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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

802 replies

YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo · 17/10/2013 22:16

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/12/2013 10:04

Yoni I did say I hoped this wasn't true as it is such an upsetting situation especially that it was entirely avoidable. Didn't mean anything nasty it just beggars belief what your friend has done .

I sincerely hope that she can bring her baby her baby home

TheNightIsDark · 21/12/2013 10:13

You're discharged from midwife care in UK after ten days or so I think.

Chunderella · 21/12/2013 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/12/2013 14:17

Someone from P's family needs to get on a plane.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 21/12/2013 14:58

It looks like this all turned out as we predicted. What a nightmare. Your friend has been so incredibly stupid.

I'm British but in the US. I had my DC2 here a couple of months back. He is automatically a US citizen having been born here. He is dual national British due to DH and me being British.

In order to travel, your friend will need to get her DC a US passport. All US citizens need to enter and leave the US on this. Absolutely non-negotiable. She will need the birth certificate that was organised by the registrar in the hospital. She needs to order this from the department of vital records - either online or by post. The passport service is pretty quick. We went to a central post office to order and then it took two weeks. We didn't pay for the expedited service, which can be quicker (though not much). She'll need the father's agreement/signature on the paperwork and his social security number. The child will automatically get a social security number too.

You can order a British passport from here via the UK. There is mixed info re whether the embassy here still issues them. I emailed the embassy myself this week and didn't get a response. Chances are most people are on holiday for Xmas now. A lot of people I know wait for their first trip to the UK and then get a British passport on the one day service there, mainly as it is cheaper!

Your friend can get her child a British birth record from the embassy too but will need her and her DH's birth certificates. This may be her best option in order to speak to someone official.

In my experience, health visitors don't exist here. We left the hospital and then had well baby checks scheduled with our paediatrician at 1, 2, 4 and 8 weeks. No one came to the house. First injections are at 8 weeks and she should have a 6 week check with her OB/GYN. This could also be an opportunity to flag up problems.

Under no circumstances should your friend try to leave the country without her DH's permission. The child can and will be returned to the US and she will have effectively kidnapped him. Sounds crazy but that's how it is here. I feel huge sympathy for her plight but dear God, she has been so so stupid and has pretty much relinquished all control over her life.

NatashaBee · 21/12/2013 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 21/12/2013 15:30

Midwives usually discharge at 10 days but can care for up to 28 days at their discretion. They hand over to a health visitor.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 21/12/2013 15:32

Sorry - repeated info given in earlier post

hiddenhome · 21/12/2013 16:08

What exactly is the MW going to do? Confused

It's a done deal and she's screwed and so is the poor baby who's stuck in the middle.

Could she be involved in some kind of elaborate surrogate agreement?

paddyclampo · 21/12/2013 16:42

The fact that your friend is talking about a health visitor in the US makes me smell a rat that she is lying to you!

Also, if she leaves the US any time soon then tries to re-enter on the visa waiver any time soon afterwards she will be refused entry. Her divorce won't have come through yet so if she tells immigration she's married and hasn't sorted the appropriate visa she's going to be in a royal mess :(

Dillydollydaydream · 21/12/2013 16:46

:( not sounding good for P
Hope it does turn out ok though.

goinggreyagain · 21/12/2013 16:57

Your friend needs to contact the British Embassy in Washington DC not the Consulate in NY, she can also access legal help on base.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 21/12/2013 17:05

The thing is, even if she contacts the embassy, all they'll do is point her in the direction of good lawyers (who she'll have to pay for herself) unless she has actually been kidnapped/is being kept against her will etc. They're not there to clear up divorce mess etc like this - maybe once upon a time but not anymore.

SquinkiesRule · 21/12/2013 17:06

To get the baby an American passport to leave US even for a visit in UK then both parents on the birth certificate have to go in person now to do the application at the county clerks office or in some larger post offices. They don't allow only one parent to do the paperwork and take it in (along with the child) anymore. We had to both go when I renewed Dd's last year.
I was a nurse in California and there was no such thing as a home visit for the baby, I and all my friends had to take the babies to the paediatrician for check ups.
I hope she can managed to talk him into getting baby a US passport and letting her leave, she'll need signed authorization/permission that is notarized from him to allow her to leave with the baby. Even moving to another state she'd need permission to move the baby.

NatashaBee · 21/12/2013 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goinggreyagain · 21/12/2013 17:13

Wibbly the Embassy will help advise her in regards to applying for British citizenship for the baby. That may help with the passport issue (?)
I have never had a HV type person here either.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 21/12/2013 17:15

Going - I know, that's what I wrote above re getting a birth cert. They won't issue a passport unless it's an emergency though, perhaps an emergency travel document at a push, but as the baby needs a US passport to leave the country anyway, it's a moot point really.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 21/12/2013 17:17

The birth certificate info is all online btw - list of docs to take and fees to pay depending on where in the world you are. Citizenship is automatic due to parentage in this case as the mother is British - the docs to prove it can be obtained here or in the UK.

goinggreyagain · 21/12/2013 17:34

If P gets a UK passport from the embassy can she not take the baby out of the US on that passport ?

NatashaBee · 21/12/2013 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goinggreyagain · 21/12/2013 17:59

Thank you, I wasn't sure .
One other thing to keep in mind is that the moment P signs those divorce papers she will lose her military health benefits.

Andrewofgg · 21/12/2013 18:48

NatashaBee a dual national shows the US passport at check-in - there is no outgoing passport control - and the British passport on arrival, that queue being shorter. When taking the child to the USA use the US passport both ways.

SquinkiesRule · 21/12/2013 19:10

She shouldn't sign divorce papers no matter what.
To get a copy of the birth certificate she can go to the county offices. I did it, I had the baby with me and my ID. Doesn't cost much. She should also hang onto the certificate they give you in the hospital with the footprints on. It can come in handy later on if need be.

RenterNomad · 21/12/2013 21:15

I must day, I hadn't realised that the passport restrictions were so stringent. All of these steps require the "husband" 's co-operation, and why should he bother to do any of it, when he can wait for P to be forced to leave the US and possibly not be able to return? He seems to have gone to a lot of effort to set things up this way; why would he waste all that effort, risk fraud charges for a sham marriage which secured medical cover for the mother of his baby, risk never seeing his baby again if she were to leave with the DS...?

The only question seems to be whether she (now) is willing to accept this.

Sharaluck · 21/12/2013 21:30

The whole problem with this situation is that P needs to be starting on practical preparations to leave now. She only has 6 weeks. This would require a certain level of motivation and know-how?

Does she posess these traits? I had to sort a passport for a newborn and I found it unusually difficult (on top of broken nights, early feeds etc etc etc) and this was just a straight forward uk passport in the uk!? And I had dh to help.

What I see happening unfortunately is P drifting along with her head in the sand, her 'husband' delaying/pacifying her questions/request for help to organise her leaving. And then all of a sudden she runs out if time and oh dear she gets deported (sans baby) and without any custody arrangements in place.

Someone needs to go over there and get her 'husband' to declare his intentions as a father (preferably with a lawyer involved to help draw up documents and custody arrangements) so P knows 100% where she stands. Then she can make some plans for the future.

Please don't allow her to waste time and then stuff things up more by overstaying and risking any future visas/visits etc

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