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AIBU?

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Original poster

I cancelled the babysitter

132 replies

ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 18:51

DH had arranged that we meet another couple for dinner this evening. It was booked for 6.30pm as our sitter has somewhere else to be at 10pm.

We had arranged a family day out today, cinema in the morning and then we were going to do some shopping for winter stuff for the kids and go for a nice lunch. Sitter was due at 5.30pm.

While we were in the cinema DH gets a call and then a text from the male of the other couple (that we were supposed to meet tonight), asking him if he would drive him 1.5 hours away to a football match as he is too jet lagged after a business trip to drive. He shows me the text and I said very clearly "you promised a family day today, tell him no". I also clearly stated that if he went to the match that he would not be back in time for the 6.30pm meal, to which he responded that "the girls can go to the meal and the guys can join them after". Now I hardly know the female partner and to be honest I have hardly anything in common with her, regardless of the fact that I think it's quite ignorant of the guys to just assume that they change our arrangements like that. So DH went off to call his friend, I assumed to say no.

He came back and said "right, lets take the kids for a takeaway McDonalds, I've to get on the road". So he left at approx 1.30pm and is not back yet. Obviously I told him to go f*ck himself and I cancelled the sitter and texted the female of the other couple to tell her exactly what had happened. I don't blame her partner for asking, I blame mine for not just saying no. I really could not stomach submitting to the rearranged evening, or sitting beside him and pretending to like him for even 5 minutes.

Am so sick of DH prioritising other things and other people over his family. Now I am the one stuck here at home with the kids and not even a bottle of wine in the house! Was my response unreasonable?

OP posts:
maras2 · 12/10/2013 20:58

YANBU.What a selfish pig.

footballagain · 12/10/2013 21:03

YANBU.

I can't believe anyone is trying to justify his behaviour!

Yes, he's allowed a life, friends, hobbies.......hell, he's even forgiven for not liking shopping. But he agreed to the day out, then ignored you when you asked him not to pander to his pillock of a friend.

Unjustifiable in my world.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 12/10/2013 21:18

YANBU I'm another one who doesn't get why the DH should get out of going shopping just because he's a man and the poor ickle thing cannot possibly be expected to do something he doesn't want to.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/10/2013 21:53

But why do something you don't want to do when there is absolutely no need for it?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 12/10/2013 22:06

I missed that bit out of my post - I'd be well livid if he had asked me and I'd said 'tell him no, we have other plans' and he'd gone ahead and done it anyway. If you disagree, discuss it with me, don't 'nod' then do as you please - guaranteed way to fuck me off and you really don't want to do that.

Original poster
ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 22:17

Perhaps I should point out that early this morning he was googling clothing online, and he himself suggested that we could shop following the movie as he needed trousers, so I suggested that while he was procuring said trousers I could get some bits for the kids. Not. My. Idea. To. Go. Shopping. On a Saturday afternoon in the busiest shopping centre in the whole town? Not my idea of fun. I was however looking forward to going for lunch and a glass of wine with the kids and dh, having done the movie and got the few bits of shopping.
He got home at 8pm. Bearing booze. No apology but very sheepish. Even watched the whole of x factor with me. Is now asleep on the sofa. He can fucking stay there.

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 12/10/2013 22:18

But why do something you don't want to do when there is absolutely no need for it?

Because he made a commitment. You don't commit your day to someone and then back out because you "don't like shopping" or whatever. Or maybe, just maybe, as he's a parent, he should do something that benefits his kids, and not dump all the boring stuff on his partner because he gets a "better offer". Hmm

starlight1234 · 12/10/2013 22:25

well I hope he gets neck ache...and a stinking hangover and the kids jump and screm on him at 6 am...Sleep like a starfish incase he tried to get in bed

Why is he drunk though if he was driving?

thistlelicker · 12/10/2013 22:36

It pisses me right off when ppl don't read original post properly, or any update from op!!!

Op give him hell! And plan another
Family day and take his mobile from him so there are no rude interuptions!!

