To be surprised to have a male health visitor?

[PeriodFeatures]

Just that really! I wondered what other people think?

That is exactly what you should expect Binky.

FWIW - I have worked in healthcare for 10 years and have never heard any professional complain that they had been 'refused' (for want of a better word). We accept that in our role we are dealing with people's privates bodies and feelings and that we respect everyone's right to request to be seen by males or females. I have never ever refused such a request and nor have any colleague that I have ever come across. Any professional that does ignore a patients wishes or feelings, or takes offence to it, is in the wrong job!

I don't normally mind whether I see a man or a woman but two recent experiences have sort of changed my mind. I'm bfing and found a lump, which was biopsied. I then had some complications which meant I ended up seeing a few different doctors. The female doctors/nurses were very matter of fact but also sensitive to any discomfort I might feel by covering me up, not making me wait too long while undressed etc.
I also saw two males. The first, a GP, got really flustered when I said the word "breast" and said "I'll have to look at it," with great dismay in his voice. You swear I'd asked him to sniff my poo! He got a nurse in to chaperone (I didn't request it) and literally stood a metre away from me while examining me. The nurse was not impressed and had a good look herself. Overall he acted like an embarrassed schoolboy having to examine his mum. Totally unprofessional.
Second guy was a very experienced breast surgeon. He had me take off my bra, did his examination and then proceeded to have a long discussion with me sitting there naked to the waist and boobs leaking all over my trousers. I sort of gestured in embarrassment expecting him to hand me my clothes (which were behind him) but he didn't and I actually had to shout over him to get him to hand me my stuff. It was bizarre

I am not sure why you think a woman who is religious is ashamed of her body

do you really think that women are ashamed of their bodies who are religious?

and do people have to disclose their reason

Binky. You have me there. I agree.

I just don't think it acceptable for anyone to disagree just because of sex. I know it will take a long time but it is an attitude that should be changed.

Can anyone justify why it should be accepatble to be uncomfortable with the opposite sex just on the grounds of sex alone ( no outside factors )

Freudian. That comment was based on those whose partner will not allow them to see a male doctor because of religious grounds.

I just feel uncomfortable with men I don't know looking at or touching my naked body, especially my sexual organs. That's a good enough reason in my eyes As I said earlier in the thread I have never refused a man to carry out such procedures, but the 3 times where I had to allow a male to touch me (breasts and genitals) I really didn't like it. I know they are professionals and I kept repeating that to myself in my head whilst the procedures were going on, but I felt very uncomfortable.

Because we live in a male dominated society where men are taught to look at and treat women in a certain way.

I know you won't agree - myself.

Writer. I am interested in why you feel that way. It can't be just because. There has to be a reason- maybe the way you were brought up ( not knocking your parents)

I am not judging you - just asking as it may help me explain my self better

but why do you think religious women (not sure which religion) are ashamed of their body

not wishing to show your body and being ashamed of your body are not the same thing

I agree with you Grennie. It's sad but true. After centuries of women being seen as sex objects for men to leer over it will take a long time before that view point disappears. When I had my ECG and ECHO done in which my breasts were exposed I did think, "I wonder if the man doing this procedure is looking at them and thinking about them sexually? Will he go go home tonight and tell his friends that he saw a great pair today..." It does go through some women's heads.

It certainly isn't right that we feel like that but it happens.

Freudian. It was an example given to me that women of some religions are not allowed to show their body to the opposite sex.

And what reason is their if you have not suffered abuse is there. Just because it is a man ( or woman ) has no justification.

Writer. As I said it will take a long time to fix those attitudes but at the moment there is no desire to do so if you look at what is said on here.

ilove - I actually grew up in quite a sexually open environment. My mum was/is a very attractive woman, had an amazing figure, huge boobs and men loved her. She enjoyed the attention she got off men and would openly flirt with them around me and my sister etc. I think we were bought up in an environment where being attractive to men was considered important. Me and my sister have also been quite fortunate in our looks, inheriting our mothers figure and features and our mom used to pass comment on our looks/bodies, showing off about us and it just further reinforced our beliefs that to have men look at us was a very good thing and that we should see ourselves as attractive and sexual.

