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Original poster

I cancelled the babysitter

132 replies

ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 18:51

DH had arranged that we meet another couple for dinner this evening. It was booked for 6.30pm as our sitter has somewhere else to be at 10pm.

We had arranged a family day out today, cinema in the morning and then we were going to do some shopping for winter stuff for the kids and go for a nice lunch. Sitter was due at 5.30pm.

While we were in the cinema DH gets a call and then a text from the male of the other couple (that we were supposed to meet tonight), asking him if he would drive him 1.5 hours away to a football match as he is too jet lagged after a business trip to drive. He shows me the text and I said very clearly "you promised a family day today, tell him no". I also clearly stated that if he went to the match that he would not be back in time for the 6.30pm meal, to which he responded that "the girls can go to the meal and the guys can join them after". Now I hardly know the female partner and to be honest I have hardly anything in common with her, regardless of the fact that I think it's quite ignorant of the guys to just assume that they change our arrangements like that. So DH went off to call his friend, I assumed to say no.

He came back and said "right, lets take the kids for a takeaway McDonalds, I've to get on the road". So he left at approx 1.30pm and is not back yet. Obviously I told him to go f*ck himself and I cancelled the sitter and texted the female of the other couple to tell her exactly what had happened. I don't blame her partner for asking, I blame mine for not just saying no. I really could not stomach submitting to the rearranged evening, or sitting beside him and pretending to like him for even 5 minutes.

Am so sick of DH prioritising other things and other people over his family. Now I am the one stuck here at home with the kids and not even a bottle of wine in the house! Was my response unreasonable?

OP posts:
Threalamandaclarke · 13/10/2013 10:50

Was this Pre-planned by the DHs? Hmm

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2013 10:56

With every post op, your situation has moved from being unreasonable to being really really odd.
So, this friend arrived back from a flight, had tickets to a match that day one and a half hours away, which he would have already known would make him an hour a half late for prebooked dinner. Why the Jeff didn't he say anything before the day? And then, expects someone else to drive him? That is a massive ask. Another thing that's odd, of the match was an hour a half away, presumably its a premiership or something? How did your oh get a ticket at such short notice? could this have been prearranged between the 2 of them?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/10/2013 10:57

Why couldn't other blokes DW have taken him, if they don't have kids?

The thing I don't get is that once it was established that he was off to the match, he wasn't going to make it back for the arranged dinner time, however he got there. The arrangement was just unworkable. So why did they agree to an early dinner knowing that he was planning on going to a match 1.5 hours away?

This.

There's too many questions I'd want answering. I wonder if it was actually preplanned as neither of them wanted to go out for dinner.

There's no reason why your DH would have to take him, or say yes. I'd be fuming.

Oh and my DH loves clothes shopping for our DS. Why because he's a man does this automatically mean he would hate it. Is shopping just my job? Are we in the 1950s?

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2013 11:00

Triple xpost

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/10/2013 11:01

Actually arethereanyleftatall sums up what I was thinking.

What match was it? Because if it was a big match wouldn't you have had to have tickets in advance?

Why if you are jet lagged and having arranged to go out for an early dinner would you go to a match an hour and a half away and rope your friend into taking you unnecessarily.

It's all a bit too weird.

purrpurr · 13/10/2013 11:15

Another vote for Wifework here, although it might just make you angry. So many 1950s housewives on this thread. No one has even noted that it was the Op who had to raise the need for shopping for the children, because they need things. Her DH doesn't see their needs as his responsibility. And having identified their needs and proposed a solution, her DH and a disgusting proportion of Mumsnet members still believe, in 2013, that it is solely the Op's responsibility to meet the needs of their children.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/10/2013 11:21

And if too jet lagged to drive, surely also too jet lagged to enjoy the match

Actually. This friend was travelling back from overseas and still booked a dinner out with you for later that day (or the next day)?? How was that going to work?

They're both selfish twunts.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/10/2013 11:22

And what purrpurr said.

SteppedOnaFrog · 13/10/2013 11:43

He is a sexist egotistical arse and personally speaking, he would be out the door for pulling a stunt like that.

