To restrain a child from beating mine?

[JeremySmile]

I have 3 children but am back in toddler group territory with my youngest. This morning, she was playing with a push along toy at toddler group (she's 14 months and tiny) and an older girl of 3/4 came and tried to pull DDs hands off it. I explained dd was playing with it and pointed out a similar one the other girl could play with. She replied no, that she was having that one and tried shoving dd. I picked up the toy and turned it to face a clear direction so dd could walk with it, again explaining to the girl that she could wait nicely for a turn or play with something else. She started screaming in my face, looked around and picked up a pull along dog and raised it to hit dd in the head with it. I caught her arm mid air before the toy hit dd and told the girl it wasn't kind to hit etc. She then started to try and shove the slide onto dd, then picked up another toy to hit her with. Again, I stopped her and this time her mother saw and came storming over saying how dare I touch her child etc. I explained the situation and she said I shouldn't take dd to toddler groups if I'm going to follow her around and be so precious over her. I said perhaps she should follow her child around if she's aware she's unable to share and violent to other children. WIBU to have said this/stop dd being hit?

You do need to snitch too - either have a word with the mum or the play leader. I'm absolutely not saying that the child should get away with it - they won't learn otherwise!

I usually do the "hitting isn't nice, darling... WHERES YOUR MUMMY?" in a nice stage voice.

As above, I would have picked up my DD and the toy, so the other child wouldn't have 'won'.

I would have moved away, and if the other child followed, I would then have told her loudly to find her mummy.

Then spoken to one of the leaders.

Definitely remove your own child, every time! The girl probably does do the same thing to other children, but other parents will never thank you for trying to discipline their children, even if they were behaving abysmally!

dont sweat it!

If I saw someone manhandle my child I would be pissed off
If I saw someopne about to batter my child id be pissed off

so you were both pissed off! time to move on

She should supervise her violent child,

As for objecting to you stopping her child attacking a toddler, well she will be able to think back to this moment and identify it as when she started making the wrong choices, she will end up have a big than herself 14 year old hormonal out of control walloping her.

She is in denial as to daughters output, shame really as it is easily sorted out, but you have to not pretend it is happening, setting herself up for a life time of difficulties.

Keep an eye out for the child, if she tries it again, just announce loudly the parent of X child is needed, ask her to make sure your child is not hit.

I bet the child hardly ever hears the word no, and has never been instantly removed from a situation when they misbehave, lazy parenting which always ends badly.

nicename I'm not sure i agree that nurseries should just remove the child that is about to be hit. Surely that means the aggressive child gets their own way and learns it pays to be violent.

op YANBU I would have done the same in your shoes.

The child could have been having a bad day tbh (maybe coming down with a bug and getting all grumpy). Either way, the parent/carer should have been keeping an eye on her.

There is 'always one' so you need to keep an eye on your own child.

I think nurseries have a duty of care so that children don't get injured. My sister says that when you have to jump into a situation, safety is the main concern and the who/whys are worked out later.

The aggressive behaviour gets dealt with at nurseries, but sadly not all parents bother/see it as an issue (some even seem to encourage it... 'assertive' my arse).

Removing the child about to be hurt protects them, then the nursery can deal with the undesirable behaviour of the other child. And stop labelling this other girl violent and aggressive. Lots of children do things like that sometimes, doesn't make them bad kids or the parents bad parents. We really don't know the whole story.

UANBU, I would have done the same and have done. When DD was about 18 months a little boy about 3 came up at soft play, balled a fist and cracked her round the head for no reason. Totally took me by suprise, I said "that wasn't nice was it" to which he raised a hand and tried to repeat it. I instinctively grabbed his arm and which point his mother came over screaming like a banshee "don't ever touch my child".
If someone did this to my child I wouldn't blame them, I would be pleased someone had told her right from wrong.

You should have just removed your own child. Yeah the other mum should have been watching her child but obviously wasn't.

I disagree that the point of toddler groups is for the parents to chat! It's mainly for children to have a little try at social interaction!

It's both. I did say 'part of the point of the toddler group'. It can be very isolating and lonely being a SAHM so I stand by that.

But I digress...

Tbh I would have been annoyed if I saw an adult with their hands on my child, but once the situation had been explained I would have been mortified that my much older child was trying to smack a baby over the head with a toy and would have apologised and told my DD off. I tend to keep an eye out in these kind of group situations for exactly this reason though.

Everyone is assuming that the OP has the age of the other child right. I have a rambunctious bit of a nightmare 2 yo who people don't believe is the age she is. When I Google her height percentile, I get told I must have entered it wrong because it is not typical for her age. I have to carry her ID for attractions because people think she is 4 yo.

This child could have been a big 2 yo, who needed telling and distracting but not having her arm held by a stranger while being told off. I think it was handled badly by everyone.

I'm not too sure about people posting about it being possible the child could have looked 4 but actually only been 2. Even if the child was only 2 the op would not have been unreasonable to have stopped the child by holding the child's arm.

I would have no issue with another parent stopping my child in this way even if she is 2 well I would have an issue I would be really embarrassed

It was a toddler group, where parents are responsible for their own children, and not a nursery where there might be set procedures in place for this. Given that the mother was not doing her part, and presuming you had to act quickly, I think what you did was fine.

I have a 6 year old dd. A boy she is friends with is the same age. both at the same school. Twice I have intervened when he has gone for her, in fact he punched me in an attempt to hit my dd. His other stood looking at this and said NOT A WORD> I had to grab him in an effort to protect my daughter.
Yes little ones go though phases and they are learning bounis daries, but this fella never had boundaries set. Added to which an unhappy homelife and possibly a behavioural prob. But, I am not psychic, my child comes first. this is the extreme of it, but whatever age, it is my duty as a mother to my child to make sure she is safe.

I've been told off for similar. I grabbed a child's arm (not in a rough manner) trying to pry her off my son as she was attempting to gouge his eyes out. I told her parent to supervise her better...I'm not going to just let her continue for the sake of not daring to touch a child who is being aggressive.

Yabvu. There are lots of ways to handle that situation none of which are "parenting" and judging a 3 year old that is not your own. I am honestly baffeled. Take your child with the toy to another part of the room. Let her mother deal with her.

Baffled

Pick up your child, pick up the toy and walk away. Your an adult, protect your child leave the other kid to strop and her mum deal with it.

I've had trouble with my own DS being a bit rough with others and sharing in the past at playgroups. I'd have freaked if someone had laid a hand on him. The sniddy comments were enough!

Also your op "beating" my child is so OTT. I agree with *MrsTerryPratchet" you could well have the age of the child all wrong.

I think you were being unreasonable to restrain the other child twice. I would always remove my child from the situation rather than physically stop another preschool aged child!

If this woman was that determined that no one else should touch her child then she shouldn't have LW her unsupervised.

OP is not a nursery nurse, pre school practitioner or whatever you want to call it, she doesn't have any responsibility to make the perfect decision in a few seconds when her child is being hit and she's left alone to deal with a strangers child's violent behaviour.

Picking up her own child and the toy would not have been a better solution than simply stopping the other child from hitting, it's just one of the options that she could have chosen.

I think this 'don't touch my child' stuff is ridiculous tbh. They are children, not porcelain. If you have this attitude about other harmless parents touching you child then either don't go out in public, or stay close enough to your child to make sure that no one else ever needs to do your job for you.