to want the school to admit some responsibility

[Justforlaughs]

Phonecall from school last night. 14yo DD "stormed" away from PE lesson after minor altercation with teacher, didn't return to lesson, an hour later a pupil asks DD something and DD hits her. School want to put DD in isolation for a day. All sounds reasonable, penalty for bad behaviour - and I am not condoning it at all. HOWEVER, DD is by nature the kindest, gentlest, quietest 14 yr old you could ever imagine (won't even put up her hand to answer a question in class because she is too shy) and the ONLY time I can remember her lashing out in the last 4 years or so is when her blood sugars have dropped suddenly - you see she is a Diabetic. To me, the whole incident is typically symptomatic of a moderate/ severe hypo, and I feel strongly that the teacher should have flagged that her "storming" away from the lesson was not "normal" behaviour for DD, she should have followed her/ got first aider to find her and check that she was ok. She sat alone for an hour in corridor, where no-one knew she was before the incident with the other pupil. Not being dramatic, she could have fallen into a coma. The school now want a meeting to discuss her behaviour, so AIBU to raise my concerns. I am honestly, not trying to belittle the fact that she hit another girl, but I don't want either my DD or anyone else getting hurt because of another incident like this. I am worried that it sounds like I am excusing her behaviour, and I suppose I am in a way. WWYD?

Ah - she's only been diagnosed for a year. I thought it was 4 :) I imagine that's a particularly crap age to have to deal with it.

We've had lots of meetings with the school around her diabetes and have been assured that they are "used" to children with the condition. There was one incident where she was refused permission to leave the classroom to test her blood sugar (they won;t allow her to use a needle anywhere except first aid), although that particular problem hasn't arisen again.

It isn't about managing it better or her being more responsible. A hypo isn't always felt and you will only know that you're low by testing, if you're too low you can lose the ability to think cognitively and act out of character. This is dangerous though as obviously you could become hurt or sugars drop too low and go unconscious.

The more hypos you have the harder they are to feel. I'm only a gestational diabetic on insulin and this is my limited experience so I imagine it must be a lot worse to deal with it on a daily basis forever.

I think the school need to take responsibility and to be given a better plan/training as they don't seem to be taking your daughter's diabetes seriously. I hope she's ok after all that happened.

Ah newly diagnosed and that she is struggling to control her blood sugar levels puts a whole new slant on it.

Yes impress upon the school that the teachers need to be made very aware that her diabetes is not under control and she shouldn't be allowed to storm off on her own!

I'm a school governor and I would say that you should flag this up. They need to be aware that behaviour that is completely out of character can indicate she needs attention. I've seen one of my adult friends act in a way that was completely out of character due to a hypo and if they didn't realise what was happening in time to do something about it, then I can understand that your daughter might not. School is in loco parentis.

She's finding it VERY hard to deal with being "different" She would rather not eat than have to leave her group of friends to go to First Aid for insulin injection. School are aware of the issue and are supposed to be on top of it. (This happened before lunch, so it wasn't down to skipping it, although she may not have missed a snack or something)

The more you write about the school the worse they sound. Does your dd have a specialist nurse that could go into school and give some education?

Thanks for responses, I have to dash to get DD2 to school , but will be back later

DD2 has a medical condition which although she monitors it herself, doesn't always stop issues. Her school uses SIMS (computer records) for everything, and her care plan is both on there, and at least once a term emailed round all the staff. Can something like that be implemented for you OP?

DDs care plan sets out her condition, what happens, and what to do in various circumstances (so when to call matron, when to call an ambulance, when to leave DD to recover by herself). We also have a section which says that although DD generally manages her condition as well as possible, she does occasionally need reminding to do x or y. In your case I'd add in there about uncharacteristic behaviour requiring blood sugar checking as a first action.

I'd treat this as two completely separate issues. Your daughter should not leave the teacher's care without permission. She should not wander for an hour. She should not hit someone.

Separately you should clarify with the school the procedure for when a student leaves class without permission and doesn't register for the next lesson; what support they are putting in place to help their student manage the diabetes, including somewhere private she can go to check her levels.

Was it down to her diabetes though? We're her sugars low? If not yabvu and your daughter needs to take responsibility.

If so you have a point and teacher should have managed it better.

But looking at this from the perspective of the girl who was hit I would go nuts if a child who had hit mine for no reason was allowed to go unpunished.

Looking at it from your perspective if there was nothing showing the behaviour was down to diabetes I wouldn't be raising it as you cant atribute all bad behaviour to her condition all the time. Teenagers can be hormonal and do behave out of character on occasion by virtue of this alone. Was there any history with the girl? Was her comments the last straw for your dd?

Hypos after exercise can cone with no or very little warning. Even a teenager with the best diabetic control (these years are extremely difficult with hormones, peer pressure etc) can suffer a severe low blood sugar and be unable to function normally.
Has your diabetic nurse been into school to do some training with key people, definitely P.E staff and first aiders? Maybe go in with them and discuss a care plan....being left alone when hypo is dangerous.
No excuse for hitting another child, but a reason for a sudden change in behaviour.

