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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 5 year old girl shouldn't be wearing nail varnish....

103 replies

allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 14:36

DP's girls are 5&2.

They routinely wear coloured nail varnish. He doesn't like this and thinks they are too young for nail varnish and make up but his exw says its 'girls bonding' for them to all do make up and nails together and she really enjoys it as an activity for them to do.

I have said that he can voice his opinion as their father but ultimately while they're in exw house it's up to her what goes on. However I think it's entirely reasonable for him to say 'no nail varnish and make up' when they are with him. His ex is doing the whole " mummy lets you but daddy and allnew won't, they're so mean" with them. She tells him we are being far too over the top and because I don't have DDs I don't understand that little girls want to do nails and make up.

AIBU to not allow nail varnish and make up when they're in our home?

OP posts:
Original poster
allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 16:27

Good idea oakmouse. And also liked the earlier idea of stickers... So it's fun but not "girls are only pretty with make up and nails" fun.

I don't agree though that everything has to be the same at both houses. Their diets are massively different at mums vs ours because when they're at ours they will have the same as my boys, and my boys aren't allowed a lot of what they're allowed. There are also different "rules" on TV/bedtime/manners etc.... I'm fine with that. When they're at their mums it's totally up to her but I don't feel that means I have to have the same expectations/rules in my home.

OP posts:
Original poster
allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 16:31

Pamper parties for little girls.
Oh my
What happened to pass the parcel and musical chairs????
I sympathise bluejess.

OP posts:
YouHaveAGoodPoint · 05/10/2013 16:33

I don't particularly like it but it really don't think it does any harm. My DDs wore it occasionally, they usually had it put on at friends houses as I don't wear nail varnish. I can't say it bothered me.
My DDs never played with make up which I am pleased about but, again, it wouldn't have bothered me unduly.
Kids like to copy adults and they like to play dress up, painted nails is a continuation of this. It's not a biggie at all.

I would keep out of the discussions between your DP and his Ex this issue is of no importance. I think you are being OTT to get involved with this.
Otherwise, I don't think it matters if you have your rules at your house and the ex has hers at her house.

pianodoodle · 05/10/2013 16:44

I think I'd leave decisions like that up to their Dad. If he doesn't like it etc... Mum can discuss it with him but it doesn't need to be both of you.

I wouldn't want to get in the position of interfering with little things like that to do with someone else's children.

everlong · 05/10/2013 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryPoppinsBag · 05/10/2013 16:55

I don't have girls but have painted my two boys finger and toe nails when I was doing mine.

I think YANU it is only a but of fun.

Habbibu · 05/10/2013 16:57

Dd and ds (7 & 4) both like nail varnish on occasion, but like other posters I stick to play colours, so no pinks or reds ,but ok with blue, green, orange etc. I don't wear makeup much, but if I am, and they ask what I'm doing, I say it's to look different, just for a change, and they seem happy with that. Did tell dd that I wore mascara to look more like her once (she has amazing eyelashes), and she liked that.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/10/2013 17:02

I think yabu about the 5 year old wearing nail varnish. Maybe less so the 2 year old.

Yanbu re the makeup for either. Unless it's for play as others have said. Little girls in full face of perfectly applied makeup makes me feel sad for them. I like wearing make up as an adult but before the age of 13 or so the only "makeup" on my radar was clear lipgloss!

I used to pick my brother up from his primary school (8 years younger than me)and some of the little girls there were wearing more makeup than I was at 18.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 05/10/2013 17:05

This is SO not a battle worth fighting. It should be a complete non issue as nail varnish is not worth upsetting small girls who will be torn between what mummy does and what daddy does.

I don't do make up and nails with my small DD, but she does with her cousin and loves it. I let them get on with it and just don't redo it myself when it starts to wear off.

As someone who's done the whole step mum thing for years, the best advice I can give is not to sweat the small stuff, and this IS the small stuff. Save it for the issues that really matter.

Fluffymonster · 05/10/2013 17:16

I have a 6yo and 4yo - they've played with nail varnish before (it was a bit difficult to say no when they asked to have theirs done at a fund-raising stall at the school fayre!). Since then I've once or twice, put varnish on 6yo's nails (stuck to clear, glittery stuff). I think it's OK as a fun thing like dress-up, but not when they start to feel as though they 'need' it to look pretty. For this reason, I do try and keep it quite like dress-up - i.e. very ad hoc, as part of playing at home, and it gets cleaned off by school time.

