To restrain a child from beating mine?

[JeremySmile]

I have 3 children but am back in toddler group territory with my youngest. This morning, she was playing with a push along toy at toddler group (she's 14 months and tiny) and an older girl of 3/4 came and tried to pull DDs hands off it. I explained dd was playing with it and pointed out a similar one the other girl could play with. She replied no, that she was having that one and tried shoving dd. I picked up the toy and turned it to face a clear direction so dd could walk with it, again explaining to the girl that she could wait nicely for a turn or play with something else. She started screaming in my face, looked around and picked up a pull along dog and raised it to hit dd in the head with it. I caught her arm mid air before the toy hit dd and told the girl it wasn't kind to hit etc. She then started to try and shove the slide onto dd, then picked up another toy to hit her with. Again, I stopped her and this time her mother saw and came storming over saying how dare I touch her child etc. I explained the situation and she said I shouldn't take dd to toddler groups if I'm going to follow her around and be so precious over her. I said perhaps she should follow her child around if she's aware she's unable to share and violent to other children. WIBU to have said this/stop dd being hit?

So maybe a bit like dog training.

My DS did have a bit of thing for dog treats at one time

Clearly there are two sorts of parent here. One sort thinks that toddlers hitting other toddlers is just a phase / something they all do / acceptable. I steer clear of that sort Children are what you train them / allow them to be. And yes - that can be 'aggressive' or any other label you care to add. OP you're not a nursery worker, all you have to do is protect your child, just like you did. YWNBU.

I think there are more than 2 types here

I have had to do this. It was complicated by the fact the 'aggressors' were twin girls who had some sort of SN (I don't know the details) I was patient for as long as I could be but the girls would run up behind my DD with their arms out and send her literally flying. My DD started to be scared to go to the playgroup.
I tried dealing with it myself, then I mentioned it repeatedly to the Mum and she still didn't do anything. In the end I physically stopped them. I didn't think it was appropriate but I had no choice. I felt sorry for the Mum as I think the girls were hard work and she certainly looked very frazzled but I couldn't let my DD get hurt.

So, OP YANBU

Totally what I would've done OP, and if a child of mine was being aggressive to another child, I'd fully expect their parent to take his hand away if I wasn't around

There are not 'two types' presumably the wrong and right according to you. I think it can be a phase and ALSO needs to be managed. Whether the child was 2 or 4 is relevant because of the way the OP is describing it so negatively. A 16 yo can be aggressive, a 2 yo less so. So age does play a role in how we judge behaviour. NOT how we deal with it in terms of any hitting being unacceptable.

I also don't think blocking the child with one's body or arm would have been an issue. Holding a small child's arm while you tell them off IS an issue.

I think this 'don't touch my child' stuff is ridiculous tbh. They are children, not porcelain. If you have this attitude about other harmless parents touching you child then either don't go out in public, or stay close enough to your child to make sure that no one else ever needs to do your job for you.

This

YWNBU OP, not in any way, shape or form!

But the op didn't ask if she was unreasonable for judging the child's behaviour she asked if her actions (held a child's arm to stop child throwing toy at a 14 month olds head) were unreasonable.

Her actions were completely reasonable what she thought about the actions of the 2 year old or more likely 3/4 year old is her business.

YANBU at all, I would have done th e same, where was the mother when her precious dd was snatching toys off babies, and trying to wallop them with slides. Funny how they always appear after the event, to repremand people who dare tell their precious child off

Yabu

You should have picked up your dd and the toy and gone elsewhere. I don't think you should have touched the other child.

Some toddler groups are not well controlled. YANBU. You have every right to stop this child. My friends son today was kicked in the head by a parent , ok by accident but she just said "oh sorry" and walked off. He is 9 months old and was screaming with fear. She had huge boots on . Some people really don't care abd need to be more careful.

It is a phase, which needs to be supervised and addresses - not just allowed to play out in unfettered aggression

OP, YANBU

YANBU. I had this recently when my daughter 2 1/2 was wrenched out a Cozy Coupe by another child. I quickly double-checked what had happened with another mother standing there and then "made" (i.e. stopped the car from moving, held open the door and spoke sternly to the child) the child get out. I then found another car for her, as there were spares, though not a Coupe. The mother was inside (and I didn't know who she was till I saw the child talking to her later) and the confrontation outside, and she was not being monitored. I tend to speak loudly when in such a situation (e.g. No, we don't pull people out of cars: DD2 is playing with it at the moment but you can have it very soon when she has finished. Now, DD2, you finish up and it will be X's turn ....") so there is less potential for mis-understanding. I also try not to hold the other child, though I will separate them if they have launched themselves at my DC. Oh, and I apply this in reverse, too, I don't allow my DCs to behave like the child above.

Op did move her child, but this girl followed her and hit her on the head with the dog. sorry if another child is beating my child, and parent is nowhere, i will restrain them. It takes a whole community to raise a child type of thing

op raised her arm to block the girl from hitting her dd, she did not physically restrain her, really read the op some of you, dont invent stuff

i guess next time if this girl is doing that; get her mother

"A 16 yo can be aggressive, a 2 yo less so". A 2 year old with a temper has no more self control than a teenager. I'd rather not be hit over the head with a hard object by a peer at any age.

You did nothing wrong and please don't worry about it anymore. Any sensible parent would have been very upset that their child was attacking another.

So the little girl having no idea who you were, and in your own words you had to 'restrain' her, then screamed at you? I'm not surprised.

Of course she shouldn't be 'beating' your child as you put it, but actually your method of dealing with the issue really didn't work did it.

Of course she shouldn't be 'beating' your child as you put it, but actually your method of dealing with the issue really didn't work did it.

Really?

The OP's DD didn't get hurt AND she got to have her turn with the toy, the other girl's aggression didn't get her what she wanted and the girl's mother looked like a total loon.

I'd say it was a good result all round! Well done OP

I think you did the right thing. You did not restrain, you blocked. Stick to your guns, and ignore the pfb parents saying you did the wrong thing.

AllDirections here here, I totally agree. Its up the the girls mother to provide the discipline to her child, not op! OP primary concern was to protect her dd, that is what she did. Next time the mother should watch her child more closely if she is going through a 'hitty' phase

what did the mother say when you said your piece?

op only caught her arm to prevent her as she was about to belt her dd over the head with it, she did not rugby tackle her