To be surprised to have a male health visitor?

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Just that really! I wondered what other people think?

I had a male HV. His job was to check my baby, jab my baby, weigh it, measure it.... Why should his being male prevent him doing any if those things?

He had 4 young DC of his own.

Sorry for double posts.

The reason I will not have a male hcp for gynaecology reasons is because when I was young and pregnant I had a distressing internal conducted by a gp, asked to strip naked, lie on a bed and have a very rough internal. All in silence and unexplained. Not accompanied by a nurse. Being young and stupid I just thought that that was normal and felt shamed and pretty violated for years. I will be damned if I will tell anyone that when I ask for a female, or ask for an accompanying nurse at worst.

Hcps can also give personal reasons for not treating someone. When I had an abortion the original gp I saw would not refer me because of their Christian beliefs, so had to see another gp in the practice. Which was fine. Some midwives were upheld weren't they in a tribunal recently because they did not want to treat women who had had terminations due to their Catholicism. So the choice for personal reasons goes both ways.

Grennie please believe her, I've only mentioned the very tip of the iceberg witnessed, because it was relevant to this thread. I'm permanently disabled and have made the decision to opt for euthanasia when older knowing what awaits me if I don't. Quality of life is everything.

Pigsdofly. When I said Victorian values I was talking about our attitude to our bodies.

Coconut. What you are essentially saying is that all men are sexist and driven by the genetalia if I read you right.

justgetting - Thanks. If she does have to go back in I will try and be with her as much as is physically possible. At the moment though, she is refusing to go back in for an operation that would improve her quality of life.

I guess I should give up. The point I was making was that we should not have to worry.

I guess I should simply accept that I and all my male friends are controlled by our dicks and nothing else

Ilovemyself if society was different right now then these issues wouldn't exist, society is the way it is at the moment and you should understand that

Apologies for a side conversation on this thread.
Grennie I can't explain to you how a normally strong independant woman can be reduced to a point where an early death or ill health seems a better option, but that's what being abused by people who are supposedly there to look after you when you are absolutely helpless, can bring you to.

I have three days neurosurgical hospital coming up next week, I have to submit or risk losing my only limited income. It's taken two years to drag me in.
I'm absolutely terrified, because I know I don't want to do all of what they will want, and I want to refuse one small part and accept the possible consequences, because I know what doing it will do to me,and no one will look at my future needs as a carer or as a 'fully functioning' woman, neither count if a proffesional decides so.
Failure to co operate is a dangerous thing to do. I want autonomy and it's not allowed, and I'm so scared that someone's going to get angry and I'll be punished heavily for it, and I'm going to be absolutely helpless to protect myself or my future. i probably sound ridiculous but I know what's hapened and what I'm afraid of, and what I've seen happen, and all trust is destroyed, and in all other ways I'm strong, independent, and not so easily diminshed.

I'd try and find out exactly what's behind her decision, there maybe something quite specific or more than one thing, as there is for me.

Ilovemyself I don’t believe for one minute that every male HCP is controlled by their dick, and I have no problem with all sorts of procedures being carried out by male HCP's, but I’ll still reserve the right to say no to specific ones, and that’s because of how I feel about me, not anything against the male HCP, usually. (scummily behaved one's not icluded!)

Would you really want to be carrying out any task on a woman who you knew was being deeply disturbed by it, and if yes why?

Justgettingonwithit. Of course I don't want anyone to have to have a procedure that disturbs them for what ever reason.

But it is frustrating that people give the answer because it's a man and then can't quantify that ( I am talking about on here at the moment - not in the face to face situation which I do agree is different)

The whole point I am trying to make is neither male nor female should have any issue with seeing a hcp of the opposite sex. But it appears to be ingrained from birth that it is embarrassing (at best) and at worst that you will be treated as a sex object.

I think it does a great disservice to many many people that work in medicine to tar them all with the same brush. And I also think that men on the whole these days are a lot better than is made out on this thread.

My sister right from day 1 of her medical training treated her patients as another human being. Their sex doesn't come into it. The same can be said of her partner who is also a hcp.

Of course some of the people that have told us their awful stories need protecting and not putting in a place where they are likely to be distressed. Neither, I guess, should those with the attitude that they don't want to see a male doctor because all males are sexist and will objectify them or worse. But the latter should really become a thing of the past as we get over the views about men that seem to be so prelevant on here.

