To be upset that I am so clearly utterly unsuited to being a SAHM.

[Pontouf]

I am not a SAHM. I am on maternity leave with my second child. However the principle is there. I have always wanted children, since right back when I was one. I wanted a big brood to play together and imagined spending lovely days having fun with them. I though I would be great at being a Mum and would enjoy it so much. I had visions of being a lovely earth mother type.I cannot believe how different the reality is.

I am at home with a 6mo DD and a DS who is 3 next month. I love them so so much and they are really lovely kids but being at home with them all day 7 days a week makes me want to tear my eyes out. I am so fucking bored with not having a conversation that doesn't revolve around dinosaurs or Fireman Sam. I am so sick of asking DS to do something over and over and over and trying to be patient while he gets round to doing it. I am sick of the constant "Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, I'm hungry.

I am so sick to fucking death of being poor. We have about £20 a week at the moment after the bills are paid and groceries are bought with which to entertain the children (it also has to clothe me - hollow laugh) as a result we are either outside in the rain "puddle jumping" or inside trying to find things to do.

I am so incredibly jealous of DH who works 6 days a week in a job he loves. He gets to talk to adults and have a lunch break and be actually useful in the world. I am sick of never getting a day off. Both kids and I had a horrendous vomiting bug for three days last week. If I had been at work I could have taken time off and stayed in bed. As it was I had to deal with washing bedding, clothes, sofa covers, carpets all in between rushing to the toilet. DH managed to negotiate working from home one of the days but wasn't massively helpful as, you know, he had to work.

I feel so happy and so guilty for being happy that I get to go back to work in two months. I love my job, I am really good at it and my colleagues respect me.

I guess I'm just ranting because I am so sad and feel so guilty that I hate being at home so much a lot of the time. I was in tears about it yesterday. I feel like I should be cherishing this time when my kids are little and there are bits if it I absolutely love but so much of it is just so dull and frustrating I can feel my brains trickling out if my ears.

There's no shame in this. Your are not alone. Can you bring forward your return to work??

Hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

YANBU. I am a better mother for working. The media makes us feel guilty for this. Do what is best for you and your family. And look forward to going back to work.

Why are you awaiting a flaming? How you feel is quite normal for lots of people and you're in a fortunate position that you have a job to go to and your days will alter. Hope you're all feeling better now.

Due to circumstances, I'm a SAHM to school aged kids. It's much more fun, I can tell you. When they were very little? Not so much. Going back to work then was great.

I'm on mat leave and due dd2 next week but my God I hear you!

I always wanted kids (two) and initially thought sahm would be for me, but I had to go back to work for 4 months to get better mat pay.

it was shocking to me how much I looked forward to it! pt work was definatley the solution for me. we aren't skint butstretched ourselves this year to improve the house for having 2 so we have also been puddle jumping lol.

I am going to go back after this baby too 3 days a week and cant wait. ive already planned my kit days and holidays for next year lol sad

I LOVE my babies but I think its important to have a foot in the door (easier to work and quit or reduce than to quit and find pt work later) and it's great for my sanity!

Chin up, there's nothing to flame that I can see. Some parents like staying at home with their children , some don't. It doesn't make you a better or worse parent, or mean that you love them any differently. Young children can be really challenging if you are with them 24/7 with little in the way of other company.

Do you have any friends who are at home with children? Play dates can be a cheap and easy way of breaking the days up, and getting some adult conversation.

Are you going back full time or part time?

No flaming here. I love and adore my DD (2.5) but could not be at home all day everyday with her. In fact i think it would drive us both up the wall. The fact that I work part time means that I DO cherish the time we do spend together. And when I'm at work, I get the adult interaction I need, and she loves her time at nursery.

A friend of mine is a SAHM and clearly is suited to it. We are all different - she would never want to work. I personally wouldn't want to work full time or be a full time SAHM and consider myself very lucky that I get what suits me.

Wow, I really though I'd be told to suck it up and stop whinging! It is after all only another two months.

Afritutu, I agree. I think being at work (I'll be going back 4 days) will make me a better Mum. I think if I can just have a regular break from the monotony then I'll remember that I actually like spending time with my kids. The time we have will be special and I'll have the energy to want to do things rather than just find distractions. I guess I just feel like I'm failing them and that I should be doing better than this. It's not their fault.

Flaming? Not from me

It sounds bloody awful, any sane person would want to go back to work.

I've recentlyish gone back after my dc2, just 2.5 days a week but I love my working days, they feel like a holiday!

I bet you'll feel better about the DC once you're back, too. It's all very well idealising the SAHM life, but personally I don't think humans were designed to bring up small children all alone in the house all day.

It's disappointing when things don't go as you have always thought, but I think you have given this a good effort. Don't feel guilty about wanting to work out of the home, loads of parents do it and are still amazing parents.

I felt very similarly to you before returning to work, and that was with just one child! Definitely not unreasonable.

Are you able to get to (free/cheap) toddler groups etc in the interim before you go back? They pretty much saved my sanity, with the non-dinosaur-based conversational opportunities...

Have you got your eldest registered at preschool? You'll get 15 hours, and he can start the term after his third birthday?

Lots of free entertainment for him

I hated being a sahm first time I did it.

I enjoy it more now as it was less of a shock to the system. Adult contact is important, for me Mnet has been great. Just knowing I can get idle grown up chat by reaching in my pocket.

Don't feel bad about how you feel though

Allow yourself to look forward to going back to work! Give in to it! Think about getting dressed in proper outfits, going out to do a job you're good at, talking to adults, getting a part of you back out that you have put away.

Don't feel guilty (even though guilt just seems to come with parenting) your DC will benefit from seeing your enjoyment of work and your work ethic. The time you spend with them will be happier and more relaxed.

