to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

Oh no

Maybe you should direct her to this thread.

Can't believe she's going to go back.

I've just read the whole thread. Poor p. stupid p. poor p. I just hope this works out.

Op print out this thread especially the last 4/5 pages and give it to her. I agree she deserves everything she gets if she tajes herself and her baby away from safety into this abusive situation!

Brokenhearted55 - I think it is 100% obvious she is after the fairy tale with this man and that is why she is going back. She is so in love with him and deluded she isn't listening to what her mothering instincts are trying to tell her. She needs saving from herself otherwise she will 100% lose her child.

OP you can not stand by and let this happen. She needs help and then if she is allowed to stay here with the baby she possibly needs help caring for the child too.

Is there anyone's opinion that she respects and will listen to (apart. From the father obviously). She would be insane to get on that plane, just because he's to.d her to doesn't mean she has to do it. I would also be looking at living elsewhere for a while til she is strong enough to face him so that he can't find her when he comes over

I think you guys are right that she still thinks she can have some sort of relationship with this guy, she said to another friend she 'felt bad' about leaving the US...my friend said 'well perhaps you feel guilty about taking ds away from his father, but you shouldn't beat yourself up' P replied that whilst she felt bad for ds, she also felt bad for herself leaving him (!) what?!

It's beginning to look like a psychologically abusive relationship to me, because he treats her like dirt but she's still in utter denial. For example, he made her drive alone to Washington to get ds US passport, P was breastfeeding and the disruption meant she got badly engorged during that day and started to feel nauseous. When she got there, he had a sudden change of heart and decided to join her in Washington, and when he got there he was saying he wanted to go out whilst they were up there. P protested she was exhausted, sore and just wanted to go home...babydaddy sulked. On the way home, she repeatedly had to pull over her car to be sick. He refused to wait for her and just drove off in his car.

When we went round, she basically kicked us out after an hour because babydaddy had text her saying he wanted to skype and she seemed genuinely nervous that he couldn't know we were there- much less talk to him in front of us. He is also saying P 'is not allowed' to post pictures of DS on her facebook...

I can confirm the baby now has both a US and a UK passport, so at least that's something.

I hope that the courts will see sense, if it gets that far, because although US courts are renowned for always siding with the US citizen surely even they can see that prizing a 1 year old from his mother's arms is a stupid idea?

One of my other friends has already told P in no uncertain terms that if she gets that plane she must be crazy. I will probably try as well but i'm not holding out much hope. It's got to the point where she is frustrating me to the point I am tempted to wash my hands of her since she simply isn't listening and needs to wake up, but she is my friend and I am loathe to give up.

Read the thread when first appeared and just read latest updates. Dont.let.her.go!! Get rid of their passports accidentally on purpose!! She is fking stupid if she goes, cant believe she told him about the solicitor!! If shes hoping for a happy ever after shes very sadly mistaken.

Dont let her make the flight. If it were my friend i think id have to kidnap her and take her far enough away that she would never make it on time or offer to take her to airport and misplace the passports/get lost/whatever other delay tactics i can think of.

brokenhearted55 - that is the point! HE doesn't want her. He just wants the baby.

If you seriously believe she is being abused you have a duty to report it so that she isn't in a position to leave the country and you can not allow a baby to be put in that position as well. If she gets on that plane she will never see her baby again. There is no way he will let him go after 6 months and even now does not plan too.

Even if you're tempted to wash your hands of her please at least think of the baby. What a horrific thing to happen to him. You are in the know about what's going on so I'm afraid you have a moral obligation to ensure she doesn't get on that plane. Having another friend say she's being an idiot just doesn't cut it. Gentle persuasion just doesn't cut it. You need to be brutal with her. Terrify her with the reality if you have to - for the sake of the baby. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she left on that plane unless I had truly done absolutely everything in my power to stop it. You're in a shit situation I know but I'm afraid , with your knowledge, you're in too deep to walk away now. Don't rely on others doing it, clearly no-one is stepping up enough here.

As an aside why would this pathetic excuse for a man actually want this baby, from such a complicated arrangement?

If this goes to court any decisions about the child will have to be made in the US - regardless of the fact that he also has British citizenship. If she doesn't return him to the US she may well be charged with abduction.

I know because it happened to my mum (UK citizen) who took us (dual citizens) out of the US from our US father.

What a mess :(

If she goes back she'll still only have three months in US then have to leave, chances are he'll take the baby and not allow her to take him to UK again. She's a fool if she gets on that plane.
I hope she has kept the emails, messages whatever she has and goes to UK court and gets sole custody. He sounds unbalanced and abusive.

Get the passport cancelled.

Get legal advice.

Talk to her family.

Talk to her.

Good lord.

Your friend is not seeing things clearly at all.

I don't know what you can do in this situation though, she is completely unable to see reason.

If she goes back to America she will not be returning with her baby and she most certainly will be returning.

Even if the baby travels on the UK passport and I am not sure he can, the British Embassy can do nothing. They cannot interfere in the case of dual nationals.

I have followed this from the begining

Please try and get the family to cut up her passport and the babys US one. At least they will miss the plane and you will have more time to talk her round and she will have spent more time with the baby.

Such a sad situation