to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

She definitely needs to contact the British Embassy/Consulate regarding the baby. As it stands know the DC is a US citizen and will already have a social security number (issued at birth).

I would like to think if the turkey's CO knew about what an ass he was the CO could put pressure on him to do the right thing - in this case let her leave with the baby.

However, he is a reservist which means he has a normal job which likely has nothing to do with his reserve military activity so I'm not sure how effective pressure from his CO would be - it's worth a try though.

I agree with the previous poster who said she needs her own support here - maybe her mom but someone who can help with all of the legal wrangling and can be a hardass.

Ps mum will need to get fierce, but MIL back in her box, and she will need to be strong for her daughter to get them both home

Mimisunshine I don't think they can just come home. As far as I know, once a child is born on American soil, it becomes an American citizen. That's why this is such a mess. If P tries to leave with the child, she'll be arrested and if she does manage to get back to the UK, all hell will break loose and there'll no doubt be a lengthy custody battle.

P needs to get in contact with the UK embassy and see a lawyer if possible. This sounds like it is going to turn very nasty.

From what the OP and those who know about US law have told us, she'll more than her mother although support wouldn't be a bad thing.

*need more than...

Has she got anyone there to fight her corner?
It must be immensely pressured and fraught with a newborn plus that situation. Can anyone go over to give the support she desperately needs?

I had a similar thing, But in Mexico, which has similar laws.

When I tried to leave the country to see my family, they would not let us. I had a UK passport for him and me, but they said as he was a Mexican national, the UK passport was not enough, and that I could not take a Mexican citizen out of the country. ( they knew he was Mexican as the British Passport states place of birth, so no way around that.).

I could leave once I had a Mexican passport and a notarised permission letter from the child's father.

Without cooperation of the dad you are stuck

Imagine US to be similar

I understand that Phalenopsis, but P is out there alone with what seems like a determined MIL who from previous posts seems to be the driving force behind thus whole idea of P going out there.
P now needs someone, her mum, to be there to stand up for her, to get her to seek help, giving her the strength to not sign the divorce papers until she has documented proof her and baby are able to leave the US or in fact until they're home.

In the meanwhile, perhaps start lining up UK-based support for when/if she comes home sans enfant. An organisation which deals with women who have given up a baby to adoption, or some similar focus? They could explore why she was in the position of giving up a baby. I imagine this is helpful for teenage mothers who gave up a baby, but it sounds like your friend also needs this discussion, since she seemed to have put herself in that position out if free will. Yet that free will seemed so strange to everyone around her that thete must be some hidden, psychological trap that no-one else can see.

It's also possible that she always intended to give the baby up, yet doesn't dare admit that, since everyone is pushing fir her escaoe from the man but not from the baby. If she loses tge baby, she will br coddled by friends and family: msybe she just desperately wants that, rather than a baby (which is the exact opposite of coddling - let's admit it!). In this, case, too, she would benefit from counselling from people who will acknowledge she might not want to be a mother.

It doesn't really matter how many sources of help she finds, the thing is, she shouldn't have gone out there in the first place. The law of the land will take priority now. The embassy can't help and neither can anybody else. The baby is a US citizen and he isn't going to be leaving that country come hell or high water. She will realise this over the course of the next couple of weeks.

All she can do is find some support once she returns. If this was my daughter, I'd be furious with her. It's a shame for her and everything, but she was acting recklessly by going out there and now her son will never know his mother. He'll be brought up by a disordered harridan instead.

hidden is correct. She has no hope whatsoever of leaving the US with her baby, unless the father allows it. The Mil will bring the baby up. This was the plan all along. Your friend might as well leave right now.

Wow, have only just come across this thread and have read most of it.
I am shocked at the whole thing but hoping things don't get any worse for your friend and she is able to get back to the UK safely with her baby boy

Can she get the baby a passport of any kind, travel by land to Mexico and cross the border then travel home from there? Apparently it's easy to travel by land from the USA to Mexico?!

Bloody awful situation, my heart is breaking for her and her little baby.

I really don't think calling troll is helpful...

I find it hard to believe that anyone would do what the OP's friend has done unless they had no intention of keeping the baby in the first place.

If she had met this guy and he had wooed her, pretended to be in love with her, impregnated her, promised to love her 'til death do they part, then dumped her and left her standed I would have plently of sympathy for her. The baby's father, as charmless as he may be, has been very clear from the get go what his intentions were. The friend has chosen to go along with his plan, depsite several friends and family members advising against it. I understand that he may have married her to provide medical benefits, but the cost of a legal battle will amount to much more than a hospital birth. Even if she had no medical insurance she could have still showed up at a hospital in labour to give birth and would have received treatment...this is very comen practise amongst illegal immigrants.
The issue isn't that the child is a US citizen, it's that the father is also a US citizen meaning if she was deported the father and MIL could petition for the child to stay and would have an excellent case.
I don't think she's living in a domestic abuse situation at all and she wouldn't get very far with that. She might not like him very much but that's not going to help her situation.
There is of course the possibility that the baby's father doesn't want or expect the child to stay with him, and there's also the possibility that the friend doesn't want to keep her baby and wants the father to raise it. If she was hoping that after the baby was born he would turn around and fall in love with her and play happy families I don't understand why she didn't get on the next plane back before giving birth when she saw which direction things were going in...

Common...not comen...what's wrong with me..