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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 children 4 dads

578 replies

fll85 · 03/10/2013 15:50

One of my close friends is expecting her 4th baby. She is getting a lot of stick from other people in our group of friends, and even some strangers, because the 4 children have different dads.

AIBU not to see this as an issue? She is a fab mum to the 3 she has. What business is it of other people and does it matter?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 04/10/2013 16:07

I can see why SPs. I had a moment like that last week.

kotinka · 04/10/2013 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameFellatioNelson · 04/10/2013 16:35

I agree usual I prefer to let personal attacks stand so everyone can see what we are up against (unless of course the targeted person prefers a deletion, but they should be given the final say. Unfortunately the nature of the insult aimed at you was outrageously offensive and disablist and couldn't be left to stand for that reason. I'm sure no-one thinks badly of you usual.

LtEveDallas · 04/10/2013 16:39

Oh yes usual, indeed.

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure OldMacs post in burned into the retinas of the decent people here - alongside some others.

Reality and SP I hope you can see the decent people on this thread, and I truely hope you aren't too hurt by what has been written by wankers.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 04/10/2013 16:41

I know not everyone is like some on this thread but there were enough people for me to think 'fuck you all' which has never happened and I never get wound up by threads.

Threalamandaclarke · 04/10/2013 16:52

loa i agree that factors other than a present father will influence the stability of a child's life.
And I wouldn't consider making a personal or offensive remark about OP's friend, of course.
But I still believe that an absent father is not, generally speaking, a desirable situation for a child. I think it's foolish and I'll thought out to suggest it doesn't matter whether or not a child lives with both of its parents. If my dh were not here, for whatever Reno, my children would be the worse for it. I might do a great job without him, or with the support of family, but they are still better off with him here.
That doesn't neccessarily make me a ad person if he's not here. But it does matter if he's here IYSWIM.

LeGavrOrf · 04/10/2013 16:53

I didn't see what oldmac said to you usual. But I think the general gist of your posts on this thread mean that nobody right thinking would think you were a twat in a million years.

I know I have had a few daiquiris but I am quite pleased that so many mumsnetywrs on here are making reasonable contributions. Thank fuck.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 04/10/2013 16:53

Sometimes I wish they'd let the cunty posts stay (with a little note from HQ that it's against the T&C and completely unacceptable) so that everyone can see what a cunt the poster is for themselves.

Wannabestepfordwife · 04/10/2013 16:55

sp last night was shocking and I'm sure I'm not the only person who reported complex for being so goady and attacking your mum

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 04/10/2013 16:56

I didn't report. Quite happy for it all to stand.

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 16:57

I don't understand the relevance of benefits here.

A single parent caring for four children is more likely than not to get some benefits, whether all four children have both parents in common or only one parent in common.

Also, I thought maintenance payments didn't impact on benefits as they aren't factored into household income, but that could be wrong.

Lizzylou · 04/10/2013 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

zippey · 04/10/2013 17:04

I'm late to this thread, and missed old macs post. I've seen Rasiah's post though!

Can I just ask, what is so wrong with a woman having children by multiple fathers? As long as they are being looked after and happy, what is the problem? Everyone is different, thankfully so, and no one persons life is ideal. The children's lives at times will be happy, and other times sad, just like any other child. It's all character building.

No I don't see anything morally wrong with this. As long as they have at least one living parent with a good moral compass, I think it's fine. I think folks who judge are actualluy more morally corrupt people.

As in life you will get people who judge about absolutely anything, just as bullies will always find something to bully about.

Just to be a little judgy myself, I think men who have multiple children with multiple women and don't see them are much worse than a mother who looks after all her own children. To me there is no comparison.

LeGavrOrf · 04/10/2013 17:12

I'm on holiday in Egypt Lizzie. The daiquiris are like bloody pop. Go down a bit too easily Grin

LeGavrOrf · 04/10/2013 17:17

I spoke to a couple of lovely mumsnetywrs in real life recently. We agreed that mumsnet has really opened our eyes to peoples lives and the difficulties and differences. I am so much more informed about things and so much less critical.

Judge nae fucker.

LtEveDallas · 04/10/2013 17:18

Ohh Gav, where are you? I got utterly annihilated in Egypt this year drinking something called a Jungle Juice that I thought was non-alcoholic (apparently I mixed it up with the Monkey Juice from the kids menu). I realised my mistake after drink 3, but decided I didn't care Grin. I fell into one of the pools on the way home...

LeGavrOrf · 04/10/2013 17:22

Haha at jungle juice. I think I've seen you post that you stayed on jungle aqua park? I am in Sahl hasheesh (try saying that pissed) up the road from hurghada. This hotel is bloody paradise.

35 degrees today (don't loathe me everyone).

LeGavrOrf · 04/10/2013 17:25

Haha at falling into a pool.

I fell over (SOBER I slipped on the wet bathroom tiles) and seriously think I have broken a rib.

Daiquiris and mojitos are better than paracetamol for the pain.

Lizzylou · 04/10/2013 17:26

Envy Envy Envy Envy Envy Envy You lucky bugger.
And yes, MN has massively opened my eyes, and made me think a bit. Too bad it hasn't helped everyone to have more empathy.

Lteve Grin at you falling in the pool

It is pissing it down in Lancs and has been all day Envy

usualsuspect · 04/10/2013 17:30

Pissing down here too. [glum]

I love the word 'glum'atm.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 04/10/2013 17:32

Blue sky and white clouds here.

Mumsnet does show how different peoples lives are but some people still refuse to acknowledge it.

LtEveDallas · 04/10/2013 17:34

Ohh careful Gav, Mojitos made DD Shock

Yep, Jungle Aqua for us, it was ace. I remember looking at a hotel in Sahl Hasheesh for our Honeymoon, The Oberon or something - it looked amazing. Can't remember why we discounted it now. We ended up in Mexico (and came home with a lodger!)

Broken ribs are a nightmare, alcohol not so much Smile Just be careful you don't get a cough/cold now. Bloody painful and the easiest route to pneumonia. Try to breathe deeply as much as you can.

DameFellatioNelson · 04/10/2013 17:36

Who are you on your hollies with Gav? Anyone exciting? A new man?

zippey · 04/10/2013 17:38

Hold on - anyone else annoyed by this derailment of the thread by holiday-goers? Get your own thread and bore someone else!

Lj8893 · 04/10/2013 17:38

Im still in shock at some of the posts last night.

But love that this thread has now turned into a holiday and weather discussion!

Blue sky's and white clouds here, but we did have the mother of all storms last night!!! Was very impressive scary

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