How dare he. I couldn't live with someone who behaved like this.

hardboiledpossum · 13/10/2013 11:46

I loathe shopping, so next time we are doing some family shopping is it ok for me to ditch dp and ds to go for cocktails with a friend? didn't think so. most people don't enjoy shopping, the only thing that makes it bearable is having someone to chat to

shewhowines · 13/10/2013 12:23

I bet, as a kid, his mum let him go to the recent, fun party, rather teaching him that once you've accepted an invite it is rude to then turn it down in favour of a better offer. Grin

He was rude and it does sound suspiciously pre planned.

LIZS · 13/10/2013 12:37

I asked dh could nobody else have taken him, and he said no, nobody else could. Public transport ?

It was either prearranged ie . "if I get back in time would you fancy ... I'll give you a call if it's on" or others have refused having had this treatment in the past . He obviously didn't feel the least bit guilty fi they went for coffee and a snack afterwards instead of honouring the arrangements in some shape or form.

HearMyRoar · 13/10/2013 12:52

I really don't see how it matters what they were doing for the day. As far as I am concerned if I had agreed with dp that we would spend the day shovelling shit, paying taxes, and hugging Michael Gove I would still be bloody furious if he suddenly bailed on me with no regard to my feelings about it. It is just not done.

HexU · 13/10/2013 13:11

If it was per-arranged why not just mention it as a possibility before making arrangements with OP?

It just sound really odd all round and really quite annoying for OP.

Fairenuff · 13/10/2013 14:01

Oh God, he sounds like a bore. Yawn.

If you want a man in your life, make sure it's one that actually wants to spend time with you, gives you his full attention, makes plans to do fun things with you and the kids, and enjoy yourselves!

Otherwise, what's the point?

nennypops · 13/10/2013 15:10

I wonder what he'd have done if you'd said "No, actually, it turns out I've got a better offer myself, so I'm off now leaving you with the kids, I probably won't make it back in time for dinner so tough?" It seems pretty clear that he'd have been shocked to the core, so I wonder why he thinks it's OK for him and his friend to behave like that.

Penny13 · 13/10/2013 16:05

What was he like this morning OP?

Mojavewonderer · 13/10/2013 16:28

My husband would have said no straight away. If he hadn't I would have relieved him of the car keys and gone shopping with the kids to spend lots more of his money!

grobagsforever · 13/10/2013 17:16

I agree the whole set up sounds fishy , how was the mate ever going to make the dinner?

Luna13 · 13/10/2013 17:52

BackforGood are you serious??? DH wanted socks, gloves, hats whatever, AND wanted to look at some items for himself. You call it that he was being dragged on a shopping trip Confused
And do you really think that it's such a good idea to go for dinner with someone you barely know when you are so pissed off at your DH? I personally wouldn't even want to think of going anywhere, except maybe to my own kitchen to get that bottle of wine.

ScarerAndFuck · 13/10/2013 18:04

HWBU for taking calls and texts in the cinema, it's really annoying and distracting for everyone else. Selfish and rude of him.

KeatsiePie · 13/10/2013 18:56

Heh Luna good point re: going to dinner. If I were angry w/my DH, it would be a very bad idea to put me in front of a bottle of wine and a woman I don't know well enough to confide in. I'd tell her way too much and then feel really embarrassed the next 18 times I saw her.

Retroformica · 13/10/2013 19:48

Shopping is not a family day out. It's a rubbish thing to do.

I'd still be cross with DH though

expatinscotland · 13/10/2013 20:23

'Shopping is not a family day out. It's a rubbish thing to do.'

FFS, RTWFT! It was cinema, her taking the kids to get socks and underwear whilst HE went and got himself some trousers and this was HIS suggestion, then a nice lunch out.

THAT was the day out!

ImperialBlether · 13/10/2013 22:06

It was a day out that the OP's husband had planned, Retro. I don't think the OP was planning a day trip, ffs, just that they needed to go shopping so decided to go to the cinema and lunch while they were out.

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