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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding MIL and DS's party

374 replies

catgirl1976 · 18/10/2013 14:35

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

OP posts:
bubalou · 21/10/2013 22:31

Hi catgirl,

Been lurking and reading all the way through - my god you and your poor DH.

I too am part of the awful MIL club and my DH used to think that all the stuff she said to me and all the insults were 'in my head' and she didn't mean them that way etc, etc.

I didn't want him to resent me so I backed away and eventually she showed her true colours without my assistance and he finally saw what she was really like.

Good luck with your ds party, the main things is that you all have a great day and don't give a second thought to that twunt that's caused all this hassle Grin

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 21/10/2013 22:31

Oh Catgirl your poor DH. She sounds a bloody nightmare.

As an aside, I am crying at the reviews of Uncle Brian's, the cobweb on the toast rack did for me. Grin

Hope your kitten has a wonderful birthday with the absence of the drama llama.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 23:12

Howling at the broomstick comment!

Thank you everyone for wishing DS a lovely birthday Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 23:16

I've put a picture of DS on my profile.

I know it's terribly PFB of me, but I cannot understand how anyone could find a train journey too much trouble when he's at the end of it Blush

Sorry. PFBtastic I know

OP posts:
Scarynuff · 21/10/2013 23:16

AlexReid you could change your name to AlexReidsLonelyBraaaaaaaiiiiincell and enter the Hallowe'en name change competition.

Smile
Scarynuff · 21/10/2013 23:18

Never mind ds, is that the Legend formerly known as Mr Cat!!

MintyChops · 21/10/2013 23:18

Hey Catgirl, your MIL is a loon, well done for standing up to her. Out of interest blatant nosiness did your DH speak to your SIL? Just wondering if MIL was trying to get her to try to persuade you to talk MIL into changing her mind and going.....

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 23:19

Oh, and DH called his sister.

She was very supportive and thought we'd done the right thing. She'd had an hour of hysterics from MIL but was very much in our corner.

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 23:20
Grin

That is he scary

am vair lucky

OP posts:
Scarynuff · 21/10/2013 23:21
Grin
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 23:22

I am very proud of him right now.

He has done me and DS proud on this one.

OP posts:
MintyChops · 21/10/2013 23:23

Glad DH's sister was supportive..... Your DS is v cute and as for Mr Catgirl.............

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 23:24

Anyone who knows my posts will know we have had a lot of problems lately but he has really been working hard to change, and although we've still got some work to do, he really has been stepping up and trying so hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 23:24

Grin minty

OP posts:
silverten · 22/10/2013 06:30

Aw bless. Well done mr catgirl. No one has the right to behave so badly and get away with it.

Hope you all have a lovely party.

Mckayz · 22/10/2013 07:56

Well done Mr Catgirl, very pleased that SIL is on your side too.

I hope your DS has a great party!

eatriskier · 22/10/2013 11:54

Hope your DS' party goes really well. TBH it'll probably go better without them there.

Please tell me though that any trips to them over Xmas you're going to make a point of making it 'all about the birth of christ' Wink

dubstarr73 · 22/10/2013 14:16

Your ds is an absolute dot,its her loss.Your doing the right thing

anonacfr · 22/10/2013 14:25

Come on, please call him Catboy! Grin

2rebecca · 22/10/2013 14:31

I think his birthday will be much better without her in it. No granny is much better than diva me me me granny.
Once she cancelled I'm surprised you tried to get her to change her mind, her coming is in no-one's best interests.

ceebie · 22/10/2013 15:14

Catgirl, did you phone the B&B to see if they were closing for the weekend

ceebie · 22/10/2013 15:29

Also, just wanted to say that I think you are doing the right thing to encourage her to come (not for her sake or yours, but for MrCat and kittenboy), but refusing to cave in to her disruptive plans.

If she can't make it, could you suggest she come up the following weekend for a special little belated birthday tea with just the four of you? It could revolve entirely around her, which your DS won't mind as he's only 2 and she'd be in her element, and you could tolerate it as at least the limelight wasn't stolen from kittenboy's actual party. And it would demonstrate that you do want to see her. You could arrange the special little birthday tea for 5:30pm, and then she could book a train to arrive at 7pm when it's kittenboy's bathtime / bedtime, and everyone would enjoy the hysteria caused by more ridiculously unworkable plans!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 22/10/2013 15:56

I called the B&B. They have rooms on the Friday and Sunday but are full on the Saturday..........no mention of going away

I'm keeping that one as reserve ammo for the future should I ever need it............

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 22/10/2013 16:07

Gorgeous family. Don't let the silly cow spoil it.

Thumbwitch · 22/10/2013 16:17

Hi catgirl, just read your whole thread. I have nothing new nor useful to add but just wanted to give a big CHEER!! to MrCat for being a superhero and standing up to his PITA narc mum; and to say your PFB is delightful, and frankly doesn't deserve to have his party trashed by said narc turning up and making it All About Her.

Believe her when she says it "isn't meant to be" - she has made it so (Picard).

She Just Doesn't Want To Come if she can't make it all high drama about herself, so she's fucked it up deliberately so she can either be begged, or have you all bend over backwards and change everything to accommodate her fuck-up, or be able to tell all her friends (if she has any) that you deliberately excluded her by Making It Difficult.

In all fairness, while I understand you're feelings about wanting your DS to know your DH's side of the family, frankly I think he's better off without the poisonous bitch. She doesn't like you, you've already said that - if you remember/read some of the threads from women with older children and poisonous MILs, you'll see that they spend a reasonable amount of their time telling their DGC how shit their mother is, not in so many words but insinuating it. You don't want that for your PFB, and neither does your DH.

If cutting her out completely is too much (and I understand it can be) then just stick to what you have done this time (and please stick to where you are now) - give her the details of whatever event, times etc. and then if she fucks it up, YOU say "Oh I guess it just "wasn't meant to be" again, huh."

She's created this situation for herself - leave her to it.

And give MrCat another big hug because he's not only a star, he's hurting that his mother couldn't give a toss about his son and that's not a nice thing to know :(