DH leaving 10 & 7 yr old in sweet shop while shopping

[anotherglass]

We live in smallish town where everyone is fairly friendly and there is only one high street where everyone shops. However, we are knew in the town so don't know many people.

Today, while out shopping, my DH left two DS 10 & 7 in a sweet shop while he walked to Sainsburys which is about 70 metres away. He arranged for them to meet him at Sainsbury once they had chosen their sweets.

I was slightly freaked out by this as though we have been talking about letting DS1 be more independent, by walking to local shop, we have never let them be unsupervised in this way.

I said he should not have let me be unsupervised in this way because:

1. Boys don't know our mobile numbers
2. Did not have a mobile phone
3. Area is very bustling
4. Had to cross a busy road to get to Sainsbury's
5. DH did not discuss this with me beforehand

DH says I am being over-protective because the boys walked to pre-arranged meeting point with their dad after the sweet shop, about 15 minutes later.

AIBU to think he took too many risks this afternoon and should have discussed with me beforehand?

YABU

No doubt you will hear from others.

Sounds fine except maybe for the busy road. 10yo is old enough to cross sensibly, but maybe 7yo isn't - depends if there was a crossing though?

Ultimately, he gave them a small amount of responsibility and they proved themselves capable, so all good imo.

YaBU. He is just as qualified to make risk assessments as you are. The only slightly valid concern is 4, but as you live in a small town I presume it wasn't a dual carriageway.

No 5 is slightly scary. Does H have to discuss everything with you? He is their parent too...

yabu

also,why does he have to discuss it all with you first? do you do the same over every little thing?

Yes they were fine so no problem
I'd let them do it again too

Was there a pedestrian crossing?

If there was YABU.

And 5 is a bit weird.

YABU & a complete drama queen, frankly.

It is a smallish town - not London central/New York.

Believe it or not, many of us grew up without mobile phones... we all coped, your DS's did too, clearly.

Bustling - fab, much less likely to be abducted by aliens.

10 & 7 - unless the busy road is the M25 then they should be able to cross the road at their ages.

You are not DH's Boss or the boys only parent.

Apologise to your DH for treating him like a child and have a think about your attitude to all 3 of them.

The oldest child is 10? YABU.

You'd talked about giving them more independence, so he had talked about it with you in the abstract case and you'd agreed (presumably, maybe you said, don't give him any independence, but then you'd be a nutter and he'd be right to do it anyway). A specific opportunity arose and he took it, it all worked out well. YABU.

yabvu. Untie the apron strings.

We have to let them grow up at some point. At 11 years old they will be at high school and many have to get themselves to and from school. If your husband felt it was ok im sure it was! I do think it depends on their maturity also...

Of course DH doesn't have to discuss every little thing with me. But this was the first time our DS had been unsupervised like this in a busy retail area. This was not a little thing.

Difficult to say as this varies so much depending on the context and the situation and the children.

I live in Edinburgh. When my son was 7 he was allowed out to play unsupervised with about half a dozen children ranging in ages 7 to around 11/12. The set up was 2 terraces of houses in a pretty posh part of the city facing each other with a large locked private garden in the middle. The boys played in the garden but also went off down to the local shops and sometimes farther. on their own.

I'm sure some people on here will be horrified at that.

you are the only one making it a big thing!! ridiculous...

I think he was brilliant about it. Starting off small in gaining trust and independence. It was 15 minutes.

YaBU ridiculous about him calling you about every little thing.

Now this is the beauty (oddness?) of MN.

When someone started a thread asking whether her 10 year old should be left home with her 6 year old for 25 minutes, most people said 'no'.

Why would this be different?

Actually, as you can see from the replies, it was - it's only you who doesn't see it as a 'little thing'. If it's the first time either of them has been in a shop without one of you, it's well time that changed.

YABU

I'm sorry but I think yabu. I have 13, 10, 7 and 2 year olds and 9/10 is the age you really need to give them a tiny bit of independence so they learn the skills to take them through the tween/teen years. Your child will find secondary school difficult if they haven't learnt a little independent by then.

Would add my situation was long before mobile phones were common.

BowlersArm - I said that OP was fine to leave them in that situation as well - I'm well consistent me

I think more people will find this 'acceptable' than children being 'left home alone' though, due to the fact all of the 'house catching on fire/stranger knocking on the door/child falling down the stairs' etc risk is reduced.

It depends on the maturity of the child but generally I think that it's fine for a 10 year old but I don't think that it's safe to let a seven year old cross a busy road (assuming there was no zebra crossing).