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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I cancelled the babysitter

132 replies

ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 18:51

DH had arranged that we meet another couple for dinner this evening. It was booked for 6.30pm as our sitter has somewhere else to be at 10pm.

We had arranged a family day out today, cinema in the morning and then we were going to do some shopping for winter stuff for the kids and go for a nice lunch. Sitter was due at 5.30pm.

While we were in the cinema DH gets a call and then a text from the male of the other couple (that we were supposed to meet tonight), asking him if he would drive him 1.5 hours away to a football match as he is too jet lagged after a business trip to drive. He shows me the text and I said very clearly "you promised a family day today, tell him no". I also clearly stated that if he went to the match that he would not be back in time for the 6.30pm meal, to which he responded that "the girls can go to the meal and the guys can join them after". Now I hardly know the female partner and to be honest I have hardly anything in common with her, regardless of the fact that I think it's quite ignorant of the guys to just assume that they change our arrangements like that. So DH went off to call his friend, I assumed to say no.

He came back and said "right, lets take the kids for a takeaway McDonalds, I've to get on the road". So he left at approx 1.30pm and is not back yet. Obviously I told him to go f*ck himself and I cancelled the sitter and texted the female of the other couple to tell her exactly what had happened. I don't blame her partner for asking, I blame mine for not just saying no. I really could not stomach submitting to the rearranged evening, or sitting beside him and pretending to like him for even 5 minutes.

Am so sick of DH prioritising other things and other people over his family. Now I am the one stuck here at home with the kids and not even a bottle of wine in the house! Was my response unreasonable?

OP posts:

Threalamandaclarke · 12/10/2013 20:20

And shopping is a family activity for us (as is the zoo, or a park or theme park) we all enjoy that kind of day out together.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 12/10/2013 20:23

Op YANBU.

The fact that so many folk on here reckon its OK for a DH to dump a family day out to run around after his mate, especially after he;d already been out the night before says a lot about what people are prepared to put up with.

Have a good evening in. Sorry to hear your DH is such a nob.

Lilacroses · 12/10/2013 20:23

What a cheek! That would annoy the hell out of me. How inconsiderate and rude. Yanbu at all.

Threalamandaclarke · 12/10/2013 20:26

It really doesn't matter if he's too manly to buy a few winter accessories for his own DCs - as he had promised.
The point, surely, is that he ruined their lunch plans and fucked off to spend the rest of the day/ evening with his mate, leaving his DW alone with their DCs. Rught in the middle of the day. How rude.
Who gives a shit if he loves bloody shopping or not?

SarahBumBarer · 12/10/2013 20:26

A full day? Two hours at the cinema followed by a half hour shop as you amble back to the car. Lunch isn't optional with kids and eating out saves cooking followed but a dinner out with friends. That's not a full day. That is totally normal family life on a rainy Saturday.

Do you have a local restaurant that delivers - we have an Indian restaurant that also does take-away/delivery service and they will send wine too. I'd be ordering that then bolting the bloody door.

expatinscotland · 12/10/2013 20:27

I can see why he wanted to opt out of the shopping. A lot of men would. (sorry to all those whose DP's love shopping).

Diddums! Believe it or not, plenty of people, both men and women, do things they don't like or love for one another and the sake of their family, all the time, and don't duck out of it once they have agreed on it.

The OP pointed out this was going to be a very small part of the day, that the husband was also going to go off by himself and look at stuff, and regularly drops everything for this mate.

But somehow everyone has honed in on the shopping as a reason why the poor ickle man should definitely check out and go to a footie match.

KeatsiePie · 12/10/2013 20:30

Yeah, it's just not adult behavior. If you don't want to shop, the adult thing to say is "I don't want to shop, but I'll come along if we can keep it to 30 minutes" or "I don't want to shop. Can you shop later if I do xx for you so that you have time?" or similar. In other words, take part in planning the day so that it will be acceptable to everyone. You can't just run away halfway through b/c you are not having a good time anymore. That is just unbelievably rude and childish. I'd be very angry.

expatinscotland · 12/10/2013 20:31

'Stanley, I know, but he went out last night to watch a match in the pub, stayed till closing, on the understanding that we would have a family day today.'

What a douche.

Hunfriend · 12/10/2013 20:31

It sounds planned to me -too jetlagged to drive to the match - boo fucking hoo
I would be raging OP .

Oldandcobwebby · 12/10/2013 20:31

He is considerably braver than me.

Laquitar · 12/10/2013 20:32

Why so many posters on mn feel sorry for men in shopping centres? Op said she was not going to torture him.

KeatsiePie · 12/10/2013 20:32

Heh Hunfriend I love your name.

livinginwonderland · 12/10/2013 20:32

I can see why he wanted to opt out of the shopping. A lot of men would. (sorry to all those whose DP's love shopping).

Sorry, but if DP promised to go shopping with me for some stuff for OUR kids, I would expect him to honour that. I can't imagine most people enjoy clothes shopping for children, but as a parent, it's something you have to do. You don't just dump it on your partner and bugger off because you have a better offer

claudedebussy · 12/10/2013 20:33

if you make arrangements then you stick to them. like a responsible adult.

especially if babysitters are booked.

it's just childish to drop people when a better proposition comes along. and disrespectful.

if a friend did this to me enough they wouldn't be a friend for long. why would you put up with a partner doing this?

expatinscotland · 12/10/2013 20:34

'He is considerably braver than me.'

Being a complete and total asshat to your family is brave?

Hunfriend · 12/10/2013 20:34

Thanks

Tiredemma · 12/10/2013 20:35

My piss would be boiling.

Hunfriend · 12/10/2013 20:36

My DH loves shopping
Its a set up - poor DF too jetlagged to drive to the match < weeps tears of stone>

Oldandcobwebby · 12/10/2013 20:40

Expatinscotland- what I meant is that if I was stupid enough to pull a stunt like that, I would be afraid to sleep in case I woke with an axe in my head.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 12/10/2013 20:40

I probably wouldn't have minded him going if we were just having lunch and picking up some 'socks & jocks' - it's the sort of thing I'd happily do on my own with the kids and don't see it as a 'family day out' - I'd have been happy to have dinner cancelled (I'd have lamped him one at suggesting The Wives sit & make small talk till The Men arrived though, she's not a friend) as it sounds like you don't like the other bloke and the wife isn't your cup of tea - a night in or out on my own (or with a friend) would be preferable.

However, it seems that you are having to force your DH into 'family time' and that is something that needs addressing - as is his slightly odd relationship with Mr Other Bloke.

BlueStones · 12/10/2013 20:43

He's been a jerk to his kids, too. They will have noticed that their Dad thought his mate was more important than spending time with them. I'd ask him how he thinks that makes them feel.

feelingvunerable · 12/10/2013 20:47

YANBU, he should have put you and his family first.

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 12/10/2013 20:53

YANBU, he sounds like an arse TBH. I am sure no ones DP's are perfect but if you have made plans then I would fully expect each parent to stick to them, if something comes up and the other partner is happy with it then thats fine but to also change dinner plans is out of order. I would be more pissed off with that than the shopping stuff but then I know DH would not change plans he had with the DCs (even for football and he is an avid fan/season ticket holder).

BrianTheMole · 12/10/2013 20:55

He's a twat. I would not be happy. YABU.

fuzzpig · 12/10/2013 20:55

YANBU, totally twattish behaviour.

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