to think that a dirty/messy house does not mean you're a "Great Mum"?

[trilogyofjuniper]

Aaaaaagh! All those stupid slogans. "My floors are sticky and my kitchen is messy because I'm a great mum!", etc.

No, it's because you're a slob.

well, if you have a CFS condition (like i do) and only so many spoons a day, then choosing between making sure the kids are fed or getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing the floor i'm going to feed the kids, aren't I?

just love the "I can do it so so should you" mentality

My friend keeps the downstairs of her house sparkling. The kids are not allowed to play downstairs or bring toys down. They are sent outside if at all possible. Its sad. I love the choas of my house. If floors a bit manky so what, life is too short.

In an alright mum. House is a mess though.

As long as it's hygienic, I'm not really bothered. I'm seriously lazy though. I could clean/tidy more if I wanted but I just can't be arsed.

I'm a slob and an average mum, I guess. I don't neglect the house because I'm constantly doing stuff with the dcs. Sometimes I'm just slobbing about. I know a couple of people with tidy houses who are not the kind of parents that I would want to be as the kids aren't just not allowed to do messy stuff like baking or painting but they aren't allowed to do anything that isn't very contained so they pretty much play on an iPad. I don't think most tidy people are like this though.

I have a clean house too. TBH, it takes no time at all to keep on top of the cleanliness. I clean the upstairs well one day, one week and the downstairs one day the following week. The rest of the time I just wipe what needs to be wiped and hoover what needs to be hoovered.

My house isn't tidy during the day though. When all the DC are home it look awful all day. However, a quick tidy round when they are all in bed keeps on top of it too.

The rest of the time I either work, go out with DC or play with them. I'm would say I'm a good mum (not the best in the world or anything).

So I think you can have a clean house and be a good mum. You can probably be a rubbish mum in a shit hole and all the other combinations too.

TBH, it takes no time at all to keep on top of the cleanliness

Well, that is all very nice for you.

I, however, live with a DD that will trail toys, clothes, shoes, crayons and anything else she gets her hands on in her wake. She has an incredible ability to drop things on the floor.
DH doesn't seem to be happy unless the house looks like the end 10 minutes of a church jumble sale.
I work full time, so does DH. We both run businesses from home as well. We also have hobbies and charity work.

So sometimes my house looks like a bomb has gone off in it. Soon it's going to get even worse as DBIL and his GF are moving in with us, neither of whom are Anthea Turner.

As I don't want to spend my whole existence tidying up the mess that other people have made during my absence I quite often just ignore it and choose to do something more interesting instead. And if that makes me a dirty slob and a shit Mum in your eyes OP, well that won't break my heart

I'm just picking up on the fact that it says 'great mum' because its obviously only the woman in a household who can possibly do any cleaning. We certainly can't expect a man to come home and clean up, can we? Not to mention the fact that there are loads of single dads out there...

I would go so far as to say children benefit from living in a reasonably clean and comfortable home, more than the extra 45 minutes a day or whatever it is playing with a parent. There should be some playing, and some cleaning!

How every I started a thread a few weeks ago along these lines and was told by multiple posters that the only reason I could keep a reasonably clean home was that I only had one child and only work part time. If you have more than one child or work more than part time, it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep your home reasonably clean, apparently.

I hate cleaning. With a passion. It doesn't take me 'no time at all' to get ontop of things.

I would much rather do something else. Be it play with the kids or watch TV.

There are other things that I like and am good at. Things that probably takes me 'no time at all to do' when it would take someone else who, say... don't like to do them, much longer.

I really wish people would stop being so judgemental. It is because of judgy pants that those slogans were invented in the first place. People try to make themselves feel better about their short comings because they get judged. It's sad actually.

My son is autistic....he is my only child and I don't work. I am also a single parent and usually sleep deprived.

I try to keep on top of the housework but I struggle and as I have a friend visiting at the moment who I am also caring for it has all gone to pot.

I hate myself enough for it and don't need to be judged by anyone else.

Quite, Wobbly. What difference does it make to the OP if people make themselves feel better by posting a "only boring women have immaculate homes" type comment ? Because that's what it's usually done for - to make yourself feel less shit.

