to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

How is she going to fly if she is already 33 weeks? Most airlines don't let you fly beyond 28 weeks (although some allow it to 34 weeks on short flights with a doctor's note).

I would also suggest she needs to think about:
*her support network, who does she want to be her birthing partner? Surely it would be a family member- are they going with her too?
*that she will have had all her pre-natal checks here in the UK and then head to the US where she will not know the midwives or medical team, and they won't know her.
*It's impossible to time the birth exactly
*that giving birth is viewed quite differently in the USA, they have a higher rate of c-section in some states (as high as 80%) so she needs to think about the type of birth she wants, and whether it is available. Also what will happen if she is unwell afterwards, will they pay for that care too.

I am with NatashaBee on her last few posts, and also know a non-US citizen married to a US citizen who re-entered the US with her husband while her Green Card application was pending. She was under 12 weeks pregnant at the time (in fact she didn't know she was pregnant), and Immigration separated her from her husband, took her cell phone and somehow read her emails and texts without her passcode, held and interrogated her for 6.5 hours after a return journey from Japan, and all to ascertain that she was bona fide married to her husband. They told her that it was the photos stored on her phone of old holidays with him that convinced them. Incidentally, this friend grew up in San Diego and has studied and worked on various visas for over 20 years. American accent and everything. One should never underestimate US Immigration.

OP, I think you have been a tremendous friend to P, and I agree that there is probably not much more you can do (except to not say 'I told you so' if the worst does come to pass). If you suspect she is already married, well... if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to suffer the consequences.

Good luck to your friend, I really hope things go well for her.

I think someone needs to shout, threaten, shake this woman into realizing what a stupid thing she's doing!!!! The child won't be going to the UK without it's US father! He can't get paternity leave (or whatever yarn he's spun her) so how's he going to fly over with her. Is she completely thick?!?!?!

I still think this is pie in the sky and has more to do with face-saving. At some point you'll all find out that she's "decided" against going to the US.

At least I hope that's the case.

Thinking about it (too much?), I am wondering whether you aren't right and then some about P already having married the guy. A marriage of convenience might be something to be embarrassed about, but possibly not to the point of hiding it from friend(s) who are clearly going out of their way for you.

I wonder whether, in fact, P has already organized matters in her favour in ways if not actually illegal (questionable whether marriages of convenience are) then at least socially borderline. Her mum and sisters undoubtedly know about it, hence their less than enthusiastic reception of your worries to date. I don't know what exactly this might be, but given what is involved, it's likely to be serious.

And on this basis, I am angry on your behalf. She has no obligation to tell you anything, but comforting words of reassurance wouldn't go amiss. She does seem to be telling you not to worry, but doesn't seem like it's in a way that inspires confidence.

Anyway, no point speculating. No doubt all will come clear in the end.

Your friend is a complete and utter fool. I truly hope you cone back in a couple of months and let us know it worked out alright but judging from how this man has acted and is acting and what he has said, she's screwed if she wants to return with bubs to the UK. :(

Your friend is a complete and utter fool. I truly hope you cone back in a couple of months and let us know it worked out alright but judging from how this man has acted and is acting and what he has said, she's screwed if she wants to return with bubs to the UK. :(

I find it hard to believe that an adult could be as stupid and naive as your friend apparently is. I agree with olgaga that the whole thing is probably just pie in the sky and she will never go to the States anyway.

Either that or she fully intends to leave the baby with the father and just doesn't want to admit that to you.

Either that or she fully intends to leave the baby with the father and just doesn't want to admit that to you.

I'm suspicious that there's money involved.

he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Surrogacy perhaps? Is there a female relative struggling to conceive? Maybe this is solving a problem for them on the cheap - and the OPs friend will do rather well out of it financially.

It sounds like she got married on the hush during the secret US visit hence why she is so sure she will get Tricare.
She sounds like a very stupid girl, let's hope raising a baby (if she is allowed too and not kicked out of the country) might knock some sense into her.

If they were married, why would she have told the OP:

he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

I'm a doom mongerer, but I would bet my eye teeth that she returns to the UK next year, without her baby.

If there was a 'hush hush' trip to America a while back during which you suspect that she may have got married, I'd ask the following: did she fill out the lengthy and laborious paperwork, including filing fees, for the right to enter America as a fiancée for the purposes of marriage on American soil? You HAVE to do this in order not to commit an immigration offence that would be serious enough to ban you from the country once it was discovered. You CANNOT enter America on a tourist visa and then get married while you are there.

Nobody in authority should have officiated at such a wedding without the requisite paperwork being in place, but just in case there was any deception or in case they found someone who didn't ask questions, this would be a serious situation.

My now husband and I had to investigate all angles of the laws regarding marriage in the US, when we were trying to time it after I finished my nursing course in the UK. We couldn't do a fiancée visa, because the times it would take to be granted were so variable and then you have to enter the country within a length of time of it being granted...and then have to marry within, if I recall aright, 90 days of entering the country. This didn't work with my course and the very specific time window that we had for arranging a wedding, so we ended up getting a civil wedding in the UK and a blessing with all of the family present in the USA. It still cost nearly $1000 for the paperwork for me to go to the USA as a wife, including visit to the American Embassy in London and sourcing a stack of paperwork as long as your arm from various places in the UK, such as the police.

I, too, think that part of this might be tied up with the demonising of socialised medicine which has been filling the US airwaves for the last few years. The attempt to discredit Obamacare has led to countless scare stories, including about the UK.

I, too, think that part of this might be tied up with the demonising of socialised medicine which has been filling the US airwaves for the last few years. The attempt to discredit Obamacare has led to countless scare stories, including about the UK.

It's possible, especially for a soldier. Armed forced tend to be a bit more conservative in the US and and the conservatives really don't dig social health care.

Op did your friend really enjoy her time in the states? Do you think this is maybe about her trying to get a visa to stay? trying to negotiate the health care system should set her straight pretty quick though

If she wants a visa to stay, she'd better understand fast that she has to have that before she enters the country. She will NOT get it once she is there and will have to leave the USA while the paperwork is sorted. It is expensive and it is not fast. She would have to leave her child behind.

It took months for my visa to come through, after we followed all of the correct procedures and form filings for me to marry an American citizen on UK soil and then wish to go to the USA with him. The wheels of that bureaucratic kingdom grind exceedingly slowly.

She does not have time now in which to get a visa, so if she goes...she will be leaving the USA after the birth of her child and leaving her child there.

Yes, Alfirin and her dh will have to make a certain amount of money to get her the visa in the first place. Not sure how much as dh (english) and I (american) came out together with no jobs and needed a sponsor ourselves.

although actually if he is a lawyer that shouldn't be a problem

actually would a lawyer be dumb enough to marry a woman he didn't even like just to get her insurance?

I'm not sure but immigration rules might be expedited for US service members. I'm not sure if reservists qualify.

If they're already married (whether they did it lawfully or not) & she's back in the UK, theoretically they could have already started the paperwork.

www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=731ad4d176d1e110VgnVCM1000004718190aRCRD&vgnextchannel=68439c7755cb9010VgnVCM10000045f3d6a1RCRD

If they married illegally, the paperwork will uncover this during her application for a visa. The questions go very deep and lying is a grave offence.

I hope for her sake that she didn't marry illegally...however, that would kind of solve the whole problem of her going in the first place.