To be surprised to have a male health visitor?

[PeriodFeatures]

Just that really! I wondered what other people think?

[Grennie]

myself - do you work in healthcare?

[CaptainUndercrackers]

Meh, I couldn't care less about whether a doctor/nurse performing physical exams is male or female. But to me the health visitor + midwife roles are different. A lot of the job is about talking to women about their experience, developing a rapport, ensuring they feel supported and safe so they will be open and honest. And that requires the patient to feel comfortable from the outset - it's not really about whether men are capable so much as will they be effective in that role. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with a male HV or MW. I wouldn't have refused their care, I just wouldn't have talked to them as openly about e.g.feeling low after the birth, or problems establishing BF. I think this might be the case for some women - you don't feel you can say no, but you don't feel entirely comfortable, so you just clam up and say everything's fine.

[ethelb]

Grennie why can't they empathise? They have genitals themselves, and nerve endings?

[Morloth]

MN is not representative of society IMO/E.

It doesn't actually matter what someone's reason is.

They have a preference as to who does/does not touch them - where it is possible to cater to that preference it should be done.

Forcing a woman to disclose rape and abuse is a cruel and stupid way to enforce equality.

A bit of kindness, a bit of respect and there is no problem.

[Writerwannabe83]

What happens in the future ilove if your young or teenage daughter tells you that despite the way she has been bought up by you and your beliefs, she would still prefer to see a female professional when having something intimate done? Are you going to tell her to just stop being silly and get on with it and make her do something she doesn't want to do, regardless of how much emotional damage it could do?

Definitely bring your children up to respect their bodies but this includes them knowing that who touches their bodies is 100% their choice and they should NEVER have to do something or let someone touch them if they don't feel comfortable with it.

[Binkyridesagain]

The police surgeon that examined me was just doing his job, he wasn't looking at me as a sexual object, he also wasn't looking at me as a child. He looked at me as a piece of evidence, no care, no respect, nothing, I was there purely to provide evidence.

I was forced to undergo an examination that was degrading by someone that was just doing his job. That examination sadly has damaged me, it is not something that I will chill out over.

A HCP would not know about the above unless I told them, it is not written on any medical notes, and if it were I am sure they would not read it as it would be buried.

I am not likely to tell them, if I state that I want to see a female hcp, then I expect the HCP to understand that I might have difficulties, to respect that and to ask no further questions of me.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Don't see a problem, maybe the intial surprise factor having not seen one before but other than that i would be perfectly happy with a male Hv.

I actually had a male midwife when birthing my dd2, and he was excellent, the best by far compared to my other 3 births. Was very gentle with examining and i felt totally at ease.

[weirdbird]

I had a male midwife with Ds the only time I had an issue was when I was meant to be having a sweep and it was meant to be with another female midwife and they swapped them, I was a little shocked but mainly because he was a massive guy and his hands were huge!
He was about 6ft4 and I did refuse.

[Oldandcobwebby]

My wife had a male midwife attending her. He was so much more caring and professional than his female colleagues. She can't sing his praises enough.

[BoffinMum]

Massive hands is a good reason for declining a sweep, I think.

[Grennie]

ethel - I was talking about the lack of empathy of some of the posters here

[Ilovemyself]

Writer. I would be very disappointed that I had not managed to pass a sensible, mature, balanced attitude about her body and the medical profession. I don't know what I would do. I guess I will have to cross that bridge if it ever happens.

The point is, why is this attitude so prevalent. If you would see a male doctor about a veruca why not about something more "intimate". It doesn't make sense.

Grennie. No I don't. Does that matter. As it happens I have a lot of contact through friends And family. Either way I think people should be able to differentiate between a hcp doing their job and intimate situations outside of that environment.

[TheBuskersDog]

Could you imagine if all the men in hospitals requested only to be looked after by male nurses? Back in the 80s when I was a student nurse a significant amount of time was spent helping men old enough to be my grandfather to perform self care, if they'd all wanted a male nurse to help them they'd never have got cleaned/toiletted etc.

[pumpkinsweetie]

I do find it rather odd that women are so put off about seeing a male medical person tbh, but i can see why some women refuse do to religious, past violence etc.

[TheBuskersDog]

Binky, the way your examination was handled was wrong, but it was the police surgeon's manner that was wrong not his sex.

[Mrsdavidcaruso]

Ilovemyself I dont see the posts you have made on here as sensible, mature or balanced just post after post about Victorian attitudes.

In my first post about this I told the tale of a friend so badly abused and hurt by her partner that she could not bear a man to touch her infact she decided at one point to abort her baby rather then go through the birth process and be touched by another man. In fact she had already contacted a clinic to find out if their staff were all women

A number of fantastic female medical professionals helped her through this and I was also there to support her and when she was too upset to speak I was her voice.

If I had come across someone with an attitude like yours in any of the professionals treating her I would have decked them

[FreudiansSlipper]

If a woman has been raped/abused or a man is it not understandable why they would feel they should have that choice and why should they have to disclose that everytime when it could bring up very painful memories. Some people can not talk about or even say I have been raped it is to painful and often shameful for them to

[Ilovemyself]

Binky. Thank you for telling us that. It can't be easy to revisit. Of course your option to see a female should never be removed. I can't even imagine what it must have been like.

The people I am getting at are those who think that the attitude of not wanting a hcp to deal with them just because they are the opposite sex. We have a long way to go, but without reason like yours why should people be concerned who looks at them from a medical point of view

[Binkyridesagain]

but you listening to me saying I do not want to see a male HCP would not know of the background to why. You would have to ask me and I would not want to tell you.

Yes men and women might use bigotry for a reason but you can not know that unless you ask. You can not ask them because you run the risk of running into someone like me.

[Ilovemyself]

Mrsdavid. As per my last post, people like your friend are the example of who should be able to chose. She was lucky to have you as her voice. It is awful your friend considered abortion rather than have a man touch her.

Actually it IS a mature pov to think that you are not bothered by what sex looks after you, so the point stands. As does he fact that most people have no other reason than some outdated values system

[FreudiansSlipper]

How do you know that Ilovemyself how do you know it is down to some as you call it outdated value system

[Grennie]

I don't agree it is a mature point of view. We are brought up in a world where men treat women a certain way. That is not automatically discarded because they work in a certain job.

And if you think male healthcare staff never judge a woman's body, you have obviously never read any blogs by male Drs where they say this is common.

I also read a really interesting piece of research which showed that women who are conventionally very attractive, get more breast exams than other women. Coincidence?

[Ilovemyself]

Binky. Her has to be an easy way. Something that flags you should only be treated by females except in a life or death situation. It doesn't have to say why - just be a tick box for your GP. Then when you are referred it is noted as a flag.

I just believe we can't have true equality until people can't base decisions on reasons of sex alone.

[Ilovemyself]

Freudian. Because it puts women in a secondary place and it treats our bodies like they are something to be ashamed of.

Our bodies are just our bodies.

Grennie. I guess female drs treat male patients as meat as well then.........

[Binkyridesagain]

Why would I want another label attaching to my records for anyone who has access to them to see, why can't I just say 'I want to see a female' and for that to be respected no matter what my reasons are.