regarding MIL and DS's party

[catgirl1976]

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

[catgirl1976]

Thank you all

Have just had a text reply from her. It reads:

"Am hoping you can have a proper discussion yourselves and with your parents and see if it is possible for anyone to be able to pick us up. Will be out today until 5pm so please can you ring me later with more information."

DH is going to ring her, but I am tempted to text back

"Picking you up isn't a problem if you get to Preston earlier. The time you are getting in means no one will be able to pick you up as it clashes with his party"

[SauvignonBlanche]

Your text sounds reasonable.

[nennypops]

Just send the text.

[catgirl1976]

Sent it :)

[ChasedByBees]

How bloody rude! I'd send the text too.

[ringaringarosy]

cant she get a taxi?

[rockybalBOOOOa]

She has to get a taxi or change trains. Your DH cannot and should not go get her.

[SauvignonBlanche]

You could always add, "if the timing doesn't work for you, would you prefer to come a different weekend?".

[Strumpetron]

What a wench! Keep updating us catgirl

[catgirl1976]

I will keep updating

No reply to my last text as yet but DH will be ringing her tonight to confirm she needs to either get an earlier train or get herself to the party (which she will miss)

[IHaveA]

She sounds a right mare

OP. I don't understand why you are dealing with any of this. I would leave everything to your DH and keep out of it completely. Your involvement make you angry. If your MIL is how you describe then I am sure she thrives on getting you riled.

Also, is it really not possible to delay your PFB's party for an hour or so.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Agree, why are you bothering? I'd text "sorry that you'll miss the party, maybe next time" and then turn your phone off.

[catgirl1976]

I could delay his party but I would have to re-arrange with all the other guests, buffet people, bouncy castle people etc

I could. I am just not sure why I should>

[Strumpetron]

Don't delay it at all!

[hackmum]

God, what a drama llama. Why do people behave like this, honestly? You gave her the timings of the party, you told her what time she needed to arrive - what other reason is there for her to behave like this other than to put everyone out?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

You are doing well - stick to your guns!! If this causes lots of hassle for her, she has only herself to thank. She could have come up the day before, stayed near you, offered to help with the party arrangements, and generally been a useful, wonderful MIL/Grandma. She chose to be difficult, and must take the consequences.

[Scarynuff]

I think your dh should tell her that if she doesn't change her time, she will actually miss the party and that your ds will be worn out with all the excitement so she may not get to see much of him either.

After all, the whole point is to share the occasion with him and she's going to miss it. She might as well not bother coming. You will all be knackered in the evening and she will expect you to entertain her when all you want to do is clear up and crash out.

[Retroformica]

I think you need to explain that she is arriving mid party and no one will be able to collect her then. She can choose either to get public transport (bus/taxi/bus - give details) or wait till DH has finished helping at the party and can collect her or change her ticket time (small cost).

[youarewinning]

You do realise she'll agree to change times, agree to be there earlier and then somehow have a major problem London End and be on that train anyway and make a HUGE fuss about how she's late because you refused to pick her up?

People like this are always the innocent and hurt party. (excuse the pun!)

[RandomMess]

She's bound to have a hissy fit but you've done the right thing, you need to put your foot down with her to show that she is welcome and included but you won't give in to ridiculous demands. Your poor DH!

[ginslinger]

don't you dare change the times of the party or that ridiculous old baggage will continue this behaviour for the rest of her life.

[MortifiedAdams]

She sounds like a total PITA.

[catgirl1976]

She's texted back saying it is the first time she has been told about the party time, which is total shite as she has been told many times by myself and DH when it was and when she needed to arrive.

Have texted back saying "No, we told you several times and sent you suitable train times. I am sure you can change the tickets."

[Strumpetron]

God I hate liars. Good on you for telling her straight! How bloody dare she try to monopolise all your time on your child's birthday, selfishness of the highest order

[RhondaJean]

Fucking hell cat not really got anything useful to contribute others haven't said but I can't believe kittenboy is 2 already!