC, then that's fine isn't it? She's not claiming higher status.

But the claim that posters do everything is just bloody silly. Why are we claiming to be super-women? Who does that help?

2tiredtoScare · 25/10/2013 18:27

People (without OCD) who have non school age but live in a show home has their priorities wrong but that's not to say you should life in a shithole either

Original poster
trilogyofjuniper · 25/10/2013 18:28

I live in a big house, full of children and hairy animals. It doesn't take longer than I imagine. DH and DC aren't interested in living in grubby, stinky house, so it's not just up to me to keep the place clean and tidy.

OP posts:
2tiredtoScare · 25/10/2013 18:28

Non school age chldren

2tiredtoScare · 25/10/2013 18:29

Lucky you then Juniper

BeyondPissedOffAtTheWorld · 25/10/2013 18:36

Someone should most definitely take my kids off me then - lazy fucker mum who doesnt work, nor clean, hell some days she doesnt even shower and dress. All purely because I'm lazy and not at all for the reasons I've given upthread. Must be sat around all day watching jeremy kyle. Ffs. Hmm

MissBetseyTrotwood · 25/10/2013 18:38

Gawd, what with the 'Parents who don't go to phonics meeting don't care about their DCs' thread and this I feel well judged this week...

Of course no child should live in a house that puts them at risk. Most people I know live somewhere in the middle between shit hole and show home. It's not one or the other for most of the population.

RhondaJean · 25/10/2013 18:41

As someone said earlier it really depends on priorities.

I find housework horrendously dull and tedious and there are many more interesting things to do. So I do minimal.

However I cook loads and so does DH. I have realised that any friends I have who have spotless kitchens do not cook. They may heat things or add a jarred sauce to things but they do NOT do what I would call cooking.

I have also started being more sociable lately and I've been in a lot more houses and I have realised that most people do not live in houses which are immaculate. They live in houses like mines. Which are clean enough, but most definitely lived in.

williaminajetfighter · 25/10/2013 18:52

There really isn't any correlation between parenting skills and enthusiasm for cleaning... but my home is the most expensive thing I've ever bought so I want to look after it and keep it clean. Things feel more organized in a home that is clean/tidy.

That said going to people's houses which are really dirty is just plain grim and it's no fun living in a house that stinks or that you can't invite people to. Also fairly important to set a tone/expectation for DC re: level of cleanliness to live in.

Only on MN do you get competitions for slatternliness by women who say they are too busy doing creative play or picking mushrooms with their precious DCs to clean. It is a really odd thing to be competitive over!

wordfactory · 25/10/2013 18:52

So what is it you want trilogy?

A huge gold medal for being super-mum and super-housewife?

Or do you just want to slag off anyone who can't meet your wonderfullness?

notagiraffe · 25/10/2013 19:13

Um, I want to point out that my house is not a stinky heap. It is definitely a bit scruffy and scuffed around the edges, and it has very evident signs of life in every room - one room with instruments all out and music spread about, another with desks spread with books and papers etc. Maybe it's because we live in a big house that we don't clear up. We leave stuff out too much. But I'm a bit amused by the aggression and assumptions. I haven't made any assumptions or judgements about tidy people but some of them are getting very zealously judgemental about me.

Yes, I admit, I'd prefer a tidier house. As it happens it reached my tolerance level today so I scrubbed the whole place top to bottom this morning, so throughout this thread, I've been in a clean, hovered tidy-ish house. But it isn't always that nice. It often isn't, and though it would be good if it were, I know that we wouldn't have done half the stuff we've done as a family together this year if we'd all kept nicely on top of the cleaning several hours a week.

cardibach · 25/10/2013 19:15

^All this 'I prioritise playing with my children and feeding them, over cleaning'.

Bollocks. So does everybody. Just so happens that some of us are not unorganised slobs.^
and you say the facebook posts are judgemental, trilogy. Bloody hell. My house is untidy, sometimes not as clean as I'd like, and I only have one (teenage) DD. I work full time teaching, so I spend time every day working at home too. I amnot disorganised, or a slob. Bloody hell (again). Why do women have to spend so much time trying to prove they are better than other women based on how well they do tasks men would never be judged over?

cardibach · 25/10/2013 19:16

italics fail. I can do it really, see

0utnumbered · 25/10/2013 19:17

It could mean you are a slob but it could also mean you are suffering from depression or something. My house is a mess as have worked from 8:30am and an currently spending a bit of time with my babies before they go to bed then it shall be tidy and clean again :D

notagiraffe · 25/10/2013 19:22

Not everyone prioritises playing with their children, Trilogy. Lots of mums admit they keep busy with housework because they find play boring or difficult to get enthusiastic about.

honeybunny14 · 25/10/2013 19:24

Yanbu agree

BoysRule · 25/10/2013 19:25

I think I am a good mum and my house is clean and tidy. It doesn't take me long - toys are always tidied away with my children and I clean in dribs and drabs when they are playing nicely or asleep.

HappyMummyOfOne · 25/10/2013 19:26

I hate mess and clutter so endeavour to keep a clean and tidy house. I do some jobs in the morning before work when DS is in bed and a little at night whilst he has friends round etc. Big jobs i save for days off but try to start as early as possible as i volunteer as well.

DS doesnt miss out on anything when im cleaning, why would he? Daft to say you dont clean as children will miss out.