Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

to say no to this request from a friend?

(1001 Posts)
TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:16:33

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

grabaspoon Sun 21-Jul-13 10:18:06


She's a cheeky cow

I would offer to do it for a fee grin

CatelynStark Sun 21-Jul-13 10:18:06

That's extremely cheeky. I'd tell her to bog off.

RandomMess Sun 21-Jul-13 10:18:57

Yes she's being cheeky!!!!

SaucyJack Sun 21-Jul-13 10:19:32

She's a legend.

But no, YANBU.

5madthings Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:01

Cheeky cow!! Yanbu

ParkerTheThief Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:08

Very cheeky.
There's no way I would help.

How many people has she invited? If its a very small wedding on a budget then I think I'd help out a real friend. But, if its a big/ plush affair then I'd be inclined to not waste my precious time helping out someone who didn't think enough of me to want me there to help celebrate...

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:20

She need to feck off.

Although you've saved the date now, so be careful with your excuse..!


OwlinaTree Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:55

No you are busy. What a cheek!

Shellywelly1973 Sun 21-Jul-13 10:21:03

I wouldn't do it. She's being rude. I wouldn't offer an explanation as to why you can't help.

MorphandChas Sun 21-Jul-13 10:21:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RobotBananas Sun 21-Jul-13 10:22:09

Just laugh at her... After all, she can't possibly be serious, can she? smile

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:22:38

There are about 80 people invited and 100 save the date cards went out. So nope, not a small/budget wedding.

May need mumsnet assistance for a good excuse! wink

HopALongOn Sun 21-Jul-13 10:22:42

The cheek!
Just say that you're busy as you had saved the date so booked something else to do when you weren't then invited.

PoppyWearer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:23:09

Arf - yes, that's why she had you save the date!! grin


FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 21-Jul-13 10:23:31

What grabaspoon said. Tell her your hourly rate is £30 and you have a minimum booking of 3 hours grin

SanityClause Sun 21-Jul-13 10:23:51

I don't know if it seems petty not to do it, and I can see why you are struggling with it.

I do think it's bloody cheeky of her to ask you to do it, if that helps.

Dear Friend,
Thank you for the kind invitation to decorate your wedding venue. I fear I must decline.



pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 10:24:06

No cheeky so and so, no is a whole sentence. You could say yes, only if I'm invited to,the wedding. The audacity of some is shocking! So she sent save the date cards no because she wanted to invite those people, but because sew anted the whol world and their dog to know about her wedding. That would b a dealbreaker for me

meganorks Sun 21-Jul-13 10:24:26

So she sent you a save the date to ensure you saved it to decorate her venue?! Rude beyond belief! Tell her to do one! And maybe point out to her that this is not the purpose of save the dates.
I have been wondering about save the dates myself and whether to send to people only planning to invite to the evening or full day guests only. So sending to people you have no intention of inviting is just unbelievable!

Aquamildred Sun 21-Jul-13 10:24:27

How cheeky!

toxicoverload Sun 21-Jul-13 10:25:09

Absolutely not.. no way. So cheeky. Why did she send out a save the date. Brag?

I would say 'I have plans that day, sorry'. I wouldn't even care that she might think the date is free.

The only way I would help if they lost their jobs of something in the meantime and as a result are having immediate family only. I doubt this though.

sweetestcup Sun 21-Jul-13 10:25:32

Of course you aren't being unreasonable! Just when I think Ive read about every possible bridezilla and entitled behaviour here up pops another! Cheeky and trying it on, she sends you a save the date card - so I presume this is what you did, doesn't invite you after all, and then expects you to help her decorate....some people really don't think or care about others feelings. I hope you tell her where to shove her decorations!

DameFanny Sun 21-Jul-13 10:26:37

"oh, what a shame. When we realised we didn't need to save the date after all we made other plans. Do have a lovely wedding"

KitNCaboodle Sun 21-Jul-13 10:26:52

Why do weddings skew perspectives?
She's incredibly unreasonable and you're incredibly busy that day. Cheeky moo!

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:27:03

Thank you all for your replies smile

She would know I would likely have to get childcare to help her, so it's not hugely convenient anyway!

diddl Sun 21-Jul-13 10:27:20

Do you want to help?

If not-don't!

Tbh, I don't see why you should have to help if you didn't want to even if you were invited!

Other people have lives to get on with!

internationallove985 Sun 21-Jul-13 10:28:13

Tell her to stick her wedding invitation where the sun don't shine, and tell her to ask someone who has invited to her wedding to help her decorate the venue. You don't owe her anything. The audacity of some people. x

RobotBananas Sun 21-Jul-13 10:28:21

Please email back something like "are you fucking joking?"

YANBU just tell her no, you do not need to find an excuse for not helping.

CecilyP Sun 21-Jul-13 10:28:55

I think she is being very cheeky. If she sent a save the date card and then no wedding invite, at the very least, she should have phoned you to explain the reason. Again, if she really needed your help, instead of sending an email, she should have phoned, apologised for not inviting you and again given the reason before asking for your help.

So, YANBU, refusal to help is perfectly understandable, not petty at all.

expatinscotland Sun 21-Jul-13 10:30:14

Tell her no! She's got a cheek. 'I'm not available for that.' No explanation.

Crumbledwalnuts Sun 21-Jul-13 10:30:17


Some people are very badly brought up - I wouldn't associate with them in any way, but I suppose you have to respond and say no. You could add "What on earth is wrong with you?" but people like that will never know.

Redlocks30 Sun 21-Jul-13 10:30:27

Horribly rude! Does she have form for selfish behaviour?

Email back-sorry, but no.

Yonionekanobe Sun 21-Jul-13 10:30:30

May need Mumsnet assistance for a good excuse

I don't think you need a 'good excuse', I think you need to tell her where to stick her bouquet.

i would email back

'you're kidding, right?'

and leave it at that.

usuallyright Sun 21-Jul-13 10:31:18

tell her the truth.
Say: " I would help normally, but it feels a bit weird seeing as you've not invited me to your wedding'

RaisingChaotic Sun 21-Jul-13 10:31:18

YANBU She's being a cheeky cow.

Just tell her, no, it's not convenient.

Bakingtins Sun 21-Jul-13 10:31:18

I would assume that a save the date card meant you were invited, and more than that, that she really particularly wanted you there, hence giving you lots of warning to make sure you didn't have other commitments on that date by the time invitations went out. Really odd to do that and not invite you.
Unbelievably cheeky to then expect you to help! I think cuttingpicasso has it spot on. Or just "No".

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Sun 21-Jul-13 10:31:35

She sounds a right nob.

No way would i be helping her.

DragonMamma Sun 21-Jul-13 10:31:37

I am sat here agog


She is a cheeky cow

ImagineJL Sun 21-Jul-13 10:31:43

"thank you for inviting me to help with your wedding decorations. I will save the date and let you know nearer the time"

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:31:55

Ah see I can't be certain she sent the save the date card to be sure I'd be available to help. She has done the same to about 20 people so I suspect this is just a bonus to her.

I didn't see this kind of behaviour in her before. She and her fiancé are normal. Friend works for the NHS and her husband is a teacher. They are average people! I'm not sure what kind of person I expected a bridezilla to be, but I suppose weddings turn even the most level headed people crackers!

expatinscotland Sun 21-Jul-13 10:32:19

You don't need an excuse, either. I'm not available is one.

Ooh, if you have small children perhaps you could take them along to 'help'. Surely every bridezilla's nightmare, having your venue decorated by an enthusiastic 5 year old grin

RandomMess Sun 21-Jul-13 10:33:24

Sorry no childcare as I cancelled it once I realised I wasn't invited to the wedding despite receiving a save the date card smile

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 21-Jul-13 10:33:45

Weeeellll, you could always agree enthusiastically, get involved with her plans etc, and then have diplomatic flu/childcare crisis on the day. But I may be in a bit of a bitchy mood this morning. blush (Am normally nice, honest.)

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 10:34:06

weddings turn even the most level headed people crackers!

This would be a wonderful strapline for a wedding magazine or wedding planner!

You are so right though!

Areyoumadorisitme Sun 21-Jul-13 10:34:28

YANBU at all!

I'd just reply something along the lines of it being rather uncomfortable to decorate for a wedding you're not invited to. Best of luck etc

RinseAndRepeat Sun 21-Jul-13 10:34:30

What is it with people and weddings? Where do they learn to be so entitled?

Just say no, you're busy. Cheeky cow.

IceAddict Sun 21-Jul-13 10:34:43

No way, tell her you didn't have the heart to tell her when you got the save the date card, that you were already invited to a wedding out of town that day, and you were so relieved you weren't invited, so you wouldn't have to disappoint her. So no you cant help as you're busy being a guest at another wedding that day. Cheeky cow!

SanityClause Sun 21-Jul-13 10:34:45

Well, your "good excuse" is that you can't really, as you're doing something with your children that day. (Everyone's doing something with their children, even if it's lying in the sun, watching them play in the garden, before making a lunch of sandwiches, and then hanging out a load of washing before going for a walk.)

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:35:59

Haha, thank you for the help you lovely lot!

I don't really have much interest in maintaining the friendship after this so maybe I should be harsh in response!

anonacfr Sun 21-Jul-13 10:38:47

Let us know what you tell her grin

I would reply with something short and to the point

'No, I won't be helping you with that.


FannyFifer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:39:16

I would agree to helping then have an unfortunate stomach bug or family crisis.
What a boot, she is not a friend!

Absolutely say no.

She led you to believe that you'd be invited and hasn't even had the good grace to give an explanation.

You have every right to say why you won't be helping her out, cheeky mare!!

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 21-Jul-13 10:39:46

Can I just say that this is my favourite time of year on MN because of all the unreasonable bride threads? grin

You are absolutely NBU. Tell the cheeky cow to fuck off.

internationallove985 Sun 21-Jul-13 10:40:03

Of course you should be harsh in your response. You don't even have to give an excuse. Just tell her boldly you're not doing it. x

Iaintdunnuffink Sun 21-Jul-13 10:40:18

I would email back with what RandomMess said.

Cheeky cow! You send save the date cards out to people you are going to invite and want to make sure are there.

FannyFifer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:40:59

"No thanks, I'm washing my hair that day" grin

SanityClause Sun 21-Jul-13 10:41:05

I don't really get this "save the date" business, anyway. What are they expecting you to do? Not book holidays, turn down other actual invitations, because you are "saving the date".

Or are they "baggsy-ing" the date. "You can't get married or have a party on that date, I've already bagsed it!"

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 21-Jul-13 10:41:19

Or just help decorate it.



miffybun73 Sun 21-Jul-13 10:41:23

YANBU. So extremely cheeky it's hard to believe.

I'm going to go slightly against the tide on this one, because I love doing things like this and would love to decorate a wedding venue. However, there is absolutely no reason why you SHOULD do so. If you don't WANT to then just say no, you don't really need an explanation, and anyone with half a brain will know why, whether you try to dress it up or not.

Or you could ask her for the list of other people who were not invited and suggest that you all do it together! and have your own party at the same time as you're all going to miss out on the big day! grin

Hegsy Sun 21-Jul-13 10:42:32

Just straight to the point.... 'no that doesn't work for me' and leave it at that. Or even just ignore her email.

Pigsmummy Sun 21-Jul-13 10:42:37

Be "away" that weekend, no harm in saying that had kept the date free, as per the card but since learning that you are not invited have made plans.

You only send keep the date cards to people you are inviting, otherwise what's the point? Bridezilla.

aldiwhore Sun 21-Jul-13 10:43:01

I think save the date cards are an okayish idea if the wedding is a long way off. But you never ever send them to anyone that isn't going to receive an actual invitation.

I'm afraid op any advice I could give would probably be the death knell of the friendship, so I'm keeping schtum.

RinseAndRepeat Sun 21-Jul-13 10:43:36

It's none of her business why you can't do it. Just say 'that date doesn't work for me now. Good luck!'

I would reply, " no I won't be helping but I'm sure some of your A List friends will be happy to oblige"
But then, I'm a bitch grin

scarlettanager Sun 21-Jul-13 10:44:33


rindercella Sun 21-Jul-13 10:44:40

There are loads of these bridezilla threads at the moment. The audacity of some brides-to-be never ceases to amaze me.

Your friend is very cheeky, not to mention incredibly rude Tidy. I would reply saying that as you didn't need to save the date after all, you haven't and are doing something else. There's no need to need to mention what it is that you're doing.

Somethingtothinkabout Sun 21-Jul-13 10:45:02

That's a whole Newcastle of cheeky!

I'd reply saying that since you (and DP and kids?) had all saved the date and got time off, when found out you weren't invited, you've now made other plans to make the most of the weekend. Sorry.

DumSpiroSpero Sun 21-Jul-13 10:45:20

Absolutely bonkers (the friend - not you!).

Have just your OP to my 9yo and even at her age she thinks your 'friend' is being a cheeky a moo!

I like Random's slightly passive aggressive reply.

Somethingtothinkabout Sun 21-Jul-13 10:45:33

Newcastle???? I meant new level...

Pigsmummy Sun 21-Jul-13 10:45:58

Sanityclause the keep the date card is ideal for people who might need to book travel, hotels etc. Invites don't go out until eight weeks before so advance notice is a good thing surely?

However bride in this case has missed the point as you wouldn't send them to people who won't be invited.

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:46:12

I want to be mean!

I was so even tempered with her when she said she wasn't inviting me and DP that I feel she's had enough of my niceness!

Thank you again everyone!

MortifiedAdams Sun 21-Jul-13 10:46:51

"Dear X, Save The Dates are usually sent to ensure your guests are avaliable to attend your wedding - not to make sure they are free to help on the day (and NOT get invited). I am astounded at your request, I wish you well in the future"

FannyFifer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:48:05

Go with mortifiedadams email.

lurkerspeaks Sun 21-Jul-13 10:48:24

I can't believe she even asked.

I'm usually a pushover but I would be saying No to that request. I too regard save the date as an intention to invite (did have one wedding where invite never arrived. 'twas v. awkward finally got a 3rd party to intervene turns out one had been sent and bride was getting increasingly irate with me for not RSVPing... I never did get a printed invite but did get an e.mail and attend the wedding.

HairyGrotter Sun 21-Jul-13 10:48:52

This has made me laugh with shock!!

What on earth is she thinking?! A simple 'no' would suffice, you owe her fuck all! In fact, I think my brain would just go into auto and I'd have responded straight away with 'fuck off you cheeky bitch' but then I'm usually a little loose with my temper wink

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 21-Jul-13 10:50:00

If you want to be mean tell her you'd be happy to help and then piss off out leaving her and possibly the other 19 guests to do it herself.

Pigsmummy Sun 21-Jul-13 10:50:13

Send her a link to this thread? Nothing else just the link?

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 10:50:21

seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited

So in that case she thinks sending out Save the Date cards are a bit like Lloyd Webber telling hopefuls "You could still be Nancy/Joseph/Dorothy/Maria"

So she is keeping her options open, but is not extending the same courtesy to you. Erm your friend doesn't know much about wedding etiquette or even basic good manners, does she?

Hate to rub salt into the wound Tidy but I think it's a huge pity you're not going to the would be fascinating to see what other sorts of behaviour she would find acceptable!

Yonionekanobe Sun 21-Jul-13 10:51:07

I thought I'd learnt a new expression this morning Something 😆

Tweasels Sun 21-Jul-13 10:51:32

I'd be tempted to turn up at the a wedding dress.

PrettyPaperweight Sun 21-Jul-13 10:51:58

I'd have some fun with this, tbh!

Assume she has asked you to supervise/liaise with a professional wedding service rather than actually do the job yourself, and so ask her if she's booked a company or if you can pick someone you think suitable, becauee you know an excellent company, check what her budget is, colour scheme etc etc etc!
Make a really big deal of it and leave her to backtrack rapidly!

rindercella Sun 21-Jul-13 10:52:46

"Dear X, Save The Dates are usually sent to ensure your guests are avaliable to attend your wedding - not to make sure they are free to help on the day (and NOT get invited). I am astounded at your request, I wish you well in the future"

^^ this

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 10:53:14

As mortified has said and then say Adios to that friendship

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:53:29

Oh Mortified! That's brilliant!

