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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about my wedding venue?

996 replies

IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 13/10/2013 16:16

Name changed
Basically have a tiny budget. We were going to cut our guest list but we don't want to. We love everyone on it.
Have been offered The British Legion as a venue for free. Best man works evenings there.
We have decided to take it so we can afford to give everyone a nice time. Its bloody ugly inside. Has lovely big field though/n pretty outside etc.
I know I chose this, and I am not wanting to save up for few years as I just want to marry dp and have all our friends and family there. And would be stupid to not accept such a generous offer.
Just venting I guess... and wondering what to do about the fading carpet, chipped paint, arcade machine...

OP posts:
shrinkingnora · 21/10/2013 17:00

No. That would have been too bizarre!

I went to a lovely wedding where they asked people to bring food eg savoury for 6 or pudding for 6. It worked really well and was a fantastic icebreaker. Think they asked for less from couples and the food was delicious. They got loads of French sticks and butter to add to it. May well have been the nicest wedding food I've ever had actually! I also discovered that the wood fired pizza oven people at the market do wedding catering. That kind of thing might be a bit more expensive though! Also went to a wedding catered and served by the local WI. Was very cheap and very yum.

As long as there is enough food to soak up the alcohol no one really minds what it is!

I would decide what the most important bits are to you and then spend accordingly.

We had loads of b&q and ikea vouchers for our wedding, actually very useful!

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 17:07

Important to us is that we're getting married [cheesy emoticon] that everyone has a fab time. Good food & plenty of it. Affordable drinks for guests. I want of us all to look gorgeous too Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 17:07
  • all of us I meant
OP posts:
shrinkingnora · 21/10/2013 17:12

Barrel of beer from local brewery? Can be very cheap! If you were a bit closer to us I'd do you a deal. I really think I'd give the everyone bring a dish thing a go. The food is usually the most expensive thing.

shrinkingnora · 21/10/2013 17:20

Just remembered what another friend is doing - buying all sorts of vases and bottles and jugs for the table decorations. They're then going to put wild flowers and dried grasses in them.

shrinkingnora · 21/10/2013 17:22

Should have said from charity shops! She hasn't paid more than £2 for any of them.

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 18:43

Will scout the charity shops. I need to anyway because someone sent me a link for brooch bouquet & I'm hoping it works out cheaply. And its so pretty.

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Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 18:44

Thank you anyway nora

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Bogeyface · 21/10/2013 21:33

On a gift list, go through the John Lewis website, decorating your dream home! Then go onto amazon and find the reasonably prices alternatives to your lottery win list!

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 21:36

Can we do that? I thought it was bad etiquette if we asked for gifts and we lived together? if its not though thats cool too Grin

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Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 21:37

Oh FFS. I post like I'm pissed. Every time.
if its not though thats cool

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 21/10/2013 21:38

The thing is, people will expect and ime get a little snotty if you dont give them some idea!

I think it is more of an etiquette challenge if it is a second marriage, but if everyone who lived together before marriage didnt have a gift list the John Lewis would go out of business!

HorryIsUpduffed · 21/10/2013 21:42

You can look round your house and see what's a bit tatty.

What about some lovely new towels? Big bath sheets in fluffy Egyptian cotton? Or a new duvet? or a new non-stick griddle pan? or some wine glasses?

I think in your case having a few physical things for traditionalists along with some directly weddingy things (bring a cake, bring a plate of cheese straws, hang some bunting) would seem non-grabby.

Bogeyface · 21/10/2013 21:44

The absolute best thing I put on our list was cotton bed linen. Far better quality than I could afford but one sheet for example, or a pair of pillow slips or one duvet cover were well within the acceptable range for a gift. Same with good quality towels. Thanks to rellies liasing on gifts, we got a good set of both :)

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 22:08

No, neither of us has been married. I would love new fluffy towels. Ours are past it. And cotton bed linen would be bliss.
What's the correct way to do a guest list then? In the invites? If people ask? Confused
Also is a save the date polite? Or rude?

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 21/10/2013 22:11

Wait until they ask.

MrsWildermac · 21/10/2013 22:34

Hiya, I'm afraid I haven't had time to read the whole thread (will do though...I love a good wedding!). Your wedding sounds great! Just to say, I got married two years ago and still have 3 Ronald Alexander bridesmaids dresses that I've been meaning to sell for ages...pm me if you're interested in them.

We had a garden party style wedding with an ice cream cart which did unlimited ice cream for all guests which went down a treat!

We had the reception in a private school - the main part of the school was gorgeous as were the grounds, but the food was in the reception hall which had bright blue curtains and basketball court markings on the floor. Once thhe tables were dressed and the chairs were out, no one could see the floor. I made hundreds of tissue paper pom poms which we threaded from the ceiling, as well as meters of bunting I got from ebay.

Our caterers pulled out with a week to go and so we were looking round at other options and using m&s for sandwiches, and getting friends to bake and using some m&s ones and borrowing cake stsnds etc from people was going to work out pretty reasonably (and we had 180 on guest list!).

Upsy1981 · 21/10/2013 22:37

Save the date is okay, as long as you then actually invite the people you have asked to save the date.

Apparently according to mn, sending out gift listd with the invitation is not. The. Done. Thing. However, I think it's fine and is accepted as wedding etiquette (or it certainly has been at every wedding I've ever been to acrosd a wide cross section of family and various friends).

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 21/10/2013 23:18

MrsWildermac Ice cream cart sounds yummy.

Upsy When do people send save the dates? I get so confused about whats ok and whats not. Wasnt even going to have a gift list until advised on here that I should.

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Bogeyface · 21/10/2013 23:53

I have never been bothered by receiving a gift list with the invite but couldnt bring myself to put one in mine! I told the best men, MOH, my mum and family etc and certain friends so that if people asked the info would be passed on. In the end, after many people asking, I posted something tongue in cheek on FB about it. I cant remember the exact wording but something along the lines of "Oh ok then ! If you absolutely insist on buying us a 52inch 3D tv as a wedding present then our list is at X :o" We got 2 cards with photos of massive 3D tellies in :o

And YY to the Save the Date being followed by an invite. There was a hell of a hoo har on here not long ago. An MNer was sent a STD (no, not a sexually transmitted disease!) and then didnt get an invite. She was told that numbers had been cut but as she was now going to be free that day, would she please decorate the venue for the bride? I cant actually remember how it ended but I seem to recall that the bride geniuinely didnt get just how awful her behaviour was!

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 00:09

Bogeyface Grin

That's our problem! I can't make my self put gift list in invite.

No, we know our guests we're inviting. Where is this thread? Must go & nose. Did she decorate it?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 22/10/2013 00:27

No she didnt! There was a lot of email back and forth where the OP basically said "Are you having a laugh?!" and the bride said "No, are you doing it or not?"

It was mad!

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