DH leaving 10 & 7 yr old in sweet shop while shopping

[anotherglass]

We live in smallish town where everyone is fairly friendly and there is only one high street where everyone shops. However, we are knew in the town so don't know many people.

Today, while out shopping, my DH left two DS 10 & 7 in a sweet shop while he walked to Sainsburys which is about 70 metres away. He arranged for them to meet him at Sainsbury once they had chosen their sweets.

I was slightly freaked out by this as though we have been talking about letting DS1 be more independent, by walking to local shop, we have never let them be unsupervised in this way.

I said he should not have let me be unsupervised in this way because:

1. Boys don't know our mobile numbers
2. Did not have a mobile phone
3. Area is very bustling
4. Had to cross a busy road to get to Sainsbury's
5. DH did not discuss this with me beforehand

DH says I am being over-protective because the boys walked to pre-arranged meeting point with their dad after the sweet shop, about 15 minutes later.

AIBU to think he took too many risks this afternoon and should have discussed with me beforehand?

Taking a 7 YO? Blimey - I can't think of many 7YOs who could be carted off silently and unprotestingly

Nope they wouldn't be silent but then neither is a busy shopping area. It's hard to know quickly enough if a child is making a fuss because a stranger is pulling them away or because mum said they weren't allowed any sweets. A shopper walking quickly past wouldn't always recognise the difference in time.

As I said, being afraid of abduction is silly.

As a parent, you have to analyse risk sensibly. Not allowing a 7 year old out of your sight for fear they'll be abducted isn't sensible

Not allowing a 7 year old out of your sight for fear they'll be abducted isn't sensible

I allow my 6 (nearly 7) year old out of sight quite a lot, when she plays out, in the library, in a café, even on holiday. But I wouldn't in a busy shopping area with only a 10 year old to look after her.

I've only just started letting my 13 year old take her to the shop at the end of the street over a busy road. But she is a bit brattish feisty and not always well behaved

This sounds more about your anxiety than any poor judgement on your husband's part.

Your husband did a great job with the kids today and it is a good start to their independence. It'll be handy when your eldest starts secondary as he'll have enough confidence to walk on his own if need be.
It's ok to be concerned and worry about your kids but you are overreacting and it's not healthy and you will project that onto them.
Take the advice and comments you are given because on this one sweetie YABVU.

I think your reaction is normal, and obviously you have questioned it.

However youve got to let kids gain independance, sounded fine to me

SOunds like DH made a good call. I can understand being nervous the first time you let your DCs do something new, but I would say that they did a great job and will no doubt be proud of themselves. I hope that you let them enjoy their success and encourage them to make the most of their new found and well deserved independence. I would make most of those calls myself, and wouldn't expect/ be expected to discuss those decisions with DH. DS3 walked to school with DD1, when they were 6 and 7, not far, but I made the call, i didn't ask DH, he was equally proud of them when he got home from work. Encourage your DH to take equal share in parenting decisions, I'm sure you make lots of them without consulting him, without even noticing. I hope you are very happy living in your new home, you probably moved with precisely this kind of thing in mind, make the most of it.

"want my boys to enjoy their independence but wished the transition had been a little more gentle than today. That was a massive step for me."

I don't see how it could have been much more gentle.

It was a massive step for you- not for your children. This isn't about your anxieties- they are understandable. But you mustn't impose them on your children.

A 'busy' road... what does that mean, exactly? In a high street I'm thinking lots of cars but maybe only travelling about 20 mph?

Children don't develop a full awareness of speed/distance until around 12 years old. This is a developmental issue, nothing to do with how independent they are. So a child will be at fr more risk of getting hit on a relatively quiet road with faster-moving vehicles. There are loads of studies about this but here's the first one I found when I did a quick search.

Generally I feel that the OP's attitude is over-protective to the point of being stifling, but, dependent on traffic conditions, I would have reservations about a 10 and 7 yo crossing the road.

All the "YABUs" seem to concentrate on the 10 year old. What about the seven year old?

Perhaps my definition of a busy road is very different some people on here. I live in a major city and many roads are v. busy with fast moving traffic. I have never seen a child of about seven years cross one of the busy roads (with or without a slightly older sibling). They would be with an adult or an older teenager.

On a recent thread people were saying that they don't take their eyes off their children for a second whilst on holiday

But that was almost certainly untrue - at least for children at this sort of age.

It's not so much YABU, though you are, a bit, it's more like you have had a sense that a bit of your Mummy Powers have been eroded without prior arrangement, which might have stung. This is one of those milestones that under normal circs you will have had a say in, but DH (sensibly) saw an opportunity and took it. Parenting, usually, is a two hander, each parent equal, no deferring to the Mummy in the self defined role as The Importantest Parent.

The busy road would have bothered me, too, but no mishap occurred, which is reassuring.

All is well. And hey, pat self on back for your part in rearing the children to the point where they CAN be sensible in a busy public place, well done you, PROUD MUMMY moment, yes?

There are places I wouldn't let my 13 yo be alone, let alone a 10 and 7 yo.

Assuming where you lived before was like this, then YANBU to feel apprehensive. I hope you've taken the posts explaining that it's ok on board, though, because it is ok in most places. In fact it's not just ok it's almost essential.

whatever5 - the OP said it's a 'small town', the 'busy road' is not going to be like a busy road where you live. Frankly, a 7 yo should be able to cross the road in a 'small town' let alone a 10yo.

My sisters little boy is 7 and I think he is very sensible. She probably wouldn't feel comfortable with him being alone in the scenario the OP described but I don't think she'd have any concerns if he was with a 10 year old. They only had to walk 70 metres up the road - it wasn't as if the 10 year old was being expected to responsible for the other child's well-being for the whole day!

My niece turned 11 in August and she and her friends walk themselves to and or Secondary School every day. It is a good 20 minute walk involving crossing about 2 or 3 roads and she is perfectly capable of getting there and back safely.

I don't see any harm in what your husband did and I bet it made you pr children feel good to know that their dad had trust in them to behave sensibly - as someone else has aid, I hope the children got lots of praise for doing so well.

The children's father was there and assessed the traffic conditions as being at a level the children were able to cope with, and he was proved right. I really don't think that it's for a load of strangers who didn't see the traffic to second guess him.

fortyplus the inability of children (and many adults) to accurately judge speeds, is why you teach them to wait until it's clear to cross the road, not to think, "well that car is going 20mph I've got to run 20 yards, I can do that in 6seconds so I can make it". Judging speed is irrelevant when teaching children to cross the road!

How have you managed to parent your boys for all these years if you had to discuss every single little decision with your dh before letting them do something?

Do you really mean that every single time they have asked you to be allowed to do something they haven't previously done you have answered "no, I can't let you, I have to wait and ask your dad in case it's a big step for him".

Or is he somehow less of a parent than you?

FredFredGeorge you're missing the point - you can teach a child to cross the road and it'll still run across in front of a speeding car. Apparently most child pedestrians killed crossing the road are boys aged 9-12 out with a group friends. So they're plenty old enough to know how to cross safely, but get distracted when excited.