Any thoughts against that? Because I really want to send it!

I don't care for how it is received. I'm not particularly interested in maintaining this friendship after this. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm not massively patient with people who treat me like crap!

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 10:54:10

PrettyPaperWeight I just LOVE your suggestion so much I want to marry it and have its babies!

TalkativeJim Sun 21-Jul-13 10:55:22

'Thanks for the offer, but I wouldn't want to intrude on your special day'.

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 10:55:45

Some people need to be told

WinkyWinkola Sun 21-Jul-13 10:55:52

She's hilarious and clearly barking.

Save the date is an intention to invite. Not an intention to treat you as a volunteer.


She's not a friend. She is a dumb mare.

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 10:56:05

Yes I think Mortified's suggestion is excellent too. Is there any way you can bundle it up with Pretty's?

Just wow!
You're not important enough to her to get an invite but you're good enough to help with the preps - Bride Brain strikes again.

As you're not arsed about maintaining this friendship be honest and and tell her you can't believe she's got the fucking gall to ask for your help!

Awomansworth Sun 21-Jul-13 10:56:52

Well she's got some front hasn't she...

I too would be replying along the lines of what MortifiedAdams wrote.

She certainly doesn't believe you have a friendship (acquaintance perhaps) or why else would she not invite you to her wedding.

Like that response but I would leave the 'I wish you well..' out of it. No need to be civil smile

Go on, send mortified's suggestion.

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 10:57:49

And before anyone else says it, you do know Tidy don't you, that you neglect to keep us updated on this on pain of being slapped with wet fish a lot of times!

OhTheConfusion Sun 21-Jul-13 10:58:49

Send mortified's response!

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 10:59:37

Go for it tidy grin

FannyFifer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:59:59

Def send, but leave out the I wish you well but.

Backpaw Sun 21-Jul-13 11:00:08

Can't you just post your reply on Facebook? A much larger audience!

Crazy. Not sending 100 save the date cards plus postage would have left her with enough money to get a professional to decorate the room.

MortifiedAdams Sun 21-Jul-13 11:02:10

Thanks. Tbh I think the friendship is over, so there is nothing to be lost by giving her both barrels, but wishing her well for the future means you stay the better person.

She cant ever speak ill of you.

rubberducky24 Sun 21-Jul-13 11:02:11

another vote for sending mortified's reply!

Burmobasher Sun 21-Jul-13 11:02:28

Wow. Tell her to cock off

ChippingInHopHopHop Sun 21-Jul-13 11:02:37

I was just going to ask you what you were getting out of this friendship and why you wanted to continue it... but it sounds like you are already thinking about this smile <sorry, it's always crap to be hurt/let down by someone you thought was a friend>.

It's not the 'not being invited' (though I don't know if given how many people she has invited and who, whether you would 'expect' to be invited or not) but sending you a 'keep the date' card then not inviting you is really rude and asking you to decorate the venue so those who are invited don't see it, is just rubbing your nose in it and being fucking precious to think that anyone else attending the wedding really gives a flying fuck about the decorations to the point of them needing to be 'surprised' by them.

I would simply reply 'You have to be joking' and leave it at that. Let her make the next move in the friendship and see how you feel about it when/if she does.

Yonionekanobe Sun 21-Jul-13 11:02:45

I think if her head is this much in Bridezilla mode she will read your response as being bitter/jealous that you're not attending her fabulous day. I definitely think you need to let her know why this is outrageous behaviour but be prepared that it may not register.

comingintomyown Sun 21-Jul-13 11:03:40

Yep send mortifieds reply and include the wish you well

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 11:03:48

Dear F,

Save The Dates are usually sent to ensure your guests are avaliable to attend your wedding - not to make sure they are free to help on the day (and NOT get invited). I am astounded at your request, and will not be available to provide assistance for your special day.


Mostly all stolen from Mortified, how does that sound?

Evie - I will post any responses, I promise! I know how frustrating it is when threads don't get updated!

Mouthfulofquiz Sun 21-Jul-13 11:04:05

Id say sorry but I'm busy that day and the day before. No details needed. She is taking the piss!

Jan49 Sun 21-Jul-13 11:05:05

I'm speechless. I think she deserves a very rude reply.

MortifiedAdams Sun 21-Jul-13 11:05:37

Sounds good!

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 11:06:02

Go for it!

Popcorn, suntan lotion, decent book......

Trills Sun 21-Jul-13 11:06:25

I am intrigued as to what she thought "save the date" cards were for, if she sent them to 20 people who are not invited.

Is one of them being asked to do her hair?

Go for it :-)

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 21-Jul-13 11:09:52

ooh yes check with the other non-invitees who had Save the Date cards! Maybe they've all been asked to do hair, nails, bake the cake, write the placecards...cheeky mare.

FannyFifer Sun 21-Jul-13 11:10:40

Leave out the for your special day bit at the end.

WaitMonkey Sun 21-Jul-13 11:12:48

I've never heard of anyone receiving a save the date card and not being invited to the wedding. What does she think they are for ? She is clearly deranged. You don't know anyone who is invited and has a copy of the wedding list do you ? Would love to see that. Actually I'm amazed she hasn't sent you a copy.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Sun 21-Jul-13 11:13:16

Woo - go you!

DuchessFanny Sun 21-Jul-13 11:13:19

Do it !! Dying to hear her response !!

wriggletto Sun 21-Jul-13 11:13:20

I would amend it slightly, so you sound amused at her outrageous nerve, rather than simmering in your own hurt at not being invited: I'd add an ! after 'day' and cut it there, or add, we've made other pans, sorry. Her own guilt will do the rest, and if she's not the guilty sort, she can't then tell everyone you refused to help out because you flounced.

Although ywnbu to tell her to shove her bunting up her bustle.

wriggletto Sun 21-Jul-13 11:13:54

Other plans, not pans, obvs. Mind you...

poachedeggs Sun 21-Jul-13 11:15:07

What about

"I couldn't understand why you'd sent a Save The Date when you didn't want my company at your wedding. Now it's become clear that although you don't want my company, you do want my assistance. I find this astonishingly rude. I'm afraid I won't be able to help. I wish you well in the future. "

oohdaddypig Sun 21-Jul-13 11:16:13

Love mortified and poached eggs responses....

Are you wanting to remain friends with this person?

ratbagcatbag Sun 21-Jul-13 11:16:32

Can't think of anything appropriate to say, just marking my place. smile

soapysam Sun 21-Jul-13 11:17:52

'I'm so sorry I cant help, I'm book in for a colonic and I'd rather do that that help you. Meanwhile, I know a fantastic, classy event organiser that comes highly recommended from mumsnet, I'll give him a call...'

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Sun 21-Jul-13 11:18:01

There's only one thing to do really.

Accept with enthusiasm, then book her the party planner from Doubleshotespresso's baby shower thread.

YouTheCat Sun 21-Jul-13 11:18:17

I think, in this instance, a simple 'Get to fuck' would be an appropriate response to the request.

It is to the point and leaves no room for misinterpretation. grin

YouTheCat Sun 21-Jul-13 11:18:53

Oooh Empress that is pure evil! grin

RaisingChaotic Sun 21-Jul-13 11:20:10

Definitely send mortified's response and update us.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 21-Jul-13 11:22:34

Send that reply, do it! Make sure she knows what a cheeky cow she is.

You do not send save the dates to people that aren't invited. You especially don't then ask them to decorate the venue. Unacceptable behaviour. She'll be expecting a gift next!

BartyFottom Sun 21-Jul-13 11:24:09

How about: 'Sorry, I can't don't want to help on the day. But at least now I know why you sent a save the date card!'

Or send a 'helping with decorations' card and then just before the wedding tell her that you're not really helping her and you sent the card just because.

IvanaCake Sun 21-Jul-13 11:29:05

Cheeky cow!!

"Although I had been saving the date (thanks for the card by the way) I'm afraid we made other plans when we realised you had changed your mind about inviting us"

ReluctantBeing Sun 21-Jul-13 11:30:49

That's a great response. Go for it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 21-Jul-13 11:31:02

Have you sent it OP? I really want to hear the response.

What would be really funny would be to say you'll help then on the morning tell her you're busy...

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 11:32:45

The rudeness of her is astounding, sending save the date cards to not only the guests, but to other people not invited stoat everyone knows about her wedding. Op has said she had been bragging about it for sometime, you just don't do that! Then she has the nerve to ask op In an e mail of all things, to help decorate her venue. So op is not good enough to go to her wedding, but enough to be her skivvy.

As poached eggs has said, use that reply.

ExasperatedSigh Sun 21-Jul-13 11:33:31

There is only one suitable response to such brazen fuckwittery, and that is the one I have shamelessly stolen from Withnail & I:

"You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it!"

However, your reply is also excellent. Looking forward to the 'you're just bitter/jealous/it was a J.O.K.E.' return email from Bridezilla.

As an aside, I am intrigued as to what kind of decorations she's planning that need to be so secret. Visions of Frankenstein theme or something.

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 11:33:56

Don't tell me she has also asked you for a gift like on the other thread

johnworf Sun 21-Jul-13 11:34:37

Sets up deckchair and picnic hamper.

I think the reply the OP has put together is good. I personally would have put a few profanities in there.

The bride clearly has the hide of a rhino and more front than blackpool.

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 11:35:42

* Looking forward to the 'you're just bitter/jealous/it was a J.O.K.E.' return email from Bridezilla.*

This ^

Or even worse a gushing 'Oh but I thought you'd like the opportunity to be involved in all the fun, even though you're not coming to the wedding'

LJL69 Sun 21-Jul-13 11:37:33

Old Lady knows nothing - I was thinking just that.

Shenanagins Sun 21-Jul-13 11:39:33

soapy and express you made me laugh!

meganorks Sun 21-Jul-13 11:40:14

You don't happen to have a toilet training toddler do you? Could turn up to help and encourage toddler to decorate dancefloor with a big steaming turd...

I haven't read the baby shower thread can someone give me the heads up on the planner? It's 990 messages long!

bemybebe Sun 21-Jul-13 11:40:33

Tell her you are going to a wedding of a very dear friend. Domebody she cannot possibly know and that you were saving the date for ages... I would. Cheeky cow.

Or send a 'helping with decorations' card and then just before the wedding tell her that you're not really helping her and you sent the card just because


DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 21-Jul-13 11:41:40

Wow that takes the biscuit! I hate bridezilla nastiness, currently suffering from it myself sad

MardyBra Sun 21-Jul-13 11:41:51

I think it needs a poem.

I saved the date
But it comes to pass
There's no invite
So up your arse.

Bloody hell - she has more front than Blackpool!

I would have simply refused - I think your reply runs the risk off you being told you can do the decorations and come to the wedding.

I think I would have sent this reply; "I was very hurt and offended by your behaviour in sending save the date cards and then not inviting us to your wedding, and cannot imagine why you would think I now want to help you decorate your venue."

HawaiianSunset12 Sun 21-Jul-13 11:43:27

I've never understood the point in Save The Date cards in the first place!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 21-Jul-13 11:44:39

Ooo, Empress I was just coming back to say the same thing! It sounds like OP's Bridezilla friend and "Fronk" would be a match made in heaven grin

I feel I ought to say, in defence of Save The Date cards, we sent some out 11 months before our wedding, but everyone that received a card got an invite! We were getting married at peak holiday time and wanted a big family wedding so sending the cards out was just a courtesy.

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 11:44:59

Okay it's sent minus the special day part at the end.

Let the waiting commence!

pudcat Sun 21-Jul-13 11:45:15

Is she expecting a wedding present as well? The cheeky so and so.

oohdaddypig Sun 21-Jul-13 11:45:21

Mardy - that is brilliant grin

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 11:46:15

I have nothing against save the date cards btw, I think they can be quite helpful if you haven't finalised the ins and out of the venue and timings, etc.

But they are not for when you haven't finalised the guest list!

bemybebe Sun 21-Jul-13 11:46:19

"Or send a 'helping with decorations' card and then just before the wedding tell her that you're not really helping her and you sent the card just because"

This is much better and will really piss her off. grin <should be above it but failed>

MardyBra Sun 21-Jul-13 11:47:30

Why thank you daddypig.

maja00 Sun 21-Jul-13 11:47:58

I was promise enthusiastically to help.

Offer to take on lots of extra duties, buy the decorations, deliver them etc.

And then take your family out for a lovely day trip somewhere instead grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 21-Jul-13 11:49:31

We sent save the dates as my friends work shifts and work weekends so have to ask for the day off.

Good for you OP! Make sure you update!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 21-Jul-13 11:49:50


The OP had a friend who had recently had a baby and received a card with a very grabby "gift list" of presents for the new mum.

Upshot was the friend was truffling with new baby and her sister had taken over and hired a party planner she knew (think Fronk from Father of the Bride!) He'd book a load of ridiculous things for the party and put together the obscene gift list. Turned out sister was getting a commission from the planner!

OP and her partner stepped in to help out, cancelled planner and faced him down over returning a deposit. Sister chucked her toys out of pram.

Upshot, friend now having a quiet "normal" christening and OP and her (now!) fiancé have been asked to be godparents.

ChuffMuffin Sun 21-Jul-13 11:50:00

Blimey is July Cheeky Bastard Month or what? So many outrageously selfish people taking the piss!

Mardy your poem is perfection grin

Can't wait to see what your "friend" replies Tidy!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 21-Jul-13 11:51:05

Friend was not "truffling", she was struggling hmm

Truffling is a great word! grin

justmyview Sun 21-Jul-13 11:53:50

Weddings do bring out the worst in some people. It seems to be silly season! Just say you're not available. No explanations required

Backpaw Sun 21-Jul-13 11:54:20

When's the Mumsnet book of apologies, put downs, worm outs and insults for modern etiquette coming out then? There could be a whole section 'in rhyme'.

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 11:54:21

Just Mardys poem would have been perfect

ImABadGirl Sun 21-Jul-13 11:54:25

shamelessly marking place for update, what is it with crazy bride syndrome?!

RoooneyMara Sun 21-Jul-13 11:58:30

Yikes. She's outrageous.

I would only be able to summon up 'you must be joking' as a response.

Anything else makes it look like you actually care.

lunar1 Sun 21-Jul-13 11:58:44

your reply was far too civilised!

There should be a specific Haiku section, Backpaw. I remember a thread, a couple,of years ago which was all in Haiku - putting down a male celeb who,had either said something rude about mumsnet, or very sexist - my heat-addled, elderly brain can't remember the details - except that I think the thread had to be pulled because he got his head all in a point about what was said about him!

RoooneyMara Sun 21-Jul-13 12:02:44

Oh yes. He was called Gary I think and he asked MNHQ for all our addresses and names, it was a bit freaky.

Allice Sun 21-Jul-13 12:03:27

Some people have so much front!
Did the friend who was really upset also get asked to help decorate?

great reply, can't wait tho hear what comes back!

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 12:03:58

If she replies all angry with me, I shall just send back Mardy's poem. grin

We could all write poems, and you could send the lot, TidyDancer - or have them printed and bound as a wedding gift - or would that be too evil? <<lives up to nickname>>

ShellyBoobs Sun 21-Jul-13 12:09:43

Offer to take on lots of extra duties, buy the decorations, deliver them etc.

And then take your family out for a lovely day trip somewhere instead

That would definitely have been my choice of action.

Especially if you could get together with some other save-the-date-receiving, non-invited friends to agree a huge amount of preparation work you'd undertake. And then just not bother, and go and have fun together instead!


(Looking forward to seeing 'zilla's response to the email anyway)

CylonNumber6 Sun 21-Jul-13 12:12:13

Wow, just when you thought you'd heard it all...

