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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To restrain a child from beating mine?

154 replies

JeremySmile · 08/10/2013 14:57

I have 3 children but am back in toddler group territory with my youngest. This morning, she was playing with a push along toy at toddler group (she's 14 months and tiny) and an older girl of 3/4 came and tried to pull DDs hands off it. I explained dd was playing with it and pointed out a similar one the other girl could play with. She replied no, that she was having that one and tried shoving dd. I picked up the toy and turned it to face a clear direction so dd could walk with it, again explaining to the girl that she could wait nicely for a turn or play with something else. She started screaming in my face, looked around and picked up a pull along dog and raised it to hit dd in the head with it. I caught her arm mid air before the toy hit dd and told the girl it wasn't kind to hit etc. She then started to try and shove the slide onto dd, then picked up another toy to hit her with. Again, I stopped her and this time her mother saw and came storming over saying how dare I touch her child etc. I explained the situation and she said I shouldn't take dd to toddler groups if I'm going to follow her around and be so precious over her. I said perhaps she should follow her child around if she's aware she's unable to share and violent to other children. WIBU to have said this/stop dd being hit?

OP posts:
ThoughtsPlease · 09/10/2013 00:10

Of course I don't mean he would have been able to say 'that's my toy I am playing with that' at 14m, by protesting I mean crying, or showing some emotion, none of my 3 children at 14m would have just shown no reaction.

ThoughtsPlease · 09/10/2013 00:15

Good grief how on enough do you think siblings manage to get along and grow up together and learn when they are different ages without constant adult intervention?

Because that is the reality and so you know what they learn by dealing with the situations themselves even from a young age.

ThoughtsPlease · 09/10/2013 00:17

Earth not enough

Mummyoftheyear · 09/10/2013 00:17

You're absolutely right. What were you supposed to do, leave your daughter to be hit over the head while you relax in the corner?
Idiotic mother. Grrrrr

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 09/10/2013 00:31

YWNBU - all of this 'you must not touch another child' is just ridiculous and why so many kids are growing up so full of their 'rights' and have shitty attitudes toward others. It was much better when children were children and adults were adults and you were told off by the nearest one - then again by your parents when they found out. Hell in a handcart springs to mind.

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 00:36

Ds probably would have cried. Siblings are different, not a random child coming ad taking a toy.

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 00:37

Ds 20 months, gets very angry when I put my keys away after opening the door as he wants them, he lives keys

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 00:41

Exactly chipping

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 00:42

If a sibling did that to ds, I would have done the same as op if tey carried on after being told not to.

mathanxiety · 09/10/2013 01:07

I would always step in to protect a toddler from an older sibling. Just because they're related doesn't mean having your fingers pried away from a toy doesn't hurt. Teaching 3/4/5 year olds to be nice to babies/wait their turn is a big part of their socialisation process. The law of the jungle does not rule in my home.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 09/10/2013 01:40

IME this is something that happens every week in toddler groups up and down the country.

I would have removed my child from the situation first, if possible. But it's easy to say "I wouldn't touch another's child" -I would certainly avoid it - but I was once in a toddler group and saw another child grab my son's head and dig her nails into his cheek. There were welts and blood. I had to to grab her hands to get her off him - now I did this as gently as possible - but I was horrified. I was looking around expecting to see another mother rushing up to apologise, but no, never did find out who her mother was.

Toddler groups can be a minefield.

CrohnicallyLurking · 09/10/2013 07:25

I think I see what you mean ThoughtsPlease- I have a 3 year old niece and a (nearly) 1 year old daughter. If the 4 year old tries to take a toy off the 1 year old, rather than stepping in straightaway, we wait till the 1 year old protests (she will usually reach for the toy and babble angrily, or cry). We can then explain to the 3 year old that 1 year old was playing with that, she's upset now, give her the toy back and you can play with this one. The 3 year old will usually try to make amends because she doesn't want the baby to cry. However, this kind of relies on the fact that they are related and the 3 year old genuinely doesn't want baby to cry- if it was a random child at a play group I don't think she'd be bothered.

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 08:02

Chronically it's wrong for another child to take something away when another Chid is playing with it first, protest or not. You hav to teach the child no to snatch, and to wait their turn

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 08:05

My dd 6 is Autistic and when she was younger (4 years old), a friends ds of the same age snatched a toy from her and she did not protest, as she had difficulties with communication, so that's ok then she did not protest and it's fine for that boy to then take the toy away from her. No it's not, mum was there she told her ds off and gave the toy back to dd

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 08:07

Just because they are siblings does not make it any man for himself, you still have to instill discipline, especially when there is a much younger child involved who cannot defend themselves!

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 08:15

The girl did not just satch the toy, but prised te babies fingers off it, and for that she should be corrected, protest or not. That behaviour is wrong

Lilacroses · 09/10/2013 08:23

Earth, my Dd was incredibly shy and quiet at that age and wouldn't have reacted to another child taking her toy. She would have just stood there!

BitOutOfPractice · 09/10/2013 08:25

I think in a sane, normal sensible world you were perfectly reasonable.

Sadly we don't live there and done parents seem to think their precipus darlings are beyond reproach.

pigletmania · 09/10/2013 08:37

Op dd did protest, as the girl tried to pull her fingers off it, so op dd must have been holding onto it strongly to stop this girl taking it from her

2tiredtocare · 09/10/2013 08:55

I bloody hate toddler groups that have a Crazy Coupe, some kids will do anything to get a go! I go to a baby group where there is one mum who is very PFB about her toddler but will trample on the babies to get to her without a second thought, the clumsy cow had trodden on my DS twice

Original poster
JeremySmile · 09/10/2013 12:17

Only on page 3 reading replies but I definitely have the age right - she was wearing a nursery school uniform and you have to be 3/4 to attend

OP posts:
Original poster
JeremySmile · 09/10/2013 12:21

I did pick my dd up, turn my back on older child and place dd and toy down in opposite direction. The girl followed us and with 40 plus children in the room there was no way me asking loudly where her mum was would've been heard. I didn't hold her arm while telling her off, I blocked it from hurting dd by catching her wrist

OP posts:
Original poster
JeremySmile · 09/10/2013 12:37

Dd did protest but I disagree she should've had to in order for me to intervene. I can tell how she'd react to it being taken, I'd rather prevent her upset reaction than have her learn along similar lines as the older child that she can have a paddy and get it back.

OP posts:
Neitheronethingortheother · 09/10/2013 12:40

What does the term - having a paddy - mean?

Original poster
JeremySmile · 09/10/2013 12:43

Tantrum? I don't want her to learn that screaming and shouting gets her what she wants, whether its rightfully hers or not

OP posts:
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