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Original poster

To not allow swimsuit stealing MIL to just 'drop in'

280 replies

fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 10:19

Posted many times about MIL.

DSD lives with us full time and MIl very VERy OTT with her/us - she used to be at our house nearly everyday, would take washing home, without permission, took her swimsuit home, is just generally a nightmare.

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Now, in the interests of civility we have been rubbing along ok, but we have barely seen each other.

DSD had a plastic dressing table thing. We bought her a new grown up one and are passing on the small one to her cousin.

It comes with various accessories, hair brush, pretend perfume bottle etc.
MIL has taken the dressing table to her house as she is seeing the cousin next week before we do.

She has left the lid (small, plastic) of one of the 'perfume bottles' here. She has described where it is. I am seeing her tonight.

She wants to 'pop over' on Tuesday to find it herself. I have suggested I just give it to her tonight when we see her. She is not happy with this, wants to come on Tuesday. I have explained that I have a friend over on tues, may be in and out, is not convenient. She wants me to leave a key out for her and feels I am being completely unreasonable.

Am I? I can't see it anymore as I am too embroiled!

Well done if you have waded through the tedium and got this far!

OP posts:
HoleyGhost · 25/10/2013 12:10

Ignore the text, she is trying to goad you.

Give your DH the bottle top to hand over and show him the text. Disengage from MIL until she gets off the warpath.

HoleyGhost · 25/10/2013 12:13

Any response from you will be twisted madly and used against you

Just ignore her brattish behaviour, screen her calls and busy yourself with better people

hermioneweasley · 25/10/2013 12:14

Didn't she go spare at you at a weight watchers meeting and talk to you appallingly? If I am remembering the right occasion then I am flabbergasted that you are speaking to her at all.

ChasedByZombees · 25/10/2013 12:14

Well she really couldn't be more obvious could she?

Bringing it round to her tonight is the most logical thing from her perspective. It's less effort for her and she gets it quicker.

Forcing another option that is more out of her way means she has an alternative agenda.

Insisting that you must be having a man round or you're embarrassed of her is just weird.

I would reply, "you're not welcome on Tuesday because I have plans and you cannot respect any normal social boundaries. This is not your house. You do not get to dictate when you will visit".

It would lead to fireworks though...

PrimalLass · 25/10/2013 12:15

Just forward her text to your DH. Then text her back and let your know that it is OK because you have passed her suspicions on.

rumbleinthrjungle · 25/10/2013 12:15

I'm with Rabbits. I'm fighting the urge to egg you on to ask her to explain why she HAS to come get this item Tuesday instead of take it from your hand tonight, just for sheer entertainment value. That's an explanation I'd love to hear. Bad I know. Although making yourself an amused audience is probably a lot less stressful a role for you than being a participant in the games.

A happy "Nope, not convenient" or "I don't want to do that" is all that's really needed, getting drawn into justifications, discussion and details puts her back in charge and supports her belief that she's entitled to them. (Like expecting a foolproof undefeatable reason that she agrees with as to why she can't come instead of accepting 'no'.....Confused ) These are power games.

Deep breaths and Wine. Just think, it may be hell but you're collecting material for a fantastic book here, it'll make Bridget Jones look boring as hell.

YouTheCat · 25/10/2013 12:17

I'm with Stumps and her surprise lesbian party. Grin

Do it. Video it. Make £250 on you've been framed.

NatashaBee · 25/10/2013 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 12:20

hermione yes that was the incident.

I wasn't planning to talk to her ever again.
She sent me flowers and actually apologised in the end.

We aren't really talking over and above basic civility.

She is crazy, difficult, and awful, yes. But I do want my children to have a relationship with their grandmother. I'm not foreseeing happy family meetings but I at least can remain civil so my children get to see her.

I am a fairly non confrontational person and I feel that I can deal with her now she is not so involved with us - I think that was a BIG DEAl...

I don't like the way she treats me, no. But it's a bit of a 'pick your battles situation'.