Backpaw Sun 21-Jul-13 12:12:28

You could do a lovely Wordle and have it lovingly framed - made up of words like


Etc. It would look lovely until a closer look. Hahahahah.

<<renames Backpaw EeeevilBackpaw>>
<<applauds EeeevilBackpaw>>

AncientPigeon Sun 21-Jul-13 12:17:28

I thought I knew some cheeky bridezillas but this is priceless! Looking forward to the response.

Eyesunderarock Sun 21-Jul-13 12:17:54

You could say yes and quote her £500 for your help for the day.
Only friends get screwed for free.

cornyblend37 Sun 21-Jul-13 12:19:06

what a cheeky fecker
send backpaw's as a telegram to be read out on the day

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 12:19:50

Tidy you're not mates with tantrumsandballoons are you? Just wondering if this is the same bride who wrote her an excruciatingly rude and uncalled-for email as to why she hadn't invited two of her children and dh. I just can't believe that there would be two such bridezillas on the scene at the same time otherwise.

starsandunicorns Sun 21-Jul-13 12:21:16

Just read this thread to my dp and he replied to cheeky bitch he loved the poem and your email Tidy.

Trills Sun 21-Jul-13 12:29:50
GettingVerySleepy Sun 21-Jul-13 12:30:11

I think she'll come to her senses and be hugely apologetic if she's as normal as you say, but really you can never tell with people what may be lurking beneath the surface!

Loved Mardy's poem! Outrageously cheeky behaviour on her part.

You can't send someone a 'Save the Date' and then not invite them, that's terrible! shock

ExasperatedSigh Sun 21-Jul-13 12:46:48

There once was a 'Save the date'
Whose fraudulence sealed your fate.
You must have been stoned
When you brazenly phoned
To ask if I'd help decorate.

kaosak Sun 21-Jul-13 12:48:36

Mardy's poem brilliant!

OP excellent email - await response with bated breath!

ExasperatedSigh Sun 21-Jul-13 12:50:15

You sent me a save the date
But failed to invite your old mate.
Now your hall will look shit
And you look a tit.
Of course I won't help decorate!

LOL @ Exasperated grin

TalkativeJim Sun 21-Jul-13 12:57:13

Here comes your big day
And I'm sorry to say
It's going to look rather munting

But don't look at me
I'd be tempted, you see
To rub shit all over your bunting.

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 21-Jul-13 12:57:22

Just tell her 'yes, I'll save the date' then on the day explain gently that save the date obviously downy mean anything. Think it'll possibly sink in then.

RaisingChaotic Sun 21-Jul-13 12:58:55

grin Exasperated

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 21-Jul-13 12:59:26

Wow that is super cheeky!

However I'm a sucker for helping people and love decorating things so I would do it grin

Jamdoughnutfiend Sun 21-Jul-13 13:01:34

Love the limerick exasperated, made really laugh

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 21-Jul-13 13:03:01

Aargh. Tell her that save the date obviously doesn't mean anything.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Sun 21-Jul-13 13:04:44

Once upon a time, people just sent invites a few months before the wedding. Now we get save the date cards a few months before the invites...

YANBU. If you do send save the date cards they go to people you are inviting. And to ask you to help decorate the venue? Cheeky bitch. That'd be one less friend on my Christmas list!

YoniMitchell Sun 21-Jul-13 13:09:40

Cheeky cow! Loved your respone OP. grin

sparkle9 Sun 21-Jul-13 13:11:57

Looking forward to the bridezilla's reply!

skippingdolefully Sun 21-Jul-13 13:12:48

... just marking place ...

Chivetalking Sun 21-Jul-13 13:16:22

Every time I think I've heard it all someone tops it shock

That one's a dead cert for gold in the Bridezilla Olympics grin

Cloola Sun 21-Jul-13 13:17:49

I love the poems!! Can't wait to see what she replies!

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 13:20:20

Exasperated that is class grin

Plan a get together with all the other rejected invitees and plaster pics all over FB giving bridezilla the finger smile

chanie44 Sun 21-Jul-13 13:22:08

I luffs wedding thread

Pancakeflipper Sun 21-Jul-13 13:22:27

Do people get injected with a special "I am going to forget decency, common sense and manners" antidote when they are planning weddings and top up on " me,me,me,me all about me and you can all do things for me too" juice ?

BalloonSlayer Sun 21-Jul-13 13:24:13

Oh I just love an outrageously self-centred bride thread!!

It all confirms my old fashioned view that the Facebook Generation think they are superstars. The Bride's view is that the OP will of course be devastated at not being invited, because it is the Wedding of the Century, but she will never get cross with The Bride, because everyone loves The Bride, and understands The Bride's cute, ditzy ways. The OP will be thrilled to be asked to help make the day perfect for The Bride, because she loves The Bride so much, as everyone does, and will be so desperate to play a part in the Wedding of the Century that she will be happy to decorate the hall. She might even get to catch a glimpse of The Bride when she comes to check out the work. The Bride won't even think that it was odd to send out "save the date" cards to people she wasn't going to invite - because you'd all come to the church anyway, or crowd around the church door to see her come out, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Because even though you are not important enough to her to be invited to her wedding, she is really really important to you. Because Everyone. Loves. Her. Because she is so fabulous.

Seriously. This is how she is thinking.

SisterMatic Sun 21-Jul-13 13:27:47

Hahaha exasperate!

Cerisier Sun 21-Jul-13 13:27:59

Also love Mardy's poem. I can't believe how rude some brides can be.

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 13:28:21

What Balloonslayer said

Aquamildred Sun 21-Jul-13 13:29:02

Ah so basically she invited 20 extra Incase 20 I couldn't make it. You are a substitute!

helenthemadex Sun 21-Jul-13 13:29:21

can't wait for her response

Arisbottle Sun 21-Jul-13 13:30:56

If she is a friend and this is out of character I would give her the benefit of the doubt and help.

Weddings often get more expensive than the couple expect and they need to scale back, I suspect this is what happened.

I would feel awful if my friend over stretched herself financially so I could be at her wedding. I would also feel awful if my friend needed my help but felt she could not ask because she could not afford to invite me .

NatashaBee Sun 21-Jul-13 13:32:12

Can't wait to hear what she says!

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 13:32:46

Arisbottle you're no fun! Nice, yes; charitable , definitely. But no fun. Or are you in fact the bride in this scenario? grin

Arisbottle Sun 21-Jul-13 13:33:49

No but I was a bride who could not afford a wedding and did cause offence without meaning to.

As requested I saved the date
And for my invite I did wait
What's this I see?
An email for me!
She only wants me to decorate.

Aristotle you may have a point but this woman hadn't offered an explanation for op or their mutual friend's exclusion.

She is being quite staggeringly rude by sending out STD cards then reneging on them, is arrogant and OP isn't being a doormat.

oohdaddypig Sun 21-Jul-13 13:38:50

Arisbottle, I bet you at least explained to the dis-invitees the reason for their lack of invite and didn't expect free hall decoration services?

These rhymes are brilliant.

OP I thought in the end your response was perfect - far more dignified than mine would have been.

kaosak Sun 21-Jul-13 13:40:21

Yes but she clearly can afford it if she has 80 people attending and even if you couldn't afford it you wouldn't ask someone that you had not invited to decorate the hall!

That is hideously crass not worthy of any kind of sympathy or excuses I'm afraid.

Arisbottle Sun 21-Jul-13 13:41:14

I did explain but people were still offended. I could not afford to pay for a hall to decorate .

starfishmummy Sun 21-Jul-13 13:41:18

I can remember my mum's good friend not inviting her to her daughters wedding (Mum had known daughter since childhood) and then asking if she could come and pick roses from our garden to decorate the church.
The garden was full of rosebushes but when the friend came there were remarkably few blooms.......

Delighted with the message you've sent.

<grabs popcorn, pulls up chair>

Someone may have said this already but I know exactly why you were given a save the date but not invited.

She probably has to pay for a minimum of 80 guests to be catered for at the wedding but doesn't really want to pay for any more than this. You are 'B' list. At approx 90% of weddings people will have drop outs. I wouldn't be surprised if you are 'upgraded' once people say they can't make it as she will feel that she is losing out financially. She knows you will be free as you have saved the date.

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 13:42:58

Just to clarify on the issue if finances, the bride was quite clear that in her opinion, the purpose of save the date cards is to let people know when the wedding is prior to finalising the guest list. The list wasn't later narrowed down upon realising the finances involved, she never intended to invite everyone who received a save the date.

There is definitely not an issue with cost anyway.

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 13:43:54

Oh, and no reply yet!

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Sun 21-Jul-13 13:44:00

Arisbottle - are you saying that you invited people to a wedding before you'd organised it and costed it out? I don't quite understand.

oohdaddypig Sun 21-Jul-13 13:47:41

Crazy, ah I see. Personally I find the practice of last minute invites to weddings horrible as you know you are there to make up numbers. I always decline. <often a b-lister>

Is that not extremely bad form in itself....

manicinsomniac Sun 21-Jul-13 13:48:42

It's a great email.

But I don't think she'll reply at all. I wouldn't. I'd just die of shame quietly and never contact the OP again. But it would make sure I never behaved like that again so well worth sending.

QueenStromba Sun 21-Jul-13 13:49:16

I think TidyDancer may have won Mumsnet with this one - truly shocking.

ReginaPhilangie Sun 21-Jul-13 13:52:17

You don't need an excuse, just say no. If she asks why just say because you don't want to. If she can brazen in not inviting you then she should expect it back.

Mintyy Sun 21-Jul-13 13:52:39

Eeeeeek, I must pack for holidays but am now going to have to keep checking back in for the reply.

This possibly tops last week's bridezilla who emailed her friend to say she wasn't inviting her teens to the wedding because she found them annoying because they spoke to adults!

PrivateBenjamin Sun 21-Jul-13 13:54:10

She's a cheeky bastard! Well done Tidy, can't wait to see if she'll be ashamed or come out all guns blazing about your ungrateful attitude.

Shitsinger Sun 21-Jul-13 13:55:27

Oh Fab ! Could this pan out like the Takeaway thread did Tidy ? grin

Arisbottle Sun 21-Jul-13 14:01:14

No we announced that we were getting married, we both had well paid jobs, but had huge financial commitments so we could not afford a wedding. People assumed we were having a big do, in reality we had the legalities done and then went home .

We did not invite people because there was nothing to invite people to. Some people chose to come and then people got offended as they assumed there was some kind of secret guest list from which they were excluded.

Turniphead1 Sun 21-Jul-13 14:04:06

There is no question that brides are getting weirder by the year....

Baloonslayer summed it up. ( is Ballonslayer picnic lier / Bob/ J.O.K.E - Op?)

SisterMonicaJoan Sun 21-Jul-13 14:04:15

I think the bridezilla with either not reply or will be all faux offended about how YOU are attempting to spoil her day out of jealously from not being invited. Afterall, she took the time to send you a Save the Date card because she knows you would want to know she was getting married, giving you the opportunity to be pleased for her...

toomanyfionas Sun 21-Jul-13 14:06:46


So glad you told her straight.

<Though weeny bit disappointed you didn't use the suggested "You're kidding, right?" which I felt was simply perfect.>

ZenNudist Sun 21-Jul-13 14:11:20

I've heard of people sending surplus save the dates to people they intended to invite then couldn't afford / couldnt fit in the venue. It's usually a good way to announce 'I actually don't value you as a friend'. IMO it's the same deal for sending good friends evening invites (broadly acceptable for work pals, uni friends you never see, second cousins etc etc). Better no invite than a half arsed one.

Your ex-f wins awards for wedding induced insanity. Good on you for dropping her (from a great height). grin

FairPhyllis Sun 21-Jul-13 14:11:22

If there is no issue with cost ... then she can hire someone to help her decorate!

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 14:11:45

Shitsinger - I'm always amazed when people remember that thread!

I clearly have grasping relatives and cheeky bastard friends!

I promise you there is some normalcy in my life! grin

As yet, still no reply!

manicinsomniac Sun 21-Jul-13 14:16:10

Two of my best friends had "Disclaimer: Being in receipt of this 'save the date' in no way guarantees an invite to the big day itself." printed on the bottom of their save the dates.

But it was a JOKE!

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Sun 21-Jul-13 14:16:13

Tidy - if you haven't heard by a certain time, could you do a chaser and let Bridezilla know you need to get her reply as you have hundreds of followers on Mumsnet dying to know what she says next....? smile

MrsEdinburgh Sun 21-Jul-13 14:19:20

Marking my place too...

GemmaTeller Sun 21-Jul-13 14:22:24

I woudn't even bother giving her an excuse, just say' no, sorry'.

Just turn up on the daywith other save the daters
! I've seen this happen grin

Notafoodbabyanymore Sun 21-Jul-13 14:23:37

Some people are unbelievable! I would have written back something along the lines of:

Dear Bridezilla,


Brilliant. I know you're joking, because nobody would ever be so outrageously rude as to ask a good friend to keep a day free to attend her wedding, then not invite her, but brazenly ask for help with decorations.


thistlelicker Sun 21-Jul-13 14:25:25

I think you should send her the save the date back ripped up in bits and don't reply to her requests ! Ignore and move on! Entitled cow bag she is

missnevermind Sun 21-Jul-13 14:26:18

You do know you now have to give us a quick rundown on the takeaway friends thread now.

(This in no way marks my place wink No siree)

TheQuietCricket Sun 21-Jul-13 14:26:36

I'd be sooooo tempted to say yes and then have an unsolvable childcare crisis on the day. Very sick child, can't be looked after by anyone else/embellish as necessary.

Why isn't the florist decorating the venue, is she being cheapskate and just looking for free labour ?

kalidanger Sun 21-Jul-13 14:29:52

This is certainly a new spin on a wedding thread TidyDaner Well done! wink

I'm so far off being married it's like going to the moon (so so single) but even I know save te date cards are for those being invited. She's nuts.

Shitsinger Sun 21-Jul-13 14:31:18

Tidy It was such a great thread - we all got our drinks and it was fun and good natured - all waiting to see what rude cousin(?) who demanded takeaway and a free taxi would do when she got neither .

Thumbwitch Sun 21-Jul-13 14:33:13

The nerve of some people never ceases to amaze me! I couldn't imagine sending a "save the date" card to people I wasn't planning to invite.

Brilliant reply you sent there. Can't wait to hear the response!

SlimePrincess Sun 21-Jul-13 14:37:15

I think BalloonSlayer summed it up perfectly on page 9.

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 14:41:07

Takeaway thread

'twas epic that one!

kalidanger Sun 21-Jul-13 14:56:56

Lined the fruit up in size order grin

Dunham Sun 21-Jul-13 14:58:59

YANBU - i really can't beleive that she sent some people STD cards, knowing that some might not actually be invited AND asked you to help her decorate her venue. I REALLY can't believe that someone would think that it's ok to do that.

Asamumnonsense Sun 21-Jul-13 15:06:51

She is delusional!! to think that anyone isn't going to feel hurt by this.. she is thoughless and this is priceless.

Let us know her response please! she might surprise you...

SuperiorCat Sun 21-Jul-13 15:15:40

Bridezillaness at it's best. Great reply OP

Cheeky cah.

Trills love your wordle thingummy!

Did she ever elaborate on the 'pissed off' FB status, TidyDancer? And have you had her over for dinner again?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sun 21-Jul-13 15:27:20

Yanbu. What a selfish, nasty, entitled cow your friend is.

Missed opportunity Tidy! You should have agreed to do it and then turned up with cunt bunting and started sticking it up on the walls nonchalantly! Then waited for her to notice and be all "WTF".

hermioneweasley Sun 21-Jul-13 15:51:11

Ah, I remember the take away thread. You know some seriously cheeky feckers!

The takeaway thread was fab- did you manage to retrain her expectations?!