Hi opalite. The reason why I find it hard to understand is I don't see society as being like that. My friends do not objectify woman, and I am fairly confident are not rapist or sexual predators (although I know you can't always tell)

Ilovemyself, I think the views about women are the bigger problem... There are reasons that women feel uncomfortable, that's what needs to change! Society needs to change, can you blame women for not feeling comfortable when society is the way it is at the moment?

It's great that you and your friends aren't sexual predators. That doesn't change the facts and statistics

Opalite. I will start with saying i am asking this in a friendly way ( I know my posts always come across as either condescending or arsey). Please can you provide me with a link to these statistics. I would rather look at them and learn something from this than just get the normal back and forth that happens on here.

The comment about not being sexual predators was not meant flippantly which is how I think you took it. It was actually meant as I have no experience of this amongst my group of friends.

"My sister right from day 1 of her medical training treated her patients as another human being. Their sex doesn't come into it. The same can be said of her partner who is also a hcp."

I am delighted that your sister and her partner see patients as human beings.

When I see HCPs, I see them as men and women. I cannot be gender neutral. I chose female HCPs. I don't care what male HCPs think of my decision. It's not about them, it's all about me, my care, my body and my choice. You could be the best doctor or surgeon in the world, but I still wouldn't chose you.

*choose

I'll link to a couple of statistics but I am surprised that you haven't realised what a huge problem the way women are treated in society is...

www.rapecrisis.org.uk/Statistics2.php but really, just look around, in the media and in day to day life

Coconut. I find it a shame you feel that way because of the arseholes you had to deal with.

I agree with all moth at you have said, but how can you include it is about your care when your care potentially could be better with a male hcp ?

I will always support women and men having the choice to choose HCPs and to choose who looks at and touches their body. HOWEVER, I do think some women on here are showing prejudice in thinking that the majority of male HCPs are thinking anything other than medical thoughts when examining a woman.

I have issues stemming from childhood but I will suck it up and let any qualified doctor look at me. I've found when I'm in pain or when something needs dealing with, I don't give a flying fig who is looking/touching as long as they sort it out. I suffer from a painful skin condition and every GP in my surgery has seen my nether regions. When I'm that distressed, I'd probably show the entire waiting room if I felt it would help.

That's your choice candycoatedwaterdrops but you'd be perfectly reasonable to request not to be seen by male doctors, as would anyone else

Ilovemyself in my old industry being female was a sign of automatic incompetence as the three bits I was in was a male bastion. I took in on the chin that some men would feel like that and on occasions refuse to deal with me with no good reason, and I'd have to work round it, not get all hurt on them for not trusting me.
You and other males want equality in a traditionally female industry and you're working at it, but Rome wasn't built in a day.
Nowadays being female in my old life is still quite rare but it's no longer an automatic bar and it should become a thing of the past but women will still have to accept the way men are within it, and a lack of confidence from many of them for a long time yet, even though everyone knows any woman will have had to be at least twice as good to be considered equal.

I get wheeled out for charity work sometimes and returned from an exhibition this morning with info for a new product and the obligatory free T Shirt.
The product is named the G spot, (why wouldn't you automatically think what a great name when selling to men, eh?) and the T shirt proudly proclaims ‘ G spot operator’, and everyone's begging me for it even though they won’t be using the product, so while you and your friends feel you represent the average male, I think you'll find my colleagues and suppliers to, are busily disagreeing with you and representing their idea of the average male interest. That’s the reality of society, we all have a long way to go.

Ilove, in my case the two male doctors I saw for my breast problem made me uncomfortable with their behaviour - one by being awkward and embarrassed and one by being weirdly unconcerned by my obvious discomfort and by leaving me sitting there half naked with boobs leaking everywhere. Both experiences were really negative whereas my many other experiences with female doctors were absolutely fine because the females (I felt) hit the right tone

The reason for that I think is simple. Female doctors have breasts and so are awarethat while exposing them isn't super embarrassing (for most women) sitting there half naked does make you feel vulnerable.

If a doctor left me feeling uncomfortable for whatever reason, I would blame that particular doctor for having a poor bedside manner and I might not want to see them again. I would not automatically assume that their poor bedside manner was purely due to being of a certain sex, so I'm not sure why so many women on here are.

Thanks for that link Opalite - those statistics are shocking!