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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want the school to admit some responsibility

335 replies

Justforlaughs · 17/10/2013 08:02

Phonecall from school last night. 14yo DD "stormed" away from PE lesson after minor altercation with teacher, didn't return to lesson, an hour later a pupil asks DD something and DD hits her. School want to put DD in isolation for a day. All sounds reasonable, penalty for bad behaviour - and I am not condoning it at all. HOWEVER, DD is by nature the kindest, gentlest, quietest 14 yr old you could ever imagine (won't even put up her hand to answer a question in class because she is too shy) and the ONLY time I can remember her lashing out in the last 4 years or so is when her blood sugars have dropped suddenly - you see she is a Diabetic. To me, the whole incident is typically symptomatic of a moderate/ severe hypo, and I feel strongly that the teacher should have flagged that her "storming" away from the lesson was not "normal" behaviour for DD, she should have followed her/ got first aider to find her and check that she was ok. She sat alone for an hour in corridor, where no-one knew she was before the incident with the other pupil. Not being dramatic, she could have fallen into a coma. The school now want a meeting to discuss her behaviour, so AIBU to raise my concerns. I am honestly, not trying to belittle the fact that she hit another girl, but I don't want either my DD or anyone else getting hurt because of another incident like this. I am worried that it sounds like I am excusing her behaviour, and I suppose I am in a way. WWYD?

OP posts:
myBOYSareBONKERS · 17/10/2013 12:55

If she was having a hypo surely she would have succumbed to it by collapsing whilst she was alone for that hour. . . . . .

BurberryQ · 17/10/2013 12:58

well it was lucky that she didn't wasn't it? really lucky.

YouTheCat · 17/10/2013 13:01

There's a whole lot of people on this thread who clearly know nothing about diabetes.

Makes me wonder why they bothered to post if they have nothing constructive to say.

Goldmandra · 17/10/2013 13:01

If she was having a hypo surely she would have succumbed to it by collapsing whilst she was alone for that hour. . . . . .

Not necessarily.

BM goes up and down in response to all sorts of factors including the rate of absorption of sugars from the food already in the digestive system. This relatively mild hypo may have occurred as her BM reached the bottom of a dip and it started to climb again naturally without any intervention.

colleysmill · 17/10/2013 13:05

I know little about diabetes but I do work with children and teenagers diagnosed with another serious medical condition which requires daily management.

I wouldn't underestimate how difficult it can be for teenagers to come to terms with living with a life threatening/limiting condition - and the children I work with are children who would have been diagnosed for many many years. Some teenagers do take a lot of responsibility for their own management but many more still need support, encouragement and supervision - and this too can vary from time to time.

PloddingDaily · 17/10/2013 13:05

Lunar1 -I'm so very sorry to hear about your husband. Sad

I think because it's a mostly hidden condition, most people without D or an immediate relative with it don't realise how bloody difficult & dangerous it can be. I suspect because most diabetics manage most of the time without things getting too obviously dramatic, people just aren't aware of all the constant calcs / awareness / planning etc etc we have to do, how wearying it can be and the too real limitations of the tools we have to manage things. It's not easy. Sad

MadeOfStarDust · 17/10/2013 13:16

well it was lucky that she didn't wasn't it? really lucky.

and really lucky for the person she hit that she wasn't in woodwork class with a chisel in her hand.... how far does the illness and lack of personal management of it excuse behaviour..

and YouTheCat - we bother to post because we see the other victim - the other one who also did nothing wrong but got hit by someone else.... does a hit hurt any the less because there was a reason? Is that victim supposed to just shrug it off with a "hey ho, she has an illness"...

YouTheCat · 17/10/2013 13:24

You don't know if the other child did nothing wrong or not.

A little empathy and understanding wouldn't go amiss.

lunar1 · 17/10/2013 13:26

Not you blissx.

Goldmandra · 17/10/2013 13:27

Made you are mistaking explanations of the behaviour for excuses.

This is a child with a condition that can cause her to act in totally illogical and erratic ways which are not at all linked to her personality or normal codes of behaviour. If she was having a hypo she would probably have been confused, frightened, deluded and possibly hallucinating. How does punishing her for lashing out change that for her next time?

Hypos don't only happen when people are irresponsible about checking their BMs.

BMs can change dramatically for no god reason and with very little warning. A simple cold can have devastating effects and once the fluctuations have increased it can be the Devil's own job to get them back under control.

The child who was hit was probably far more a victim of the schools failure to fulfill its duty of care than they were of the OP's daughter's voluntary actions.

It is entirely appropriate that the victim should have an apology but the next step should be to help that child (and their peers) to understand the condition and perhaps they will then be in a position to help a child in distress while knowing how to keep themselves safe in the future.