After being bought up around that since I was about 7 it is ingrained in me now that men look at women from a sexual angle - especially me. And I don't say that because I have a big opinion of myself or anything like that, but because I was raised to think that is how men look at me, as just something sexual and attractive.

it is not about being ashamed of their body it is about a belief that prefably a women of the same religion sould treat them but it is the preference not the rule

and why if that is your beliefs should that not be respected unless you feel religion and peoples personal beliefs do not matter when treating people medically. In that case for all other reasons it should not matter because these feeling run very deep

writer my upbringing is similar it is not healthy

I know it's not Freudian - even now I look back on some aspects of my childhood and teenage years and realise how destructive my upbringing had been. I cringe when I recall some of the things my mum said or did or ways in which she embarrassed me or my sister.

It's not destructive to bring someone up to respect their body and know when it is appropriate for someone to see it.

And it's funny that at a time when the general opinion of some religions is that they need to be more equal to women this site in particular is supporting it.

Sunshine - it is not about put up or shut up. It is about having a sensible healthy attitude about those looking after your health.

It doesn't matter why someone doesn't want to be touched by someone else.

It is their body and they get final say.

I turned away the male nurse or hcp half my age who came to automatically bed bath me when I was lying partially paralysed and drooling on the admissions ward. I was polite and apologetic, but sorry I wasn’t ok with it. I was later told at my age (then mid 40’s) I was being ridiculous!

He didn’t then make it better by miming curvaceous slow stokes with his sponge whilst telling me grinning from ear to ear in broken English that all the old ladies loved him doing it and so would I.
Before anyone calls me racist I’m not, I’m trying to paint for you the whole picture and mannerisms that suddenly appeared at the end of the bed while I was reeling from what had just happened to me.

I’ve previously had a male nurse tending post-surgery abdominal wound, without problem, but no thanks for a full bed bath.

I was punished for it by a washing bowl then being placed at the end of the bed daily and a refusal to put it near my good arm by female nurses and hcp’s, (as was food, as I’d rendered myself self-care only, and no male hcp’s near me, by saying no thanks to being bed bathed by a male) removed untouched each day, and left to lie in my own filth and blood and unchanged bed for several days until I was moved to another ward. (Very good, then onto long term and horrendous)

Fine, the message is received: nursing is about meeting nurse’s and hcp’s needs, I have no rights or autonomy over my own body, I am the wrong age and sex to have any rights or dignity respected, better to not seek medical help if you don’t accept that position. (I now don’t generally)

justgetting - That is terrible. And I know many elderly people refuse to complain about anything or "make a fuss" in case they too are punished - my mum for one.

Yes it is about the patients needs. Not the healthcare staff's.

That is awful justgetting - really really shocking!

And on the flip side - when I was training to be a nurse I spent a few weeks on a male ward and the men would be begging us all for bed baths and then making very inappropriate comments during it. It just goes to show how different genders perceive various procedures and how the roles of men and women are viewed in society. I used to hate giving the men their bed baths, listening to their comments of "If I were 20 years younger..." and seeing their salacious grins out the corners of my eyes - just vile!!

writer - :(

And some here want us to ignore the realities of the society we live in and act as if we live in a paradise instead.

No one has the right to tell anyone that they are being silly, victorian, or precious for wanting to be treated by someone of their own gender.

I have never refused to be treated by a man and god knows I've had to have enough intimate examinations, and my daughters are the same.

Victorian woman wouldn't have refused to see a man for medical treatment Ilovemyself, they would have put up and shut up because they had no choice, they couldn't even vote.

Women have fought long and hard for the rights they have today. Surely one of the biggest rights we have is a say over who touches our bodies.