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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about my wedding venue?

996 replies

IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 13/10/2013 16:16

Name changed
Basically have a tiny budget. We were going to cut our guest list but we don't want to. We love everyone on it.
Have been offered The British Legion as a venue for free. Best man works evenings there.
We have decided to take it so we can afford to give everyone a nice time. Its bloody ugly inside. Has lovely big field though/n pretty outside etc.
I know I chose this, and I am not wanting to save up for few years as I just want to marry dp and have all our friends and family there. And would be stupid to not accept such a generous offer.
Just venting I guess... and wondering what to do about the fading carpet, chipped paint, arcade machine...

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Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 08:50

Oh lots to read! is part 2 there?

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Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 15:22

Wow that thread is long!

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Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 15:24

Read half way- saw the link for Confetti forum. Grin Had a read. Interesting

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WaitMonkey · 22/10/2013 15:32

I've never had an invitation or a brilliant grasping poem. I live in hope that I will do one day. Grin

WaitMonkey · 22/10/2013 15:39

I ment, I've never received a gift list, not an invitation. Blush Had lots of them.

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 15:53

WaitMonkey Is it rude? To send a gift list? I'm getting conflicting advice.

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ProfondoRosso · 22/10/2013 16:03

It's definitely not rude to send a gift list, IMO.

At first I thought, 'ugh, no - grabby!' But then it can make life easier for other people, and nobody has to buy things from it if they have other ideas. We put a bit of paper in with our invites, with directions to the chapel and a little note to say we had a small gift list available at this link.

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 16:06

Profondo Thats a good compromise actually

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Charlesroi · 22/10/2013 16:07

Is it rude? Depends who you ask really.

I think it's a bit rude to send one out with the invites - especialy if it's very specific (e.g. only expensive equipment for your hobby) or doesn't have a decent selection of inexpensive items, but people will want to buy you something so have one ready. If you are going to do it just remember some people can only afford a £5 voucher or a wooden spoon set.

WaitMonkey · 22/10/2013 16:08

Oh, I've didn't mean it was rude, just saying I've never received one. Maybe they aren't as popular as they once where. Or maybe they just aren't popular with people I know. Would like to receive one, just for the novelty value. I have also never seen a poem asking for money in rl. I have a massive issue with them, not the gift list still want to receive one though.

HorryIsUpduffed · 22/10/2013 16:12

I think sending an actual list is considered rude; alluding to a list, either by slipping in the John Lewis code or saying "we want your presence more than your presents, but the wedding list is available on request" or something is not considered rude.

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 16:18

Oh dear Confused what a minefield! We werent going to have one, have been advised to though for people convenience.
waitmonkey Agree totally with you about the request for cash.Awful. Have had the quirky poem, a plea to fund couples honeymoon & a straight to the point 'please just bring specific vouchers with you. We dont want gifts' Grin

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WaitMonkey · 22/10/2013 16:31

It is a minefield. In all honestly if I received a gift list with an invitation, I probably would think it was rude. But that's because if you do that then it shows you are expecting a gift, something I do think is rude. I know people do give gifts for weddings, but showing you expect them isn't on imo.
How about doing a list and then just giving out details if people ask. Or would you prefer vouchers ?

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 16:39

Oh I didn't expect one at all. we wasn't going to do it at all as said upthread (previous page)
Thought because we were living together and all that, we don't need one. I dont expect or want my guests to even lift a finger/ pay a penny for our wedding.
I'm coming across grabby when I'm quite the opposite.

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ProfondoRosso · 22/10/2013 16:42

Horry's right - an allusion to a list, with an internet link, is the way to go. And write something beside it like "obviously, you being there to celebrate with us is gift enough." And hope someone buys those nice cotton sheets Grin

A reasonable list, with things which people can use at any stage of their relationship, such as bed linen, shouldn't offend anyone. It's when you see insane things like a Mario Kart steering wheel on someone's list that you go Confused

HorryIsUpduffed · 22/10/2013 16:49

And putting potentially cheap things on the list such as "coasters" or "vase" means nobody gets to the list to find nothing within their budget.

But I still think your list should include things like "plate of cheese scones for the wedding reception" which you do actually need and want, and which can be cheap or expensive depending on the guest's preference.

HorryIsUpduffed · 22/10/2013 16:50

FWIW we had a list not with a shop, through a website.

Put Scrabble in your list if you don't already have a set. That was one of our best presents and one of the first to go!

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 17:30

Profondo Did someone actually put that on their list? Grin

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ancientbuchanan · 22/10/2013 20:31

You're not coming across as at all grabby, the reverse.

But your guests won't want you to be skint for months afterwards and will want to join in whatever way the y can, if they are like you. Wouldn't you want to join in, if you were them? I would. I would bring you a chicken casserole and a crumble, I know it! And s small thing as a token because most people have too much, unless they are just starting out.

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 21:37

anchientbuchanan Thanks you sound lovely.

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Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 21:53

I would bring something, yes. Casserole would be such a clever gift. I'm always wishing I had a stocked freezer of lovely meals.

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Silvercatowner · 22/10/2013 22:05

Turn your hen party into a 'make decorations' party. Different and much more fun.

Want2bSupermum · 22/10/2013 22:08

For our wedding we used amazon for our gift list. A lot of guests said it was the best gift list ever. We got everything we wanted and our guests got a discount getting it for us. I was careful to pick good quality stuff that was listed for a good price.

Don't do what my DH did....He also listed at Tiffany, George Jensen and Bloomingdales. I hated those lists because DH set them up to make his mother happy and none of his family bought from them. My Dad saw the full set of cutlery listed and bought it thinking we really wanted it and no one else would have bought it because it was so expensive. $8k (USD) later I returned it all to the store and demanded they refund my father. We still use the cheap set from Ikea that cost $50 and looks very similiar to the expensive set. Who asks for guests to spend $8k on bloody cutlery?!? Angry and Blush

Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 22:13

Want2bSupermum Thanks for you!

Silvercatowner We don't think we can afford stag/ hen parties. We did briefly think about a meal out in an entertaining Mexican restaurant, and just stating that any one is welcome to join us. We have a lot of coup[le friends and we would want to spend it with them all. However decided people might be a bit Hmm

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Original poster
IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 22/10/2013 22:14

I meant on account that it would be a joint thing and I think that's frowned upon Confused

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