You clearly have no understanding of this condition and that makes it inappropriate for you to post on this thread.

MadeOfStarDust · 17/10/2013 13:27

you don't know if the original girl had a hypo or not either... I have empathy and understanding for BOTH... hence the words "other victim"

pinkballetflats · 17/10/2013 13:30

Honestly can't believe some of these posts - it can be very easy to miss yourself going into a hypo. The school MASSIVELY failed your daughter by not following up to see if she was okay.

YouTheCat · 17/10/2013 13:31

You have no idea about diabetes. You have no idea about what a hypo can mean.

And what Gold said because she has expressed so much better than I could.

Goldmandra · 17/10/2013 13:33

you don't know if the original girl had a hypo or not either

No that is true.

However, behaviour management is best applied from the point of view of looking for causes of behaviour, addressing those causes, issuing warnings if appropriate and using sanctions for repeat offences as a last resort.

It shouldn't be necessary to have proof that this incident was caused by a hypo unless this was one of a long line of repeat offences and lots of understanding and support had also been offered beforehand.

Sanctions should have a target and making the other child feel better is not an appropriate one.

PloddingDaily · 17/10/2013 13:35

Well said Gold.

No one (as far as I can see) is belittling the other child's 'injury' - those of us with experience of diabetes however are pretty aghast at the lack of common sense shown by the school's policies of not allowing the OP's daughter access to testing kit etc to try & prevent such situations. The girl who got hit does deserve an apology, but the OP was ask

PloddingDaily · 17/10/2013 13:36

Argh, phone AGAIN!!!
The OP was asking whether the school should bear some responsibility too - from what I can see yes it should.

The OP is not trying to get her kid off without punishment.

VoiceofRaisin · 17/10/2013 13:38

YANBU: the hour your DD spent alone whilst having a possible hypo is frightening. Hypo's affect cognitive function. Had the hypo been addressed when first flagged up (storming off from PE) then probably DD would never have hit anyone as her blood sugars would have been raised again by then. If Your DD is generally gentle and kind then a day in isolation is NOT at all justified for an uncharacteristic incident probably brought on by a physical illness. It is not right to punish a child for being disabled. It is probably not even legal. A sincere apology from your DD would be in order with an explanation of the circumstances and diabetes would be in order.

Dawndonnaagain · 17/10/2013 13:39

All of you who somehow have a magic cure do tell. My very darling stepmother was found dead in her bathroom last year. Diabetes. We think, as has happened before, regularly, hypo hit, hard and fast.
Yes, see the other victim, feel sorry for the other victim, but the likelihood is it was an accident, so unless you know a hell of a lot about diabetes, put a sock in it or tell me how fucking useless my step mother was, go on, dare you!
Hmm

BurberryQ · 17/10/2013 13:41

oops..

kitsmummy · 17/10/2013 13:43

Haven't read the whole thread but perhaps you could take a copy of this thread to your meeting. It sounds like they are probably pretty unaware of how diabetes can affect someone and how to deal with it (as was I until I read this thread).

Original poster
Justforlaughs · 17/10/2013 13:44

Just to add that while I am not belittling the fact that another child was hit, they weren't injured as such. No bruising or anything. Doesn't make it right, just clarifying re. certain posts that seem to imply an assumption of injury.

OP posts:
pixiepotter · 17/10/2013 13:44

From what you have posted it seems nearly certain that your DD was sufferind a hypo.
Schools may be big, a teacher may see 100s of kids a week, but they are in loco parents they have to put a system in place which means they can manage the children's medical conditions safely and effectively.It's not good enough (as some of the teachers on here have done) to say 'oh it's too difficult' . They have to find a way to do it!!
I would be in school tomorrow.This needs to be sorted next time your DD could be in a coma or worse.
One theing I would suggest is that your DDS peers understand how to recognise a hypo and so can get adult help when it happens

YouTheCat · 17/10/2013 13:46

I think that would be a really good idea, Pixie.

thehorridestmumintheworld · 17/10/2013 13:54

Just wanted to add I do feel for your dd as I know how hard it is for dh age 47 coming to terms with having diabetes and not liking to have to do bloods all the time and everything. Maybe even if this behaviour was not caused by a hypo this is upsetting her and causing her to get upset easily. Hope you get it all sorted out and maybe she needs a bit more support from diabetes nurse and school nurse etc.

JauntyHat · 17/10/2013 14:02

I had a student in my form who was diabetic and had this issue quite a lot. We organised for a nurse to come in and do some training with the whole staff on an INSET day. Could you ask the school to do something like that?