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 15:59:09

Oh I remember that one, cheeky so and so. What happened to her!

knackeredmother Sun 21-Jul-13 16:01:06

Definitely send it. Good luck!

pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 16:06:27

Yes I know that people are entitled to ask who they want at the wedding, but it's no excuse to treat people like rubbish. Money was not an issue for her, but good manners are. It seems as if she wanted save the date cards to tell near and far about her wedding, she does not have a clue.

What did you tell her tidy?

Shameless place marking.

But not as shameless as the bride.

Viviennemary Sun 21-Jul-13 16:13:58

It is extremely rude and cheeky of her to have sent out save the date cards and then no invitation. Perhaps this might just be acceptable if they had run out of money and had to cut the guest list and this came with a grovelling apology to you. But this doesn't seem to be the case. I don't think I'd bother with her or her wedding in future. Say you are decorating another hall for another friends wedding. Ridiculous woman!

QOD Sun 21-Jul-13 16:22:05

I'm speechless

And marking my spot

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 16:23:12

Re my cousin, I don't speak to her anymore. I'm not sure if she's noticed or not though. There would've been nastiness and hysterics if I'd actually said "I'm not speaking to you anymore" so I have pulled away from her slowly.

Still nothing from bridezilla!

DuchessFanny Sun 21-Jul-13 16:34:52

She's probably just had the penny drop and realised how unreasonable and rude she is <hopeful>

Ezio Sun 21-Jul-13 16:38:17

Tidy, your cousin was a bully, and your friend wow, with friends like that who needs enemies.

lottieandmia Sun 21-Jul-13 16:46:19


What is with all these nasty bridezillas people have been posting about recently?

There is absolutely no way I would help. If I was not enough of a friend to be invited then why should I give up my precious time for someone who considers me an acquaintance?

Glad your cousin isn't coming over for dinner anymore! grin

nkf Sun 21-Jul-13 16:53:44

If you help out, you will feel resentful. Anyone would. So, it's finding the right wording. I don't think I would reference the STD bad behaviour. I think it's better to be straight about things. I'd just say I couldn't. I wouldn't offer a reason why. Just I'm not available.

RussianBlu Sun 21-Jul-13 16:57:46

I am enjoying this thread so much I haven't even felt the need to turn the t.v on. Can I have her phone number to find out why she hasn't replied yet??? How dare she keep everyone waiting like this!

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 16:59:08

Tbf, I did leave it overnight to reply to her, so she may well be doing the same courtesy in return!

I promise I will update when she replies!

Ezio Sun 21-Jul-13 17:03:04

Or she might not reply at all.

Now I understand why the takeaway thread has suddenly appeared, I read it and was about to comment before realising that it was a really old thread that had revived and that there was no point in commenting! grin
I'd love to know what your exfriend replies over this one.

onedev Sun 21-Jul-13 17:16:16

Some people are unbelievable - that is just shocking treatment of anyone!! I doubt she'll reply to the email though!

SueDoku Sun 21-Jul-13 17:19:09

You couldn't contact all the other non-invitees and have a special get-together of your own on that date could you..?? After all, you should all be free... grin

Sleep404 Sun 21-Jul-13 17:27:00

Tell her you are washing your hair. Maybe next time.

OhTheConfusion Sun 21-Jul-13 17:27:04

Oh the takeaway thread... that takes me back to being heavily pregnant and feeling quite put out on your behalf blush.

Januarymadness Sun 21-Jul-13 17:29:32

See my actual ceremony was v limited due to the size of the venue. It was v close family and 4 friends only. I truely wish I could have invited more but that was the size of the refistry office and dh and I have large nos of close family.

After the wedding though it was a free for all. I probably would have invited you if I met you in sainsburys and you seemed nice...

I really dont get all of this maybe I will invite you maybe I wont.

Ifcatshadthumbs Sun 21-Jul-13 17:32:07

Blatantly marking spot for updates, what is going on with all these crazy brides at the moment?!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 21-Jul-13 17:34:10

Can we please not shorten Save The Day to STD, I am of an age when that meant something completely different! grin

Smoolett Sun 21-Jul-13 17:36:41

I actually can't believe someone would do this! Cheeky mare!
Especially to say is a surprise for her wedding guests, how about frig off.

TedMoseby Sun 21-Jul-13 17:41:15

Ha! The first part of this happened to me. Very close friends of my DP who I have known for years, socialised with and considered my friends too. Got a save the date for DP+ TedMoseby so got all excited. Wedding invite turns up months later addressed only to DP. One menu choice card inside.

The horrible bride had done this to a few well-established couples and had also cut out some of the grooms friends (inviting everyone in a small group of his friends except one, who he had lived with too). Created a lot of bad tension, particilarly as wedding is in middle of nowhere in Scotland and people had budgeted based on 2 sharing a room.

Bride is a bitch though.

I am shock at the bridezilla threads recently! This one takes the biscuit.

Whenever I feel bad about standing up for myself I tell myself I'd rather be a bitch than a doormat and I feel better about it.

What a cheeky mare, why on earth would anyone want to decorate a wedding venue then fuck off home because they aren't worthy of an invite to the actual ceremony?.

WaitMonkey Sun 21-Jul-13 18:19:04

I loved the takeaway thread. grin

I can't wait for the update :D

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sun 21-Jul-13 18:21:55

I remember the takeaway one, op you have very interesting friends and family

MammaTJ Sun 21-Jul-13 18:36:01

I admire her cheek greatly and wish I had the same amount myself! grin

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 18:36:12

Me too Old Lady Subscriber Trunk Dialling (before that long distance calls always had to go through the operator. grin

WaitMonkey Sun 21-Jul-13 18:46:35

Just treated myself to reading the takeaway thread again. grin

Sorry I shortened it to STD, on phone and lazy typing.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 21-Jul-13 19:00:29

LOL Evieann, that wasn't quite the one I had in mind... grin

MojitoMagnet Sun 21-Jul-13 19:08:10

Just wow - marking my place and adding my tuppenoth YANBU - looking forward to seeing her response!

EvieanneVolvic Sun 21-Jul-13 19:10:42

Really OldLady?? <whistles innocently>

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle Sun 21-Jul-13 19:20:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iwishitwouldgetwarmer Sun 21-Jul-13 19:33:51

Just found this thread and can't believe that someone would be so cheeky!

bouncingbelle Sun 21-Jul-13 19:34:23

Marking place. LOVED the response by op smile

CeliaFate Sun 21-Jul-13 19:38:41

What a rude woman! No doubt you'll be cast as the villain of the piece in her head. Deluded doesn't begin to cover it.

Evie STD - sexually trans disease grin

RappyNash Sun 21-Jul-13 19:44:00


ViviPru Sun 21-Jul-13 19:45:45

I sense a classic in the making, all dependent on this bridezilla's response!!

bellablot Sun 21-Jul-13 20:05:21

What!? And you didn't immediately tell her where to stick her decorations!?

Disgraceful behaviour, you don't need people like that as friends. shock

newbiefrugalgal Sun 21-Jul-13 20:12:28

Maybe you should have agreed.
Given your favourite MN friends a heads up if time and location and we would happily help decorate her dream wedding reception!

newbiefrugalgal Sun 21-Jul-13 20:12:44

I remember take away thread too!

BatwingsAndButterflies Sun 21-Jul-13 20:29:32

Wunderbar, OP you have the best MN entertainment social life grin

Areyoumadorisitme Sun 21-Jul-13 20:54:58

I wonder if she won't reply at all. Interested to see an update when it comes though.

Now off to read the takeaway thread!

Sister77 Sun 21-Jul-13 20:59:48

Marking place

quoteunquote Sun 21-Jul-13 21:02:22

"Sorry I am unavailable, I have a save the date card for an important event"

nilbyname Sun 21-Jul-13 21:06:16

Oh oh oh! op you are awesome!

Can't wait to hear the reply!

RoooneyMara Sun 21-Jul-13 21:08:24

Quote - that event being the wedding itself? Lol smile

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Sun 21-Jul-13 21:15:02

Fucking hell. My FIL would reply with 'How does Fuck Off grab you?'

Notafoodbabyanymore Sun 21-Jul-13 21:16:14

OP, so pleased you stuck up for yourself and sent that reply. I've got a bad feeling she's now going to compound her rudeness by not replying. Hope I'm wrong!

marking place , what a cheeky twunt!

quoteunquote Sun 21-Jul-13 21:19:15

that event being the wedding itself?

No I would have a save the date card for changing the loo seat, display on mantle piece.

or have a party that day and invite all the other non invited, I bet you have more fun.

Bowlersarm Sun 21-Jul-13 21:22:13

shock at Bridezilla. Just can't get my head around people acting like this. Stand firm against your selfish ex-friend, OP.

GoSuckEggs Sun 21-Jul-13 21:24:59

Erm... just marking my place to see the response!

LemonBreeland Sun 21-Jul-13 21:31:11

What is with all the cheeky fecker threads atm? Is the heat getting to people or something? grin

I'm utterly astounded at some of the things I read on mn.

MildDrPepperAddiction Sun 21-Jul-13 21:31:34

Tell her to fuck the fuck off grin

I read this with amazement. DP and I have never bothered getting married (in 26 years) but even DP knows that save the date cards only go to people you actually plan to invite. He looked at this and said the bride is being an ignorant bitch grin

flowersfortea Sun 21-Jul-13 21:36:51

marking my place. how very rude of her, and restrained of you in your reply even though I would love to have seen her reply to one of the poems!

Plomino Sun 21-Jul-13 21:36:55

It astounds me to see what people seem to think is acceptable behaviour .

Although I have to say I'm intrigued by the possible themes of the Bridezilla's decorations , after all if she wants them to be a surprise she must have something in mind. A wishing well perchance ? Bunting with ME ME ME on it ?

SkinnybitchWannabe Sun 21-Jul-13 21:38:24

What a rude cow. Good on you for sending that fab replt

ViviPru Sun 21-Jul-13 21:40:16

Just read entire takeaway thread. A particular highlight was the fruits lined up in size order. I'm now tempted to read the hairy Germanic Shakespearian skull tattoo thread.

I'm massively fangirling over you right now, OP. I want to peep your Instagram and everything.

TheGrandPooBah Sun 21-Jul-13 21:41:24

Loving this thread - the gall of the woman!

Figgygal Sun 21-Jul-13 21:44:24

Ah that is one of the rudest things I've ever heard in my life good on you OP with the response grin

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 21:53:31

Oh you are all lovely!

I haven't had a reply yet, but hopefully tomorrow!

ViviPru, you are very sweet. blush Unfortunately BIL's tattoo thread was in chat so it long ago disappeared. sad

AncientCrone Sun 21-Jul-13 22:09:01

I need to know what happens. So pleased you sent that reply smile

TeamEdward Sun 21-Jul-13 22:24:22

We've only received one Save the Date, and that was for a cousin's wedding in the USA, so that family could save up to go!

Panadbois Sun 21-Jul-13 22:25:19

We got a 'save the date' memo once, and was truly miffed when we were only invited to the evening do.

We invented these things?!

ChippingInHopHopHop Sun 21-Jul-13 22:36:19

I wonder if she will ever realise how rude she has been?

Pancakeflipper Sun 21-Jul-13 22:36:52

Panabois- we received one too with "ooh get your hat sorted" with warning of not to clash with bridesmaids. And the invite turned out it was for the evening do. And don't turn up until after 8pm so we don't clash with any over running speeches.
As it takes 2hrs to get there and our baby sitter likes to be home by 11pm - we aren't going.
stuffs hat into back of wardrobe

PrettyKitty1986 Sun 21-Jul-13 22:47:30

That's awful!
We've just sent our save the dates out...I've made two copies of the list of people they went to and put them in different places. I am so paranoid about forgetting to send someone an actual invite!

How could she not be mortified? Yanbu op

giraffesCantWearSuncream Sun 21-Jul-13 22:48:01

what a cow

JackNoneReacher Sun 21-Jul-13 23:01:09

She needs to read this thread.

I think one day she will squirm with shame at what she's done.

WafflyVersatile Sun 21-Jul-13 23:11:51

I'm only 1 page in so doubtless irrelevant now.

''Sorry, me and the other 20 people who saved the date but weren't invited have arranged to go on a laughter therapy workshop in Mustique that weekend''.

mamadoc Sun 21-Jul-13 23:14:11

Amazed no-one has suggested this (unless I missed it):

Enthusiastically agree to decorate, reassure her it is all in your capable hands she need not worry. Then take a little trip to Poundland/ tacky-hen-night-supplies-R-us or even local sex shop depending on level of outrage and purchase some very tasteful decorative items to add that little something 'extra' to her day.

Another place marker. Unbelievable! Loved the response.

Dynababy Sun 21-Jul-13 23:16:05

Astounding!! Can't wait for her response!

What a cheeky cow!!!

She probably won't even bother responding since she can't get anything out of you!

Turn up to her wedding in a long white dress. I dare you! grin

The cheeky oul bitch!!!!

EATmum Sun 21-Jul-13 23:53:33

Amazing! I was thinking along the same lines as mamadoc. But more vengeful perhaps - smearing old, old cheese on the radiators, that kind of thing?
It is an astoundingly unimaginative bride who could be this rude to an old friend whilst simultaneously giving them the opportunity to ruin their ever-so-important day ....

comingintomyown Mon 22-Jul-13 08:21:29

Any news tidy ?

And thankyou for brightening my day yesterday with your funny threads smile

chocciebickie Mon 22-Jul-13 09:45:14

I get very confused with Save the date cards, perhaps its my age or the heat! We were sent one months ago by someone I worked with, acknowledge it in person and said how exciting it all was etc. I then received a fb message a few months before the wedding asking if I was planning on coming to the wedding and if I was she'd send me an invite....if not she wouldn't bother! So are you supposed to reply formally to Save the date cards? I thought it was meant just for info!
Op your reply was perfect by the way, the bride is unbelievable!

cees Mon 22-Jul-13 09:54:47

Oh I love this, lets hope she comes back with something that will have us all up in arms grin

dubstarr73 Mon 22-Jul-13 10:22:21

Come back op put us all out of our misery

Mia4 Mon 22-Jul-13 10:30:18

Save the date cards are a good idea imo especially if the wedding is around a more holiday time-christmas, easter, summer holds. It means that you know in advance so if you want to attend you know when to book your hols around and if you don't want to you can let them know sooner with 'sorry but we can't attend.

chocciebickie save the date cards are just a 'heads up we'd love you to come if you want to' or rather they're meant to be, not a 'heads up and save the date to be our unpaid labour' or 'heads up, you're in the pecking line but may not actually be invited' or 'heads up this is actually an invite, you est be psychic and let me know'. They are just for info.

Please update us OP, the bride is really out of order imo. Glad you told her what's what.

I swear weddings, while so great and lovely at times, bring out the worst in people. Bridezillas, Groomzillas, bridesmaid and groomsman zillas, guestzillas! I was once told that during a wedding time leading up to the day, you find some people aren't as you thought. I know of several 'guestzillas, including on who abused the couple on their wedding day over text, phone and facebook because she and her fella hadn't been invited to the very intimate 'family and close friends only' ceremony and had just been invited to the food and party after.

JerseySpud Mon 22-Jul-13 10:49:26

Still lurking to see what Bridezilla says

Hubby and i are totally shock at this

We used save the date cards because my side of the family had travel to keep in mind to get to us for our wedding.

DuchessFanny Mon 22-Jul-13 11:13:25

I'm going to be very disappointed if the cheeky mare doesn't reply to your email OP ... ( i really need a life, eh ? !)

SamHamwidge Mon 22-Jul-13 11:17:29

Shamelessly marking place wink

Pubicfoothair Mon 22-Jul-13 12:13:17


julieann42 Mon 22-Jul-13 16:05:06

Any update yet

onetiredmummy Mon 22-Jul-13 16:32:39

I love weddings. But I love bridezillas moresmile

countingdown Mon 22-Jul-13 16:59:21

Just read the whole thread, I do wonder what goes on in people's heads sometimes!!