I'm sure I could find plenty to judge the OP for if I wanted to. I wonder how much work she's done for charity this year or how skilled she is at making a wedding cake. Or if she grows her own vegetables (cos if she doesn't, well that's just lazy) or cooks everything from scratch. We all choose to live our lives differently, unless it directly impacts you then why the F do you care ????

I suppose it's whether you see doing the basics as an optional extra, or not. I don't particularly like cleaning either, but I do the basics because I feel it's one of those things that has to be done, like showering, keeping Ds clean, cooking decent meals most of the time, walking the dog even if it's raining etc.

I suppose I do judge, although it's more of a passing thought than an active judge, people who live in shitholes because they are not engaging with some basic task of life and if they have children, that is detrimental to their well being. Same as if they only fed them biscuits or never washed DCs hair.

Wedding cakes, growing veg etc aren't essential. Keeping a basic level of hygiene in your home is. Although that is a matter of opinion I suppose.

I'm not a slob, I'm a mother, I am doing a degree and I work full time.

I've got better fucking things to do than clean my oven.

at SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius. That's certainly true!

It's irrelevant. It also changes with the child. I could be in the house for a week with DS and never need to tidy. My DGD comes into the house and wrecks it from top to bottom in under two minutes, I don't know how she does it. No one could tidy quick enough to keep up with her.

I don't think anyone could suggest that having a "messy" kitchen was detrimental to a child's health. Things have to actually be pretty unsanitary for health to be affected.

Our society is unhealthily obsessed with sterilisation and cleaning IMO. I would also like those people who say it takes "5 minutes" to keep on top of the cleanliness in their house to disclose (a) how large their house is and (b) how old their house is, period houses are a lot harder to keep clean
And I would also like them to time how long it actually takes to do their "5 minutes of cleaning".
It takes me longer than 5 minutes to clean the downstairs loo (and I clean it every day)

Well, I do the bare minimum of cleaning. I do have a full time cleaner because we work full time. But I won't do cleaning on weekends.

That's what I pay my cleaner for. I have 2 days to enjoy, and by god I will. Some of that time will be spent with my kids but some of it will be spent on doing bugger-all too.

I take the line that if someone is judging me by the sate of my house (which is usually a tip by Saturday evening) then I would not want them as a friend anyway. Jeez... life is hard enough without having to worry if someone is going to notice a sticky floor or dust on the TV.

PS: Thanks HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel

The one thing that to me is a clear indication that someone is kidding themselves is the old faithful 'my house is messy but clean'

I beg to differ. If your house is cluttered with junk then under that junk it's not clean. I have a friend like this...very proud of the fact her house is 'spotless'...other than the untouched heaps of toys in the living room corners (which she hovers around) and the piles of papers and god knows what other crap on her surfaces (which she wipes around).

If your house is constantly messy and cluttered I don't see any way it can be 'clean'

There's better things to be worrying about.

We have three lively boys, who if left to their own devices would cause havoc very quickly. The simple answer is we don't let them. Mess is contained to one room and tidied away before they start the next game / go out / go to bed etc.

If the house is tidy it doesn't take long to clean and DS2 is a whizz with the steam mop!

'my house is messy but clean'

TBH my house is more likely to be the opposite. I am very good at keeping things tidy, but it's not spotlessly clean. My house gets dusty very quickly.

It depends what you see as a priority really. OK obviously some level of hygiene and order is required, but beyond that?

I won't go to my grave thinking "I wish I'd tidied the living room more often!" Unless I died by tripping over a Lego brick and bashing my head on a the coffee table, of course.

I'm a slattern and I don't care about what other people think. I tidy when I want to and we all much in and blitz tidy. Other people's opinions are just that.

These threads always get hoards of posters saying things like, wobbly... Ooh, if anyone is looking at the state of my baking trays then fuck em! Actually, who in their right mind would expect a sparkling clean show home in any domestic property, let alone one with kids in? Toys everywhere, bit of dust, today's dishes piled up, toddler chaos generally, recent spillage in kitchen, crumbs from lunch, teetering piles of paperwork, oven not seen mr muscle in a few months is all part and parcel of family life, isn't it? Is that is what is under discussion or a house much more neglected than that? I suppose we all have our own mental image of acceptable, or not acceptable, especially as relates to our own house.

I think there is a level, which I would set at "kids would be embarrassed to bring friends round" below which children do suffer, and at that point parents could do a bit more cleaning and a bit less playing.