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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 5 year old girl shouldn't be wearing nail varnish....

103 replies

allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 14:36

DP's girls are 5&2.

They routinely wear coloured nail varnish. He doesn't like this and thinks they are too young for nail varnish and make up but his exw says its 'girls bonding' for them to all do make up and nails together and she really enjoys it as an activity for them to do.

I have said that he can voice his opinion as their father but ultimately while they're in exw house it's up to her what goes on. However I think it's entirely reasonable for him to say 'no nail varnish and make up' when they are with him. His ex is doing the whole " mummy lets you but daddy and allnew won't, they're so mean" with them. She tells him we are being far too over the top and because I don't have DDs I don't understand that little girls want to do nails and make up.

AIBU to not allow nail varnish and make up when they're in our home?

OP posts:
Milkjug · 05/10/2013 14:59

My 18 month old DS has blue toenails and thumbnails as we speak. He's as proud as a peacock.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 05/10/2013 15:00

If you are removing it once they go to yours, it will make unnessary drama out of it. Not applying it in your house is perfectly fine.

Original poster
allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 15:00

Posted before I saw lots of the comments about bright nails being for 'play'...

I suppose I can get my head around this.

FWIW I never bad mouth his ex to the kids (she's actually fine for the most part) but I feel like this is the start of something! 5 yr old in eyeshadow (not for play but "to make me look really pretty" - it just makes me feel very uncomfortable for her!)

OP posts:
DragonMamma · 05/10/2013 15:01

YABU

My DD is 5 and has had a bit of sparkly nail varnish on for parties or holidays since she was old enough to ask. It seems pretty harmless to me, her nails are tiny, it's a small blob and hardly a full face of make up with false eyelashes.

I let her wear the kids lipgloss to parties too ;)

NotYoMomma · 05/10/2013 15:03

its just nail varnish!

she isnt pinning them down and forcing it on them, she probably does hers and they ask her to do theirs too

fair enough if your dp doesnt do it but its not like he can do anything about what happens at her house.

she shouldn't be stirring and involving the girls by telling them he is mean though

fuzzpig · 05/10/2013 15:03

I don't see nail varnish as make up. Not when it's the mad neon colours, it's just paint to them. Not about "being pretty", that absolutely doesn't come into it for them. But that's because I don't make it about being pretty. I virtually never paint mine (and don't wear make up)

So while I feel YABU/OTT because to my DCs it is just paint, I do see how it's the attitude towards it that is worrying. Little girls shouldn't be told to do things to make themselves look pretty. That's sad. And the make up, well YADNBU there.

My DD 6 and DS 4 both love having their nails painted. We have various fluorescent colours.

However I don't let them use any red or what I see as 'grown up' colours (like dark shimmery stuff or 'plum' or whatever) - haven't made a big deal of it, just stick to the bright childish colours.

NotYoMomma · 05/10/2013 15:07

I also dont know how YOU know that the 'only praise' they get from their mother is about them being pretty

are you a spy?

Original poster
allnewstuff · 05/10/2013 15:13

Fuzz pig - that's a really good idea. Maybe I'll get some "fun" stuff in for them. I feel the same about "grown up" colours. 5yo arrived the other day with deep Red nails and an outfit I thought was far too old for her. She looked about 16!

Like the idea of neon colours though. Thanks.

OP posts:
DontPanicMrMannering · 05/10/2013 15:13

Depends on the approach. Dds (1&4) have nail varnish (lurid green nice) every now and then, it's just another game like pretending to put face powder on or borrowing my laptop bag to go to "work".

Full face of makeup, spotless nail varnish, told that's what makes them beautiful, taking it seriously them yanbu.

But instead of butting heads why not turn it into play? Or dress up as princesses then play football in the mud show them being perfectly kept isn't important through fun.

DontPanicMrMannering · 05/10/2013 15:14

X ppost with fuzzpig!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 05/10/2013 15:18

Ive been painting DD's nails since she was 2 (at her request). What's the big deal? I dont let her wear make up but her skin is quite delicate and I dont want it to be sore/irritated.

I personally wouldnt make a big deal of this stuff, it's not a massive issue in the grand scheme of things. I'd save my foot putting down for things like overtly sexual clothing, body piercings and tattoos (assuming his ex is even that way inclined with her children) when they're older Smile

PeriodFeatures · 05/10/2013 15:21

what about snail varnish? you could paint teeny tiny snails on their nalils? or gale varnish? teeny tiny puffs of wind? or pail varnish? teeny tiny buckets? or tail varnish? teeny tiny cats tails!

