to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

Well folks, it looks like we've done all we can do.

P has replied to our message and said the reason babydaddy gave for not being able to come over here is because of issues regarding paternity leave or somesuch. And she desperately wants him to be present at the birth... so much so that she is prepared to put herself through all of this. She says she is covered by his military health insurance - any US people know if this is legit?

She says she has now told him that she fully intends to take the baby back to the UK and he has accepted that, verbally at least. We'll just have to hope he doesn't change his mind or pull any tricks.

She shows no sign whatsoever of changing her mind.

At least I know that I gave it my best shot and I really appreciate all the input and support from you guys. I will return periodically to update - she flies first week November and is due first week of December, and apparently will return January so you won't have to wait too long.

And all the people who think i'm making a fuss over nothing - I really, truly, honestly hope you're right because the alternative doesn't bear thinking about.

Thanks MNetters, you've been very helpful.

According to this, no she will not be covered for the birth, or anything leading up to the birth. The baby will be covered from the moment of its birth and for 60 days after but she will not be. blogs.militarytimes.com/tricarehelp/2013/06/11/girlfriend-is-pregnant-will-tricare-cover-baby/

Sorry your friend sounds an idiot. At least you tried.

blogs.militarytimes.com/tricarehelp/2013/06/11/girlfriend-is-pregnant-will-tricare-cover-baby/

Oh and yeah in answer to some questions on the last couple of pages I definitely think it's possible that although I don't necessarily think P is head-over-heels in love with this guy, I think it's more than possible she is hoping they will somehow all fall in love with each other once babba pops out so they can have the rosy fairytale dream family. Not sure that's how it works in the real world but oh well.

This says the same - she's not covered unless she's married. The baby will be covered from birth, but not before and she won't be covered at all.
blogs.militarytimes.com/tricarehelp/2011/05/03/girlfriend-is-pregnant-will-tricare-cover-prenatal-care/

If your friend does a 2 minute google she will find that she is not covered before or after birth by his insurance. Although the baby is covered once it is born. She comes across as someone who doesn't want to face up to the reality!

Oh my god you're right. Well my blood pressure has just shot back up. Crap crap crap.

I would get back on the phone and tell her in words of one syllable that she is not covered. That if anything happens to her during the latter stages of pregnancy or birth she will be handed an enormous bill. Even a straightforward birth is going to cost a lot. If she has been told she is covered by the father he is lying (or very badly mistaken and also hasn't bothered to check).

Email her the link showing her she is not covered - or could you speak to someone at the foreign office describing the situation and get the info from them about where she would stand legally about bringing her baby home?

Really feel for you OP, horrible situation and you sound like you've handled it as sensitively as possible.

I'm still finding it hard to believe that this is real tbh.

I think you need to show her this thread. There are lots of people with first hand experience of US immigration, birth & custody issues and a lot of advice & suggestions.

It's up to her to decide, no-one else can make that decision for her.

I don't know Grockle I do know some people who prefer to believe everything will work out how they want rather than think things through - (thinks of MIL) - and it can be very hard to get through to them because they aren't really listening and don't believe the worst will happen and it will all somehow work out how they think.

I've often found in the background there are friends and family trying to head of disasters or who end up dealing with the fall outs.

If she is not covered by any medical insurance she will have to literally pay thousands of dollars for the birth.

When I gave birth in the States I was fully covered. I had an American friend who had a standard 80% cover. They had budgeted for the birth but didn't count on a C section (which are quite common over there due to over medicalised births. I ended up having one as well). She had to stay 5 days (instead of the average 3) in hospital and they had to pay 15 000 dollars! Yes it included baby care but they were insured.

This has probably already been mentioned but I would be very concerned about the attitude to labour in America as from a lot if things I have read most people have epidurals etc and very medicalised births.

Along with all the other issues which make this a terrible idea, your friend should think about the type of birth she is hoping to have.

And does your friend know what her airline's policy is about flying at 36 weeks?

Has she looked into whether she will get through US immigration when 36 weeks pregnant, on a tourist visa, and not even engaged to the father?

Finally, OP, have you raised or do you think it is worth raising with P the matter of having baby's father sign the relevant forms to get her and the baby back to the UK in January, now before she leaves the UK?

For all those talking about the birth experience in the US, you're all right (from my experience of giving birth here) but really, this is the LEAST of P's problems right now. There's still a hope that the father will indeed let her leave with the baby. Hopefully, he will find that the baby cramps his style / is too expensive / too restrictive etc...and decides that out of mind is out of sight. Or he may just be a decent guy, ultimately. Who knows when it comes to MIL.

My heart sinks further every time I come to this thread. Why won't people learn from others' mistakes??

Incidentally, I was covered by health insurance on one of the best employer-funded health insurance policies around. I had a EMCS. Our total out of pocket bill was a shade under $5k.

Yeah InTheFace I said all of that but I think she thinks the baby will be born with a magic wand in it's hand and everything will be happy families once it pops out. I've tried, we all have...she just won't listen.

I think I previously mentioned that friend of mine, J, said that P had confided in her that a few months ago babydaddy suggested they get married just on paper so she's covered on his insurance. J said it was a stupid idea and P agreed at the time apparently (especially since babydaddy followed it up with the charming 'it wouldn't mean anything and we'd see other people'.) However, we're beginning to have serious suspicions she has actually done it already as she SWEARS she's covered by tricare and further facebook stalking of babydaddy's lax security profile research suggests there was a little hush-hush trip to America a few months back. Now I just don't know what to think other than my friend is a damn idiot

One question though: if she is married, does this mean she is more likely to pass through immigration? And would she be less likely to be kicked out of the US?

On the few bright sides, perhaps at least she wouldn't have thousands of pounds of debt on top of everything.

But I really don't think there's anything more I can do. She has free will and it seems she is prepared to walk into danger even with her eyes open. I begged her to watch her back out there. I just pray she has a guardian angel that can do a better job than she can...

does tricare cover immigrants though? Especially ones that haven't got leave to stay over 90 days?

sorry she isnt even an immigrant, shes just a visitor.

From the tricare website

I’m the wife of a Marine reservist and I just found out I’m pregnant. I don’t have insurance yet, however. Also, I’m not a U.S. citizen; I’m currently staying in the U.S. with a fiancé visa and processing for green card. Can I get Tricare even if I don’t have a green card or any U.S.-issued ID?

Family members do not need to be U.S. citizens to be eligible for Tricare as long as they are legal dependents of, and sponsored by, Tricare-eligible service members through marriage or parentage. However, you must be properly enrolled in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System, and you must receive a uniformed services ID card before you can use any Tricare benefits.

Also, you need to be aware that the only Tricare program your husband is eligible for as a drilling reservist is Tricare Reserve Select, which requires enrollment and payment of monthly premiums. You (and he) are not eligible for “regular” Tricare coverage unless he is mobilized for active duty for more than 30 days.
You should call DEERS at 1-800-538-9552 to get more information on what you need to do to register and get a military ID card.

this doesn't explain if you need to be resident though..

Surprised by that!