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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 5 year old girl shouldn't be wearing nail varnish....

103 replies

allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 14:36

DP's girls are 5&2.

They routinely wear coloured nail varnish. He doesn't like this and thinks they are too young for nail varnish and make up but his exw says its 'girls bonding' for them to all do make up and nails together and she really enjoys it as an activity for them to do.

I have said that he can voice his opinion as their father but ultimately while they're in exw house it's up to her what goes on. However I think it's entirely reasonable for him to say 'no nail varnish and make up' when they are with him. His ex is doing the whole " mummy lets you but daddy and allnew won't, they're so mean" with them. She tells him we are being far too over the top and because I don't have DDs I don't understand that little girls want to do nails and make up.

AIBU to not allow nail varnish and make up when they're in our home?

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 05/10/2013 14:40

Idsay YAbu. What do you think will happen if they wear nail varnish, moral corruption?

Makeup is a bit different, you would be better off teaching them from now how to take care of their skin properly. But honestly, it's a fight over absolutely nothing your DP doesn't need to have with his ex and to be totally blunt, it's not really your problem.

DoJo · 05/10/2013 14:40

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I don't really see the problem with nail varnish myself as it is one of the least 'beautifying' make up products around. By banning it in your home you are not really reducing their exposure to it if their mum is going to continue to allow it when they are with her. If you have issues with the way that their mother is raising them, then this would be a battle I wouldn't even bother with, but if it is just this one issue that is a sticking point then you will have to suck up the fact that the kids might find it unfair that it is not allowed at your house.

auntmargaret · 05/10/2013 14:41

IME, girly little girls do like nail polish. I allowed it by 5, possibly not at 2 but its difficult when they want what their big sister has. If my 2 year old asks for it, I just paint her nails a really pale pink and she's happy. DP isn't though Smile

Rosa · 05/10/2013 14:42

Mine are 7 & 5 and nail varnish on toes on the beach is a yes - not for school . They both have a play makeup set each . Normally when they play make up they do each others make up about an hour before bath time and the odd doll. Doesn't bother me. the 5 yer old pretends to put her powder on each morning before leaving the house ( she is better at it than me )
Its your house your rules IMO do something else just as fun with them that maybe they don't do with his ex.

BeCool · 05/10/2013 14:42

YANBU I don't like it either.

I started a thread about this a while ago and so many people were VERY vocal in saying what a control freak misery guys of a mother I was for not letting "girls be girls" and allowing my then 4yo to wear make up and nail varnish.

You haven't even mentioned the toxicity issue (google nail varnish ingredients!!)

But what are you going to do? To not allow them to apply it in your home is one thing. But will you remove any they are wearing as they arrive?
That may well create a bigger issue out of this than needs be.

It is dreadful of his ex to be making comments like that about you and using the issue of makeup/nail varnish to point score - as a separated parent I would never dream of doing this. I would not engage on that level.

Feminine · 05/10/2013 14:42

my dd is 4. sometimes I let her do her nails. I wouldn't like it for school though.

I think it alight.

The make-up bit is a bit different. That (for me) is for older girls :)

You should make life as easy as possible for the girls, if Mummy says yes, then I'd go with that.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/10/2013 14:43

My 5yo wears it sometimes but only during school holidays and either golds or silvers or very pale pink. In fact it's a common fundraising thing for the school on house days. 20p and have your nails painted by a yr6!

Feminine · 05/10/2013 14:44

You can buy 'organic' nail varnish.

It is without the nasties.

BrokenSunglasses · 05/10/2013 14:44

Make up on children that age is wrong unless is specifically for dressing up play and is removed straight after, but I can't see the harm in nail varnish. If your DP doesn't like them wearing it when they're with him then he is well within his rights to take it off, and tell them that he doesn't like it and he is in charge when they are with him.

He has no right to tell his ex that she shouldn't put nail varnish on them though. I don't think it's up to you to allow it or not, it's up to their father.

nameimadeupjustnow · 05/10/2013 14:45

Do not have an argument with the ex-w over something so trivial. She's being horrid to do the 'they're mean, mummy's nice' routine over this, so you will have a LOT of major issues coming up. File this one away.

5madthings · 05/10/2013 14:46

My five year old had red and yellow nail polish on today, I will take it off before school but he loves it as it matches his iron man outfit Grin

Ds3(8) had sparkly polish and dd (2) had blue polish on her toe nails.

They are playing.

