Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why the FRIG does DH need to take 15 minutes to do a poo?

88 replies

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 09/10/2013 08:04

I don't get it. Bastard made me miss my bus, not have time for a shower and be late. Grrr.

Surely it's sit down, do your business, wipe, wash hands. All over within 2 minutes max.

But no. Instead he has to sit for 15 minutes, playing fucking FarmVille on his phone, and then take the longest shower ever. When he knows I'm in a hurry.

Grrrr. Should I LTB??! Grin

OP posts:
MsWilliamTheBloody · 09/10/2013 10:12

I have a theory about this.

I think we as women are more genetically inclined to push. Due to childbirth I think pushing is a natural instinct to us.

So when we (ladies) go for a poo we push it out so it takes seconds.

I reckon men sit and wait for it to drop/slide out as a result of gravity so it takes them far longer.

Grin
coldwinter · 09/10/2013 10:14

Nothing to do with biology. If he is playing farmville he is using going to the toilet as an excuse for a break. Which is bloody selfish if he is making you late for work.

Dobbiesmum · 09/10/2013 10:18

Only 15 minutes? DH can be in there long enough for me to think he's fallen down the loo..
Having said that there's a time and a place and if he made you late for work then he needs to learn to do a quick poo, just like everyone else in the house presumably..

inhibernation · 09/10/2013 10:20

Yes men take ages to shit - they practically move into the toilet. My son (9) sings in the toilet and takes AGES. My h isn't as bad as some men but it's still usually longer than me and given that I'm prone to constipation (sorry if tmi!) I cannot think of a reason why it should take so long.

Original poster
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 09/10/2013 10:20

Exactly! I said to him, 'You need to make your bowels move faster'.

I honestly don't understand what takes so long. If you need to poo, then poo. Job done. If you don't, then you can damn well have your shower and hurry the fuck up.

And bang on cue every evening, he needs a poo exactly at bath time Hmm

OP posts:
BloodiedGhouloshes · 09/10/2013 10:20

Man I wish DH would only take 15 minutes. He takes 45 every morning. Every bleeding morning. He gets up extra early so he can poo. It pisses me off though on days when he is pooing while I am getting the Dcs ready, lunches, putting a wash on etc.

SkodaLabia · 09/10/2013 10:21

My thoughts on this are if it takes 15 minutes to do a poo then you don't need a poo. My DP disagrees.

BloodiedGhouloshes · 09/10/2013 10:21

I tell DH that he 'needs better sphincter control'.

Seriously- WHY so long?

coldwinter · 09/10/2013 10:22

"And bang on cue every evening, he needs a poo exactly at bath time"

He is taking the piss then. Anyone without medical problems can wait to do a poo.

Original poster
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 09/10/2013 10:24

Skoda - yes. My thoughts exactly.

Oh and usually DH is much longer than 15 minutes. 15 mins is him being quick!

It gives me The Rage....

And meanwhile I'm running round getting DS dressed and fed, sorting DD out, getting both their things ready for nursery.

And of course it goes without saying that he gets to do his business in peace, whereas I have to wee to the audience of DD and DS.

Grumble grumble grumble.....

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 09/10/2013 10:25

My dp is the quickest poo-er ever! In and out, job done!

He always moans at me for taking ages, even though it is usually only 2 minutes max!

Dobbiesmum · 09/10/2013 10:28

Lj swap you... Grin
Does anyone have a DH who is capable of pooing at work? Mine insists that it's just wrong and will hold it in for ages if he has to!

coldwinter · 09/10/2013 10:28

Seriously, your DPs are using the excuse of a poo to avoid doing work.

Maybe you should start giving them laxatives every day as they obviously have such serious problems with constipation :)

Jammyforeigner · 09/10/2013 10:28

Dp takes 45 minutes here. So I feel your pain. Smile I've trained Dd, 2 to bang on the door shouting, daddy daddy daddy stinky stinky poo.

BuzzardBirdBloodBath · 09/10/2013 10:29

Perhaps his shutters aren't working?

inhibernation · 09/10/2013 10:30

Lol Jammy :) If he's going to take that bloody long then he shouldn't get to enjoy it!

Numberjaqs · 09/10/2013 10:31

Only 15 mins? mine disappears into the bathroom for an age (assume he has wank while he's there but he claims he's just reading the paper on his phone...hmmm) and it's always when DC's in full swing with summat.

When DC's were little I just used to retaliate by saying 'I'm off to read a magazine/book on my own for 45 mins' and bugger off at the most inconvenient time.

Dobbiesmum · 09/10/2013 10:31

In all fairness mine does tend to do it at more peaceful times of the day rather than when we're getting sorted. And he does make sure nobody else needs to go so it's not totally annoying!

BloodiedGhouloshes · 09/10/2013 10:32

Dh cannot poo at work either.

coldwinter I would think he is avoiding work also, but in DH's case he is very genuinely doing a poo. After ten years together he has never been any different. For example, we went away for a few days earlier this year and had to leave at 5.30. he set the alarm for 3.45 so he would have time to do his poo.

I think the using gravity theory mentioned up thread is the case too!

coldwinter · 09/10/2013 10:33

bloodied - Then he has an issue that needs to be sorted. That kind of constipation is not healthy

livinginwonderland · 09/10/2013 10:33

I think guys do tend to take longer as a general rule. DP takes about 10 minutes on average, but if he knows he'll be in there a while he does kindly ask me if I need to go in first!

My dad used to sit there for about an hour! Luckily we had two bathrooms Hmm

BloodiedGhouloshes · 09/10/2013 10:34

No, it is not constipation, it is just normal sort of poo! I made him go to the doctor about it last year (it took YEARS to get him to go) and it was all fine. But it is true that he does not push, kind of just waits for it.

(Praise the Lord this is anonymous forum and DH does not know my user name!).

TobyLerone · 09/10/2013 10:35

Every day I find a thread on MN which makes me even more grateful for DH.

This is today's.

XH used to take bloody ages. It actually made me want to punch him repeatedly in the face. Apparently he still does, but it's not my problem any more :o Unfortunately, DS seems to have inherited this trait, which is ridiculous and annoying. I've said the same as Skoda before.

pokesandprodsforthelasttime · 09/10/2013 10:37

DH takes at least 15 mins, usually more.

He usually needs one just as we're about the leave the house, making us late. When we're getting ready to go out I now ask him a good 30mins beforehand "have you had your poo?" Grin It's like having a toddler Hmm

Not only that but he poos at least 3 times a day.

And yes he's totally capable of pooing at work. I guess if you need to poo so often you can't be fussy.

coldwinter · 09/10/2013 10:38

"I think guys do tend to take longer as a general rule. "

Do you think that is because they are able to? What I mean is, they know they don't have to worry about children unattended outside?

I don't think childbirth is the issue. Childless women don't take ages to poo.