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AIBU?

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Original poster

I cancelled the babysitter

132 replies

ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 12/10/2013 18:51

DH had arranged that we meet another couple for dinner this evening. It was booked for 6.30pm as our sitter has somewhere else to be at 10pm.

We had arranged a family day out today, cinema in the morning and then we were going to do some shopping for winter stuff for the kids and go for a nice lunch. Sitter was due at 5.30pm.

While we were in the cinema DH gets a call and then a text from the male of the other couple (that we were supposed to meet tonight), asking him if he would drive him 1.5 hours away to a football match as he is too jet lagged after a business trip to drive. He shows me the text and I said very clearly "you promised a family day today, tell him no". I also clearly stated that if he went to the match that he would not be back in time for the 6.30pm meal, to which he responded that "the girls can go to the meal and the guys can join them after". Now I hardly know the female partner and to be honest I have hardly anything in common with her, regardless of the fact that I think it's quite ignorant of the guys to just assume that they change our arrangements like that. So DH went off to call his friend, I assumed to say no.

He came back and said "right, lets take the kids for a takeaway McDonalds, I've to get on the road". So he left at approx 1.30pm and is not back yet. Obviously I told him to go f*ck himself and I cancelled the sitter and texted the female of the other couple to tell her exactly what had happened. I don't blame her partner for asking, I blame mine for not just saying no. I really could not stomach submitting to the rearranged evening, or sitting beside him and pretending to like him for even 5 minutes.

Am so sick of DH prioritising other things and other people over his family. Now I am the one stuck here at home with the kids and not even a bottle of wine in the house! Was my response unreasonable?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 12/10/2013 19:53

'If I was being dragged on a shopping trip, then someone offered me the chance to go watch a football match with them instead, I'd go.
How can anyone describe shopping as a 'family day' ? confused'

They were going to the cinema with the kids, then he wanted to look at some stuff and then they were going to have a nice lunch as a family.

You would seriously ditch your other half and kids for a fucking football match with a mate after you planned on going out with your family?

expatinscotland · 12/10/2013 19:54

'You had the babysitter, and could have had a nice meal out. It's you that chose not to.'

She wanted to go with her husband. HE chose to ditch her to go a footie match with a mate.

Jaynebxl · 12/10/2013 19:55

YANBU. I'd be furious.

bundaberg · 12/10/2013 19:55

it doesn't really matter WHAT they were doing does it? they'd arranged to do certain things that day and the OP specifically asked him not to do this. He did it anyway

personally I don't love shopping by myself with the kids because they're a pain, it's easier if I have DP with me (if he's willing) so that I can try stuff on each child if necessary while he makes sure the others aren't running away Wink

the way the OP put it, the shopping was only a small part of their plans anyway. not sure why people are picking her up on this tiny point.

Both of the men were dicks. they must have known full well they wouldn't be back in time for the dinner out

StanleyLambchop · 12/10/2013 19:57

Why should the OP spend time with someone she hardly knows, just to make a point to her DH? She did not want to go out with the wife on her own, it was supposed to be a couples thing. The men have spoiled the night, not the OP and the other wife.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 12/10/2013 19:57

YANBU. I wouldn't want to go for a meal with a woman I didn't know, without the buffer of my DH and the other guy, who both btw sound like twats.

And OP has already explained that its not a day of shopping, it was a family day of cinema, lunch and a little bit of shopping - FOR her DH!

bundaberg · 12/10/2013 19:57

I also can't believe this other guy asked your dh to drive him an hour and a half away too. I mean I have some great friends, one in particular I have known since playgroup! I wouldn't even think of asking her to drive me that far even if it was something I desperately wanted to go to. what a bloomin cheek

i rather suspect that this man enjoys having your DH as a mate...

permaquandry · 12/10/2013 19:58

Erm, I don't get the opinion that being on a shopping trip equates to 'being dragged along' to something.

What if they'd all gone to a football match as a family and the OPs friend called and said 'can you take me to a shopping centre, I'm too tired to drive myself' and she left in the middle of it?

YANBU at all. Could somebody bring you wine, or even chocolate?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/10/2013 19:58

Dick, twat, fucknugget, whatever you want to call him. I would not be happy. Plus my feelings would be hurt, which is worse.

Laquitar · 12/10/2013 19:59

Still if you didnt want to go out with the other woman you could go out alone, i would love that.