Onesleeptillwembley · 05/10/2013 14:46

Yabvu to not 'allow' it. Frankly it's none of your business. If father doesn't allow it, fine.
Fwiw I don't like that stuff on little girls apart from when playing pretend.

WhereIsBethanyBear · 05/10/2013 14:47

meh. Mine do (2 and 4) occasionally, as a treat. It makes them happy, comes off a day or so later. I don't think it will corrupt them.

5madthings · 05/10/2013 14:47

Its fine for you to not allow it but none if your business if their mother allows it.

Pick your battles, this isn't worth fighting.

hermioneweasley · 05/10/2013 14:50

My utterly non girly DD loves having her nails painted. I can't see the harm.

2468Motorway · 05/10/2013 14:52

I'm not wild about it and never wear it myself. However it's like dressing up and I do let my daughter have it on (nothing to do with bonding).

Honestly don't sweat the small stuff. If this is the biggest prob in your 2 families parenting the girls I'd just leave it.

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 05/10/2013 14:52

Nothing wrong with children playing at wearing nail varnish, or makeup, or face paints, or those pretend tattoos, or drawing on their hands to make little face puppets, or any of that, as long as they've not got sensitive skin, it gets properly washed off at the end of the day, and they're supervised so its not on your carpets.

Equally nothing wrong with saying "no we don't play that game here". Just like some homes allow play-fighting with toy swords and some don't, or some allow running up and downstairs yodelling and some discourage it! We do all three, sometimes at the same time. Last week they made themselves up to look like they'd lost a fight, got the foam swords and the video camera out - that's a video I'm keeping for the wedding day Grin.

Of course, if you're greeting your stepdaughters at the door and saying "right, wipe that muck off straight away" I'd maybe rethink that. Keep it all low-key and don't bad-mouth the ex back.

BillyBanter · 05/10/2013 14:52

Nothing bad will happen because nail varnish.
Your dp should leave ex to do this at her house.
His ex should not call him mean for not doing it at your house.

Varnish at one house but not at other house is a non issue. Slagging each other off to the children over such a minor aspect of parenting is an issue. As is trying to micro manage what happens at the other house. Both your dp and the ex should save their annoyance for bigger parenting parenting differences.

Original poster
allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 14:53

rhonda - its not so much what I'm worried about will happen now - just that i think theyre too young to be taught that essentially their natural beauty isnt enough. I think 5 yrs olds should be running around, playing dolls, kicking balls, playing shops rather than learning how to do blusher, eyeshadow (yes!) and have bright red nails. I think girls grow up too quickly - and boys I guess but i do see it a little differently with little girls.

I also worry about their self esteem If they're constant source of praise from mum is "being pretty" when they have products all over their naturally perfect skin and nails! I don't have girls so I can't speak first hand but my dneices and friends' daughters of similar age do like to be "pretty" but it's with a hair clip or fairy dust/glitter nail varnish for a party which I think is much more appropriate for children of that age.

Their mum brings them up in a very different way to how I bring up mine (broadly I am much stricter). I have boys so on gender neutral issues I put my foot down (eg. My kids aren't allowed coke, the girls are at their mums house but not at ours. My kids don't get chocolate and ice cream every day so the girls aren't allowed that every day at ours etc etc) but on this one I am a bit unsure if I am being OTT by saying no coloured nails and no make up!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 05/10/2013 14:56

I don't agree with little children this age wearing nail varnish except as a treat on the odd occasion if they ask. But I think your DH is within his rights to say his house his rules but not to say their Mother shouldn't allow it also. But I don't think it's really worth while making a thing of this quite trivial matter.

absentmindeddooooodles · 05/10/2013 14:56

I wouldnt like it all the time. Not for school etc. But honeatly dont see the harm in it now and again.
Im all for lids being kids, and feel strongly about not forxing them to grow up too quickly...... but its just nail varnish.
My little sister (3.6) and I do it sometimes. Its fun for her, and it just gets taken off before preschool.

backwardpossom · 05/10/2013 14:56

I paint my nails regularly to hide their terrible condition and DS occasionally asks if he can have some. I don't see the harm... Will do the same for DD when/if she asks. shrugs

absentmindeddooooodles · 05/10/2013 14:58

Ok.....make up a bit much. I have put a bit of lip gloss and sparkle on my sister while I was getting ready because she kept bugging me but eye shaddow/blusher bit ott.

Pixieonline · 05/10/2013 14:58

I'd say YABU. I honestly don't see the harm in it.
I also would NOT let this be an issue with partners kids with an ex.

MrsDeVere · 05/10/2013 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.