to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

This isn't ringing true - I suspect the woman has pulled the wool over the OP's eyes!

As if the baby's dad is just going to say fine, take the baby to the UK and I will see him in 6 months time or whatever. As for the friend, if she tries to enter the US on the visa waiver having stayed best part of 3 months and then been gone a couple of weeks she'll be on the next plane home!

I think she will be ok getting UK passport for the baby. My DD is Canadian born. I'm British and DH is Canadian. I've just applied for her UK passport. No where on the form does it require both parents signature - just one, and the signing parent has to be British. You do have to fill out who the mother and father are, but as long as one parent is British it doesn't matter about the nationality of the other.

Have you met the baby yet op?

Hi everyone,

I have still to meet the baby (I live some distance away and transport is a major issue for me, and also i haven't actually officially been invited) but I think I will just attempt to invite myself round next weekend! I will let you know how it goes but just letting you know the plan so you won't worry if you don't hear anything until then. One of the group of concerned friends has been to see him last week though, says he's lovely however I know she will have been too timid to ask any of the questions we still have about P.

and lalaloopsy and Brokenhearted and anyone else who feels the same way - I understand, I really do. It isn't nice to 'sneak behind her back' with this post and that's pretty much why I asked AIBU to do it, and never named any names. But, if you read back to the beginning, you'll see that my concern for P grew to such a height that her being angry with me, even hating me, was a smaller price to pay than her losing her baby. So this thread wasn't conceived to be a soap opera, it was conceived out of genuine concern and a need for good advice - and I got that in spades, so thanks mumsnetters. Sometimes being a 'good' friend isn't easy or even appreciated, but P has her baby. She's back in the UK. And all being good, it looks like she can stay that way. P is safe and has dodged a potentially very dangerous bullet, one which we never know, might have hit her if we hadn't spoken up. So would I do it all again? Yes. And the fact she might be angry with me, doesn't change that. If she is, I'll just have to hope that one day she understands why I did it.

(Minor point: the baby's father isn't her DH or even DP, so you might think 'babydaddy' is patronising, I don't and neither was it intended to be such, it was merely the most efficient way of referring to the man in question.)

Oh good lord. I am so relieved to hear she has been able to come back with the baby.

Perhaps the relationship is more permanent than it appears and she has come back to sort out getting a green card?

it's certainly possible FairPhyllis. But so long as it's her own, unpressured choice and she is with DS i'm ok with it (even though I obvs have reservations about the guy! hope he proves me wrong/ups his game) I just want her and bub to be safe, happy and together.

I still don't understand why the guy worried you so much? He never tried to stop her from coming back did he?

It's a strange man who allows his baby to be raised in another country don't you think? I'm hoping that FairPhyllis is right and that she's sorting out her visa. Otherwise she may well get a nasty surprise in the future!

Sounds promising. Fingers crossed for a good long term outcome.

I was thinking about this and the Simon Cowell situation today for some reason.

Ok guys so for everyone who thinks i'm just being paranoid about this guy, there have been some worrying developments.

I saw P last weekend (so i guess i hadn't been outed/she's not mad at me) and tbh had been feeling relieved that this situation was finally coming to a peaceful end. She told me she was going to go back to the USA in April, (we think she will be getting divorced whilst she is there, but that's another story). But then, she told us that babydaddy had dropped a bombshell on her:

When the baby turns 1, he has demanded DS comes over to the USA and he have him until the baby is 18 months, and that this cycle should repeat every year up until DS starts school, whereupon DS will spend term time in the UK, holidays in the US.

When P (quite reasonably) objected to the prospect of her 1 year old baby being taken from her for 6 months, he said 'either you agree to it, or i'll take you to court'.

P decided to see a solicitor on Thursday and I guess she made the mistake of telling babydaddy, because tonight we hear that he's booked her tickets for a flight back to the USA next week and told her TO BE ON THAT PLANE.

She is being her typical self (brainwashed? stockholm syndrome?) and saying 'I'm not happy about it, but well, I have to go really'. I could shake her...

We think the only reason he's doing this is because he's gotten spooked by her standing up for herself by seeing the solicitor and he knows if P stays in the UK she will be in a much more advantageous position, so he's trying to ship her back there quick.

I want to knock some sense into P, and i'm sure you lot will all form a line behind me!

Still think there's nothing sinister about all this?

Oh my word. That's absolutely horrific. She must see a solicitor before that flight booking, as maybe if her solicitor tells her not to go, as well as friends and family it might make her more inclined to listen? What an utterly appalling proposition from him. I take it she couldn't stay in the US for those 6 months, so it'd mean actually leaving her baby for that long, at that age??!! Does the baby have a UK and US passport? Oh I feel sick just thinking about it. Hide her fucking passport pronto. Do a misery on her - she must not get on that flight.

What has he got over her that she is allowing herself to be bullied like this and why the hell did she tell him she had seen a solicitor? She sounds so stupid tbh.

Agree with broken tear up her passport. She is fucked if she goes back out there

That's pretty uncompromising. As was the on-off proposal for custody. Of course it would get too difficult and the more stubborn parent would win.

FFS, does she think it's a re-run of The Parent Trap? With the baby born in the US, the father can use US law to fuck over any ideas about "sharing".

Sorry to be harsh, but it doesn't sound as though she has the balls/ guts/ mean doggedness to win against him...

regarding citizenship many years ago my parents friends went to America for work on a three year contract they had a baby whilst living there obviously she was American by birth they moved back to britai when she was three she had dual citizenship and had to decide wether she wanted to be American or british when she was eighteen she decided british with having her whole family here and no ties to America.

My goodness what a saga. What planet us he on. She should say no to the plane and no to that contact arrangement.

Your friend is nit right, you need to work on her good. I second ripping up her and babies passport, and never return to the USA

Just read the whole thread. What an awful, awful state of affairs. I feel so worried for your friend. What a silly fool.

And yes, destroy the passports. How soon can she get uk citizen ship established for the baby. Or it is automatic? I would also get him a uk passport and destroy that American one.