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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be surprised to have a male health visitor?

271 replies

PeriodFeatures · 05/10/2013 19:10

Just that really! I wondered what other people think?

OP posts:
ethelb · 06/10/2013 13:19

@sunshine I think that women doing very little to attempt to overcome their knee-jerk reactions (serious issues aside) is unacceptable though.

ethelb · 06/10/2013 13:21

@pigs not without examining the reasons for not wanting to be touched medically by male health care professionals. I really fail to see the difference between an old person feeling uncomfortable with an ethnic minority health care professional and a woman who assumes that a male health care professional is more likely to behave inappropriatly.

Grennie · 06/10/2013 13:30

A person not wanting to be touched by some who is black, is being sexist. Black people are in a position of having less power than white people in society.

A woman not wanting to be touched intimately by a man, is in a position where men in society have more power than women. It is totally different.

Grennie · 06/10/2013 13:31

Sorry! First sentence should say, is being racist.

CoconutRing · 06/10/2013 13:36

I assume that a male HCP is more likely to behave inappropriately because you cannot take the male out of the man.

When I was a nurse, I was with a group of male student doctors who were shadowing a gynae consultant. I was the chaperone. We were outside the ward and the consultant said to the students "you will be doing pelvic exams today, don't worry, you will probably only feel your own anatomy for the first 70 examinations".

Morloth · 06/10/2013 13:39

I agree that it would be racist/sexist but as I said I don't think the reason matters.

There will be times where circumstances override consent (unconscious/emergency etc). There will be times where the request cannot be accommodated so refusing treatment by that HCP is refusing all treatment, it might result in a delay in treatment all of these outcomes should be communicated to the patient.

But right down at the base of it is that patient's bodily integrity.

If I don't want You to touch Me then don't fucking touch me.

Opalite · 06/10/2013 13:42

I don't usually say things like this about posts on the internet but I am fucking sickened annd disgusted that I was told to get a grip when I quotes very real statistics. It doesn't make me a man hater, look around look at how society is and how it affects women ffs. Why would you wantt to deny a woman the right to feel safe. My body- my choice, my home- my choice why the fuck would you want to ake those choices away? Why should any woman have to explain her reasons for not wanting to see a male hcp?

pigsDOfly · 06/10/2013 13:43

Exactly Morloth.

ethelb · 06/10/2013 13:45

@grennie even a black doctor?

Opalite · 06/10/2013 13:47

The thing is that I know I'm not alone in the fact that no, I don't hate men but when I'm walking down a dark alleyway, I feel very different when a man is walking towards or behind me than when a woman is... that is just one example. I wish society was different, I really wish it was and then there would be no need for any woman to feel scared or unsafe or intimidated when she is alone in her house with a strange man BUT society hasn't changed yet and doesn't look like it will change very soon. The least a woman should be allowed is to feel comfortable when she can while society is this way

Opalite · 06/10/2013 13:49

No it isn't bigoted at all and I think you should really think about where your sympathies lie...

ubik · 06/10/2013 13:49

I think most HCP would try to accommodate if you want a nurse of a particular gender.
But

I also know of a woman who went into early labour and was rushed to hospital by her husband who then insisted only female clinicians attended. Given this was an emergency situation the hospital could not accommodate his demand and he took his labouring wife, put her back in the car and took her to another hospital. At that hospital he was taken aside by the male doctor and strong words were had. In the end, a female clinician was found.

MrsDeVere · 06/10/2013 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DropYourSword · 06/10/2013 13:52

Can I just point out I have worked with a number of male midwives (or as we call them...midwives). They were all excellent and I would definitely want them to care for me. They all understood perfectly that some women would choose to decline to be cared for by them because they were male. They never ever asked for or expected any explanation as to why they had been declined and understood it was part of their job.

Morloth · 06/10/2013 14:00

Did no one think to ask the actual patient what she wanted in that scenario ubik?

Grennie · 06/10/2013 14:00

Drop - there is a male HCP on this thread who has said he is hurt when women don't want to be cared for him. So not all feel like that. I think everyone just needs to remember they are there for the benefit of the patients.

DropYourSword · 06/10/2013 14:05

I read that comment grennie and therefore wrote my comment to illustrate that not every make HCP felt like that.

I also think he had a right to feel hurt.

SunshineMMum · 06/10/2013 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moxiegirl · 06/10/2013 14:10

My daughter is in a psych unit, she was raped just over a year ago. When she is very unwell she refuses to have men on her 'obs'. No one minds!
It's called being sensitive to people's experiences and feelings.

DropYourSword · 06/10/2013 14:12

Unfortunately sunshinemum women pretty much are treated as cattle in maternity hospitals. It's why I left midwifery in the UK...so seriously underfunded and understaffed. It wasn't for a lack of care on midwives part, but there just wasn't enough of us and the stress gets too much. But I guess that's a WHOLE different thread!

SunshineMMum · 06/10/2013 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustGettingOnWithIt · 06/10/2013 14:24

Grennie longer term ward was geriatric, and I witnessed the appalling treatment meted out to older women there, all of whom counselled me to be quiet about it as they could suffer if I said anything. I’d already learnt it was likely to be true.
The situation wasn’t great on male bays, but indignities such as being left without closed curtains when examined, using bed pans, commodes or washing, seemed to be reserved for older women with the oldest getting it worst, and dementia suffers having no right to any privacy.

On that ward although some very nasty unrelated things eventually happened to me, I was considered ‘young enough’ as a female, to be automatically allowed my curtains properly closed without fuss or objection, but I repeatedly heard older women told no one was interested in looking at them, mainly from female staff.

Writer I don’t doubt that for a minute, and assume it is a horrible potential pitfall for female nurses with male patients, just as having some women refuse male nurses perform all nursing functions is theirs.

I can see that life for nurses and hcp's of either sex and different races is complicated and often difficult and potentially demeaning, and as Grennie says “the realities of the society we live in.”

LeGavrOrf · 06/10/2013 14:38

I agree with DavidcAruso.

Nobody should feel forced to be made to feel uncomfortable of they don't want to see a male or female doctor. My fil always requested to see a male doctor when he had prostate troubles. I would always request to see a female doctor for intimate issues, or t the very least have a female nurse present. I would not want a male midwife, health visitor or obstetrician. I do.not want to go into they reasons why every time I request this, and thankfully nobody hAs ever made me. I think that medical professionals of both genders should realise that these requests should be made.

To the male hcp who has posted here in hurt tones, you need to grow up pal. It's not about you. It is about a persons right to control over who gets to touch their body.

Grennie · 06/10/2013 14:43

just getting - :( Those poor women. Yes my mum has talked about a total lack of sensitivity and privacy. Oh and having a male HCP laughing at her and calling her a snob for reading The Times.

LeGavrOrf · 06/10/2013 14:45

I agree with DavidcAruso.

Nobody should feel forced to be made to feel uncomfortable of they don't want to see a male or female doctor. My fil always requested to see a male doctor when he had prostate troubles. I would always request to see a female doctor for intimate issues, or t the very least have a female nurse present. I would not want a male midwife, health visitor or obstetrician. I do.not want to go into they reasons why every time I request this, and thankfully nobody hAs ever made me. I think that medical professionals of both genders should realise that these requests should be made.

To the male hcp who has posted here in hurt tones, you need to grow up pal. It's not about you. It is about a persons right to control over who gets to touch their body.