Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 children 4 dads

578 replies

fll85 · 03/10/2013 15:50

One of my close friends is expecting her 4th baby. She is getting a lot of stick from other people in our group of friends, and even some strangers, because the 4 children have different dads.

AIBU not to see this as an issue? She is a fab mum to the 3 she has. What business is it of other people and does it matter?

OP posts:
youretoastmildred · 04/10/2013 12:25

and finally, if you don't think much of how a person is coping, well offer some help. This pretty much applies to any situation. Things don't look good to you? Well what are you going to do about it?

Reality · 04/10/2013 12:41

I don;t even know if I can be bothered with this thread.

BUT.

I have three by three. It wasn't what I set out to do, but shit happens. Due to various factors the only father in their life is DH, who is wonderful and loves all three equally and fiercely, he has PR for all of them and is their Daddy.

My younger two were both born within wedlock and very much planned. DS was a happy accident who made me grow up fast.

We are a stable, normal, middle class family with two working parents and no state support. I am very far from easy, slaggy or cheap. My older children are well balanced, bright and excel in school and with their hobbies. Our house is full of love and no drama.

I have found some of the posts on this thread very hard to read, I am not usually affected by shit on the internet but some of this thread is beyond the pale.

Quint, I had always thought of you as a reasonable person and I am incredibly hurt and disgusted by your posts on this thread. What on earth goes through your mind to think what you are saying is in ANY way acceptable? I hope you are ashamed of yourself.

OhCobblers · 04/10/2013 12:51

I haven't even read half the thread but am utterly revolted by so many comments.

Threalamandaclarke · 04/10/2013 13:07

It's never nice to say unkind things about someone. Or to be judgey about another mother.
And people's lives can be complicated.
But to describe a situation of four children in a family each having different fathers as "not an issue" is to deny the importance of stability and paternal influence on a child's life IMHO.

Loa · 04/10/2013 14:01

is to deny the importance of stability and paternal influence on a child's life IMHO.

I think it depends on what level of stability that family has - are there GP or wider stable family or friend network around, are the fathers around or are the fathers so messed up the DC are better of without them around.

yes 4 DC with 4 different fathers sounds chaotic - the actual experience of being in that family could be very different.

Feminine · 04/10/2013 14:08

3as Kate Winslet is judged.

bigkidsdidit · 04/10/2013 14:14

I agree absolutely with Dahlen on this. I could not care less how many people women sleep with. But I know from my own childhood that bringing boyfriends in to the house is destabilising for children. If someone had four children from four one night stands I wouldn't have thought it mattered at all; having relationships with four men that then break up, perhaps acrimoniously, will be hard on the children, if my experience is anything to go by.

Oblomov · 04/10/2013 14:17

4 Different Children, by 4 different Dad's, is just NOT GOOD, is it?

DameFellatioNelson · 04/10/2013 14:22

Don't know if anyone has linked to this yet, but I think it says all that needs saying.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 04/10/2013 14:29

Dame it will no doubt be ignored. I read it.

Bumpotato · 04/10/2013 14:30

oblomov using an apostrophe in dads is "NOT GOOD" in my book but horses for courses I suppose.

Number of dads in a blended family does not necessarily mean no fathers are involved in raising the children.

Loa · 04/10/2013 14:33

I read the link Dame and found it very relevant. Especially when I'd have though fame would have protected Ulrika Jonsson at least a bit.

Bumpotato · 04/10/2013 14:33

reality thanks for your post.

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 14:35

YANBU, OP. No-one else's business.

Chubfuddler · 04/10/2013 14:40

Well my mn spreadsheet is getting quite a serious update on the strength of this thread.

That is all I have to say.

ExitPursuedByADragon · 04/10/2013 14:50

I remember reading that article, hence my reference to Ulrika above. No one is safe.

LeGavrOrf · 04/10/2013 14:54

Christ.

I am pretty astounded by some of the posts on this thread and I have read some batshit crazy stuff on here over the years.

Why do some people have so much hatred for the way that other people chose to live their lives?

And that absolute piece of SHITE posted by raisah about the DNA - if anyone believes that they need to go and have a sit down and think where they fucking well put their brain.

Absy · 04/10/2013 15:07

So lets see - what we know is:

  • this woman has 3 DC and a 4th on the way
  • 2 were from relationships
  • 2 from accidents
  • she is employed
  • this has taken place over a 10 year period.

Don't know how there were two accidents, if she's on the pill/any other form of contraception, what she's like as a mother, how many men she's slept with (at least 4, but it could be 4, it could be 44), how involved the fathers are, whether or not any of the fathers have other children.

However, from that people have extrapolated that she didn't use contraception, she's claiming benefits, she sleeps around, she has STDs, she is bad at relationships, she's a terrible mother ...

Quite the imaginations some MNers have.

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 15:14

Can I get a copy of that spreadsheet, Chub?

Sparklingbrook · 04/10/2013 15:18

Just read the whole thread. Blimey. What chub said.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 04/10/2013 15:33

Sparkling Its quite the read isn't it.

Sparklingbrook · 04/10/2013 15:38

It's quite the something that's for sure SPs.

usualsuspect · 04/10/2013 15:44

I hope everyone read Oldmacs post before it went and she is top of everyones shit list.

I hate all the deletions,it makes it look like I was the one being a twat.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 04/10/2013 15:49

There are some pretty foul opinions on this thread as well as some disgusting generalisations/assumptions Shock

I don't believe it's anyone else's business how many children your friend has with how many different men OP. It's all very well for socalled friends to judge this friend of yours but it doesn't actually affect them in any way at all does it? they're not raising the kids, are they? Them making nasty comments, rolling their eyes or tutting away aren't going to change things and make this woman no longer pregnant.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 04/10/2013 16:01

Sparkling Has to be the first thread I have had where I've thought fuck mumsnet tbh.