Be kind to yourself. You love your kids. You sound like a lovely mum. You don't need to stop being yourself to be a good mum.

You have all made me cry! Nest of vipers my arse....

I could have wrote your post. I'm a SAHM to 4 DC age 5, 4, 2 and 1. I'd love to be able to go to work just to get a break form constant mummy, mummy, mummy and crying, tantrums and arguing kids. I'm stuck at home till they're all at school as the only jobs I'm qualified for until I finished degree don't pay enough to cover childcare and DH wage won't stretch any more.

The eldest are at school and DD2 will be 3 soon and at nursery after Christmas and I can't wait. It's a popular opinion in the playground, most mums I know love the break when DCs are at school, even with the tidying/cleaning/washing that has to be done.

I love my kids, they're my world and I'd do anything for them but sometimes that drive me past my limit and test my patience to breaking point.

I work Wednesday to Fridays. I love my children more than anything. They are loving and funny and rewarding. But feck me, by Tuesday evening I am dying to go back to work the next day. Being able to go to the toilet in peace, drink hot coffee when it's still hot, use my brain (or attempt to at least) are all amazing things!

It is not just you so don't feel guilty.

I was a bit naive when I was pregnant with ds now 5 - I went on maternity leave from a well paid job as a marketing executive for the priory (I left my full time job before because this one paid more for only 22 hours a week!!!)

I still didn't return once I had ds because I didn't actually enjoy the job and I wanted to be a sahm.

Well it was great but I was quite young still and lacking in confidence to go to any mum groups and non of my friends had children. By the time ds was 1 my brain was turning to mush and I desperately wanted to go back to work but the industry I am qualified in is only really possible to work 45+ hours a week.

I had a great opportunity come up when ds was 2 with an old colleague who started his own company and it was just me, him and 2 laptops & I could work from home.

3 years later I have been in the same great job - built the company up with him to 7 people with offices and a load of clients.

I have loved if but it has been so hard. Working around school hours, not picking up ds every day, having to rely on family or other people to have him - 6 weeks holiday was a nightmare to cover childcare.

I leave my job in December. I love it but me & ds want to start trying for as other baby next year so I am setting up my own online business.

Don't feel guilty about needing to work - when it comes to being a mum you can't seem to win. If your a sahm people say you're lazy and it's not a job but if you work you deal with the guilt of leaving your children - I've had both!

YANBU OP. Not everyone likes being at home full time and for a lot of us WOTH is the best option.

I have just recently gone back to work part-time after being off for over 2 years. I have to say that I found being a SAHM harder in a lot of ways than working. The relentlessness and physical exhaustion due to having pretty much no downtime really got to me. If course WOTH has it's own challenges, but personally I feel better in myself than I did when I wasn't working at all.

However, you are in a really tough period right now. A 3yo and 6mo are incredibly hard work. Don't feel guilty, what you are experiencing is both common and understandable.

I know exactly how you feel, I am also on mat leave at the moment with a toddler and baby and am counting the days till I go back to work. I find the constant tantrums from the toddler and whinging from the baby really hard to take every day and really envy my DH going to work and having adult interactions that involve no children.

Friends who are SAHMs keep giving me a very sad look when I say I am going back to work and say it is a shame I have to go back. They look at me like I have three heads when I say I am looking forward to it! So no flaming from me at all.

We do go to couple of groups. We have a music group on a Thursday, which costs £6 for both children for an hour. It is a really lovely class though and it has improved my son's confidence hugely (he is quite shy). He goes to nursery one day a week at the moment so I have one day just with DD which is really lovely. It is also the day I try to do the food shopping and any other jobs that are harder to do with a boisterous boy. I am lucky in lots of ways, my DH is very hands on when he's home but he works long hours, including both days of the weekend.

I can cope with being at home, it's the guilt about not loving it that is hard to swallow!

I have been a sahm for almost 7 long years. Youngest is now just 3.

It has not all been baking and educational activities and peace and harmony. I wouldn't change it but my God it's been so hard sometimes especially when sleep deprived or ill or the kids are ill. I'm also not from where we live so don't have a support network.

Dh doesn't get how exhausting it is, how mind numbing it sometimes and how lonely it is most of the time. I think he secretly thinks I'm just lazy and the house should be spotless. I say to dh to imagine going to work every day, no pay, no breaks, nobody ever says well done they just moan and whine and when you try and go home at the end of a long day they refuse and demand you entertain them / look after them all night.

However, I like being here whenever they need me which is always and I love them to pieces obviously.

Look at it this way. Men don't get told that they should feel guilty about going to work, or that they are bad people for not wanting to spend 12 waking hours a day with their children. So why should that be the case for you?

The ages of your two make this a very tough period, plus lack of money is stressful. Don't be hard on yourself.

Thanks all for making me feel so much better about feeling like this. Spoke to my Mum about it last night and her response was "Yes, you're not very patient are you?" Aaaargh!!! Thanks Mum. She was a childminder for 25 years, working at home so she could be available for my DB and I and she just doesn't get it I don't think.

No flaming from me. I understand completely because I have been there. My children are now almost 6 and almost 4 so they are at school and pre school, and I'm 19 weeks with our 3rd. So things are easier now that we have more space from each other but they are still very demanding.

I find it so boring now I'm alone every morning, luckily this week I've been busy but sometimes I just cannot bear to do any more house work! I also know where you are coming from with the lack of money, we are truly skint.

You don't have to love it all. There are some parts of being at home that I love, like always being able to take and pick up from school, and knowing that the children love me being there. And other things I don't love so much, like the house being all my responsibility and nobody respecting my need for head space.

Don't feel guilty, we have all felt the same way at some point!