Marking place (another one)

What a twat she is!

98percentchocolate Mon 22-Jul-13 18:20:04

Any word yet Tidy?

Jengnr Mon 22-Jul-13 18:53:47

I was trying to find this before (shameless place mark)

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 19:00:34

OP here. smile

I got a reply!

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 19:01:15

"Are you being serious? I thought you'd want to help....!"

She clearly has no idea, does she?

deleted203 Mon 22-Jul-13 19:01:23

I would send an email back simply saying

'You've got a fucking nerve.....'

I am boggling! How can she be so dense??

diddl Mon 22-Jul-13 19:02:27

Of course I'm being serious.

and I thought you'd want to invite me

nkf Mon 22-Jul-13 19:03:03

Has she forgotten you aren't invited. Maybe she's had a total meltdown and thinks you are in fact the maid of honour.

Was that all?

Vivacia Mon 22-Jul-13 19:05:11

"I am being serious. When you sent me a "save the date" I thought you wanted me at your wedding, as a guest".

ProphetOfDoom Mon 22-Jul-13 19:05:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameFanny Mon 22-Jul-13 19:06:08

"oh I'd love to help but I just don't want to" should confuse her?

Jengnr Mon 22-Jul-13 19:07:28

What did you say?

CeliaFate Mon 22-Jul-13 19:07:41

Reply : Well you were mistaken. Add a pass/agg smiley face for good measure.

"So we both got it wrong, I thought I was getting an invite - generally accepted as a reasonable assumption, and you thought I'd love to help - WRONG!"

apostropheuse Mon 22-Jul-13 19:09:23

Just say "Are you a bit cerebrally challenged or just completely fucking insane?"

Reply " Why?"
( for the purpose of the thread you understand)

nkf Mon 22-Jul-13 19:11:21

Seriously, is there not a case to be made for being clear with her. Eg: "I thought the STD card meant save the date, so I saved it. But no invite followed. I found that a bit strange and hurtful. Given that, I don't feel I want to help decorate. None of this sits well with me."

I get that passive aggressive notes are fun and all that. And MN does a particularly good line in them, but why not be clear? She is clearly dense and beating round the bush won't make her less dense.

zoraqueenofzeep Mon 22-Jul-13 19:11:28

Wow, she actually thinks she's so important that you should feel honoured to be asked to help.

'Dear deluded, get over yourself, it's not an honour to be asked to skivvy for you, I'll be enjoying the sunshine, yours TidyDancer'.

GoofyIsACow Mon 22-Jul-13 19:11:45

Ooooooh <dashes in extremely late for the party>


YouTheCat Mon 22-Jul-13 19:12:01

We need the collective MN wisdom here to help formulate the perfect response.

I can't believe what a brass neck she has.

This thread is cracking me up...

deleted203 Mon 22-Jul-13 19:13:30

I would send her an email back saying,

Unfortunately, you cannot have it both ways. Generally, people ask close friends and family to their wedding. Close friends and family are really the only people you can possibly ask to do you a massive favour for free (such as give up a day to decorate your wedding venue).

Might I suggest that you ask one of your wedding guests to do so rather than myself?

GoofyIsACow Mon 22-Jul-13 19:13:46

She is truly, unutterabley fucking bonkers...

GoingVerySlowlyMad Mon 22-Jul-13 19:14:58

OMG! I can't believe that she doesn't get it shock! I would go with nkf's reply as she obviously has the hide of a rhino and needs it spelling out to her.

DameFanny Mon 22-Jul-13 19:15:06

You weren't invited Goofy - why on earth did you think you were?


Message withdrawn at poster's request.


starfishmummy Mon 22-Jul-13 19:17:18

Maybe you could say yes but then forget to turn up on the basis that as the save the date wasn't meant seriously, you didn't take the request to help seriously

Moxiegirl Mon 22-Jul-13 19:18:17

What the hell is wrong with these people?
I'd reply 'why on earth would you think that?!'

SlimePrincess Mon 22-Jul-13 19:18:22

I can't believe it :0

PenguinBear Mon 22-Jul-13 19:18:34

She's a head case.

How did you reply?

Katisha Mon 22-Jul-13 19:20:23

Sounds like you are going to have to spell it out.
Either that or send a link to the thread...

Yes I am being serious.

So fuck off!

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 19:21:39

I haven't replied yet.

I am offering up the gift of a reply to you lot! I'm good like that, me!

I will go with the most popular/rude/outrageous.

Go at it, nest of vipers!

looselegs Mon 22-Jul-13 19:21:41

Cheeky cow-she's got no one else to ask cos they're all at the wedding!!!

is how you should reply!

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Mon 22-Jul-13 19:23:02

"My reply to your invitation is, unlike your save your date card, genuine. No."etc

EvieanneVolvic Mon 22-Jul-13 19:23:04

So she seriously thinks that her wedding is such a hot ticket that people will want to be involved even though they are not invited having been told to keep themselves free.

Words fail me and that doesn't happen often

I think nkf is right: the time for smartly worded passive aggression is past. I am rather taken with sowornout's suggestion.....

BalloonSlayer Mon 22-Jul-13 19:24:32

"I am totally serious. Why would you think I would want to help someone who had been so absurdly rude as to send me a "save the date" card for their wedding, which you only do for your intended guests, not invite me, then ask me to act as an unpaid servant instead?"


"I am genuinely puzzled as to why you do not understand this. Do you think that not being invited to your wedding but being expected to skivvy for you instead is an honour, or something . . .?"

diddl Mon 22-Jul-13 19:25:23

Of course I meant it
That's why I sent it
Why would I decorate
When not asked to partake?

EvieanneVolvic Mon 22-Jul-13 19:25:53

And/or Katisha's suggestion of a link to this thread I am way too lazy and unimaginative to think of a smart response of my own but am happy to piggy back on others


Come to think of it, you could use that!

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Mon 22-Jul-13 19:26:48

Funnily, (Understandably), Cannot Knowingly Your Offer Undertake

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Mon 22-Jul-13 19:27:32

I can't believe her gall!

I'd reply with:

"Really? You'd think I'd enjoy helping set up an event I'm not invited to? I'm good enough to be your skivvy, but not good enough to attend, is that it?"

Let Bridezilla know you are pissed off!

YouTheCat Mon 22-Jul-13 19:28:34

Dear Bridezilla,

You sent me a 'save the date' card so I would be available to decorate, not attend. You are very rude and presumptuous. Please fuck off to the farside of fuck.

quoteunquote Mon 22-Jul-13 19:30:13

"Are you being serious? I thought you'd want to help....!"

You thought I wanted to help, Why, what ever gave you that idea?

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 19:31:27

Wow! She really is thick! How about:

Dear Numpty,

I have absolutely no idea why you thought I would like to donate my time to you for free. Your lack of self awareness is astonishing if you believe it's reasonable behaviour to expect someone to leap at the chance of decorating for a wedding to which they have not been invited.

I think it's you who's not being serious!

thebody Mon 22-Jul-13 19:32:02

funny funny funny.

course you could be mean, say yes you will be there and then not turn up. when she calls tell her sorry you didn't save the date.

MrsBrownsGirl Mon 22-Jul-13 19:32:13

Was just going to suggest what quoteunquote said. Ask her why on earth she thinks you would want to help??

JerseySpud Mon 22-Jul-13 19:33:42

Dear Bridezilla

I would love to help the same way you invited me to your wedding.

Oh no wait you didn't did you.

Therefore i'm not helping you decorate a room for an event that i'm not actually invited to.

Hope that helps clear up the confusion for you.

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 19:35:57

Dear bitch,

Are you on glue?

JerseySpud Mon 22-Jul-13 19:36:20

^^straight to the point ;)

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 22-Jul-13 19:37:20

Why on earth would you think that I would want to help decorate for a wedding that i am not invited to? Is that what the save the date card you sent me was for? Save this date so you can come and decorate and then piss off while I enjoy my nice wedding?

Is there something seriously wrong with you?

clam Mon 22-Jul-13 19:38:16

I'd go with nkf's offering: "I thought the STD card meant save the date, so I saved it. But no invite followed. I found that a bit strange and hurtful. Given that, I don't feel I want to help decorate. None of this sits well with me."

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 19:41:11

Bwahahahaaaa!! I am sorry OP, but this thread has brought much mirth to our household. grin

What gall she has! Totally self unaware!!

My favourite so far is

"You thought I wanted to help. Why, whatever gave you that idea?"

Ellellie Mon 22-Jul-13 19:41:33

Please just post a link to this thread! Please!!!!

popsnsqeeze Mon 22-Jul-13 19:41:47

Dear friend,

I'm a close enough friend to be asked to decorate the room for the most important day of your life, but not to actually join in? Please explain, I just don't get it.


EvieanneVolvic Mon 22-Jul-13 19:42:59

You see, the sort of person who would have the nerve to ask you this kind of massive favour under these circs is exactly the sort who will take offence and try and make YOU look the bad guy when you call them on it.

Funny old world.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 22-Jul-13 19:43:04

i would reply along the lines off

When I got the std i put in my diary to not double book myself, when i didnt get an wedding invite I made other plans so Im not free

ps does anyone giggle at STD initials for a wedding invite

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 19:45:49

I'm quite liking the "are you on glue?!" response at the moment!

ChippingInHopHopHop Mon 22-Jul-13 19:46:38

When you sent me the 'STD' card - I assumed that you were going to follow the social norm and invite me to your wedding, now, however, I realise that you don't consider me worthy of an invite but simply wanted me to be available to decorate your venue. I fail to see why you find my refusal to be your skivvy so surprising?

nkf Mon 22-Jul-13 19:46:51

Blonde's response is clear cut.

CeliaFate Mon 22-Jul-13 19:47:25

When you asked me to save the date, I did. I'm free that day, I thought I would be invited to be a guest at your wedding. But no. You want me, your friend, to be the hired help. Wait! No, you want me, your friend, to decorate the venue for nothing, then quietly slink off while you and your invited guests celebrate your wedding. That you think this is an acceptable way to behave suggests your head is so far up your own arse that you'll need a surgeon to remove your veil from your colon.
I'll decline your kind offer to help you out so you can surprise your honoured guests. May you have the wedding you so thoroughly deserve.
Yours, in shock,

GoofyIsACow Mon 22-Jul-13 19:50:27

Dame... Erm well... Erm... I just assumed... I am a hot ticket! blush

<gets coat>


Ps. I LOVE 'dear bitch, are you on glue'

Vivacia Mon 22-Jul-13 19:50:29

Another vote for nkfs suggestion (but without the abbreviation):

"I thought the Save-the-date card meant save the date, so I saved it. But no invite followed. I found that a bit strange and hurtful. Given that, I don't feel I want to help decorate. None of this sits well with me."

ChippingInHopHopHop Mon 22-Jul-13 19:51:02

Blondes - yes, all the STD's are quite off putting grin but so much easier to type!

GettingVerySleepy Mon 22-Jul-13 19:51:12

I thought you asked me to save the date so I could attend your wedding, not so I could be put to work for the benefit of those you thought highly enough of to actually invite. So no, I don't think I want to help you decorate. You've really hurt my feelings and been very selfish. But enjoy your special day!

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 19:52:16

Do not tell her you are hurt. She will turn this into your neediness and inability to handle yourself socially. You will always be the one who kicked off about not being invited to the wedding.

Make this about what it is - her audacity and lack of respect.

"You thought I would like to help? Whatever made you think that?
You thought I would jump at the chance to give up my time to decorate the hall for your wedding, to which I have not been invited, despite being sent a save the date card? Really?!
Just to clarify my position on's a no.


DameFanny Mon 22-Jul-13 19:52:49

Yy to "are you on glue" grin

YouTheCat Mon 22-Jul-13 19:53:54

Or simply... 'Hahahaha... no'

ChippingInHopHopHop Mon 22-Jul-13 19:54:09

Suddenly dropping 20 people from your guest list must surely have freed up enough money to pay someone to decorate your venue. Your gall is outstanding - much like your invite

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 22-Jul-13 19:54:27

nkf - thats me blunt and to the point smile

chipping pmsl-agree but it makes me smirk grin

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 19:54:30

Ohhh I like that youthecat grin

Betternc4this Mon 22-Jul-13 19:55:22

'No, I am deadly serious , I have booked myself in for the removal of my 'Mug' tattoo on that day.'

Icelollycraving Mon 22-Jul-13 19:55:46

Pls use the "are you on glue' one grin

youarewinning Mon 22-Jul-13 19:56:00

YADNBU to say no.

Save the date cards are for those you wish to invite and are for when you have no further detail other than the date.

Is she asking you to decorate it the day before? It on the day of the wedding?

It's all very strange.

Catmint Mon 22-Jul-13 19:56:39

No, you saved the date for some alternative cool plans.

The cheek!

timidviper Mon 22-Jul-13 19:57:39

I would stick with a brief reply along the lines of "I do not understand why you cannot see the offensiveness of asking for help from someone you do not consider a close enough friend to be invited to the wedding".

*or on day of wedding.

Futterby Mon 22-Jul-13 20:05:35

"are you on glue" is fucking perfect grin

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 20:08:33

"Are you being serious? I thought you'd want to help....!"

Quite serious. I thought you'd want to invite me to the wedding! Looks like we both misunderstood.

NakedPanpipeLady Mon 22-Jul-13 20:08:50

Bloody hell - can't believe that was her response! shock Clearly you are wrong at not feeling honoured to participate in preparing for her big day (maybe you ought to tug your forelock and curtsy next time you see her). She has a nerve and that would definitely end any friendship for me! <sarcasm alert>.

Maybe she should be sent a link to this thread as we pretty much unanimously agree she's got some bloody nerve. Hopefully it would knock some sense into her (probably wouldn't though). Your 'friend' has got a hide like a rhino's.

ApocalypseThen Mon 22-Jul-13 20:12:41

Just say "I'm afraid you are mistaken. I would not like to help. Best wishes for your future happiness".

May I just say how much I admire you not giving into the temptation to agree to do it, but then scupper her plans in some way. What she has done is a strange and mean thing, but it's not really any skin off your nose - she's lost a friend and will struggle to find a decorator. But to plan to ruin someone's wedding is just spiteful.

Moxiegirl Mon 22-Jul-13 20:13:44

'Why don't you ask someone you invited?'

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 20:15:42

I just nearly choked on my ice cream at Celia's suggestion of "you'll need a surgeon to remove your veil from your colon". grin

The best invite refusal I ever heard was 'I'm sorry but I need to lie on my bed and watch television'. Not appropriate in your case but always made me smile.

Figureof80 Mon 22-Jul-13 20:17:43

The response should be one word:


Make her explain why she thinks you would want to help.

Onetwothreeoops Mon 22-Jul-13 20:18:03

Could you just send her this link as a response:

save the date etiquette

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 20:18:30

Apocalypse - there is an evil part of me that would love to do that, but my eagerness to retain the moral high ground would take over.

If she re-tells this story, reasonable people will laugh at her (at best). I don't want them to think I'm the bitch!

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 20:18:39

"I'm afraid you are mistaken. I would not like to help. Best wishes for your future happiness".

Like that too.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 20:18:57


Did you? Why?

TalkativeJim Mon 22-Jul-13 20:19:25

What I'd do now is deliberately act confused.

I'd reply 'Hang on, have I got something wrong here? Am I actually invited? Apologies if I have got the wrong end of the stick but I really thought that I wasn't.'

...thus implying that the only way someone could be so grasping and awful and inappropriate would be if there was some fundamental misunderstanding.

...this forces her to reply, actually WRITE DOWN.. 'No, sorry - you have it right - you are not invited.' CONFIRMING that nope, you aren't invited, and yep, she just wants to use you as free labour and for you to then bog off.

If that doesn't shame her, nothing will. And will speak VOLUMES about the 'help' situation.

And then you get to reply again in suitably outraged tones... I'm sure there will be lots of suggestions for how to do that!

