To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

[NancyShrew]

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

If I gave my blessing if I knew all 'the lads' were going, I wouldn't be bothered.

If I specifically said no like you did, and he had a private dance like your DH did, I'd be livid. In fact I'd find it hard to stay with him.

What a prick.

LOL at your letter.

www.hennights-accessories.co.uk/Dreamboys-Merchandise/Dreamboys-Pack-B.html

There you go Nancy, Dreamboys Pack B, complete with Dreamboys branded travel mug, pen and keyring to help make your pretend night more authentic.

At this stage, I honestly don't know if I will LTB, I think it will depend a lot on his reaction when I come home. I need to have a serious think about whether this is the sort of man I want to have kids with.

We have no kids (were trying) and don't share finances, but me spending that money of his will mean he won't be able to buy his fancy new golf club for another couple of months.

It would be a deal breaker for me, for all the reasons other posters have given. It also shows total lack of respect too.

I must say though, I like your riposte to him, re the handbag (well done) and the spoof trip to the dreamboys.

Serves him right.

creepy ARF at the "thermal travel mug"

what was the handbag you got?

Mulberry Bayswater - the handbag of my bloody dreams which I could never justify buying!

I know I'm being a bitch and I should return it, but I really, really don't want to, it is lavelllly

Bloody hell Nancy

Your letter made me laugh. I think my OH might leave me if I spent that much on the handbag though - but hey, go you. I am very amused.

I think Nancy's response is rather apt, it's very hard to respond in a way that might upset a man the same way that the the lapdancing would upset a woman, as has been pointed out male strippers arent quite analogous.

Mind you I watched a channel 4 documentary about the dreamboys ( at least I think it was them)a little while ago, I found the whole thing quite vile, sleazy and degrading both to the women watching and the men performing.

Years ago a partner was invited to some sort of lapdancing/strip joint as part of a work do, I was very upset at the thought of him going, he (with no hesitation) declined to go because he didnt want me to be upset.

I think YANBU. Strip clubs are vile, they're not harmless. They perpetuate the crap that's peddled about that women are there to service men. I would think less of any man who went to one, regardless of their motive.

Dont take the bag back!!!!!

my impression is that the people who make big money out of these clubs are the owners, which makes them no better than pimps really.

I'm not sure exchanging sex for money if it's what both parties want is necessarily and inherently a bad thing (I realise that for all sorts of reasons it can be highly problematic)
But when the women is controlled by someone else and sort of hired out like a piece of equipment that just makes it orders of magnitude worse

Yes the more I think about it, the more I like your response. I suspect I would be tempted to respond in much the same way - I think your letter was just great. I would love to hear HIS reaction to it.

Oh and keep the bag

Oh good choice, Nancy, very good choice.

What colour did you get?

Black......nice and practical, goes with everything ;).

I did quite fancy a bright pink one, but I wasn't brave enough!

I don't suppose anyone fancies helping put together a structured argument as to why strip clubs aren't acceptable so I can tell DP tomorrow?

I will just point out that this is the only designer item (aside from a watch) I have ever owned, so I'm not being spoilt I promise!

This is also the handbag DP refused to buy me for my birthday because he said spending that much on a handbag was ridiculous. IMO spending 50 quid for some random girl to dance naked in front of you when you have a slightly wobbly willing partner able to do it for free ridiculous, but there we go DP!

Nancy, I suppose one angle for the argument would be to ask him if he's ok about you getting a job as a lapdancer?

Suzanne, I am fairly sure his argument for that would be that he wouldn't trust other men not to try and touch me. He trusts himself not to do that to the lap dancer he saw, because he's different apparently

because any man who doesnt feel that getting a lapdance constitutes infidelity should feel perfectly happy for his partner to be a lapdancer (?)

well he would say that wouldnt he...I dont think he has a leg to stand on with that one