Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To restrain a child from beating mine?

154 replies

JeremySmile · 08/10/2013 14:57

I have 3 children but am back in toddler group territory with my youngest. This morning, she was playing with a push along toy at toddler group (she's 14 months and tiny) and an older girl of 3/4 came and tried to pull DDs hands off it. I explained dd was playing with it and pointed out a similar one the other girl could play with. She replied no, that she was having that one and tried shoving dd. I picked up the toy and turned it to face a clear direction so dd could walk with it, again explaining to the girl that she could wait nicely for a turn or play with something else. She started screaming in my face, looked around and picked up a pull along dog and raised it to hit dd in the head with it. I caught her arm mid air before the toy hit dd and told the girl it wasn't kind to hit etc. She then started to try and shove the slide onto dd, then picked up another toy to hit her with. Again, I stopped her and this time her mother saw and came storming over saying how dare I touch her child etc. I explained the situation and she said I shouldn't take dd to toddler groups if I'm going to follow her around and be so precious over her. I said perhaps she should follow her child around if she's aware she's unable to share and violent to other children. WIBU to have said this/stop dd being hit?

OP posts:
ilovepowerhoop · 08/10/2013 15:03

no you weren't unreasonable and I would have done the same

archieplacid · 08/10/2013 15:04

where were the group leaders? i think restraining a kid from attempting to brain yours is not unreasonable. You did the right thing as your dd cannot protect herself. The mother may have been embarrased and projected her shame.
I would want a word with the folk in charge of the group who I believe are responsible for the group running safely for everyone.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 08/10/2013 15:05

Yanbu

The girl is obviously going through a phase and needs supervising.

Original poster
JeremySmile · 08/10/2013 15:10

They were in the room but its a large room to be fair; only two leaders with at least 40 children. The mother had no other children with her so should be supervising her daughter IMO.

OP posts:
Suzieismyname · 08/10/2013 15:12

Ywnbu. With such a range of ages it's not helicopter parenting to watch over a 14 month old.

MerryMarigold · 08/10/2013 15:13

I think part of the point of toddler group is that you chat to other mums and are not constantly supervising. However, if it were me, I would have been grateful you'd stopped my dd getting into trouble, and then told her off myself as well. You can't have both worlds.

MerryMarigold · 08/10/2013 15:14

However, having read your post again, I see it happened 3 or 4 times. I think after the 2nd time you should have taken her to her Mum not kept restraining her.

ICameOnTheJitney · 08/10/2013 15:17

I disagree that the point of toddler groups is for the parents to chat! It's mainly for children to have a little try at social interaction!

ICameOnTheJitney · 08/10/2013 15:18

I would have removed my DD from the situation to be honest OP....not stood my ground over something a 14 month old would not remember. The parent was wrong but I don't think repeatedly blocking a three year old physically is a good idea either.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2013 15:20

She should be supervised and that sounds bad. However, I would be really careful and would try pretty much everything else before I restrained another person's child. For example, put my arm up to stop her arm rather than catch her arm IYSWIM.

LadyGoodman · 08/10/2013 15:21

Absolutely no way were you unreasonable. I was at a group last week and saw a little girl throttling another (both around 2) because she wouldn't give her toy she wanted. Mothers sat with back to it all completely oblivious I always keep an eye on DS even if I am chatting why dont people think its their jobs to be responsible for their own child and it's behaviour Angry

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2013 15:22

YANBU

But after the second time, I would have picked my child up to keep her out of harm's way.

GogoGobo · 08/10/2013 15:23

I'm sure you were the epitome of parenting perfection.

nicename · 08/10/2013 15:24

The first thing you need to do is make sure that your child/child about to be brained is safe.

Remove the child who is at risk of injury - even if its the child about to whack another (ie climbing up something to get to another child or weapon to whack another child).

If you can't see the mum or don't want to get an earful (not all parents give a rats) find whoever is in charge and give them the facts. If a child is not supervised or at risk of hurting themselves or others, they will have a word with their parent/carer.

GogoGobo · 08/10/2013 15:26

Ps I hate all these Violent/Bullying/aggressive type labels dished out by mums on here. Really?

Original poster
JeremySmile · 08/10/2013 15:26

But removing my child would've meant the older girl would've got her way and her mother wouldn't have known (I didn't know who she was) and she could've continued this behaviour with other children

OP posts:
Original poster
JeremySmile · 08/10/2013 15:27

Gogo - trying to hit someone in the head with a heavy object IS violent, it's a matter of fact not a label

OP posts:
nicename · 08/10/2013 15:30

My sister is a director of a nursery and says that you always remove the child about to be brained.

I would have picked up my child in one hand and the toy in another! I would also let the people running the group too. If a child isn't checked from lashing out they could very easily hurt another child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2013 15:30

You could have; blocked the child's arm; removed your child and the toy; asked staff; loudly asked whose child it was; something else...

BTW were you holding the child's arm while you told her off? That would have hacked me off if I had been that other parent.

Also, DD is 2 but looks 4 at least. She wears 4-5 clothes and has long hair. People always assume she is a very badly behaved 4 yo rather than a normal 2 yo. The other child could have been young and learning not older and 'violent'.

SunshineMMum · 08/10/2013 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICameOnTheJitney · 08/10/2013 15:32

Jeremy but it's not your job to teach other children how to play. I simply would not bother in this situation. If it were children your DD would see daily or if they were relatives or something then it's different.

ICameOnTheJitney · 08/10/2013 15:32

Nice exactly....leave the one having a hissy fit to do that alone.

Smartiepants79 · 08/10/2013 15:35

But the child was aggressive! Hitting another person with an object is aggressive.
Personally I probably wouldn't have done it, would have perhaps said "where's your mum" and "we mustn't hit" in a big loud voice. If that got no response I would have moved my child and then maybe spoken to one of the leaders so they could keep an eye out.
Physically restraining another child is a very grey area that could cause no end of problems.

bluestar2 · 08/10/2013 15:35

Nice name sorry but all that does it give the misbehaving child their own way and punish the innocent child by taking them away from what they had first. All that teaches is shouting louder and being violent wins!

Op you were right 100%

Tailtwister · 08/10/2013 15:36

YANBU. It's just as well you were watching your DD otherwise she would have been hurt! What did the other woman want you to do, just let her DD get on with it and whack your child? Stupid woman.