ApocalypseThen Mon 22-Jul-13 20:20:19

If she re-tells this story, reasonable people will laugh at her (at best). I don't want them to think I'm the bitch!

Yeah, there would be s

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 20:20:38

Ohhh I do like Celia's reply!

youarewinning Mon 22-Jul-13 20:20:46

Just read the " I thought you'd want to help"

We need another limerick as a reply. Better than the one I'm going to attempt!

There was a young bride saved the date
80 people then heard their fate
I wasn't included
but you are deluded
if you think I'm gonna decorate.

ThePowerof3 Mon 22-Jul-13 20:21:17


ApocalypseThen Mon 22-Jul-13 20:21:29

If she re-tells this story, reasonable people will laugh at her (at best). I don't want them to think I'm the bitch!

Yeah, there would be some momentary satisfaction, definitely, but I don't think you'd reflect on it with genuine satisfaction.

ThePowerof3 Mon 22-Jul-13 20:21:52

That's fantastic youare winning!

ThePowerof3 Mon 22-Jul-13 20:23:00

I think talkativeJim is on to something as well

laeiou Mon 22-Jul-13 20:23:33

You've already been clear, so no real need to repeat yourself. If you must reply, I vote for "Maybe next time". Ambiguously offensive, with a hint of "I didn't mean it that way!" to mutual friends if you wish.

Didactylos Mon 22-Jul-13 20:26:25

Id decorate the venue personally

With the most tacky and tasteless hen night decor ever - think giant phalluses in bright pink. And arrange a stripper or two, and a banner saying something really inappropriate. And possibly arrange to have a pole for dancing installed.
And then Id act really innocent and pretend I thought the date was her hen night, and I was so excited about arranging it for her....

Ezio Mon 22-Jul-13 20:28:00

I'd go with Jim's reply, just to make her squirm and all that.

i love these threads blush grin

though it does make me realise how utterly boring my life is!

BalloonSlayer Mon 22-Jul-13 20:28:24

"You would only ask really good friends to help you out working for nothing to make your wedding perfect. You ask good friends to your wedding. Presumably you do not get the irony here."

Actually I prefer Apocalypse's one. Yes! Even to my [many] contributions.

VomitingVeronica Mon 22-Jul-13 20:32:43

Pleeeeeeeeease do talkativejim's reply! I really want to see her reply to that. I sometimes I wish I had the bravado to ask favours like bridezilla...

ChasedByBees Mon 22-Jul-13 20:35:33

Oh I knew this would be good when I read the OP and saw 400+ replies. grin

I like sowornout's reply best:

*I would send her an email back saying,

Unfortunately, you cannot have it both ways. Generally, people ask close friends and family to their wedding. Close friends and family are really the only people you can possibly ask to do you a massive favour for free (such as give up a day to decorate your wedding venue).*

Might I suggest that you ask one of your wedding guests to do so rather than myself?

Because she genuinely seems clueless here.

I might try and work in a veil / colon passage too though. Arf.

RoooneyMara Mon 22-Jul-13 20:35:52

I'd send back something simple like

'I would have been really pleased to, but you don't even want me at the wedding - how did you think I'd feel, then, to be asked to help out instead? I thought I was worthy of an invite, but perhaps we're not friends in that way.'

Scarletbanner Mon 22-Jul-13 20:35:53

She really is deluded!

Of course I'm serious. Why on earth would I be pleased? Am I supposed to feel honoured to help? Because I don't.


pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 20:37:01

Like it scarlet

chansondumatin Mon 22-Jul-13 20:37:01

How about:

Yes I was being serious. But I don't want to cause bad feeling, so I'm sending you some Brasso as a wedding gift. So you can polish your neck in time for the big day.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 20:37:49

chans grin

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 20:39:08

I vote for chans

PoppadomPreach Mon 22-Jul-13 20:39:51

could you just text back a link to this thread?

"Dear Bride-to-Be,

You sent me a save the date card but did not invite me to your wedding - this was not only rude and offensive but hurtful too. Now you are surprised that I am not leaping at the chance of being your skivvy and decorating your wedding venue for all the INVITED guests to enjoy.

So - not only do you have more front than Blackpool, but you are also incredibly insensitive and self absorbed!

And just to make things crystal clear, I would happily help a friend decorate their wedding venue - it would be a huge pleasure and great fun - but YOU ARE NOT A FRIEND!!!

Lots of love,

springperennial Mon 22-Jul-13 20:43:12

Agree with Pictish, don't put anything in there that implies neediness or hurt on your part, because it will get turned back on you as being the mardy cow who ruined her wedding. She will gloss over the fact that you weren't actually invited to anyone asking. I suspect this person is a self absorbed and manipulative bitch who has form, even if she does it in more subtle ways than this current manifestation of mad. I don't buy into the Bridezilla thing, tbh, I think weddings just make some people show their true colours in technicolour.

I agree with the one word response: "Why?". Make her explain herself.

VicarInaTutu Mon 22-Jul-13 20:43:46

i would send something like this

"Yes, i am perfectly serious. Generally speaking, when a save the date card is sent, it is in anticipation of partaking in the wedding celebrations as a guest, not usually so that you can ensure you have unpaid help with the venue. If you need help with your venue then i suggest you consult the yellow pages for a wedding planner. Since i discovered that i am not in fact invited i have made other plans. We are clearly not as close as i thought, if i am good enough to help, but not good enough to get an actual invite. Im sorry i appear to have misunderstood your intentions however i think you need to brush up on the etiquette of sending out save the date cards. Enjoy your wedding day. I will enjoy it all the more in the company of friends."
Yours faithfully

RoooneyMara Mon 22-Jul-13 20:45:14

It doesn't sound like she realises she's done anything wrong. I'd back down and approach it as being hurt, not angry - just hurt.

VicarInaTutu Mon 22-Jul-13 20:45:18

or does that sound a bit needy? perhaps cut the "not as close as i thought" bit....

she clearly has the cheek of the frigging devil.

louisea Mon 22-Jul-13 20:46:33

Ask her how much she is willing to pay you for your decorating services seeing as she doesn't seem to consider you a good enough friend to actually invite you to the wedding.

trixymalixy Mon 22-Jul-13 20:47:18

talkativejim's reply is the best.

Not mine? <<not at all needy, oh no>> grin

PurplePidjin Mon 22-Jul-13 20:51:46

"What on earth made you think that?"

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 20:53:04

Okay, I'm thinking talkativejim has it.

"Hang on, have I got something wrong here? Am I actually invited? Apologies if I have got the wrong end of the stick but I really thought that I wasn't."

Then if she replies to that, I can use a mix up of are you on glue and the veil/colon idea.

How does that sound?

FriendlyLadybird Mon 22-Jul-13 20:53:10

I vote for talkativejim's reply. I think it's really good. (All the others were my favourite too, of course)

YoniMitchell Mon 22-Jul-13 20:57:17

Go for it! Would love to see her response to a direct reference o the lack of invitation.

ThePowerof3 Mon 22-Jul-13 20:58:32

TalkativeJims idea is best, youarewinnings is funniest

springperennial Mon 22-Jul-13 21:00:18

Just seen TalkativeJim's response, yes that sounds good. Just, whatever you do, don't send anything that constitutes YOU explaining YOURSELF. You owe her no explanations, and she'd definitely just pick on anything that makes you look petty and the bad guy.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 21:01:02

No. It's a good reply, but it's not quite right. She might then issue an emergency invite!!

Then what?

FannyFifer Mon 22-Jul-13 21:01:06

It must be a limerick reply, do not let on you are hurt at all.

Can't believe the cheek of her.

Ask Mumsnet if they can change your name on this thread so she can't stalk you then send her the link?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gintastic Mon 22-Jul-13 21:03:00

Pictish - then you bring out the "sorry I've got a subsequent engagement" line...

SJisontheway Mon 22-Jul-13 21:03:56

Chans chans chans chans. Its genius.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 21:05:08

No I'm sorry - it's just not cutting enough.

hermioneweasley Mon 22-Jul-13 21:05:45

I would go with Pictish's response (though talkativejim's would be great for entertainment value, but does run the risk she issues an emergency invite and you have to go, buy a gift and decorate her flaming hall!).

Any of the others suggest that you are hurt (which I'm sure you are, but you don't want her to think you are desperately sad to be missing out on wedding of century). Pictish's is clear, dignified, mature and retains the high ground.

Areyoumadorisitme Mon 22-Jul-13 21:06:40

Blimey, she just doesn't get it does she?? How can people be so dense??

Talkativejim's reply is definitely the way forward, I think.

What a cheeky mare!

MalcolmTuckersMum Mon 22-Jul-13 21:11:27

Love love love this thread!

TalkativeJim's suggestion is best - in practical terms.

Dear Bitch - Are you on glue? is best in all other ways -- although SDTG is also good.

You really DO have to leave it so that she has to answer you - or at the very least have a good hard aubergine up the arse think about herself. Are you sending it tonight?

FannyFifer Mon 22-Jul-13 21:12:40

I really thought you were a mate
For your wedding I saved the date
I just can't believe your gall
I wont decorate your hall
Find another mug for fucks sake!

Thepursuitofhappiness Mon 22-Jul-13 21:15:44

I like talkativejim's the best too.

Be prepared that there may be a chance that she pretends you have got the wrong end of the stick and actually pretends you were invited all along, so she saves face.

I'd love to see her response if she still thinks that you can't wait to help decorate without an invite though.

Oh of course she will definitely expect wedding presents from all the STD people who didn't get invites.

VixZenFenchell Mon 22-Jul-13 21:16:31

Dear F

There has been a misunderstanding. I assumed your "STD" card would be followed by an invitation, as is the correct etiquette. You assumed I would want to give up an entire day to decorate for a party at which I will not be present. Obviously, we were both wrong.


Shamelessly marking my place. She's unbelievable.

YoniRanger Mon 22-Jul-13 21:19:10

I'm crying at Dear Bitch are you on glue?

Use that!

wow, this is the thread that keeps giving!!

What a bloody madam!

Ilovemyself Mon 22-Jul-13 21:20:02

Wow. Having just found this thread it took some reading. Talkative Jims and then when she hangs herself something along the lines of the head up arse comment lol

I love talkativejim"s suggestion but what will you do if you receive a grudge invite?

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 21:24:53

It's too high a risk.
She blusters back...Of course you are invited...hasn't it arrived yet?

Then Tidy has to decorate the shitting hall for a bloody wedding she has been grudgingly tossed an invite for!


LemonBreeland Mon 22-Jul-13 21:25:24

Oh it just gets better. grin Definitely send jims reply.

ArcticBlast Mon 22-Jul-13 21:26:13

de-lurking, loving this thread.

Dear Bitch are you on glue? brilliant.
closely followed by the veil in colon.
Anything else is not worthy of the cah!! grin grin

IDontDoIroning Mon 22-Jul-13 21:26:17

Yes what if she issues you with a last minute invite. ?

CorrieDale Mon 22-Jul-13 21:26:17

I quite like vixzen's reply! But jim's was the best - you chose well Tidy! But she's not going to get it and you may need to send her the link to this thread. There'll be 500 posts by then....

ChasedByBees Mon 22-Jul-13 21:26:42

Agree with Pictish. I think you should be honest about what the problem is as she doesn't get it.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 21:27:08

And she'd have to buy a gift!!

chrome100 Mon 22-Jul-13 21:27:25

I think you need a "serious" reply which maintains your moral high ground. Don't have a go, or be passive aggressive as she clearly has no idea how inappropriate she has been. She clearly needs it spelling out so explain it to her, in simple terms why she has been so rude.

Ezio Mon 22-Jul-13 21:27:41

Pictish, thats where the Brasso comes in.

Pictish is right - I wouldn't say anything that risks you getting an invitation along with the expectation that you will decorate the hall for her. You need to send a message that makes it clear how rude, offensive and entitled her behaviour has been, and how you would rather be having colonic irrigation than decorating her wedding venue!

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 21:31:01

This was my original suggestion...

You thought I would like to help? Whatever made you think that?
You thought I would jump at the chance to give up my time to decorate the hall for your wedding, to which I have not been invited, despite being sent a save the date card? Really?!
Just to clarify my position on's a no.

It's not funny, or particularly cutting. It's not witty or clever...but it is realistically what I would send under these circumstances. Blunt and faintly angry.

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 21:34:47

We are definitely not invited, she can't issue a late invitation without a massive backtrack.

Have sent talkativejim's reply for the sheer baiting nature of it. I have no idea what she will come back with!

Kikibee Mon 22-Jul-13 21:34:52

Ohhh, how exciting I have to mark my place, I am amazed by some people shock

IDontDoIroning Mon 22-Jul-13 21:35:08

Agree with Pictish.

You've replied?
This is the most exciting news of the day!

MortifiedAdams Mon 22-Jul-13 21:39:06

This is maddness - she is clearly fucking mental!

Blatherskite Mon 22-Jul-13 21:42:05

Bridezilla Baiting. Love it smile

kalidanger Mon 22-Jul-13 21:42:12

Marking place again wine

Bitch, you on glue? gringrin

CorrieDale Mon 22-Jul-13 21:43:48

If her reply includes the words 'petty' or 'selfish' you absolutely have to send her the link to this thread. Bridezilla Bingo!

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 21:44:23

Bridezilla baiting! grin

How long will we have to wait until she gets back??

JollyHolidayGiant Mon 22-Jul-13 21:46:27

This is a wonderful thread.

marceline Mon 22-Jul-13 21:48:05

Wow, marking my spot, I'm loving this thread. Go with TalkativeJim!

SomethingSuitablyWitty Mon 22-Jul-13 21:48:19

Ooh. Marking place. Brilliant responsesmile but I have the feeling that she has sufficient cheek to answer something like: 'you know I can't invite you, much as I would like to, so I thought you would want to be part of it in this way!' That's my bet anyway.grin

GoofyIsACow Mon 22-Jul-13 21:48:27

Ha! 'Er oh, er, no you still arent invited... Well invited to adorn the secret location then leave...'

QOD Mon 22-Jul-13 21:48:56

O m actual g


TalkativeJim Mon 22-Jul-13 21:49:20


ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor Mon 22-Jul-13 21:49:50

Laughing so hard - I hope, hope, hope this thread goes in Classics...

AncientCrone Mon 22-Jul-13 21:50:44

It's like a Choose Your Own Adventure, but even more fun grin

fuzzpig Mon 22-Jul-13 21:51:55

I am grin at all these poems!

Moxiegirl Mon 22-Jul-13 21:52:14

Can't wait for the reply! grin

AppleYumYum Mon 22-Jul-13 21:53:42

This thread is truly hilarious, you go TinyDancer!

pigletmania Mon 22-Jul-13 21:55:20

Even if she did backtrack and issue you an invite I would not go out of pride, and that shedid not reAlly want you there in the first place. Yes send the poem

onedev Mon 22-Jul-13 22:06:42

I am astounded at your friends nerve!! Can't wait to hear how she'll reply.

KitNCaboodle Mon 22-Jul-13 22:07:12

I like that reply. Well done. Can't wait to see what she comes back with once she's come down from her glue sniffing high

CouncilOfLadies Mon 22-Jul-13 22:11:36

Save the date?
To help decorate?
Because I’m your mate?
No need to deliberate
Get fucked, you hard-faced ingrate.

IDontDoIroning Mon 22-Jul-13 22:12:01

How about

Decorate your halls
Well you've got some balls
You're out of luck
So off you fuck

Oh nooooo this is another Fronk The Event Planner thread, which means my RL will be on pause until the conclusion!

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 22:14:26

Ironing grin

I am laughing my head off.

YouTheCat Mon 22-Jul-13 22:15:11

I agree with Pictish... she will issue and emergency invite thinking that you are just holding out for one.

I would just be horrifically rude back to her and tell her to fuck right off.

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 22:19:22

LOVING the poetry! Sublime!