OP posts:
kiriwAnyFuckerwa · 25/10/2013 12:21

Your MIL is a right goady fucker isn't she? I'd ignore that email

She definitely left the lid behind on purpose.

pigsDOfly · 25/10/2013 12:21

Oh dear god Fairy. I remember all you other threads about this awful, awful woman and tbh I'm amazed you are still having any contact with her. She's just totally unreasonable and mad. It makes me feel stabby just to read it.

Don't engage with her. Just state what you are going to do, i.e. give her the bottle lid and say, goodbye I'll see you later. Then put the phone down. And when she comes up with the next excuse to invade your home, just deal with it in the same way. You don't have to explain yourself to her. Stop being so considerate.

Show your DH the poisonous text. He needs to deal with her. Unfortunately for him, she's his mother.

ipswichwitch · 25/10/2013 12:26

Since she is so terrified of "the lesbians" then tell her your friend is a lesbian with a penchant for "older women", particularly grandmothers who like doing stealing other peoples washing. If you're lucky she may never come round again

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 25/10/2013 12:28

I'm quite new here and haven't read the old threads, but I will now as it sounds very entertaining if it's not happening to you.

I'd just add if you're handing this lid over to her tonight in a third party venue, wrap it up and put her name and address on it.
Actually, depending on how big and heavy it is, I think I'd have just posted it directly to the cousin's house.

MiL's obviously a nightmare.

maras2 · 25/10/2013 12:28

Fairy,she's batshit crazy.Do tell your DH and let him deal with her.What an unpleasant woman.

Goldmandra · 25/10/2013 12:29

Keep picking your battles. It is hell but you are getting it right.

Just show your DH the text and then delete it. You don't need to keep the toxicity. Definitely don't reply.

This is your home and you do have the right to choose when people are welcomed into it. She will eventually realise that she's not going to win and give up and wait until your DSD has her own key so she can steal that.

Don't let her get to you.

ajandjjmum · 25/10/2013 12:31

You couldn't leave a key for her as it would invalidate your insurance.

Nothing to do with the fact that you want to keep a vile, scheming MIL out of the house!

Nanny0gg · 25/10/2013 12:33

Stop engaging with her.
Ignore all her stupid allegations.

Give her the lid tonight, make sure your DH backs you up and leave it.

If she continues or comes on Tuesday, don't let her in.

diddl · 25/10/2013 12:35

"But I do want my children to have a relationship with their grandmother."

Why?

What positives does she bring-if any?

And are they enough to outweigh her general unreasonableness?

gamerchick · 25/10/2013 12:36

Man it must be horrible being inside her head.. All that energy on plotting.

Not to mention all the head space trying to fight her off for you.

She's trying to get her key back.. she's clearly not able to see your point of view and you'll be back to square one if you let her come over.

But you know that.

Pinupgirl · 25/10/2013 12:36

Why would you want to subject your dcs to such a toxic person?-and please don't pull the oh but she is a good grandmother line. Good grandmothers don't accuse their dil of being adulterous!

Actually why is your dh not dealing with this? I have had issues with my own mil but if my dh ever saw a text like that he would go ape shit-why isn't your dh?

CiderwithBuda · 25/10/2013 12:36

Give it to her tonight. If she says anything about wanting to pick it up on Tuesday just keep saying that it makes no logical sense as you were seeing her anyway. And repeat. And repeat.

She's barking.

SuperStrength · 25/10/2013 12:37

IMO people like this are just exhausting & never stop. I don't really know why you would want her anywhere near your children. I would be very worried about her including them in her deceptions & lies.
In your shoes, I would cut her off completely. I feel that this will be the inevitable consequence anyway, it's just a matter of time.

Normal people don't like conflict, it's normal to be adverse to it. However, sometimes you have to defend yourself & your family. I've accepted this over time.

Charlesroi · 25/10/2013 12:37

And have a look round for anything else from the set that she might have "forgotten".
You are doing a grand job Fairy, Keep it up Grin

EldritchCleavage · 25/10/2013 12:41

Actually, after that text I wouldn't see her tonight. Get DH to tell her you've posted the damn lid.

coppertop · 25/10/2013 12:45

I wonder if the text was sent so that you would get upset and cancel the meet-up tonight? That would leave MIL with another chance to try to get in to your house.