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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

802 replies

YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo · 17/10/2013 22:16

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

OP posts:
comedaygoday · 10/11/2013 23:18

Such sad news OP. I have been lurking and when I saw this had been updated hoped it might be with good news. You have been a good friend and I am sorry you were not able to dissuade your friend from going ti the States.

hiddenhome · 11/11/2013 00:46

Oh dear, she doesn't want the child then? Totally irresponsible. I wouldn't want to have to sit next to her on the flight back to the uk.

CanucksoontobeinLondon · 11/11/2013 02:06

Oh dear. Well, you did everything you could, OP. I hope things work out okay for your friend, although I fear the worst.

JohnnyBarthes · 11/11/2013 03:48

Oh dear :(

NoArmaniNoPunani · 11/11/2013 07:10

Would the USA really separate a mum from her baby? :(

Pearlsaplenty · 11/11/2013 07:39

Oh my goodness. Just read the thread and feel a sense of panic. :(
If the situation is as the op has said i really don't think there could possibly be a happy ending. The father of the baby doesn't sound interested in P at all. From what other posters have said she will have no rights and no support and will be deported :( how terrible.

I hope that there is actually more to the story than the op realises and perhaps there has been an adoption arranged and P is fully aware of it and maybe hasn't told anyone as she feels ashamed.

YellowDinosaur · 11/11/2013 08:11

If they're married she won't necessarily have to leave will she? She may have sorted out all the relevant visa stuff while back in the UK.

I'm less worried with the info that they married than before tbh...

FrankelInFoal · 11/11/2013 08:15

I doubt they'll have got the Visa/Green Card sorted in the time between getting married and now. The daughter of a colleague of mine married a US Airman in this country 4 years ago and it took about 10 months to sort the paperwork out so that she could go and join him in the US.

ShoeLaRue · 11/11/2013 08:59

Oh no :(

diagnosticnomansland · 11/11/2013 16:59

Married doesn't mean allowed to stay - you have to apply for your Green Card BEFORE entering the USA is your intention is to stay permanently and it is a big deal and a long process.

The USA would treat the baby's residence and the mother's immigration status as mainly separate issues. The baby will be an immediate resident of the state in which it is born; the UCCJEA, which is a piece of legislation covering interstate (and other countries are treated as a sister state under the UCCJEA) custody issues will apply and the mother will not be allowed to stay solely because the dad has decided he doesn't want mum to leave the country without baby. There are many cases where one parent is deported whilst resident child stays. The UK courts will have NO jurisdiction to intervene.

diagnosticnomansland · 11/11/2013 16:59

with baby not without

EerieCompadre · 11/11/2013 17:27

What a nightmare Sad I really really hope that hs intentions aren't as dishonourable as they come across and P ges back to the uk safely with her baby. So neither her mum nor sisters will be with her when her band new baby has arrived into the world? That's awfully sad.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2013 18:33

"Would the USA really separate a mum from her baby?" I doubt it would be seen as this. Baby is with a parent and the Mum has no right to stay. Just horrible but immigration is shit

Original poster
YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo · 11/11/2013 19:40

Thanks for the support guys. It's true, all we can do is hope for a happy ending... somehow.

I do feel bad for P. Her due date is the second week of december, and she'll be in a strange country, with a man who says he doesn't care about her, and she won't have her mother or sisters to help her. I'm pretty sure it won't be the 'american dream' she has in mind.

My only hope is that the stress will jolt her back to reality and awaken her fighting spirit. Then I have to hope she has a guardian angel to sort the rest out!

OP posts:
NicknameIncomplete · 11/11/2013 20:56

Oh god. I hoped when i read this that the update would be a good one. How wrong I was.

What a good friend you have been

readysteady · 13/11/2013 19:23

Have you heard anything from your friend? This is dreadfully sad x

EasyCompadre · 18/11/2013 09:05

Have you heard any more from your friend Yoni? She must be feeling terribly lonely by now. Praying for that guardian angel for her too.

Vivacia · 18/11/2013 20:17

I was thinking about your friend too and hoping for the best.

trixymalixy · 18/11/2013 20:21

Fingers crossed everything works out for the best for your friend.

ChasedByBees · 18/11/2013 20:32

Bloody hell, what a terrible situation to watch someone put themselves in. :(

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 18/11/2013 20:44

I really hope this works out for your friend and that all medical costs are covered.

I had DC2 in the US last month. The bill was just shy of $30,000. That was without complications. My friend's DS is known as the quarter million dollar baby as a result of his NICU stay...

mitchsta · 20/11/2013 09:34

This is such a worrying story. I really hope everything turns out ok for your friend OP, but I have to say it doesn't seem likely.

Someone mentioned letting her follow her dream earlier on this thread, but it's hardly a fairytale in the making, is it? Absolutely no reason why she couldn't give birth in the UK and follow that 'dream' later on if that's what she wanted. Giving birth in the US changes everything.

I can't believe anyone would marry someone they didn't love, never mind someone who had no regard for them whatsoever. What a shame.

Greenkit · 27/11/2013 13:20

Any update? Hope all is well xx

YellowDinosaur · 09/12/2013 08:24

Any news?

Kyrptonite · 09/12/2013 10:00

Hope everything is working out for your friend. This thread is worrying. I had no idea about US immigration and all that.