Wine
Original poster
ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 22:37

He's not drunk. He brought booze for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 22:39

We have a christening tomorrow. He is so driving. I am so drinking. [Smile]

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/10/2013 22:49

Thistlelicker - good idea on the phone removal!

OP I leave DH on the sofa snoring away too. I used to wake him up and coax him to bed but I've stopped. I'm not his bloody mother and it was pissing me off no end. I'm much calmer now!

Beastofburden · 12/10/2013 23:21

It's a funny friendship, that. The other guy is too jet lagged to drive safely, so he thinks, I know, I will demand that my friend drives me for 3 hours? Most of us would think, shame, ill miss the match, then, and go to bed. Almost sounds as if your DH has a bit of a crush on him- not sexually, people can get a bit obsessed over friendships without there being anything sexual about it. But sort of, nothing is too good for him.

Original poster
ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 23:27

Yeah, I agree beastofburden, it's a bit odd. I asked dh could nobody else have taken him, and he said no, nobody else could. Yeah. Right.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 12/10/2013 23:42

Nobody else would, more like.

This is all a bit odd if you ask me.

Blu · 13/10/2013 08:17

Why couldn't other blokes DW have taken him, if they don't have kids?

The thing I don't get is that once it was established that he was off to the match, he wasn't going to make it back for the arranged dinner time, however he got there. The arrangement was just unworkable. So why did they agree to an early dinner knowing that he was planning on going to a match 1.5 hours away?

MadeOfStarDust · 13/10/2013 08:31

nobody else feel bad for the sitter??

Hopefully it wasn't a paid sitter, or hubby paid them anyway? If I sit for folks it is payment a week in advance now because of cancelling at the last minute! 48 hours notice, you get your money back, any later it is mine! Still getting plenty of business....

nennypops · 13/10/2013 08:49

I asked dh could nobody else have taken him, and he said no, nobody else could.

So have neither of them heard of taxis? And what was DH's friend thinking of anyway arranging to go somewhere which meant he would be back 90 minutes after the time you'd arranged for the dinner? That in itself is unbelievably rude.

Come to think of it, how come it took him till 8 to get back anyway? Surely the match didn't go on till 6.30?

Original poster
ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 13/10/2013 09:11

I think a taxi for 1.5 hours would be rather expensive. I don't know why the other guy's DP couldn't take him.

Fair enough re sitter, I did give her rather a generous 21st birthday present last week so I didn't feel guilty. She is a family friend, it's not a commercial arrangement as such.

He didn't get back until 8 as the match finished around 5.30 and as I had cancelled arrangments, they went for a cup of tea and sandwiches in the club house, then came home.

I agree that the other guy is an idiot, making the arrangement that would mess up our plans, then dragging DH into it. I hope he's got the point as well. To be honest I'm more hurt than angry by DH's behaviour. He often acts as if having a family outing of any kind gives him some kind of entitlement to brownie points, thus allowing him to do something by himself after said family outing. I often feel like doing normal family things is a chore for him, but it isn't supposed to be a chore for me.

I'm going out now to do the few errands and he is looking after the children.

OP posts:
nennypops · 13/10/2013 09:21

I think a taxi for 1.5 hours would be rather expensive.

But surely preferable to making someone else drive for 3 hours? After all, it was his choice to go to the match when he could presumably have worked out that he would be jetlagged. If he didn't want to pay out for a taxi, the obvious choice is to forget the match and actually be there on time for the dinner.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 13/10/2013 09:21

Take your time about it, have a nice lunch somewhere, pop in to see a friend...

ArtexMonkey · 13/10/2013 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatryoshkaDoll · 13/10/2013 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Threalamandaclarke · 13/10/2013 10:08

"He often acts as if having a family outing of any kind gives him some kind of entitlement to brownie points, thus allowing him to do something for himself after said family outing."
I would be miffed by that too ForSaletotheHighestBidder
I assume you've explained how you feel to him.
I think I would just choose not to involve him tbh. But that's probably not very constructive.

friday16 · 13/10/2013 10:44

I think a taxi for 1.5 hours would be rather expensive.

But not your problem, as neither you nor your husband would be in it. Your husband's friend had plans. The transport was tricky. Why does anyone else care?