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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow swimsuit stealing MIL to just 'drop in'

280 replies

fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 10:19

Posted many times about MIL.

DSD lives with us full time and MIl very VERy OTT with her/us - she used to be at our house nearly everyday, would take washing home, without permission, took her swimsuit home, is just generally a nightmare.

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Now, in the interests of civility we have been rubbing along ok, but we have barely seen each other.

DSD had a plastic dressing table thing. We bought her a new grown up one and are passing on the small one to her cousin.

It comes with various accessories, hair brush, pretend perfume bottle etc.
MIL has taken the dressing table to her house as she is seeing the cousin next week before we do.

She has left the lid (small, plastic) of one of the 'perfume bottles' here. She has described where it is. I am seeing her tonight.

She wants to 'pop over' on Tuesday to find it herself. I have suggested I just give it to her tonight when we see her. She is not happy with this, wants to come on Tuesday. I have explained that I have a friend over on tues, may be in and out, is not convenient. She wants me to leave a key out for her and feels I am being completely unreasonable.

Am I? I can't see it anymore as I am too embroiled!

Well done if you have waded through the tedium and got this far!

OP posts:
GiveItYourBestFucker · 25/10/2013 14:43

Can I volunteer to attend the fusion Lesbian and Naturists Tuesday Tea And Biscuits party? Thought I think vtech has the best idea.

eightandthreequarters · 25/10/2013 14:44

I think you are a tower of patience to have any contact with her at all. But as to your motives... why exactly do you want your DC in contact with this horrible, interfering bundle of nastiness who will spend every moment she can talking you down to your own children? I applaud your loyalty to family, but possibly you should take a more critical look at this. If she's awful to you, there's no reason she'll be sweetness itself to them. Good luck, though!

Original poster
fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 14:54

The difficulty is, my 8 year old DSD is very very attached to her. MIL did all childcare before me so DH could go to work (he was 20 when he had DSD full time, at 1.

DSD has had her own mother let her down, and her nanny on mums side so I don't want to stop another relationship to someone DSD is very strongly attached to.

Hence why I have tried to keep that up whilst keeping out of it myself$

OP posts:
RenterNomad · 25/10/2013 14:58

She's not actually plotting to get into the house; she's just trying to punish you. She'll try to get in another way.

Make sure to have a roaring fire on Christmas Eve, won't you? Wink

ColderThanAWitchsTitty · 25/10/2013 15:00

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Not someone who should ever be allowed around a child and you are doing your children a disservice allowing them to see her. They will get over the separation

Divinity · 25/10/2013 15:04

Her issue isn't the lid, it's about controlling you and getting hold of a key again so she can come and go as she pleases.

Are you sure that the lid is missing or is she just telling you it's missing as part of her drama? If you have the lid I would take it tonight. If not, tell her it's been hoovered up / thrown out by accident.

No key for MIL. There's a whole host of dramas waiting for you if you give her the key.

eightandthreequarters · 25/10/2013 15:05

Well, as I said, you are patient to the nth, and tremendously good mum to your DSD for putting up with this woman. I can completely understand why you don't want to put DSD through another loss. You are in the best position to judge if MIL is good for her or not.

All the best!

AgapeParker · 25/10/2013 15:13

OK you are in a tricky position because your MIL talks badly to you and is trying to undermine your decisions about access to your home, but you know that your DSD needs a relationship with her.

Where is your DH in all this? Why is it your job to navigate the relationship between HIS mother and HIS daughter, whilst trying to maintain some privacy in your home? Get him angry about this!

Original poster
fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 15:26

The lid is missing.

Have looked high and low. She has hidden it.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 25/10/2013 15:29

Omg,she doesn't go down without a fight Shock

AgapeParker · 25/10/2013 15:30

Can I get this straight: we are talking about the lid of a toy bottle here?

YOUR DH needs to tell her to get a fucking grip.

Original poster
fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 15:31

Phoned MIL. Told her it is missing. She says she knows exactly where it is, don't worry, she will pop over on Tuesday for it. Have told her I do not want her in my house when I am not there. Full stop. Have said if she can't tell me where it is, cousin will have to do without. Have said this is exactly why it isn't a good idea for her to sort through DSDS room - if her parents can't find stuff it is unhelpful.

OP posts:
diddl · 25/10/2013 15:34

Don't waste any more time/energy on this.

So, a lid from part of a 2nd hand plastic toy is missing.

Big fucking whoop!

You'll pass it on when/if you come across it.

AgapeParker · 25/10/2013 15:35

And so what did she say?

CiderwithBuda · 25/10/2013 15:35

Was going to suggest you told her you had found it and didn't know what it was from so threw it away.

diddl · 25/10/2013 15:35

Oops-X post!

Well, done, OP!

AnyCoffeeFucker · 25/10/2013 15:37

Nice one OP !

AnyCoffeeFucker · 25/10/2013 15:38

Did you show DP that text btw ? You should.

Inertia · 25/10/2013 15:38

This woman is relentless.

I don't understand why you resumed contact after she threw you out of the car and drove off with your baby. Your DSD does not need this drama and upset in her life.

You really really need to go non contact for a while. Mil has to learn that she cannot just trample over you like this.

Tinlegs · 25/10/2013 15:39

If you find it, then post it. Tell her you have posted it. For the cost of a pound or two, it is worth it.

AnyCoffeeFucker · 25/10/2013 15:39

Oh oh I have it. Please tell her you are indeed having a friend round but you didn't want to tell her because you and your DP regularly engage in a threesome of a Tuesday evening. Its your new thing. Oh and your friend is bisexual. Wink

LifeofPo · 25/10/2013 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia · 25/10/2013 15:41

If you cannot go NC, then in the short term tell her that the lid has been thrown away. Can you get hold of a replacement bottle of something suitable for cousin?

CookieLady · 25/10/2013 15:41

Who wants to place bets that mil has the lid?

silverten · 25/10/2013 15:44

Stay strong OP. She is in the wrong, not you.

Have you tried asking your DSD where it is, by the way? She might know, or have seen granny hide it.

You could also try seeing if you could buy a spare if you really want to cook her goose. But I wouldn't bother putting yourself out with this trivia- the issue is not the bleeding lid, it is the constant intrusion and undermining.

What's the betting she wants to bring over loads of Halloween tat on Tuesday to buy her way back into favour, I wonder...

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