DH leaving 10 & 7 yr old in sweet shop while shopping

[anotherglass]

We live in smallish town where everyone is fairly friendly and there is only one high street where everyone shops. However, we are knew in the town so don't know many people.

Today, while out shopping, my DH left two DS 10 & 7 in a sweet shop while he walked to Sainsburys which is about 70 metres away. He arranged for them to meet him at Sainsbury once they had chosen their sweets.

I was slightly freaked out by this as though we have been talking about letting DS1 be more independent, by walking to local shop, we have never let them be unsupervised in this way.

I said he should not have let me be unsupervised in this way because:

1. Boys don't know our mobile numbers
2. Did not have a mobile phone
3. Area is very bustling
4. Had to cross a busy road to get to Sainsbury's
5. DH did not discuss this with me beforehand

DH says I am being over-protective because the boys walked to pre-arranged meeting point with their dad after the sweet shop, about 15 minutes later.

AIBU to think he took too many risks this afternoon and should have discussed with me beforehand?

Sorry wasn't last poster others have posted since. Some people a bit harsh think. You know your own boys OP, do what is right for them. But yes meeting daddy in 15 mins bit fine.

Hunfriend some parts of the capital you would not feel comfortable letting your children walk to school. Where we lived previously, 2 children were murdered by other children. It was gang ridden and not safe.

I live in London. Roads around here are extremely busy. Most year 5 and 6 pupils walk to school - they have to learn how to negotiate busy roads and choose the safest place to cross.

But where you are isn't dangerous. It takes 30 minutes to teach an 9/10 year old to cross the road not weeks or months (maybe a big longer with younger ones who need more practice for it to sink in)

A 10yo is old enough to cross a road independently, but not old enough to supervise a 7yo crossing a road. Your DH should have walked back to the shop from sainsburys.

YABU to say they cannot be unsupervised in a shop for 15 minutes, but YANBU to say that 7yo shouldn't be crossing the road without an adult/older teenager, 10yo is a bit too young to supervise him (I'd say a 12-13yo would be responsible enough).

Generally these threads are a little more evenly split. This one isn't, it's fairly unanimous.

In your last sentence you say that you feel your DH 'took too many risks'. What risks do you think they faced? It might help you cope better if you deconstruct your anxiety a bit.

OP, the town you have moved to sounds exactly like the town I live in... sweet shop on the high st, Sainsburys 70m away across a busy road!

I would have let them in my town, DS was roaming freely at 10 and was capable enough to watch a 7 yr old. My only issue would be the road, but ours has islands in the middle, so that would have been alright here, but perhaps not where you are.

how come a busy high street has no pedestrian crossing?
op yanbu with regards to the 7 yo crossing the road.A for the 10 yr old I think it depends on how much experience they have had.

The OP didn't say it was the high st that was the busy road, just that it was bustling. I took the busy road to be another, parallel road, probably because I'm convinced we live in the same town .

Where we lived previously, 2 children were murdered by other children. It was gang ridden and not safe.

that's precisely why I feel so safe (I live in a town like OP describes). I know what unsafe is. And around here isn't it.

OP that's not what you described in the first post.
I think you would have received different replies

Shockers. Our town ends with letter n!

Aw... we're not neighbours after all then!

Make sure kids have your phone numbers & address and make sure they know on crossing a road.

I'm left wondering here what gradually giving DS1 more independence would be,if not this which sounds very low key and well organised.
A ten year old shouldn't need "supervision" in an environment like that,my only concern would be your 7 year old and how sensible he was likely to be.

If you have a young 7 who might do anything and not pay attention to his sibling,YANBU,but I'd expect your DH to know that.In our road when DD was little the youngest child playing out in the group was 4,the big ones looked out for her but she was more sensible than some of them- it was easy to forget she was the youngest.

So depends a bit on the younger child,but from what you have said so far YABU. The only risk here seems to be crossing the road,and DS1 will need to be doing that pretty soon if he can't now.

People aren't "precious" about their children where I live at all. Many children including my own walk to and from school from year five, catch buses to secondary school etc. Few parents drive their children to and from school.

I don't see children as young as seven crossing busy roads by themselves though. They don't do that until they are about 10.

yanbu.

I wouldn't like the situation you described either.

I have an older boy (15) he seems like an giant compared to my 10 year old.

Its still very young. Especially dealing with a sibling that imo should be with an adult!

I think you are being a little unreasonable. I get that it's a big step for you, but at ten and seven, they should manage a short distance and a busy road. It's not the area in which you used to live, I think your dh deserves a wee bit of credit, actually, not a slating. And as for discussing it with you first, well he didn't, it wasn't as big a deal to him, fair enough.

I wouldn't let my 13 and 12 year old do that with my 6 year old. The older ones on their own no problem obviously but wouldn't leave them in charge of the younger one, mainly because the younger one cannot be trusted to actually walk beside them, who knows where he would end up.

Also I don't like to leave them and tell them to keep an eye on a younger child, they're children themselves.

Do you run every parenting decision past your DH for prior approval?

YABU, and, if pushed, I'd agree with the 'ridiculous' statement too - how on earth do you expect your 10 yr old to cope with secondary if he can't walk 70 yards to meet his Dad at a prearranged spot ?
There is only a problem with this somehow suddenly being a BIG step, if you've not been gradually building up their confidence and independence before this - so for that I'd say YhaveBU too.

YABU to think he took too many risks, it sounds like he had assessed all the risks and made a judgement call.

YABU to think he should have discussed it with you, he saw an opportunity to give the children a bit of independence in a safe environment within a short time frame and took it.

As you say, it was a massive step for you based on your previous living situation. It seems like you know that this environment is safe but you are having trouble adjusting. Could it also be that you are a bit sad about how suddenly your boys are growing up given this jump in independence? It will take some getting used to.

As long as the 10 year old was not unhappy with the responsibility of his brother, which is the only problem I would have, then it sounds like they were mature and sensible, which must make you proud, and you should be happy to live in an area where this can happen.

You are definitely not being unreasonable OP and I'm quite laid back compared to a lot of people I know. The 10 year old is fine, I'd have no problems with that but not the 7 year old. Crossing the road would be a big no no for me and I would worry that if someone tried to take the 7 year old it's unlikely that the 10 year old could cope with that. And no I don't stress about my DC being taken but to me a crowded shopping area is an ideal place for it to happen without other people noticing.

I also think that children are safer being left at home in an environment that they're familiar with.

On a recent thread people were saying that they don't take their eyes off their children for a second whilst on holiday so I don't get why the OP's situation is ok

Taking a 7 YO? Blimey - I can't think of many 7YOs who could be carted off silently and unprotestingly

Really, fear of abduction is very silly indeed. It's vanishingly rare