regarding MIL and DS's party

[catgirl1976]

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Just leave her to it OP. The main thing is, you, DC and DH have a great time.

Hope the chat goes well.

[ChristmasPixie123]

At least you have DH on side. Things will work out just don't give in

[catgirl1976]

Thanks wibbly and pixie

[bubalou]

My god this sounds familiar. Can we start an evil MIL support group?

Make sure you don't cave and she can't say you haven't been fair.

The main thing is that you and your ds have a great day.

Keep us updated.

[BooHissy]

You and your DH will be at the party.

Give her the address, some local taxi numbers (or there'll be some at the station) and leave her to it.

Seriously.

[VenusDeWillendorf]

Your mil is in competition with your DS for her son.

Don't let her win - your DH should be there at his son's party, not pandering to a narc.

[catgirl1976]

Right. DH has tried phoning her and she is not in.

I have texted her this:

"Glad you have got the tickets but hope you can change the times as we will not be able to pick you up from the station that late due to DS's party. DH has tried to call you to let you know but you are out. We can pick you up if you get in before 12pm but if it's later we won't be able to."

No reply as yet.

[catgirl1976]

And I would love to start an evil MIL support group

I will provide wine :)

[ChasedByBees]

If she's used to such independent travel then she can definitely make her own way there. I wouldn't expect anyone to collect me to go to a party particularly on the day. I get that she's a narc but just act like picking her up was never an option. TBH you do seem to be describing this as your problem to solve but it's really not.

If she can't change the tickets then just say, ok well we'll see you when we see you and leave it at that. It is annoying to have people turn up late but don't hold anything off - do the cake, blowing candles etc when you want to and she can join in with whatever when she's there. She's ha fair warning of the timings.

[ChasedByBees]

X posts. I really don't think you should have made the picking her up a big deal. It's her problem how she gets there, not yours.

[BooHissy]

You and your DH will be at the party.

Give her the address, some local taxi numbers (or there'll be some at the station) and leave her to it.

Seriously.

[Footface]

Really silly question but has she asked you dh to pick her up?

[BooHissy]

Sorry! Phone posted!

[Bunbaker]

"The main leg is Euston to Preston and the service is every 30 mins from about 6am onwards/ Really fast 2 hour journey. The other leg she has to do is a 30 min train into London and then tube / cab from London Bridge to Euston"

That is a similar kind of journey I make to return home from visiting my sister. In theory it takes about 4 hours. In practice it takes quite a bit longer. In order to get to my house for 11am I would have to leave my sister's house at about 5 am.

[catgirl1976]

Bunbaker Honestly, I do it a couple of times a month for work and it is really easy.

If she left home at 8:30am she could easily catch the 10:00am train and be with us for 12pm

And we go there a few times a year and it never takes more than three and a half hours - often less if you are quick with the tube

She has asked us to pick her up. We don't have a car atm, and before the timing was an issue let her know this and she demanded we borrow my DPs car to collect her as getting another connection would be very hard.

She has also suggested we hire a car for the weekend as she will want running to and fro from her B&B to ours (15 mins away) and DPs for the party (about 45 mins away). She apparantly couldn't possibly manage with the odd lift and then a few taxi / bus rides (accompanied by us) thrown in.

[PrimalLass]

Her nose is probably out of joint because the party is at your parents' house.

[catgirl1976]

Possibly. She does have an issue with everyone who isn't her, but she lives 300 miles away so we couldn't do it at hers and we don't have the room.

[BooHissy]

She got herself round Africa, she can get herself to a party in the UK.

[Bunbaker]

OK, I stand corrected. I am thinking about getting from Surrey to Sheffield and beyond. Our trains aren't as good.

[Footface]

Then just say sorry can't do, leave it at that and see what happens

[Ursula8]

she can hire a car. you don't need one. she does. Do not engage.

[aderynlas]

Good luck catgirl, and i hope your little boy has a lovely birthday. I travel for two hours by bus and train every other day to look after my dgc. Im sure your mil, who sounds very capable will manage too. Hope you have a great day.

[MikeReepySpooksard]

She needs to hire a car or pay for taxis. Just say no. Ridiculous of her to think you will chauffeur her around, and even more ridiculous of you to entertain the idea.

[AndYouCanDance]

Good luck OP. Stay strong.
Focus on the party and ignore her nonsense.