I absolutely unequivocally will NOT be going to the wedding, not even if she backtracks like a pro and offers me money to attend. She won't anyway, but just FTR that's my official position! grin

RinseAndRepeat Mon 22-Jul-13 22:20:45

De lurking to say I love this thread.

Did you text or email her?


YouTheCat Mon 22-Jul-13 22:21:51

Aw bugger it. I thought I had edited 'and' to 'an'.

BalloonSlayer Mon 22-Jul-13 22:22:45

OK hows about

Are YOU serious?
You don't like me enough to invite me to your wedding.
But you think I like YOU enough to spend a whole day decorating your hall so the people you DO like enough to invite to your wedding get a lovely surprise.
If that's not clear enough . . . you were wrong. I do not want to help.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 22:26:14

Ooooh Balloon - I really like that. Dark and to the point.

SarahAndFuck Mon 22-Jul-13 22:26:21

All day waiting for a Royal baby and now all night waiting for a royally entitled Bridezilla to reply.

Good for you OP grin

nilbyname Mon 22-Jul-13 22:31:00

omg this thread is MN gold I tell you! I have been waiting all day to check as I wanted to make sure there was an update....brilliant!

tidy you are the new MN queen!

I wonder what the flip your "friend" will come back with?

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 22:33:48

You see I'm sorry, but I think the reply sent was the wrong tactic.

The bride will either pull together an emergency invite, or she will kindly and patiently explain to OP again that she'd like to invite her but can't because of numbers.

It doesn't matter that at that point the OP tells her to ram it. The fact is, the OP has showed that she cared enough to either fish for an invite despite being told no already, or that she cared enough to play games about it. Anything she does after that will look like plain old sour grapes.

I wanted the OP to maintain her dignity and the upper hand, because the bride concerned deserved nothing other than a contemptuous dismissal.

I would never have showed her I cared.

SanityClause Mon 22-Jul-13 22:36:01

It would be funny if she was shamed into inviting you.

You could then refuse. In which case, I would say "Tidy regrets she is unable to attend your wedding, due to personal circumstances."

And leave it at that.

Oh, and still not decorate her venue for her.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 22:36:45

And I'll freely admit it...I play to win.

IDontDoIroning Mon 22-Jul-13 22:36:51

You said save the date
I thought you were my bestie mate
But you're really tight
And never sent an invite
You want my help with balloons and flowers
Well piss off - I'm feeling sour

Agree with pictish

I also wonders if it is the same bride as Tantrums encountered?

<stores Pictish's details for future problems>

CookieLady Mon 22-Jul-13 22:47:54

Another one agreeing with wise pictish.

giraffesCantWearSuncream Mon 22-Jul-13 22:48:18

I keep snorting with laughter at - are you on glue?

VicarInaTutu Mon 22-Jul-13 22:52:54

see, for me, i would have no qualms about letting the bride know i was hurt - but im not a game player by any stretch of the imagination. i would just tell her the truth - its hard to believe that you are friends with someone who then goes on to hurt you.
i cant see the point in pussy footing around that issue - and as i see it - that is the issue isnt it?
or have i missed the point?

its a slap in the face for the OP. i wouldnt mind admitting that if it were me.

You should tell her you have saved the date in order to stick pins in your eyes so unfortunately you will be otherwise engaged and put a ps saying 'lay off the crack'.

Plomino Mon 22-Jul-13 22:56:00

If I'm not good enough for your wedding ,
You can stuff all the tears you are shedding .
Your hall will be shite ,
But I'll be alright ,
Cos your friendship is one that I'm shredding .

YouTheCat Mon 22-Jul-13 22:56:27

I'll bet my bottom dollar, Bridezilla would be expecting a pressie too.

Lmao @ 'lay off the crack' grin

Tell her the more you stamp on a turd the larger it gets. Cryptic and menacing.

Plomino Mon 22-Jul-13 22:59:07

But 'are you on glue' has had DH rolling his eyes at me in despair , as he's had to turn the TV up to drown out my snorting .

Snort at 'the more you stamp on a turd the bigger it gets' gringringrinn

georgedawes Mon 22-Jul-13 23:02:05

My favourite response was 'maybe next time'

Awesome thread

Ilovemyself Mon 22-Jul-13 23:04:41

I wish there was a like button on each post lol

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 23:04:43

Vicar - I agree with you.

However, having been hurt in the past, and finding that to open that up, just lends you to further vulnerability and ridicule, I tend to keep it well under wraps in the interests of self preservation. If someone doesn't see you as fit to make the wedding guest list at a fairly average sized wedding, they're not going to lose any sleep over your dejection. Believe me.

You may as well claw back some victory, if only for your own dignity.

In this scenario, I'd think "well at least I put her a boss!"

I'd never have let her see I was hurt. Angry yes...hurt no. I wouldn't give her the ability.

TalkativeJim Mon 22-Jul-13 23:05:54

God I hope she doesn't invite you, it'll be all my fault shock

but... I didn't think of it as fishing for an invite Pictish, but rather the kind of puzzled 'I don't would ask someone to help decorate who you have chosen to exclude? That's so inappropriate, I actually must check that I don't have this wrong...'

- of course, if she invites you, it would be a case of 'Um, no thanks. First of all you're crass enough to send out save the date cards to people you then have no intention of inviting. Then you think it's appropriate to ask a friend that you don't want at the actual event to help do the work for it, and could you then please bugger off home. You must be on glue, bitch, if you think I'm accepting a reluctant invitation at the last minute for the pleasure of sticking up bunting for you!'

BoozyBear Mon 22-Jul-13 23:06:32

right, when she comes back and replys "no you're not invited" you need to reply with this

"Then why are you asking me why i dont want to help? You sent me a STD card, then didnt bother inviting me to the wedding or the party.. but you still want me to give up the day to decorate the venue for all the other family and friends who you deemed important enough to invite.

You seem to have got me mixed up with a doormat. I am offended you would even consider asking me to do anything of the sort when you dont even think enough of our friendship to invite me to your wedding after asking me to keep the date clear.

So, to save any more to-ing and fro-ing, let me make this very clear once and for all.

Kindly go fuck yourself sideways with an oar"

mrspaddy Mon 22-Jul-13 23:06:38

'Decorate your halls
Well you've got some balls
You're out of luck
So off you fuck'

Idontdoironing.... ha ha ha ha ha grin

I think I prefer following this thread more than the crown baby news!!!!!!

doubleshotespresso Mon 22-Jul-13 23:06:49

Is she for real?

SarahAndFuck Mon 22-Jul-13 23:07:10

My favourite response was the plain and simple "why?"

But I'm interested to hear her reply now.

VicarInaTutu Mon 22-Jul-13 23:07:15

pictish - you are more guarded and possibly more sensible than i! i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve but i cant really cover my feelings very well!

id not be able to carry it off....but power to your elbow if you can!

'I thought STD cards meant you had the clap, therefore I dont want to sit down on any seats that you have. Sorry if there has been a misunderstanding' post her some broad spectrum antibiotics and a leaflet on syphillis as a wedding gift. Jobs a goodun.

Tell her the more you stamp on a turd the larger it gets. Cryptic and menacing

grin grin grin

Proper shaking with laughter at BoozyBear's response grin

ArtexMonkey Mon 22-Jul-13 23:09:36

Blimey, you dunt half know some cheeky people op grin

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 23:10:30

If she issues an emergency invite, all you have to say is "no, I think you've misunderstood. I don't actually WANT to be be bought off with a second string wedding invitation. In fact, I don't want to come to your wedding at all. I just wanted to clarify that you really were being as outstandingly rude as I thought you were. I was right."

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 23:11:41

Talkative - I knew exactly what you meant, but OP has worded it

"Hang on, have I got something wrong here? Am I actually invited? Apologies if I have got the wrong end of the stick but I really thought that I wasn't."

which is different.

It sounds a little....(dare I say it) eager?

TalkativeJim Mon 22-Jul-13 23:13:08

Or if she invites you just send this:

Bridezilla, you don't have a clue,
A reluctant in-vite to your do
Just to ponce up your bunting
Makes me think you're a cunting
Mad bitch who indeed is on glue

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 23:13:25

I think it's salvageable if OP listens to us, and sends Boozy's reply...word for word. wink

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 23:14:04

Massive cross-post. grin Loving this thread!

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 23:15:02

Notafoodbaby - that's perfect!

IDontDoIroning Mon 22-Jul-13 23:15:05

Talkative grin
That's fab
I was trying to get a rhyme with bunting that scanned

I love the bridezilla baiting. The whole thread is amazingly funny grin

This is so much better than awaiting a royal birth.

TalkativeJim Mon 22-Jul-13 23:15:28

Pictish yes I do see what you mean!

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 23:15:31

Massive cross-post. grin Loving this thread!

'I cant do the decorating for your wedding as I have recently discovered you are the worst kind of twatstick. Every days a school day, eh?'

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 23:17:13

Self preservation....^always^.
You can cry into your pillow later...and how!

GoingVerySlowlyMad Mon 22-Jul-13 23:17:23

Crying with laughter at some of the responses, especially boozybear!

Seriously though, I would have kept the moral high ground and been very straight, no anger just facts, so she couldn't claim sour grapes or jealousy on your part.

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 23:17:28

Oops! Don't know what happened there! Cheers Pictish.

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 23:17:53

She won't give a last minute invitation, I just know she won't. I genuinely believe she feels she hasn't done anything wrong. Plus she has confirmed already that I'm not invited and feels that the save the date concept is something that it's not.

You can't fight someone like that, so I figure I may as well have some fun instead. smile

I cared about the non-invitation in the beginning because I regarded us as friends. Her behaviour has shown that this clearly is not the case, so how she feels about me post the emails is really of little concern to me. If she retells this story, any reasonable person will see it the way you lot have, that she's bonkers and rude. And that's good enough for me. grin

Have read the whole thread, some of it twice, and I still can't get my head round somebody thinking this was an OK thing to do. How could she possibly think this was ok?

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 23:21:19

But do ask her to hook you up with some of the gear she's on. That's some good shit! wink grin


Ezio Mon 22-Jul-13 23:27:25

Jeez Nota, i want what shes on, if theres something outt there thats makes you very thicked skin and have more brass than a brass band.

I fucking want it.....

TeamEdward Mon 22-Jul-13 23:29:22

This is the thread that just keeps giving!

ChippingInHopHopHop Mon 22-Jul-13 23:31:47

If the demented mare comes back with an emergency invite, then I think NotAFoodBabyAnymore's response at 23.10 is a good one... though I do like TalkativeJims at 23.13!

ChippingInHopHopHop Mon 22-Jul-13 23:34:55

I don't want any of the shit she's on... I like my friends and would quite like to keep them thanks!!

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 23:45:38

So let me get this straight....
You don't like me enough to invite me to your wedding, but you think that I like YOU so much, I would jump at the chance to give up a day of my life to decorate your venue, as a nice surprise for the people that you DO like enough to invite. Does that about cover it?

You'll excuse me if I kindy go fuck yourself with an oar.

pictish Mon 22-Jul-13 23:46:23

Just chucking together some of the best bits into one. The Op needs a killer parting shot.
All hands on deck!

ApocalypseThen Mon 22-Jul-13 23:48:34

"I did save that date, however I cannot waive any part of my fee on this occasion".

TidyDancer Mon 22-Jul-13 23:53:08

I think she'll reply so I suspect I will be needing the power of mumsnet for another response!

I think she has asked me because outside of my normal job (I work in the NHS (non medical)) I am an amateur artist and am okay at interior design. This has never been employed in a wedding setting though, so she's stretching things anyway. But that combined with the fact that I am near to the venue is probably all she thought when she asked.

I do very much like the oar response. grin

springperennial Mon 22-Jul-13 23:58:53

I worry that if she retells this story, she's will slant it to paint herself as misunderstood and the victim of you, the bitter and vindictive cow who wouldn't help her on her "special day". People can and do believe anything, that's why manipulative people get away with as much as they do. This is classic manipulative behaviour. They create a ridiculous drama out of thin air (in this case, issuing a cheeky request nobody with any decency would make) and make the other party have to defend and justify themselves in a situation not of their making. You have no way of controlling what she says about you and how she conveys what happened here. You don't say much about what kind of a person she has been, in your experience, in the past. Does she have form for this sort of self absorbed/emotionally unintelligent behaviour? Or is this totally out of character?

Here's what I'd say if I wanted to slant this: "Well, as you know, I was really struggling on numbers for the wedding, and we really couldn't not invite DP's Great Aunt Hilda and his boss (it's his career you know). It was really difficult to leave out TD, but what could I do? I thought she'd understand, you understand, don't you (<sympathetic guest agreeing with beautiful yet tragic and troubled bride, nodding, no you shouldn't have this burden on your Special Day>). I just thought I could make it up to her a bit by inviting her to decorate the room, make her a part of my Special Day in some small way. I really thought TD would like to do that. I thought we could share a bottle of champagne and reminisce about old times. She just threw it back in my face."

TheDoctrineOfAllan Mon 22-Jul-13 23:58:57

Crying with laughter..

Do it but explain you are currently working through some things and so are in your 'carrion phase'.

justmyview Tue 23-Jul-13 00:01:24

I saw a film where one character said "I'd just like to be sure we agree what just happened here. Did you ............ and did I ...........? Have I got that right?" Non aggressive, but made the point

pictish Tue 23-Jul-13 00:04:47

Tbh Tidy - my final response would be caustic yet flat. A dismissal. No insults or outrage, just facts.
It's good fun thinking of stuff to write, but ultimately you want to convey that you're cool, but she has behaved like an arse, so must be shooed away.

Job done.

kaosak Tue 23-Jul-13 00:06:08

Talkative that is brilliant!

You should hire yourself out grin!!

pictish Tue 23-Jul-13 00:07:41

And I agree with springperennial.

kaosak Tue 23-Jul-13 00:07:54

Dying to know what a 'carrion phase' is please!

bootsycollins Tue 23-Jul-13 00:18:28

Does it involve daubing the walls with shit? grin

Bootsy, a fellow artist!

BoozyBear Tue 23-Jul-13 00:23:02

lol, love that you like my response.

however, should TD feel the need for a more polite sign off, i propose this sensible, but succinct ending in place of my 'kindly go fuck yourself sideways with an oar' comment.

"No, i will not be decorating your venue and i no longer have any interest in continuing this clearly one sided friendship."

Mimishimi Tue 23-Jul-13 00:23:46

Haven't read the whole thread. I'd just reply "^No, sorry. Since we found out we are not invited, I discarded the save the date card and we have made other plans that week. Best wishes^".

bootsycollins Tue 23-Jul-13 00:38:03

Geraldine grin not a fellow artist I'm afraid, I'm off to Google Carrion now.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Tue 23-Jul-13 00:45:57

Carrion is dead animals.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Tue 23-Jul-13 00:50:10

I love celiafate s veil up colon response!!

bootsycollins Tue 23-Jul-13 01:37:52

Yeah I'm feeling it, an avant gard centrepiece display of carrion for the top table and human excrement daubed all over the walls, could even be a hot new entry for the Turner prize grin

TotallyBursar Tue 23-Jul-13 02:01:29

Shameless place marking.
I hope this ensconces itself in classics...mostly so I can look up and recycle some of these epic responses!

Tidy, you really are legendary wine

Strokethefurrywall Tue 23-Jul-13 02:24:34

Not since the crazy baby shower/planner/sister thread have I enjoyed a read as much as this one...

ExasperatedSigh Tue 23-Jul-13 06:12:11

GeraldineAubergine you are on fire on this thread grin

Shameless place marking here.
She is barking mad. I wouldn't be surprised if she dropped out of coming to your wedding last minute.

Notafoodbabyanymore Tue 23-Jul-13 06:23:55

Can't wait to see what she writes back. I agree with those who are saying not to mention feeling hurt etc. This is about HER rudeness and lack of basic social etiquette.

I'm obviously joking about the drugs, though I can't understand how anyone in their right mind would think this is normal behaviour.