YANBU to discourage it in your house and neither is your DP. Ignore exW's attempt to use it as a point-scoring exercise. Just shrug and say to the kids when they're in Mum's house they wear varnish, but at Dad's and yours they don't. You don't have to justify, that's how it is. Then change the subject.

Perhaps find something else they enjoy instead - like baking sessions, or something like that. That way they still get something nice, you have your own chance to bond, and I bet it wouldn't even bother them.

thehorridestmumintheworld · 05/10/2013 17:18

Agree with pianodoodle say it is absolutely up to dh and say to the girls it is daddys decision as to whether they are allowed it. Maybe suggest to dh that if he bans makeup and makes a big deal out of it when his x has already allowed it it is critising her parenting and she will be upset. Perhaps he can think of a nice way of coming up with a compromise so it does not sound like he thinks she is wrong eg i think its a lovely activity to do at home with your mum and maybe for parties but i don't want you to wear it when we go out because some old fashioned people don't like it. (that's what i say to my dd).

UpTheFRIGGinDuff · 05/10/2013 17:32

I occasionally let DD (5) wear some nail varnish,only at weekends/holidays though,it's purple glittery stuff someone bought for her birthday...

DS often asks for it at the same time he's only 3,DD wasn't allowed at his age but its tricky with older siblings.

I don't really see the problem,it's a lot like fancy dress or face painting for them,I never wear it so their only exposure to it is as a 'game'.
my worry about these things is only when the child begins to take it seriously or feels they 'need' it to make them beautiful.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 05/10/2013 17:53

I allow DD aged 4 to sometimes wear nail vanish and a bit of lip gloss.

I am her mother and I would feel that you are judging my parenting.

Mojavewonderer · 05/10/2013 18:00

It's only nail varnish! It comes off. It's not like say getting their ears pierced five minutes after leaving the womb!!

ravenAK · 05/10/2013 18:32

I'd just shrug & say: 'Not on my watch'.

If they want nails painted at your house, just say no, you think it's for grownups, but they are welcome to ask daddy if he'll do them for them.

If they turn up with nails already painted, that's their mum's choice.

The more of an opera you make out of it, the more their mum may be tempted to send them as Danny La Rue just to wind you up, no?

My dds (7 & 5) like a glow in the dark set I bought them from TKMaxx. I occasionally borrow them! But if it's something that makes you wince I think YANBU not to join in - just ignore.

KateSpade · 05/10/2013 18:37

Last time I got my nails done, their was a two year old getting her nails painted,

Personally I can't wait till my DD is old enough to play with make up, she's 2 ATM and I'm going to wait till she is old enough to understand what it is & explain to her, but I'd say about 5 is alright.

valiumredhead · 05/10/2013 19:12

I saw a 6 month old with painted nails on the train last yearGrin

Sallystyle · 05/10/2013 19:20

My 4 and 6 year old often wear it.

It's nail varnish. Not going to hurt them.

foreverondiet · 05/10/2013 20:17

Well you'd be very judgemental of me as currently ds2 (age 3) has blue nail varnish on one hand and green on the other. He wanted me to do it when I did dd's nails - she is 10. Sorry don't see harm.

Original poster
allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 22:33

katespade just so I am understanding you right..... You can't wait till your dd is old enough to play with make up and you think 5 is the right age to explain it all to her? You're joking, right?

OP posts:
Idespair · 05/10/2013 22:40

It's pretty normal for 5yos to like nail varnish. Its also normal for the 2yo sibling to want it as well. I'd say this is not a battle worth picking in the world of step parenting.

peasandlove · 05/10/2013 22:43

my 4yr old often comes home from daycare wearing nail polish that one of the teachers has put on. I do her toes for her if she asks as a treat for good behaviour. She's never asked about makeup though and I wouldnt let her use that till she's much older. The boys at her daycare wear nailpolish too on occasion, they like to experiment.

KateSpade · 06/10/2013 15:27

Yeah, all little girls play with make-up, It's a part of growing up.

When I was 3/4 a little boy I went to nursery school with regularly used to turn up with red nail varnish & lipstick on. I remember quizzing him about it and he said it was special make-up for boys.

I honestly don't see what would be wrong with a 5 year old playing with make-up every so often,

mewmeow · 07/10/2013 15:00

Yabu. If its what they want to do, and they are not forced, then its none of your business.I personally don't see the harm either.

QueenofallIsee · 07/10/2013 19:13

Wondering what you would make of my 6yr old son who is sporting neon toe nails this week. I don't think the ex is right in making you out to be mean, but my view is nail polish is a minor minor thing on kids