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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be FUMING that FiL has used racist language around ds.

207 replies

Stillhopingstillhere · 06/10/2013 19:04

Ds is 4.4 and has been to see my PiL this afternoon (without me). Dh took him. PIL are in their 70s and are quite ignorant in a lot of ways IMO.

Dh told me that today ds was playing shops with FIL. Apparently ds said to FIL "that will be ten pounds please." To which FIL replied "that's expensive, that's more than the p**is charge."

Dh told FIL not to say that again and ds hasn't repeated it (yet) but I am fuming! Fuming! As well as it being totally disgusting and offensive language I do not want ds repeating it unwittingly at school and being branded a racist. Or them thinking it's something we have said. I am genuinely quite horrified. Am I overreacting to this? Should I say something to FIL next time I see him too? Apparently he wasn't very apologetic and actually didn't seem to think he'd said anything wrong. I suppose partly it's generational but seriously, has this every been acceptable as a phrase? I think not.

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 07/10/2013 16:11

allforoneandoneforall

Really?

Right. Explain to me how you can tell whether someone traces their descent from Pakistan, India or Kashmir. Oooh, what about Bangladesh?

Funny thing, the other week, a friend of mine was complaining that few pink people in his city can tell Indians and Bengalis apart to me...

TheBigJessie · 07/10/2013 16:13

And if they weren't why is that more insulting than, say, confusing an Aussia and a Kiwi?

Have New Zealand and Australia had a troubled relationship throughout most of the 20th and 21st century since independence, so far?

allforoneandoneforall · 07/10/2013 16:15

Well maybe they would just tell you where they were from, there is always talking and asking, did that thought bypass you??

Needingthework · 07/10/2013 16:16

This reply has been deleted

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allforoneandoneforall · 07/10/2013 16:17

What does that have to do with the price of fish? Now hurry up, the PC train is leaving momentarily and you wouldn't want to miss getting a high horse now would you..

MoominMammasHandbag · 07/10/2013 16:17

My family live in a predominantly white are and use words like "Paki" and "Chinky". They are actually genuinely not racist at all (though obviously a bit stupid) and do apologise when pulled up on it. I put it down to sheer ignorance to be honest.
I can remember going to a boyfriend's house when I was about 20 and being genuinely shocked at all the racist bile his family were spouting. I had no idea ordinary people actually behaved like that.
My FiL recently called round while me and DH were out and was introduced to DS's lovely Asian girlfriend who has an accent like something off Eastenders (we are up north). Apparently he asked her if she was British. The teens were cringing and even little DS (7) told me that Grandad had been really stupid. I feel really embarrassed to be honest, like it reflects badly on all of us.

BurberryQ · 07/10/2013 16:17

a friend of mine was complaining that few pink people in his city can tell Indians and Bengalis apart
well that is like me complaining that brown people cannot tell Irish,English, Scottish or Welsh apart isn't it?

BurberryQ · 07/10/2013 16:19

according to my aging dad the only time that 'Chinky' is acceptable in in reference to take-away prawn balls Grin

Needingthework · 07/10/2013 16:19

You seem very angry Hmm

Needingthework · 07/10/2013 16:21

Not sure what a train and a high horse have to 'do with the price of fish' either Confused

TheBigJessie · 07/10/2013 16:21

He doesn't go around making assumptions about those, acting on the assumptions, and then getting all offended when he's corrected, though.

That said, actually, I think he would get offended if I called him English. Grin (He's born and bred in one of them other countries that make up the UK).

TheBigJessie · 07/10/2013 16:22

Well maybe they would just tell you where they were from, there is always talking and asking, did that thought bypass you??

I'm afraid it did. You don't really come across as someone who would ask before assuming.

BurberryQ · 07/10/2013 16:23

Grin some superb mixed metaphors there .....

allforoneandoneforall · 07/10/2013 16:23

This reply has been deleted

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Needingthework · 07/10/2013 16:25

Oh right. Thanks for explaining Hmm

TheBigJessie · 07/10/2013 16:25

If someone doesn't know which part of the UK I hail from, they treat me as British. Because I'm pink. Nice, usual catch-all that is on most people's passports.

If someone doesn't know the birthplace of someone with brown skin, people seem to assume Pakistan. Why? Why not, erm, British?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/10/2013 16:25

why can't you just say the shop?

i'm sure if the shop was owned by a white English person you wouldn't say "I'm just going to the English shop"

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/10/2013 16:26

oops i answered someone who got deleted

TheBigJessie · 07/10/2013 16:26

How, MNHQ are watching. I never even saw that post before it was deleted.

allforoneandoneforall · 07/10/2013 16:26

I'm afraid it did. You don't really come across as someone who would ask before assuming.

Stereotyping and making assumptions that i'm the kinda person who wouldn't ask - MIRROR PLEASE!

Sometimes you assume, mostly you are right, sometimes you get corrected, sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's not, either way, whats the problem?

Needingthework · 07/10/2013 16:27

Grin Fanjo. I had a post deleted because I used a phrase that all had used. Now my post makes no sense Sad

allforoneandoneforall · 07/10/2013 16:29

And why have all my messages been deleted may i ask? Because i have a different opinion to the majority? I want a full explanation

BurberryQ · 07/10/2013 16:37

not all your messages have been deleted - if you look, it was possibly the ones that insulted other people?
cos some of my posts also disagreed with the majority but i managed to do that without insulting anyone Grin

womblingalong · 07/10/2013 16:41

I think you are absolutely wrong allforone, it is not easy to tell someone is Pakistani, especially if you are not South Asian. That is the point, there are people who have brown skin who are not Pakistani. Yes, in some places, people might use the word "Paki" shop, to describe a local shop, even other Pakistani's, but it is still offensive to lots of Indian and Pakistani people, and also ignorant, as people who use the term generally do not know your ethnic origin.

You are also ignoring the fact that in the past 40 years or more it has been mainly used as a pejorative term.

I am quite shocked at some of the opinions on this thread that state this language is OK actually. That is apart from the discussion about how you deal with an elderly person using these terms.

TheBigJessie · 07/10/2013 16:41

I judge on people's behaviour. For example:

It's pretty easy to tell if someone is Pakistani, especially if they work in a shop where you have lived all your life and know them. And if they weren't why is that more insulting than, say, confusing an Aussia and a Kiwi? A Canadian and a Yank? ridiculous! It's about as easy an working out someone is from China, Somalia, Italy etc we have differences and some of these are physical, didn't you notice!

I'm still waiting for the Easy Spotter's Guide to British Asians, y'know.

Physical differences between Brit. Indians, Brit. Pakistanis, etc, please. Or were you just lumping all the brown people together, and thinking that it was easy to tell a brown person apart from someone who wasn't?

Oooh, can you distinguish differences between the people of all the countries in the continent of Africa, too?