Chippychop Tue 23-Jul-13 06:57:40

I'd print off this thread and send it to her

pigletmania Tue 23-Jul-13 07:12:45

Well tidy consider this friendship over, she is no friend

Witt Tue 23-Jul-13 08:05:52

Have you checked whether any other mutual friends who didn't warrant an invite have been asked to help out on the day too? Maybe serve welcome drinks to her guests for example?

I still can't get over the cheek of sending STD cards, making people alter their plans, then not invite them. She may find she has 19 other guests who assumed the invite got lost in the post and turn up anyway. That would be funny. She wouldn't be able to say she never intended inviting them.

bootsycollins Tue 23-Jul-13 08:07:39

Come on bridezilla text back grin

fuzzpig Tue 23-Jul-13 08:33:55

I expect she is taking a while to reply because she is panicking about belatedly fitting tidy in to the invite list.

Which will be rather good as then you can really enjoy turning it downgrin

FruOla Tue 23-Jul-13 08:39:31

Blimey, there have been some outrageous bridezilla threads recently - but this one certainly takes the biscuit
shock grin

TalkativeJim Tue 23-Jul-13 08:41:58

Poor GBB (Glue Bitch Bridezilla) - I almost feel sorry for her.

There could almost be a new word for a 'zilla' who goes so far along the road to Zilladom that she becomes certifiably insane - a GLUEZILLA.

bootsycollins Tue 23-Jul-13 08:44:48

I wonder if she's booked the Zingzillas for the evening reception?

bootsycollins Tue 23-Jul-13 08:45:31

Thinking on it I bed the Zingzillas crew are on glue.

hugsandbutterflies Tue 23-Jul-13 10:45:50

This is the best thread ever.

OP this is all your fault, you thought you got a SAVE the date card when in fact you got a SLAVE the date card. Clear case of misunderstanding smile

ProphetOfDoom Tue 23-Jul-13 10:55:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 23-Jul-13 10:55:45

I told DH about this thread. His face was shock at the bridezilla.

^^ spb just snorted then

BatwingsAndButterflies Tue 23-Jul-13 11:10:39

Love pictish's reply, use that! grin

pictish Tue 23-Jul-13 11:11:10

Dh and I shared this thread last night. I was reading out the response suggestions to him, and one or two I couldn't finish for laughing! Because he and I have similar soh, it was a bloody good belly laugh. grin

I am so sorry OP, I know we are suckering your pain for our own entertainment - I do feel a bit guilty...but fact really ought to consider sending her a nicely boxed wedding gift of some Brasso.
Not really.
But I would laugh a lot if you did. grin

Well said Stealth! grin

Thumbwitch Tue 23-Jul-13 11:24:20

"AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Mon 22-Jul-13 19:26:48
Funnily, (Understandably), Cannot Knowingly Your Offer Undertake"

I thought this was brilliant - no one else seemed to pick up on it! wonder if she'd "get it" if you sent it?

FruOla Tue 23-Jul-13 11:25:16

That wedding is going to be interesting, even if the bride tries to play the sympathy card "Tidy wouldn't help me decorate the venue" (as described by springperennial upthread), all those 20 non-invitees, even if not connected to each other, will be connected to other people there.

I imagine various guests will be saying to each other "where's X, Y, Z, I thought they were coming?", reply being "didn't you hear? They got a STD card, but then no invitation". They'll be overheard by someone else who also knows a non-invitee and it will all soon be 'buzzing' round the reception. <evil cackle>

slave the date card! grin

mrspaddy Tue 23-Jul-13 11:36:27

ha ha ha ... Slave the date...

You couldn't make up this story.. cheek of her!!!!

Vivacia Tue 23-Jul-13 11:44:03

(Is anyone else slightly uncomfortable with some of the gleeful nastiness directed towards someone not here to defend herself?).

RenterNomad Tue 23-Jul-13 11:47:05

Vivacia, to quote soneobe who has been heard on this thread, "Are you serious?"

It doesnt look like it.

coco87 Tue 23-Jul-13 11:47:35

This deserves to be entered into the cheeky requests thread here;

fuzzpig Tue 23-Jul-13 11:52:14

Slave the date. Genius grin

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Tue 23-Jul-13 12:24:01

RenterNomad grin

Go Tidy!

somewhereaclockisticking Tue 23-Jul-13 12:29:03

That's awful - bad enough to consider yourself a close friend and then not be invited - but to then ask you to help her decorate - I think she's giving you an idea as to how she really views this friendship and it's not how you view it. I wouldn't waste anymore time on her. She's rude and abit mean.

arabesque Tue 23-Jul-13 12:34:27

Wow, she sounds self entitled. People are expected to keep a day free just in case she decides to ask them to her wedding? Then she expects a friend that she hasn't invited to help her out?

To be honest, I would be terminating that friendship immediately.

Beastofburden Tue 23-Jul-13 12:42:13

I get the impression she has no clue what she is doing. I am prepared to bet that whoever does help her decorate at the last minute will find themselves taken for granted, expected to buy everything and do everything while she flaps about.

Fun though it has been to create a bridezilla figure, probably underneath it there is a not very competent young woman in a flat spin having got quite a lot of things wrong and maybe even feeling bad about having upset everyone. Who knows? you know her and we don't.

If the friendship is worth saving, go out for a drink with her and tell her straight how she made you feel, but then offer to help her anyway. if it's not, meh, tell her anyway but then bugger off for a spa weekend or something. think of all that money you didnt have to spend on a present, a new outfit and a hen night, and go spend it on yourself instead.

Betternc4this Tue 23-Jul-13 12:46:03

The bride-to-be had friends a plenty
So one night whilst she was pissed
Wrote down the names of twenty
That she felt would least be missed

You could've knocked me with a feather
When the postman passed my door
With the embossed invitation,
Still firmly in his paw.

He put one through each neighbours door
I could hardly bear to watch
The Japanese on guided tour
They even got one too.

There must be some mistake I thought,
As I ran down the road in my slippers
How could she miss out her best friend
Over a coach of bloody day trippers.

As I caught up with the postie,
He had a strange look in his eye
Was it me in my tiger print onesie
Made him want to curl up and die.

But it wasn't the clothes I was wearing
In his job, after all that's old hat
It was more the bad news he was bearing
My god I felt such a twat.

coco87 Tue 23-Jul-13 13:28:55

Dear friend, dear friend,
Is this a new trend,
To send a “save the date”,
But then not invite your mate

Ask me to help you decorate the venue,
But i don’t get to see the menu,
A slave i am not,
Perhaps you have been smoking too much pot?

smellsofsick Tue 23-Jul-13 13:41:29

This thread is amazing. It's brought out the Pam Ayres in so many posters!

quoteunquote Tue 23-Jul-13 13:51:42

Dear friend,

A quiz for your convenience, tick one,

I will NOT be assisting in decorating your wedding venue because:

A I have better things to do.

B I am doing better things.

C I have saved the date for an event, I am going to.

D I have self respect.

E I am NOT on drugs.

well done 100% correct.

'I will decorate your wedding venue if you will clean my toilet'.

MojitoMagnet Tue 23-Jul-13 15:13:11

I think it's important NOT to say anything about having better things to do though.

It needs to be clear that the issue is with getting the save the date card, THEN not being invited, THEN being asked for a favour.

I think it would be just about reasonable for a distant friend, not close enough to be invited, to be asked to help with the venue as a one-off favour - perhaps if you had ideas for the decor which you wanted to be a surprise for the guests - especially if you considered this to be something "fun" rather than work.

Given her confusion at your first response, it therefore needs to be extremely clear that you found it offensive to be sent a save-the-date and then not be invited, and that you consider this inconsiderate behaviour to be too much for your friendship to survive, and that is why you aren't inclined to make yourself available to help.

Any response less clear than this, e.g. if you simply say "because you didn't invite me" or "no I'm busy now" will be (willfully or otherwise) misunderstood.

apologies if this has been mentioned and i missed it... but what about the other "friend" that wasnt invited? has she been asked to help out at all? or is it only you that is wanted for slave duties?

YouTheCat Tue 23-Jul-13 15:22:16

Yes, you need to contact the other non-invitees. For all you know they could be doing the catering/making the cake/waiting tables/doing the flowers and you wouldn't want to look mean if everyone else is doing their bit? grin

bootsycollins Tue 23-Jul-13 15:27:12

I need an update tidy grin

LaurenQueefer Tue 23-Jul-13 15:28:15

(saving my place)

RussianBlu Tue 23-Jul-13 15:48:32

WE ARE ALL WAITING FOR OUR NEXT INSTALMENT ....HELLO??? ( I want to go to the wedding).

AlfalfaMum Tue 23-Jul-13 15:55:56

YY op, did your other mutual friend get asked to skivvy for the VIPs?

I'd like to applaud all the poets on this thread smile You have had me in tears of mirth flowers

And whoever suggested sending the bride Brasso to polish her neck, you rock too!

SoleSource Tue 23-Jul-13 16:51:23

imagineJL has it spot on

"thank you for inviting me to help with your wedding decorations. I will save the date and let you know nearer the time"


Your 'friend' is a cheeky cow.

Hissy Tue 23-Jul-13 17:10:04

Did someone say bunting


Surely she's gotten back to you by now? <desperate>

FruOla Tue 23-Jul-13 17:11:59

<snort> Hissy grin

SoleSource Tue 23-Jul-13 17:51:05

I have wet myself Hissy Tidy get some of that bunting & decorate her hall.

Somethingtothinkabout Tue 23-Jul-13 17:54:38

Tidy, with regards to when she tells this story to others, she'll probably leave out the fact that she sent you a STD card (because after she tells the first person and they have this face shock she might realise how wrong she was) so she'll maybe try and neutralise it by leaving out the STD card and just say she asked you for help as a friend.

But even doing that is rude! So I think you'll come out ofIit well, regardless.

I actually can't wait for her reply!

BalloonSlayer Tue 23-Jul-13 18:00:10

She won't be able to claim that Tidy was a really good friend who let her down, because Tidy won't be at the wedding.

Unless she is Rachel from Friends, who is bosom buddies with Monica, and knows Ross well (and even snogged Chandler) yet, conveniently for plot purposes, doesn't invite any of them to her Wedding.

Decorate the hall in divorce and infidelity stats.

Waltermitty has it!

SarahAndFuck Tue 23-Jul-13 18:27:13

But hadn't Rachel from Friends lost touch with Monica by the time she was due to marry Barry, and only met her again by accident just before the wedding?

And then Monica's was the only place she could think of to go when she jilted him, just because she wasn't part of the life Rachel was running away from?

<invests far too much time in TV repeats>

I suggest cerebral response

You sent me a STD card. I, in turn wish
an STD on you.

Kikibee Tue 23-Jul-13 19:23:41

Oh what is the update, please

springperennial Tue 23-Jul-13 19:53:42

SarahandFuck is correct. Rachel turns up at the coffee shop and breathlessly tells everyone that she was looking at a Limoges gravy boat on the gifts table, and realised that she was more passionate about it than fiance, Barry. Then she had to escape and didn't know anyone else in the city to go to except Monica (with whom she'd drifted apart). Monica says, "You mean nobody else who wasn't invited to your wedding". Rachel says, "Aww, I was hoping you'd forget that part."

<Watched about 10 cycles of this wretched programme whilst stuck on the sofa bf DCs. Don't get me started on what a psycho Ross is!>

Lioninthesun Tue 23-Jul-13 19:58:21

I think you should say you and the other friend you know of are getting together for a day out with dinner to celebrate her happy day a deux, so sadly the two of you will possibly be too merry to help out.
Cheeky mare.

anklebitersmum Tue 23-Jul-13 19:59:10

My flabber is aghast shock

Personally I like the brasso pressie so she can polish her neck in time for the wedding..pure genius grin

I wonder if you could get that to the Best Man for the card reading bit?

lovesherdogstoomuch Tue 23-Jul-13 20:03:18

go with DameFanny. absolutely. hope it rains. xx

Lioninthesun Tue 23-Jul-13 20:07:02

I do finding highly amusing that she thought in advance to block out 20 people's day and spent money and time doing so, and yet hasn't had the foresight to sort out decorating the venue for the lucky 80 who made the short long list!
I think you should deffo play on the fact that you and some other non-attendees could get together, seeing as you all had saved the day and all... wink

nilbyname Tue 23-Jul-13 20:22:23

Ooh it's just too good! More more more please tidy!

Betternc4this Tue 23-Jul-13 20:33:04

<drums fingers>

Ruprekt Tue 23-Jul-13 20:34:46

Has she not replied yet?

TidyDancer Tue 23-Jul-13 20:42:41

Okay I'm here! But I haven't had a reply yet.

I wonder if in a parallel universe, is frantically advising her how to get out of this one!

Will keep you all posted! Loving the responses!

MalcolmTuckersMum Tue 23-Jul-13 20:43:06

Tell her the more you stamp on a turd the larger it gets. Cryptic and menacing

Best. Line. Ever.


starsandunicorns Tue 23-Jul-13 20:55:42

Marking place again even my dp is asking for updates this is unheard of

scarletforya Tue 23-Jul-13 21:23:47

Maybe the penny has dropped with the dozy bridezilla that 'save the date' cards are not actually what she believed them to be and she, even in her capacity of Newly Crowned Queen Of The Fucking Universe I'm Getting Married Am So Special doesn't get to re-invent the universally understood meaning of the 'Save the Date' cards....

Maybe, or maybe she is so busy flogging friends and family she can't find time to reply to an ingrate such as yourself. I mean, you could have been lucky enough to tack streamers and balloons to the roof and walls of the venue, place favours at each hallowed plate, read the menu, you could have seen how the other half live !!! wink

Patosshades Tue 23-Jul-13 21:45:58

I'm still laughing at the idea that she's so speshul in her mind you'd be thrilled to decorate even though you didn't make it to the chosen few guest list grin

SarahAndFuck Tue 23-Jul-13 21:46:21

She's perhaps talked it over with her fiancé or her family and had the same shocked reaction from them all.

coco87 Tue 23-Jul-13 21:52:46

I wonder if the 20 uninvited STD friends were her way of ensuring she has free labour during the wedding to decorate/serve food/entertain etc. I think there is more to the 20 uninvited friends thing than she is letting on. Can you check with your other friend so see if she has been asked to serve tables or anything crazy like that?

chrome100 Tue 23-Jul-13 22:14:38

I keep checking in on this thread. I'm going on holiday in 2 days and will have no internet. She MUST reply before then or I will spend my entire holiday wondering what's going on.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Tue 23-Jul-13 22:16:43

Still no update?



TidyDancer Tue 23-Jul-13 22:20:15

Coco, my friend hasn't had any contact from the bride. Her reaction if she did would rival some of the suggestions on here! grin

Dinosaurdrip Tue 23-Jul-13 23:14:40

This thread is hilarious!

TalkativeJim Wed 24-Jul-13 00:10:30

In a way, I almost wish you would agree to decorate the venue.

Do you know what my idea would be - that we have a whip-round on here (because they're not cheap) and you buy hundreds, THOUSANDS of Sylvanian Families figurines and put them all over the place - glued to the ceiling, poking out of the table settings, lines of them going up the walls looking (from a distance) like a giant ant infestation. You could even stick them all over the cake, making the bride and groom figures look like guests at that weird Ewok party in the Return of the Jedi. You could go to town on how special it would be and how she wasn't allowed to see it until the actual reception - everyone files in - SIOB en masse

Ah ha ha ha ha.

PugStaffyCross Wed 24-Jul-13 00:22:21

Say no, you have made plans. She has a real nerve asking you! Its just rude!

PugStaffyCross Wed 24-Jul-13 00:27:17

Tell her you would rather poop in your hands and clap - than decorate her venue or get lots of save the date card and stick them all over the place.

snuffykins Wed 24-Jul-13 00:39:14

She is as mad as a box of frogs.

Loving "Dear bitch, are you on glue?" Brilliant!