To expect when my dh has said he has been doing housework all that day that includes, making beds, hovering, polishing, fuming!!!

[Allthreerolledintoone]

I now work full-time and I am really struggling with work and running a home I feel like I do everything. Dh does most of the ironing, DIY occasionally tea and dishes sometimes pack lunches I do every thing else plus the above maybe not so much ironing but I will if needed.
Anyway kids have been home with dh today because of the strike. I come home from work and ask what they have been doing thinking dh may have taken them out and he said he bathed the kids, did all the housework and baking and washing three loads apparently( the basket was half empty yesterday so I doubt it unless he's emptied his work bag today instead of 2moro. Baking was 8 plain buns :-/ so hardly an afternoon.
Oh and he went to the shop I wrote a list of 8 items. I've come home and the house hasn't been polished or hoovered the beds haven't even been made, the bathroom is a mess and I am failing to see what house work he has actually done. I am livid because he could of made the beds at least and took the children out but no the kids look bored, my house looks exactly the same as I left it. Tbh it's tipped me over the edge I've had enough.
Yesterday he had an orange, peeled it and left the peel on the table. I left if for 2 days and no one put it in the bin only my mum did when she came around. I am sick to death of picking up after him to the point even these tiny tedious things irritate me. But apparently I am nagging, I am stressed and tired and irritated by his thoughtlessness. His excuses are I forgot, i I was going to do it, I didn't see it or il do it later but never actually does. Honestly I've been sat for the last hour in tears thinking I want him to leave. I cannot bear to be in the same room any more I do admit it's my time of the month if I seem extreme but it's all building up.

Op didn't notice the blood in the bed before work so its reasonable to assume her dh wouldn't see it either.

*comply

If DH had been at home for eight hours and said he had entertained the children and done loads of housework then I would expect either that he had entertained the DC or that he had done some housework. But OP's DH doesn't appear to have done either.

FWIW I have weeks days where not a lot gets done, but at the very least there would be some food made and a dishwasher loaded, rubbish in an actual bin , etc. And if I claimed to have done lots of housework you'd also be able to see the living room floor and the dining table and all the kitchen surfaces and the bottom of the laundry basket.

So yes, I can see what the OP is annoyed about. Not so much the lack of housework per se, but the lack of housework given that he claimed to have done lots.

OP - you keep referring to having two boys. Boys are no messier than girls unless you let them be. They're becoming that way because they are witnessing that domestic stuff is done by women. Do you want their future DP/DWs to feel like you do now?

A family is a team and children should pull their weight in it as well, although obviously at a lesser level. It doesn't have to be the case that every job is split 50/50. It's fine for one person to do all the laundry while the other person does all the cooking, for example, but the amount done should be equal and every person should have the same amount of time free to just relax. At the moment, you haven't got any and it's not on.

I'm not surprised you're crabby and tired. You're exhausted and feeling taken for granted. And why wouldn't you be? I don't do half as much as you and I'm a single parent. That's because I don't have a man child to pick up after.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all.

The things she said her DH did amounts to about 1 hour max imo. Why does a 9 year old need to be bathed?, putting on the washing machine even 3 times is no more that 30 mins (it's not like he has to stand and watch it) and making some buns about 20 mins (again you don't need to watch them cook). Sounds to me like he had a pretty lazy day and I'd be annoyed too if I'd been at work in the same situation.

I thought I just had normal standards Hoover and Polish weekly if lucky, beds and dishes daily and then fabreeze all else. If he had made the bed he would of noticed the blood

I take it all back. YAB completely U for using febreeze

Well I wouldn't know between boys and girls only what I hear from friends so depends on the child I suppose but with youngish children you do have to keep on top of it. My mil comes around once a week and she is a domestic goddess and would slag me off to the core if my house was an utter tip maybe that's why dh is so relaxed about it.

Obviously I shall work and do all household chores Get down off the cross, someone needs the wood. I mean that with care and support. You are obviously stressed and miserable. Sort out a chore rota, get the children involved and delegate. Give the obvious, time limited jobs to the kids and DH (packed lunches for DH, beds made for the kids) and have consequences if not done.