When i wad babysitting btw this was pissing me off as you dont ' compensate' by booking another evening. So basically everybody lost except your dh !

arethereanyleftatall · 12/10/2013 20:00

Sorry, I read your post as cinema, lunch, then shopping. He did the first two.
I would prefer my husband to want to spend time with us, as his favourite thing to do, not because he's been told to.

Topseyt · 12/10/2013 20:03

What a pair of arses. I wouldn't be happy either, and would certainly not have been in the mood to go for a meal with someone I hardly knew after being treated like that.

It was also a HUGE cheek of the other guy to ask your husband to go over and specifically drive him that far, tired or not. Are you sure that was what he asked, and it wasn't just a ruse so that they could go to the footer match anyway?? Perhaps they had secretly planned it.

StanleyLambchop · 12/10/2013 20:04

They were planning a 'nice lunch'. After he got the phone call he rushed them all through McDonalds. That isn't really doing the second one as planned. As for wanting to spend time with the family, as opposed to being told to- I think the OP kind of expected her DH to want to too, the fact that he didn't is why she is fucked off!

BackforGood · 12/10/2013 20:04

Yes ExPat, I would. I would expect dh to. I would expect any of the dcs to. Going to the cinema hardly needs take two adults. When my dc were young enough to need taking to somewhere like the cinema, then I used to buy their clothes when they were at school, not drag them round the shops with me. I'd far rather each and every member of our family were doing things they wanted to do at the weekends than stuff that didn't need everyone to be there.
Obv. diff to know ages / interests of dc, but in all likelihood I (or dh) would have taken one or both of dc to the football too. Not clear from OP, but I got impression the cinema had happened in the morning ?

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/10/2013 20:08

Yadnbu.

I would be very annoyed indeed.

Blu · 12/10/2013 20:11

Why are people defending this guy on some sort of divine right of men never to have to go shopping? The main point is not that he ducked out of the shopping but that in going to the football match he made it impossible to go out for the meal.

Really selfish and unreasonable.

I would have gone to the cinema on my own, though.

SarahBumBarer · 12/10/2013 20:11

YANBU and your DH is a twat. Why should OP do the fecking shopping? Even if shopping is a chore (and it was only a tiny part of the day) chores are shared!. And no-one but a cunt of the highest order ditches someone (anyone let alone your wife and kids) while you are actually busy doing something with them. It is bad enough being ditched in advance when a better offer comes along but to actually bail in the middle of something is a class apart.

DisappointedHorse · 12/10/2013 20:13

I would be furious. He cancelled 2 meals essentially so he could give this guy a lift and expects you to entertain his wife.

Shopping/football is irrelevant, he basically got a better offer.

Is he back yet?

Portofino · 12/10/2013 20:14

Socks and jocks?

Blu · 12/10/2013 20:14

And why was he even checking his texts and taking calls in the cinema?

V bad manners.

KeatsiePie · 12/10/2013 20:17

Yes ExPat, I would. I would expect dh to. I would expect any of the dcs to.

So in your family, family plans are only for when no one has anything better to do? Better meaning anything not with the other members of the family? Really?

Neither cinema, shopping, nor lunch requires the whole family. That is not the point. The point is that the OP and her DH planned a family day of these activities together, for fun, and then he ditched her partway through. So in your scenario Back would it be okay if your family planned whatever you all find to be a fun activity (I get it that shopping and cinema are not fun for you, so something else), and then your DH ditched you partway through?

Bowlersarm · 12/10/2013 20:17

YANBU.

Poor behaviour by him. He shouldn't have just dropped his family day like that because a tempting offer came up. Clearly he was determined to go without considering your feelings at all.

I would find it hard to talk to him civilly this evening, although I hate sulking in general. It would have made me really cross.

Threalamandaclarke · 12/10/2013 20:17

YANBU
I'd be fuming.
If it's a frequent occurrence I'd be planning my revenge.

MissStrawberry · 12/10/2013 20:18

Socks and underpants, Portofino.

Viviennemary · 12/10/2013 20:19

He shouldn't have changed the plans at the last minute. But it does seem a bit of a full day. Cinema in the morning, shopping in the afternoon and then out again in the evening. I can see why he wanted to opt out of the shopping. A lot of men would. (sorry to all those whose DP's love shopping). But he was totally out of order suggesting you go for the meal. You have every right to be annoyed.