The thing is, you are only guessing that this was due to blood sugars - unfortunately as she didn't test it is just conjecture.

What I would do is go in for the meeting. Make your daughter accept full responsibility for the incident BUT then request a discussion of how her condition is being managed.

I don't see how there is any way out of your daughter being punished BUT it may end up being for the best if it encourages her to test her blood sugars more.

The point is that the teacher should have been more alert in the first place when DD stormed out of class. Being aware of her medical condition they should have followed that up and made sure she wasn't away on her own, and that she was tested.
If they had done that then the second incident where another pupil was hit wouldn't have happened.
Agreed that all bad behaviour can't be attributed to the medical condition, but the onus is on the school to ensure that a child with this medical condition should be looked after properly.
My friend was very aggressive, sitting in her office swearing about her boss, slamming things about, it was very strange - and out of character. If I'd known that she was diabetic it would have definitely sounded alarm bells as should this incident in school.

Absolutely you should raise your concerns. It sounds like it is most likely down to her diabetes.i saw a you tube clip the other day about a 11 year old girl whose mum had a hypo whilst driving, and the child had to climb over her mum and stop the car! It was on the Ellen Degeneres show. Her mum was completely irrational, child got an award. They played the call to the emergency services and it was heartbreaking to listen to.

I'm a secondary teacher and see hundreds of pupils, many of whom have varying needs every week. When I am looking up my pupils at the start of the year, I would see that a pupil might be listed as diabetic, make a note of it, but because it doesn't affect my teaching in the way that ADHD or a hearing problem might, it would probably be forgotten the same way I don't always remember which students are allergic to nuts. That said, diabetes might be more relevant to a PE teacher, but I expect they also forgot, rather than deliberately ignored the connection between her condition and behaviour. If you want staff to monitor her behaviour because her diabetes is not well controlled then the best thing you could do would be to put together information and ask for it to be emailed around all her teachers. I would also talk to her friends about hypos and ask for their support in spotting them as they will see her more often than her teachers.

YANBU at all.

I can't help thinking that some people posting with good intentions on this thread don't know much about the medical condition involved.
Of course you need to discuss both the "behaviour" incident and your daughter's medical condition together Op, the school can't apply sanctions without discussing the circumstances properly.
I think their failure in duty of care is much more serious than the behaviour issue to be honest.

Just seen your dd is newly diagnosed, did the nurse so into school and go through the care plan with staff? Signs of a hypo, emergency care are all included in my dd's. The nurse goes into her school twice a year to reinforce the key points too.

I would definitely be bringing it up
(And secretly very cross)
But I would make sure to word it so as not to get their backs up

Someone mentioned friends earlier
Could you talk to them (dd may kill you) not only would probably be quite blasé about it which would probably help your dd but also in situations such as the one that just happened her friends could help remind the teacher 'mrs smith, that's not like bobetta, should someone check it's not her diabetes'
Children that age can be lovely looking out for each other and friends would be willing to help like that

Ah noble posted much more succinctly

While it took me 15 minutes to get mine to send (I'm fast going off mn at the moment grr )

I'm shocked by this and if it does turn out it was down to low blood sugar I would not be wanting the child to do isolation: she can't help being diabetic and unfortunately this is one of the effects! They don't always know they are getting low and sometimes, even if they do, they can't gather their wits enough to test and act on the results! It's like being drunk.

I would also be asking the school to check this possibility first in the event of bad behaviour to rule it out in future!

Yanbu but I think realistically this needs to be taken as a learning exercise and flagged to teachers to educate them on her condition.

I would treat the two things as separate issues - firstly, accept the punishment.

Secondly, remind the school that this kind of uncharacteristic behaviour can mean that your DD needs immediate medical attention. She can't be left. Enquire about having a nurse in to talk to staff, or getting an updated care plan emailed to all staff. Ask the school how you and they can ensure something like this doesn't happen again. I wouldn't phrase it as neglect or a failure as this will get their backs up, but impress upon them how serious this can be for your DD.

A lot of previous posters are passing an opinion without being aware of the serious impairment a hypo can have on someone's ability to think. It can also cause hallucinations and severe paranoia.

What you have described sounds exactly like a hypo. No need for testing to prove it.

Your DD has only been diagnosed for a short time and is probably still really struggling to come to terms with her future. She needs support not punishment.

The school took a massive risk with your DD's life and you need to act to prevent that from happening again. It can take way less than that hour for someone's BM to drop to dangerously low levels, causing brain damage or death. They cannot allow this to happen again.

I would ask the school for a meeting with the school nurse, the SENCo, your diabetes specialist nurse and your DD's tutor to discuss how to manage this situation in the future. They need to come up with a care plan and make sure that every member of staff in the school is informed of the danger signs and how to deal with them.

Has your DD had any counselling? The specialist nurse may be able to refer her for some. This isn't as simple as just telling her how to manage the condition. She may be very angry and need an outlet for that.