Little stars, panda bears, teeny tiny stick man and women? they of course dont have to rhyme with 'nail'

the dc will love it! much more fun than just colour. If you are not really artistic you could get stickers and clear varnish over. I think exw will have to retract her nasty words!

RinseAndRepeat · 05/10/2013 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maddymoo25 · 05/10/2013 15:32

my 4 yr old son is currently playing house whilst wearing a tinkerbell dress , hair pinned bk with nail varnish and eye shadow on lol ( managed to convince him not to wear my shoes lol ) no harm he is just playing xxxxxx

miffybun73 · 05/10/2013 15:34

YANBU, it makes me cringe when I see little girls age 4 or 5 with their nails painted.

Just seems wrong IMO.

kali110 · 05/10/2013 15:35

Havent got any problem with nail varnish at all, its a bit of fun. Agree about the mAkeup if the children ate leaving the house. The only makeup item i would let little ones use is lipbalm.

ZZZenagain · 05/10/2013 15:39

well I agree with you in that I don't like to see it but I don't see realistically how your dp can say "no make-up and nail varnish at my house". This would mean it would have to be removed before they come and see him. I don't know, I find that a bit harsh. THey shouldn't feel they have to change anything before they go and see their dad. Either that or you/he would have to take it off when they get there and I also don't really see how you can do that without causing offence to ex (it will get back to her) and it just really isn't worth the trouble.

I am not sure from your OP whether your dp has already spoken to his ex about this. Sounds like he might have. In that case she knows he doesn't like it but is ignoring that? If it were my dd and someone else had painted her nails, I would remove it when she got home but I wouldn't say anything bad about it. Maybe, "that looks interesting but we had better take it off now." But no fuss at all.

Shelby2010 · 05/10/2013 15:42

YABU. Kids like to copy what the adults do. If I paint my toe nails then dd will want hers done too & proudly show them off to anyone she can.

If the exW takes it all a bit seriously, it'll be interesting to see her reaction if the girls come back from yours with a garish neon rainbow of different colours on their nails....... Otherwise as other posters have said, it's not an argument worth having.

Norfolknway · 05/10/2013 15:45

If I'm doing mine, my 2 year old always wants hers done too.

I dab a bit on each nail...comes off the next day with mine. She thinks it's AMAZING!

this is probably once a month

babybythesea · 05/10/2013 15:46

I'm not keen. I don't even like it on me let alone my 4yo dd. I don't own any make-up or nail varnish and haven't for over 10 years, so she's not getting it from watching me get ready in the morning! But she does like it. I have no idea where it's come from, but she's pestering for lipstick for Christmas.
I am treating it as I would face paint - there's a time and a place and it's a bit of fun but I'm not taking it any more seriously than that.

StarfishTrooper · 05/10/2013 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Back2Two · 05/10/2013 16:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

oakmouse · 05/10/2013 16:09

I would pick my battles tbh, you will only seem like the bad guy and create a battle which will inevitably end up with them siding with their mum and defending something which appears to be special between them.

I would leave whatever nail polish they have on and just not comment,let their dad insist if he wants. I would borrow a book on face-painting and do dressing-up faces with them,stock up on a dressing-up box, let that be your "thing" to do together.

When you do talk about it try to talk in positive terms eg. they look so perfect just as they are, stress the concept of being "beautiful on the inside" when you talk about fairy tales, celebrities etc. At other times subtly draw their attention to female role models who are famous for their accomplishments not looks.

I share your concerns but think some things are best gone at sideways...!

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/10/2013 16:13

I am in the pick our battles group. I allowed nail polish, but not make up.
DD is now 9 this summer started with dip dyed hair, ear piercing and side fringe requests. I allowed the side fringe.

BlueJess · 05/10/2013 16:22

I really din't like nail varnish on little children but from what I can see among my daughter's friends I am in the minority.
I tell dd (extremely 'girly')that she is absolutely beautiful just as she is naturally and she doesn't need any enhancements.

Also (and this is a completely personal reaction) I do think small hands with nail varnish look a bit grubby.

What really worries me is the rise in 'pamper' parties for wee girls. I pretty uncomfortable with the whole concept. Her very good friend is having one in the next few weeks. DD will be going, because it is such a close friend, but I'll be having a wee chat with DD before hand.

I don't think it wise to make a massive deal about it with their Mum though and removing it on arrival is probably incendiary.

Make up in their faces though... Sad I might be tempted to give them something messy to eat as an excuse to wash their faces...