Just throw everything left by the kids and DH (be it rubbish or valuables) in a big bag and let them root through it for their stuff.

Well there's your problem - why wouldn't she slag off her son for not doing it?

Sorry I was anti fabreeze but very handy for in expected visitors

I find not giving a shit about anyone's opinion of me as a 'housewife' really helps.

I was being sarcastic I just want a bloody bit of help from dh and more importantly for him to clean up his crap like rubbish, laundry and his friggin orange peel!!! I not say I was going to do it but never does. Geeze when I was a sahm he used say what have you done today, and tut and bang around in a mood and I had young children at home every day.

Terry

I have a deal with my friends. We won't apologise for the state of our house and we are to take them as they come. We are all different and manage different lives and do things at different times. Who gives a shiny really. No point running yourself into the ground. You won't look back and ever think, I should have done more housework.

Yeah anyone else but the mil she used to get up at 5am every morning to clean the skirting boards apparently and she hovers and polishes every day

Honestly, he sounds like a twunt.

Things I think might help you:

Stop talking about it like it's your job that they all 'help' with.
Don't give a shit about your MIL's opinion.
Rota with consequences. Let them decide for themselves what those are.
Read Wifework. Really do.
Understand that there are different ideas about housework. I don't make beds. DH does. He cares, I don't. If I haven't got to the laundry, he does some. We both care about that.
Don't do anything for DH if he doesn't fulfill his side of the rota, no meals he likes, no washing, nothing. You have time to clear up after him OR time to do his laundry. Not both.

Then pity your mil and don't try and emulate her

Agree with everything Terry has posted.
Sit him down. Write it all down and ask him/show him

He sounds like a prick tbh.

Ok thank you I will have a look. It's been a bloody hard week at work I've been up with ds for the last few nights so I am tired and hormonal, and everything just builds up. I know my job is a big, big factor too especially working full time but dh doesn't help our priorities are different in a sense. It's hard trying to be good at my job, wife and mum.

Walter-so where do you put your oranges if not in a fruit bowl out on the side?

What is happening atm with all these threads on here re housework and men who don't give a shit?

All rest assured that your standards aren't too high and you can indeed ask your DH to pull his weight.
There seem to be two standards for men and women. SAHM are supposed to entertain the dcs, with educative things, have a spotless house, do all the housework so that their DH has nothing to do as he is so tired from work. Also have a meal ready for when he comes back home.
Men at home with the dcs and you should praise them because they have being fed and haven't destroyed the place .

I think you gave a massive issue atm because your DH us used to you doing all the housework and him not taking any responsibility. You are back at work, still trying to do both work and all the HW and it isn't working, hence you are exhausted and frustrated.
You might need several tactics there. Maybe draw a list together of what needs to be done and babe person responsible. So the person who does thrilling is also doing the shopping but the one who does the ironing is in charge if the washing. Don't forget all the bits for the dcs such as b'dsy parties, after school activities etc...
Refuse to do what he is supposed to be responsible for. If he hasn't gone the washing and the dcs it you gave no clothes, it is up to him to sort out.
And most importantly make it clear that childcare and housework is a shared responsibility. Nit just yours so no 'he us not used to it poor man' type if excuse.

I think they should both get to do thrilling
Might make everything seem a bit better

@ thrilling

I keep my fruit in the fridge!

Hate threads like this.

There is obviously a massive difference between what he expected from the OP as a SAHP and what he does when he is in that role (if only for the day) and between what she does after a day at work and what he does after a day at work.

Baking? Who the fuck bakes when there are bloodied sheets to be washed? 3 Loads of washing? No fucking way. There are eight of us in this house and I only do 2 a day and the OP said the basket was half empty. So he either lied or "did her a favour" by washing his own work stuff!

But no, if a man so much as looks at a hoover he is fucking hero according to many on here. funny, because I didnt know that the 1950's had the internet

Oh and Still Speaking Spike, perhaps if you have actually put your rubbish in the bin then your ex wouldnt have felt justified in leaving your crap out to see exactly how long you would take to get off your arse and deal with it. No wonder he is your ex.